A Valentine's Day poem I wasted on a boy, but which I thought y'all might like nonetheless.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 10, 2010 1:40 AM GMT
    Dear Matt,

    When I wrote this I wanted to make you into heaven-angel/landscape-garden, because of your blue eyes (sky), light hair (sun), fair skin (clouds/marble), and intoxicating sex (flowers/nectar). Do you see how beautiful you are to me?

    The structure of the poem is this: I created three haiku. I don’t know if you know what a haiku is, but it is a strictly set form from Japan. The poem must have three lines, the first line having exactly five syllables, the second having exactly seven, and the third exactly five again. That’s hard to do, especially when you also have to say something metaphorical within those parameters!!

    Anyway, I used the first haiku to make connections between you and heaven, the second to make you an angel (fitting for Valentine’s Day, since cupid is a winged god), and the third to connect you to flowers and their scents.

    Something else to notice: The vowel patterns. Azure/hallowed/hand/dazzling/man/happy all have the same “a” sound in them, and they are all penultimate (next to the last) words on the first and second lines of each haiku. There is also a true rhyme with gates/radiates/opiates, and a false rhyme (same sound, difference spelling of sound) with rays/haze/bouquets. There is another true rhyme on the first word of the third line of each haiku with baring/daring/flaring.

    Finally, and this was important, given that the other poem you said was about you didn’t make sense, the three haiku can be read as one sentence that says exactly what I mean: You are a beautifully intoxicating man.

    Heaven’s azure gates
    open under hallowed rays,
    baring an angel

    whose hand radiates
    prisms of dazzling haze,
    daring me to hope

    his man-opiates
    will be, like happy bouquets,
    flaring into bloom.

    Thus:
    Heaven’s azure gates open under hallowed rays, baring an angel whose hand radiates prisms of dazzling haze, daring me to hope his man-opiates will be, like happy bouquets, flaring into bloom.
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    Feb 10, 2010 1:46 AM GMT
    nice haikus! very impressive! Whoever u send this to should be in heaven! Im jealous!
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    Feb 10, 2010 1:55 AM GMT
    then, ddt... they are for you. matt didn't want them, i guess. so, they are for you (regardless of the blonde/blue reference), and you need not be jealous. happy early valentine's day. xo
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    Feb 10, 2010 1:59 AM GMT
    hahaha lmao well, in that case, thanks! That poem is beautiful, im pretty sure Matt wants it, he jus dont kno it yet. And dont worry, i can wear blue contact lense and dye my hair blond icon_biggrin.gif jk
  • jrs1

    Posts: 4388

    Feb 10, 2010 3:43 AM GMT
    * drools *

    I'm a poetry sucker ... no, not the other way around. I suck poetry into my capillaries like blood. that was good.

    prefer it not to be a venture wasted
    see it as a mistake learned

    identity; a tough road
    self-efficacy; new heights to reach, to strive, to straddle

    youth serves as the point of inflection; the saddle point
    ... where to head next depends upon the sisyphan incline or the orphean descent
    .
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    Feb 10, 2010 5:08 AM GMT
    Beautiful. Need me to cut a bitch for you?
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    Feb 10, 2010 5:22 AM GMT
    I admire people who can express themselves so openly - I think it's a trait necessary for artists, and something which I find difficult to do even in writing. Very cool.
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    Feb 10, 2010 5:30 AM GMT
    What haiku do most beautifully is to present a juxtaposition: two images placed side by side, creating a leap (or a friction) between them. That's really more important to the definition of haiku than the syllable count. This is one of my favorite haiku:

    The fallen blossom flies back to its branch:
    A butterfly.




  • Crucializer

    Posts: 389

    Feb 10, 2010 5:40 AM GMT
    I think its beautiful! He missed out!!
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    Feb 10, 2010 5:41 AM GMT
    For Jack, cause only someone beautiful can express such beauty.

    Love ya

    blund.jpg
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    Feb 10, 2010 7:08 AM GMT
    RunnerBen saidWhat haiku do most beautifully is to present a juxtaposition: two images placed side by side, creating a leap (or a friction) between them. That's really more important to the definition of haiku than the syllable count. This is one of my favorite haiku:

    The fallen blossom flies back to its branch:
    A butterfly.







    i agree, but the person for whom it was intended might or might not have known how to appreciate them at all, so i wanted to press home the discipline of the structure.
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    Feb 10, 2010 8:13 AM GMT
    Very good work...

    I'd pry melt into a puddle of submissive goo if someone ever did something like that for me.
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    Feb 10, 2010 8:47 AM GMT
    So many "Matts" - we each have at least one. I wonder if they ever remember the poetry or drawings or other pieces of ourselves that we dedicate to them - I mean I wonder if later on in life they think something like "A wonderful man wrote me a poem once....I wish I had that poem..."

    I did a beautiful portrait of a Gary once, but I think he loved it and probably still has it.
    Maybe they are muses, we're really only meant to write the poem or make the art or whatever and after that they've fulfilled their purpose - so please don't think it's wasted.
    Thank you for sharing the poem with us - it's excellent.
    On Saturday February 13, I will be with my "Matt", and after we have sex I'll leave, because he doesn't want me to sleep over - and certainly not wake up together on Valentines' day. We've been seeing each other since before Christmas, and I will probably never be allowed to spend the night with him. That would actually mean a lot to me. It's just sex for him though, even though I suppose I fell in love with him pretty early on.
    In a couple of weeks I'll do the drawings of him that I've been asking about, and maybe after that I'll let go of it.
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    Feb 10, 2010 8:56 AM GMT
    I'm not the literature type, I'm more into art. But if a guy put that much effort into showing how he felt towards me; I'd greatly appreciate it. Maybe one day soon , you can write poetry for a guy who deserves it. icon_smile.gif
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    Feb 10, 2010 4:11 PM GMT
    I would like to think that... Shit. I was going to say something profound, but it slipped out of my head and seemed not worth the effort to retrieve. I help him with assignments. I guess that friendship would be better. Those last longer usually anyway.
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    Feb 10, 2010 4:20 PM GMT
    That was so elegant and beautiful. It takes a special person with creativity to express themselves through poetry and song. It's nice to see these gentlemen are truly still among us. icon_smile.gif
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    Feb 10, 2010 4:59 PM GMT
    ddt8665 saidhahaha lmao well, in that case, thanks! That poem is beautiful, im pretty sure Matt wants it, he jus dont kno it yet. And dont worry, i can wear blue contact lense and dye my hair blond icon_biggrin.gif jk



    very handsome! U deserve the poem!!
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    Feb 10, 2010 5:07 PM GMT
    Your poem is breathtaking... and so well thought out... wow Matt must be lucky.
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    Feb 10, 2010 5:30 PM GMT
    NJDewd said
    ddt8665 saidhahaha lmao well, in that case, thanks! That poem is beautiful, im pretty sure Matt wants it, he jus dont kno it yet. And dont worry, i can wear blue contact lense and dye my hair blond icon_biggrin.gif jk



    very handsome! U deserve the poem!!


    thanks NJDewd! im fattered lol u want a haiku too?

    lets see.

    Through mystery I
    Found my Valentine waiting.
    Hide 'n' seek I play.

    icon_rolleyes.gificon_wink.gif
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    Feb 10, 2010 6:20 PM GMT
    thats great! IM SO HONORED! icon_smile.gif
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    Feb 10, 2010 10:24 PM GMT
    HMMMMMMM!!!

    maybe we should start a valentine poem thread!
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    Feb 10, 2010 10:28 PM GMT
    dancerjack saidHMMMMMMM!!!

    maybe we should start a valentine poem thread!

    Hah! That would be awesome but I'm lyrically challenged so mine would read something like that man from Nantucket.

    ...hmmm... what rhymes with "put it in"?????
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    Feb 10, 2010 10:30 PM GMT
    EasilyDistracted said
    dancerjack saidHMMMMMMM!!!

    maybe we should start a valentine poem thread!

    Hah! That would be awesome but I'm lyrically challenged so mine would read something like that man from Nantucket.

    ...hmmm... what rhymes with "put it in"?????


    "above the chin"
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    Feb 10, 2010 10:42 PM GMT
    LOL!! Awesome!!
  • MtotheC

    Posts: 11

    Feb 10, 2010 10:49 PM GMT
    Wish I had the mental talent to create something as profound as this.

    I'm a very visual person, though artistic, I find images flow. Words: not so.

    Know a man in my life who would under-appreciate this nicely...icon_neutral.gif