Getting around the roomie...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 15, 2008 3:04 AM GMT
    My boyfriend and I want our privacy not just for sex but just to spend time together. Problem is I am not out to my roommate, and we feel constantly paranoid that he will walk in. The problem is my boyfriend lives at home and his dad hates gays. I feel like we are always sneaking around. Anyone experience anything similar? How do you deal with this? We just want some privacy without worrying the door will pop open.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jan 15, 2008 4:13 AM GMT
    I was going to make a funny political remark, but I realize this is serious for you....

    What a tough situation. I think thats sad that your boyfriends father hates gays (that must be very difficult for your bf.. is he out to his parents?)

    Well I think you really need to take a stand. You do with politics and your political views and here, you pay half the rent I would suppose. I'd tell your roomate and he has problem with it, its his problem. He can move out (which may present you with a financial issue, but I bet you could get another roommate). If he freaks out, I'd tell him that you will respect his privacy if he respects yours....

    Above all, this is your home, make it such. You are a gutsy guy.. I think you can handle this situation.
  • NickoftheNort...

    Posts: 1416

    Jan 15, 2008 8:09 AM GMT
    I have not experienced exactly what you're going through*. However, I recommend being upfront with your sexuality toward your roommate; a secrecy game is to no one's benefit (unless it's a fetish for you or your boyfriend). Being upfront also helps normalize being gay for you, your boyfriend, and your roommate.

    If your roommate is unable or unwilling to accept you as a gay roommate, then one of you could find another place to live; whichever way you solve that possible problem, you might suggest that your boyfriend moves in with you. Is there any reason, other than financial ones, for him to live with his father (who probably suspects that he is gay, btw; being explicitly hostile toward LGBTQ persons or concepts could be his ill-conceived way of trying to force his son into living a heteronormed life)?

    *when I lived on-campus at university, I was not explicit with being gay to my roomates; I brought it up gradually...then I went all out by buying and hanging up the calendar Studs and Spurs in my dorm room (along with other calendars of scantily clad men and non-sexual calendars)
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Jan 15, 2008 11:10 AM GMT
    His Dad hates gays?
    Wow that's a tough situation
    as far as your roommate goes put up a sign or get a lock
    it will help .... instead of all the treatment you're gonna need for premature ejaculation
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    Jan 15, 2008 11:38 AM GMT
    Bummer man. It sucks that his dad hates gays and that youa ren't out to your roomie.

    I would suggest either telling your roomie because eventually he/she will find out and then what do you do or deal with the situation at hand and get another roomie who isn't concerned with your sexual preference but cool enough not to go blabbing it to the world. As for your BF's dad well he's kinda on his own with that one but it's something he'll have to face sooner or later (we've all been there at some point).

    Why don't you guys get a place together? It can't honestly be that hard to have sex in the apartment. It just means you'll have to come up with a schedule and maybe tone down the moans and groans. LOL. Having the door to your room locked works too.
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    Jan 15, 2008 12:30 PM GMT
    Yeah, take a political stand.

    HAHAHAHAHA!
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    Jan 15, 2008 12:39 PM GMT
    Come out to your roommate. If he freaks out, then one of you can move. If it's you who has to move for whatever reason, then that sucks, but that's life.

    When you do come out to your roomie, don't do it apologetically or as if you're asking permission. Tell him this is the way it is and your boyfriend will be at the house sometimes. You do pay half the rent, after all. (Maybe apologize for not coming out to him sooner, though!)
  • BlackJock79

    Posts: 437

    Jan 15, 2008 1:33 PM GMT
    I was going through the same thing. I had a roommate and she didn't know I am gay. To solve that problem, I moved out and got my own place. Now I can have over whoever I want and fuck them loudly without having to worry about anyone walking in on me... except the apartment maintenance man. Funny story, my drain was clogged and I went and told the apartment manager that morning when I woke up and saw all the water still in the sink. He wrote down the apartment and said he would send the maintenance guy out when he got a chance. This one guy I was screwing came over about half an hour after I got back to my apartment and we were screwing like no other, as SOON as we finished the maintenance guy was knocking on my door and coming in so I jumped up and put on clothes and we both we acting like we were watching tv. He took a look at the drain and the entire time he was doing that, my friend was grabbing my dick, and making the "screwing" motions. LOL, the maintenance guy left and we went at it again. No lie, no sooner that my friend came, I pulled my dick out and was taking off the condom we get ANOTHER knock on the door and I was running around trying to find the clothes I had quickly thrown everywhere to get naked and screw. We almost got caught twice. LOL, it was a turn on for me though. icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 16, 2008 10:10 PM GMT
    I would like to be out to my roommate but not sure how he feels about gay people. What are some good ways to probe whether he is ok with gays? and just because i said the word "probe" don't get any nasty ideas lol.
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    Jan 16, 2008 10:20 PM GMT
    southpark


    honestly. find a show, or an article with some kind of relevance to homosexuality and start a conversation. i dont mean sit him down in a clockwork orange style, but you could probably find something. my shit head ex roomie always brought up gay people...hopefully yours doesnt turn out to be like mine.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jan 16, 2008 10:20 PM GMT
    Hippie, this is just so interesting to see this side of yourself after your politcal dialogue.

    Very easy, just bring up an interesting movie that you both may have seen with some well known gay man in it.
    Talk about the Brady Bunch with Robert Reed.... anything and bring up the gay issue and see what he says. Bring up gay marriage. You'll know right away what he thinks.
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    Jan 17, 2008 12:28 AM GMT
    Well I know a few of you guys are surprised to hear this about me. Yeah I am out there and yeah I am a loud mouth activist trying to get heard. But when it comes to living with someone and unfortunately admitting something like being gay and having a boyfriend want to come over to sleep over to someone who might hate gays, that is a little scary and quite frankly risky. So I am trying to play my cards right and see how he feels about gays.
  • OutOfEden

    Posts: 100

    Jan 17, 2008 5:21 AM GMT
    If it's a one-bedroom situation then the only thing I can recommend is telling your roommate you "need the room for a few hours" and hopefully you don't need any details.

    My boyfriend isn't comfortable coming out to his current roommates so when we're over there we tend to play like I'm sleeping on his floor and just keep it quiet, put on a DVD and turn the T.V. up. It's not an ideal situation though and won't last past the spring.

    It's not fair for either of you to come out when you aren't ready, especially when it could threaten your housing. Really I think the best situation is asking your roommate for a few hours and having him stay out with friends for a bit so you don't have to be afraid of a barge-in.
  • imperator

    Posts: 626

    Jan 17, 2008 7:00 AM GMT
    First you need at least one (preferably more) hardcore gay porno mags, and a frying pan. Then when the roommate is out, you and your man retire to the bedroom. Put the magazines ON your roommate's bed, the frying pan under your own pillow, then you and your man cuddle up and go to sleep.

    When the roommate comes home and walks in and sees you two, if he's cool he'll let you sleep and not make a big deal of it (problem solved). If he *isn't* cool, he'll either leave without waking you and come back a while later with a moving truck for his stuff (problem solved) OR you'll wake up to him freaking out, at which point you point accusingly at the magazines on his bed and say "well when I saw THOSE I assumed we wouldn't have a problem, ya big homo!" He'll be so surprised, confused and horrified by this that he'll be disarmed for a moment, at a loss for words.

    That's when you hit him in the face with the frying pan, as hard as you can. Then you hit him again. And then again. And after the twitching stops, you and your bf bury the body somewhere. (problem solved)
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    Jan 17, 2008 7:06 AM GMT
    Honesty's always the best policy. The thing I've found is that most people who I've dealt with don't care about who I'm with, or they'll fake it until they realize that it's my business and who I'm with really has nothing to do with them.
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    Jan 17, 2008 8:49 AM GMT
    You pay half the rent therefore you are entitled to "personal time" in the appartment/house you are living in. If you were doing drugs or something then I'd understand but you are worried about your roomie finding out about you being gay. You also say you are a loud mouth activist who wants to be heard....you wanna be heard then be heard at home and tell your roomie what the deal is. If he/she can't handle the fact that you are gay then you should either move or find a new roomie. If you can't control what goes on in your personal life then how are you gonna expect others take you seriously when you get on your soapbox? Also you can't be tooworried about people findingout...you have a face pic up so that kinda puts you in a position of being found out anyway because you have no control over who looks at your profile so that would lead alot of people to think you aren't too worried about who finds out.

    Don't get me wrong. I understand your situation and I myself went through something very smiliar to it plus my profession makes things difficult too but there's always a way to get your point across to others without hurting others. In this situation you should not have to walk on egg shells in your own home. A king ain't a king if he can't sit comfortably in his own throne and castle and nobody should feel like a prisonor in there own house.

    Just think about it and hopefully you'll come up with a solution toyour problem.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 17, 2008 2:15 PM GMT
    yeah but rokout my face pic is on realjock lol, if he is checking this site out he prob wont care too much lol.
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    Jan 17, 2008 3:02 PM GMT
    I'm not sure what to say...I was in that situation once and it didn't go well. About the roommate...just be a man about it and tell him you have a lover. About the dad, that's your lover's choice and you can't really change much about that. I refused to date men who weren't at least out to their family for the longest time after that last situation.
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    Jan 17, 2008 7:12 PM GMT
    well he is out to his dad, his dad still hates gays tho lol. when he brings a guy to his house whether its a friend or a boyfriend his father will tell him to stop bringing "faggots over" and ask the guy why he chooses to goto hell. i told him im down for that, i could give two shits if his father says that to me. but he is uncomfortable having me over if he pops is around. whatever ill respect his decision.