When gay men complain that they "can't find someone"....are they saying that they can't find "anyone at all"....or just "can't find the perfect guy" ?

  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Feb 10, 2010 2:37 PM GMT
    I know we all have preferences, but I think some guys limit themselves too much on who they will date and therefore miss out on meeting a lot of good people. (p.s. I only date 6' Asian red-heads under 30)

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    Feb 10, 2010 2:41 PM GMT
    They, mean they can't find the perfect guy that match their preferences. Hence the reason why most will live and die alone while going from one anonymous hookup to another.

    How very very sad...
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    Feb 10, 2010 2:43 PM GMT
    For a long term relationship, my guy has to be short. I can blow anybody. But to maintain that attraction, he has to be short.
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    Feb 10, 2010 2:52 PM GMT
    You know, this really isn't fair. This is a thread telling people to settle or risk dying alone. We all have different things we're into. I think I'm a great attractive guy but I don't feel like every gay man should be running to be with me just because I'm a good guy...Maybe I'll have a different opinion about this when I'm 60 yrs old but I'd rather keep on complaining than be in a loveless, attraction-less, regretful relationship. On both ends. If I'm head over heels but I know the other guy is "not that into me", I wouldn't want to settle then either because its just a waste of both of our time. And I don't believe in that "attraction grows over time" stuff because 99% of the men I've asked in person say that they tried it and it never worked. I'm sure there are a few exceptions to the rule, but they still don't change the rule.

    Alright, off of my soapbox, LOL, sorry this was a sensitive area because I was just talking about this the other day with a friend.



  • darryaz

    Posts: 186

    Feb 10, 2010 3:09 PM GMT
    I don't think it's telling people to settle. I think it's really just suggesting that people open their minds to other "types".

    My partner is not really the "type" I was looking for when I met him, but something told me to give him a chance. Two years later I completely adore him.
  • myklet1

    Posts: 345

    Feb 10, 2010 3:11 PM GMT
    Well lets see..........someone who wants to be monogamous. Someone who is honest. Someone that sees the upside of life and that likes to laugh. Someone who when I stare in to his eyes makes me weak at the knees.......eyes are my favorite part of a person. Someone that makes me feel like I am the only one in the room. Someone who wants love to "wear on" instead of "wear off". Someone that wants to hold me, when my world is wrong. I have all of these qualities. How could I expect less. Okay, I have come to the conclusion...........it ain't ever gonna happen.......so I settled.
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    Feb 10, 2010 3:14 PM GMT
    Sure we all have our "types" but sometimes you meet someone and it just clicks regardless. I think some people are too picky or have their own insecurities which prevent them from finding someone. Of course going from anonymous hook up to anonymous hook up like Blondizgd mentions doesn't lead to relationship material. I think you've gotta be the guy you would want to date.
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    Feb 10, 2010 3:16 PM GMT
    Blondizgd saidThey, mean they can't find the perfect guy that match their preferences. Hence the reason why most will live and die alone while going from one anonymous hookup to another.

    How very very sad...



    Ditto. icon_smile.gif
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Feb 10, 2010 3:16 PM GMT
    myklet1 saidWell lets see..........someone who wants to be monogamous. Someone who is honest. Someone that sees the upside of life and that likes to laugh. Someone who when I stare in to his eyes makes me weak at the knees. Someone that makes me feel like I am the only one in the room. Someone who wants love to "wear on" instead of "wear off". Someone that wants to hold me, when my world is wrong. I have all of these qualities. How could I expect less. Okay, I have come to the conclusion...........it ain't ever gonna happen.......so I settled.


    I think that there are more than just a few people like this out there.....could it be that most guys just don't find them physically attractive enough to try to get to know them icon_question.gif
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    Feb 10, 2010 3:18 PM GMT
    I don't think there's anything sad about it. Yes, it means we can't find that perfect person, not that we need society's perfect person but we need our perfect person. It's no different than the other side dating, they don't fall in love with a girl they don't find attractive (physically or emotionally).

    Often we fish in the wrong pond. I think when we actually do find someone of interest, we're often surprised that the person we find isn't that 'perfect' person in our dreams but is so much more because of who they are instead of who we thought we wanted them to be.

    Oh and good luck malefeet on that 6' Asian red-heads under 30, I don't know what pond you'd find that one in! LOL
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Feb 10, 2010 3:20 PM GMT
    eb925guy said Oh and good luck malefeet on that 6' Asian red-heads under 30, I don't know what pond you'd find that one in! LOL


    LOL....I gotta love ya guy! 36.gif
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    Feb 10, 2010 3:20 PM GMT
    It could be that they're not as attractive or are "walking wounded" and have a major chip on their shoulders.

    It depends on what you want out of a relationship though too. Some guys seem fine with an open style relationship and just having someone to hang out and do stuff with and some are looking for "the one". If you just accept that no one will be 100% perfect then I think you're ahead of the game.
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Feb 10, 2010 3:20 PM GMT
    A little from column A, a little from column B. There has to be some genuine interest between the two of us, I really can't feign interest for the life of me.

    If I wanted to be with someone, just anyone, that would already have happened I'm sure.

    On the flip side, I know that guys also get into a relationship just to be in a relationship, and they "appear" to me more miserable than a single guy that just hasn't found the right guy yet. I get hit on a lot of times by guys that are already in a relationship, and if they were with someone that was really a good fit I don't really think that would happen. Oh yeah, and then they have all their sob stories about how horrible the relationship is.....but gaud forbid you ever suggest they leave the relationship, lol.
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Feb 10, 2010 3:24 PM GMT
    someguy said If you just accept that no one will be 100% perfect then I think you're ahead of the game.


    But...but....I see YOU as being 100% perfect! 8.gif
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    Feb 10, 2010 3:25 PM GMT
    malefeet said
    someguy said If you just accept that no one will be 100% perfect then I think you're ahead of the game.


    But...but....I see YOU as being 100% perfect! 8.gif


    Flattery will definitely get you somewhere.
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    Feb 10, 2010 3:28 PM GMT
    when queen elizabeth couldnt find the right ppl to clean her royal crown and jewelry did hse mean she couldnt find the right cleaner or was she saying she couldnt find a damn chemist willing to touch the crown at all...hmm maybe is just that she got bored and couldnt find the perfect plumber to fix the laundromat
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    Feb 10, 2010 3:34 PM GMT
    darryaz saidI don't think it's telling people to settle or risk dying alone. I think it's really just suggesting that people open their minds to other "types".

    My partner is not really the "type" I was looking for when I met him, but something told me to give him a chance. Two years later I completely adore him.

    A wonderful story contribution, to what I believe is an important thread by malefeet. Not only do I think guys limit themselves by having inflexible standards they apply to their dating, but also when some of them approach every guy as if they're choosing their life partner right then and there.

    I've always taken a much more relaxed approach to meeting & dating guys. I'll spend an evening drinking with some guy I met at the bar, merely to have a drinking partner, not a life partner. I may later go to bed that night with him, but only to have a bed partner for the night, not a partner for life.

    Maybe you think that's slutty, but I could also say it's taking guys out for a "test drive" before I buy. For instance, when I buy a car I won't have previously made up my mind when I walk into the showroom, though I will have narrowed my choices a bit beforehand. No, I comparison shop, do a test drive. Sometimes the car drops off my list immediately; other times it makes the finals. In the meantime, since I love cars, I have the enjoyment of driving all kinds of different models, getting a hands-on experience.

    So it is with me and men. I've had the pleasure of "trying" lots of them. Sometimes a bad experience, but mostly good ones. Giving me more to pick from, and boosting my learning curve about them, and about me, too, for that matter. Being confident that among them will be my keeper, if I keep looking and trying, and not rejecting guys from consideration too soon, according to some arbitrary formula.

    And guess what? For me it works out! Two partners in less than 10 years (the first one tragically dying unexpectedly), and at my age, too! icon_biggrin.gif
  • myklet1

    Posts: 345

    Feb 10, 2010 3:41 PM GMT
    Celticmusl saidA little from column A, a little from column B. There has to be some genuine interest between the two of us, I really can't feign interest for the life of me.

    If I wanted to be with someone, just anyone, that would already have happened I'm sure.

    On the flip side, I know that guys also get into a relationship just to be in a relationship, and they "appear" to me more miserable than a single guy that just hasn't found the right guy yet. I get hit on a lot of times by guys that are already in a relationship, and if they were with someone that was really a good fit I don't really think that would happen. Oh yeah, and then they have all their sob stories about how horrible the relationship is.....but gaud forbid you ever suggest they leave the relationship, lol.


    I always say if they would cheat on them they would cheat on me. I can't stand a coward. Tell me its over and then go screw your brains out, but at least be a man about it. Cannot stand a cheater. It says so much about their character. And the sob stories kill me.......I always think, what kind of moron would stay in a relationship that they hated, unless it was for personal gain. Then I wouldn't want to know them anyway. I so believe that most gay men are so busy looking for something new all the time, they forget to see what they have standing right in front of them. It could be the love of their life.
  • myklet1

    Posts: 345

    Feb 10, 2010 3:51 PM GMT
    malefeet said
    myklet1 saidWell lets see..........someone who wants to be monogamous. Someone who is honest. Someone that sees the upside of life and that likes to laugh. Someone who when I stare in to his eyes makes me weak at the knees. Someone that makes me feel like I am the only one in the room. Someone who wants love to "wear on" instead of "wear off". Someone that wants to hold me, when my world is wrong. I have all of these qualities. How could I expect less. Okay, I have come to the conclusion...........it ain't ever gonna happen.......so I settled.


    I think that there are more than just a few people like this out there.....could it be that most guys just don't find them physically attractive enough to try to get to know them icon_question.gif


    Character is so much more to me than physical attraction. Next - the eyes. The window to a mans soul.........then the physical part. If the first two are winners, they get the chance.
  • inuman

    Posts: 733

    Feb 10, 2010 4:02 PM GMT
    The best profiles are the ones that they are looking for and are not looking for, leaving room for their dream man, which usually is 6'0" about 180 lbs lean or athletic, brown hair, blue or gray eyes, short hair, little to no hair on their body, 8 inch cut cock, low hanging balls, a romancer and great in the sack, funny though that they never meet him and become those jaded queens you just want to push into a moving bus cause they know all relationships are doomed to failure icon_twisted.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 10, 2010 4:03 PM GMT
    I was just having this discussion with a friend of many years. He wanted to know why I didn't have a BF. I told him, it just hasn't happened. Sure like plenty of guys here on RJ, I've had folks interested in me and for whatever reason things haven't worked out. The reason commonly is due to work schedules and chemistry.

    I'm wise enough to know 100 percent is unattainable and just "anyone" sounds more like giving up.

    I'm enjoying being a single man however I'm always hopeful. icon_wink.gif

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    Feb 10, 2010 4:05 PM GMT
    I'm not looking for the perfect guy, but one who would be perfect for me.
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    Feb 10, 2010 4:08 PM GMT
    It seems most gay men are 10's looking for 12's
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    Feb 10, 2010 4:30 PM GMT
    I think it's not an issue of finding guys to date more as it's finding someone who is your ideal guy.
    Ideal means he's
    a) attractive physically
    b) has an ethical code you want
    c) has a personality you like
    d) sexually compatible (top/bottom)

    the problem is that you can find a guy with a b and d but is missing c and etc.. Finding that guy that has a b c and d can be difficult because you can't find anyone that means your own standards
    if that all made sense
  • Anto

    Posts: 2035

    Feb 10, 2010 4:53 PM GMT
    I think physical attraction is primary concern. If not then why don't gay guys have relationships with women then, right? I think it's just harder for gay men because there are so fewer of 'our kind' out there to find.