Approaching him for the 1st time...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 13, 2010 4:02 PM GMT
    Let's see a hypothetical situation: you are interested in a guy whom you see on a regular basis, either at work or school. The two of you have never really talked, but you probably know each other by name. You have no idea whether he is gay or not. The macro-environment (society, country) is generally gay-friendly.
    If what you want is a relationship (as opposed to mere sex), which of the following strategies would you choose?

    A) Send him an e-mail to his work/school account in which you explain how you feel about him.

    B) Make up an excuse to spend time alone with him, like a work problem or a study group.

    C) Invite him out for coffee or something else that is friendly and casual outside the work/school environment, and tell him that you'd like to date him at some point.

    D) Try to find more about him (including sexual orientation) by hanging more often with his friends.

    Okay, you have probably found out this is not very hypothetical; this has been eating me up for the last few months or so. Option A is timid; plan B smells of dishonesty; the invitation in plan C can be easily turned down; and plan D involves more people than it naturally has to.

    Feel free to make other suggestions.
    Please, enlighten me with your wisdom.
  • darryaz

    Posts: 186

    Feb 13, 2010 5:08 PM GMT
    Yes, plan "C" can easily be turned down. Then you'll know to move on.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 13, 2010 7:07 PM GMT
    C sounds good. A sounds like something to avoid (you might out him at work or school).
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 13, 2010 7:19 PM GMT
    D sounds like a good time. A, B, and C are too easy
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 13, 2010 7:53 PM GMT
    systemD4562 saidLet's see a hypothetical situation: you are interested in a guy whom you see on a regular basis, either at work or school. The two of you have never really talked, but you probably know each other by name. You have no idea whether he is gay or not. The macro-environment (society, country) is generally gay-friendly.
    If what you want is a relationship (as opposed to mere sex), which of the following strategies would you choose?

    A) Send him an e-mail to his work/school account in which you explain how you feel about him.

    B) Make up an excuse to spend time alone with him, like a work problem or a study group.

    C) Invite him out for coffee or something else that is friendly and casual outside the work/school environment, and tell him that you'd like to date him at some point.

    D) Try to find more about him (including sexual orientation) by hanging more often with his friends.

    Okay, you have probably found out this is not very hypothetical; this has been eating me up for the last few months or so. Option A is timid; plan B smells of dishonesty; the invitation in plan C can be easily turned down; and plan D involves more people than it naturally has to.

    Feel free to make other suggestions.
    Please, enlighten me with your wisdom.


    Grow some balls and ask him out. If you get rejected, then, move on. No point in being a moron who is scared of his own shadow and lives in fear.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 15, 2010 5:44 AM GMT
    Having been in your situation a number of times, I will advice you to leave him be and spare yourself the embarrassment. I have a strong feeling he's straight.
  • Space_Cowboy_...

    Posts: 3738

    Feb 15, 2010 6:35 AM GMT
    raindrops saidHaving been in your situation a number of times, I will advice you to leave him be and spare yourself the embarrassment. I have a strong feeling he's straight.


    yeah I agree I just went through this and I am so embarrassed that every time I see him I want the earth to just open up and swallow me whole
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 15, 2010 6:39 AM GMT
    What the heck is their to be embarrassed about? You're gay. He wasn't. So what? Chicks turn down guys all the time. No big deal.

    Is there something wrong with being queer? What's there to be embarrassed about? Should you have known? How did you screw up?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 15, 2010 6:57 AM GMT
    I would go with D if your doing this in a school/work environment. Plus it would get a whole team on your side. Beware of asking girls because they tend to be too gossipy. She might confront the guy about his sexuality and you wouldn't want that.


  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 15, 2010 7:00 AM GMT
    Go with D and then C. Even if you find out that he's straight, it wouldn't be the worst thing. Give it a try and good luck!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 15, 2010 2:36 PM GMT
    I would just start talking with him, if he is interested, when you invite him to coffee he will say yes. Once there you can get to know more about him, specifically work the 'do you have a girlfriend?' question into your conversation.
  • Kyboy270

    Posts: 30

    Feb 16, 2010 3:59 AM GMT
    Yeah, ask him out for a coffee or drink. Talk to him. If he wants to spend more time with you, he will. How exciting!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 16, 2010 4:03 AM GMT
    fuck this shit ....i suck at multiple choice......lolz

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 16, 2010 4:11 AM GMT
    - invite him out for LOTS OF REALLY STRONG DRINKS...
    - get him nice and liquored up
    - ask him what gets him hot
    - DO IT. LOL!!
    icon_twisted.gif