After 3 YEARS!...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 10, 2010 9:57 PM GMT
    3 years ago, I was into someone who I've mentioned on here beforehand. The way that he went about doing things when it came to he & I, I thought I was in love with him. Come to find, I ewas being played and I was the one that was looking like the fool. He calls himself a man that tells it like it is but he has a hellified way of showing it. I told him from the jump that since you approached me like a man & you said that you wanted to know me like a man, if any moment you think we're goingto hit a rift in our relationship, talk to me! Communication and honesty are key with me & I wouldn't expect anything less of you. So time had passed with us & he started getting really distant and shady with me. I found out, after dating for a minute, that he was seeing someone else behind my back. I was being a good man to him, a person willing to give him the benefit of the doubt...silly me. He was lying to my face and well, I wasn't fixing to be a sucker for him. Anytime he needed gas money, I got in the car with him and went to the gas station with him. I didn't trust him with my money & of course, red flags were being raised, I just needed some solid proof, period. I saw him at the club with someone else as I was coming from work and well, I'm sure you can put the rest together. I confronted him about it & well, he decided to take the easy way out & leave me on the short end of the stick. I could be a cold-hearted bastard and let him know that I laugh every time he gets naked, but I digress...

    Now fast-forward 3 years later...

    I've started talking to someone of potential interest. He's attractive, smart in every way, broken english (which I think is very cute btw!), and well, every other person I talk to is shorter than me in comparison. Now that I've begun talking to him and getting somewhat close, he pops back into the picture! He tells me that his relationship has fizzled. I don't feel sorry for him & I'm asking why are you here telling me this, after 3 years? He walked out on me like a coward instead of coming to me about anything, if he was unhappy. I had to remind him that he had no place in my life & the POI is not going to like him one bit. He even tried to flirt his sorry ass off to me in front of the POI & he was not very keen about it. I had to remind him over again that if he went about things the right way with me, we could've been friends but as reality sets in, he chose to take the easy way out & well, someone a helluva lot better came in his place. He expected me to feel sorry for him & well, that was left on deaf ears. I reminded him of Karma, as well as, you reap what you sow. He told me his bf, the one he was cheating on me with, left him for someone with a nicer body & someone who doesn't have drama with their wallet; as much as I wanted to laugh, I didn't. However, if I did, I don't think it would make me a bastard, by any means. Now would it make me a cold-hearted bastard to laugh at the headache that he created for himself, given he tried to give me one as well? Or should I let my sweet side out to him, given I've got someone of potential interest and be kind to him?

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    Feb 10, 2010 10:18 PM GMT
    Drop the old one! He dropped u!
    With all his dramas and strings attached, u might jeopardize the relationship with your new one, and u dont wanna do that.

    thats wat i think
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    Feb 10, 2010 10:43 PM GMT
    I would just ignore him. He will use you for money and try to get back with you at any chance. This will just cause stress on your new relationship.
  • myklet1

    Posts: 345

    Feb 10, 2010 11:03 PM GMT
    Firstly he did not make a fool out of you. He made a fool out of himself.

    You say you did not trust him with your money because there were red flags. That is what you need to take out of this. Next time when the red flag is there, STOP and listen to yourself. You already knew all of this, but you let your heart neglect you to see what was truly happening. It was easier and more fun to be loved when in fact love was not there. Do not settle and do not accept less than you expect.......ever.

    As far as a friendship that is up to you. Just ask yourself......I know how he was as a BF, how will he be any different as a friend. I value my friends more than anything. Anyone is lucky to have me as a friend as I am them. Everything in life is a two way street and don't ever let it be one sided or you are setting yourself up to be hurt.

    Happiness and love are very easy. They are the most wonderful and natural things in life. When it becomes difficult, with trust issues and becomes argumentative it is not love. Walk away!

    YOUR LIFE IS MUCH MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOU THINK
    IT IS YOUR FIRST TREASURE
    Maya Angelou
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 10, 2010 11:28 PM GMT
    Don't make yourself the "rebound guy"
    You've moved on and ended up with the upper hand so be happy about it.
  • darryaz

    Posts: 186

    Feb 11, 2010 12:49 AM GMT
    I think you should be a cold-hearted bastard. He has is coming.
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    Feb 11, 2010 2:02 AM GMT
    You don't have to be a bastard, dick, bitch, asshole... whatever. Get the brutha told and move onicon_cool.gif. You have someone else now; work on that relationship and leave the past as it is...THE PAST
  • PipHop

    Posts: 439

    Feb 11, 2010 2:08 AM GMT
    You have nothing but negative things to say about him and your previous relationship together; why would you want to revisit it? I've noticed a tendency with people to come off nicer than a situation would warrant, if only to look like the bigger person. Screw that; move on with your life. His loss is his loss; don't let it cost you someone of (hopefully) higher quality.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 11, 2010 2:12 AM GMT
    The opposite of caring (either hating or loving) is NOT caring.
    Disinterest.
    Show some, but be polite about it. Your new guy will then see what class you have. It also shows him you've moved on and are ready for new love.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 11, 2010 2:16 AM GMT
    meninlove said The opposite of caring (either hating or loving) is NOT caring.
    Disinterest.
    Show some, but be polite about it. Your new guy will then see what class you have. It also shows him you've moved on and are ready for new love.


    This is great advice. Be a gentleman about it and you will not only stand up for yourself, but you will be showing your current guy that you have integrity and courage.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 11, 2010 2:35 AM GMT
    Tell him in no uncertain terms to go away and leave you alone.
    Tell him you're done and that he should not bother you anymore.
    Be polite, direct and cold about it too.icon_confused.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 11, 2010 2:36 AM GMT
    BadByMyself saidNow would it make me a cold-hearted bastard to laugh at the headache that he created for himself, given he tried to give me one as well?


    No, it would make you a twelve-year-old, not a man.

    BadByMyself saidOr should I let my sweet side out to him, given I've got someone of potential interest and be kind to him?


    How about just politely but unambiguously telling him you're not interested, wishing him well, and moving on?

    You don't have to be "sweet" or sympathetic, or feign interest if you are not interested. You ALSO do not have to be mean or petty, and you certainly don't need to lecture anyone about karma (never a wise idea). You can just be a grown-up. If that is what you want.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 11, 2010 2:45 AM GMT
    Since you didn't trust him with your money. Why didn't you dump him at the gas station?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 11, 2010 2:55 AM GMT
    I agree with the posters above. Don't be rude but don't be nice either. I would cut him out of your life altogether or risk straining your new relationship.

    People can "say" all the right things, but it is their actions that define them and their true intentions.

    Good luck to you, you have a good head on your shoulders and a kind heart.

    Dan
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    Feb 11, 2010 5:02 AM GMT
    I have learned that a relationship without reciprocation and good communication will eventually dissolve sooner or later! talking from experience it is of great importance to pay close attention to your gut instincts! if something doesn't feel right about the person you are dating no matter how insignificant it may seem to you in the beginning, please but please don't just ignore it but analyze it! most relationships fail because people are not observant enough of their partner's mayor flaws!! always keep in mind you are no one's emotional babysitter; I learned that the hard way recently. In the OP's case why would you even consider getting back with someone who cheated on you in the first place? a cheater is always a cheater.

    My advice to you with the new BF is to let him know the qualities you like and dislike about a person! it is wise to put all the cards on the table early on in the "getting to know stages" Good luck with the new love in your life, you deserve to be happy.


    Leandro ♥
  • goofrider

    Posts: 22

    Feb 11, 2010 9:31 AM GMT
    Judging from what you wrote, you are probably over they guy already, but still not over the way you two left things before. It sounds like you need some proper closure.

    So I'd say, go ahead and get that closure from him, for your own sake. You can then decide whether you want to keep him in your life as a friend. Though it's perfectly fine if you get the proper closure you want and then walk away. He's an adult and he'll be fine, eventually.



  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 11, 2010 9:35 AM GMT
    Be kind, but don't rewind.
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    Feb 11, 2010 11:46 AM GMT
    There's no need to be vindictive. You're better off now anyway, right? like the saying goes, you live and learn.

    Now since he's flirting with you while your current interest is around, which is completely disrepectful, I think you only have one option. You have to put a definitive distance between you and the ex. If you don't, you'd be allowing him the opportunity to cause friction in your current relationship.