Advice

  • Mike1

    Posts: 1

    Feb 14, 2010 5:49 AM GMT
    I've been dating this guy for about two months. We are exclusive. Things were going really well up until the last two weeks. We used to see each other all the time but now all of a sudden he is always busy. He did just start school and a new job but I think two weeks without seeing your boyfriend is unacceptable. I addressed this with him and he got defensive and told me that its in my head. Since I addressed this, things are now awkward between us and I still haven't seen him.

    During this two week period we did text and talk on the phone.

    What's my course of action? Is it time to call it quits or see if things change?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 14, 2010 1:58 PM GMT
    wow, 26 views and no response? hopefully i can change that icon_biggrin.gif

    what is he in school for? and job did he just got into? how often did you guys talk/text for those 2 weeks? quick hello's or long conversations?

    seems to me that its all about making an effort no matter how busy your schedule is. if a person really wants to spend time with you, they would move mountains to do that. I suggest you have a good talk whether your both still on the same page in your relationship. because maybe now is just not the right time for both of you. I don't believe in forcing a relationship although it shouldn't be easy as well. but its always nice to find common ground and be able to be honest with one another.

    if he won't even bother giving you the time of day to talk about your relationship face to face and even the slightest show any form of interest... I call it quits. I just don't see the point in trying to invest in a relationship that does not go both ways. thats why your a couple, it takes two icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 14, 2010 3:31 PM GMT
    Give him times or both you need to make schedules.
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Feb 14, 2010 5:23 PM GMT
    If you think you're a priority after two months you're giving yourself too much credit. If he really has just started school and a new job he is probably swarmed, and speaking from personal experience, a call or text is often the only time I had to give.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 14, 2010 5:43 PM GMT
    Well there is no real right or wrong answer to this. There are many different kinds of men.
    I once dated a man in Seattle who told me that just because he didn't say or express love physically, and had little time to spend together, didn't mean he didn't love me.

    Er...no thanks.

    Now, Bill and I were an enormous priority to each other after the first week.

    Work suffered hugely; we were up til 4am lots of nights cuddling in bed and sharing our lives. There was much to discover about each other (no not sex, yet). Interestingly, once our employers found out what was going on and how serious we were about each other they allowed all sorts of tardiness etc based on the fact we both had very good work records. They were rather charmed by our honesty as to why we were late so often.

    If you're looking for a companion in life, the man you've got your sights on doesn't have the time for that, so perhaps back away and let him make all the moves. Tell him, kindly and politely, that you're doing this so as not to be intrusive. See what happens.

    A friend once said to an aloof boyfriend, "If you don't do it, someone else will."


    -Doug
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 14, 2010 6:02 PM GMT
    Mike1 saidI've been dating this guy for about two months. We are exclusive. Things were going really well up until the last two weeks. We used to see each other all the time but now all of a sudden he is always busy. He did just start school and a new job but I think two weeks without seeing your boyfriend is unacceptable. I addressed this with him and he got defensive and told me that its in my head. Since I addressed this, things are now awkward between us and I still haven't seen him.

    During this two week period we did text and talk on the phone.

    What's my course of action? Is it time to call it quits or see if things change?


    Umm...call him, write him an email. Did you forget how to communicate? If he's blowing you off without recognition and you're accepting it, then, you're not very smart / love being miserable.

    There's 7 billion folks in The World. If someone doesn't treat you right, move on.

    If you try to communicate with him in earnest, which it doesn't sound like you have (pick up the phone and call him...texts are for children), and he doesn't respond, you need to move on.

    Some folks are creeps and won't reject you to your face. Some folks are creeps and don't communicate orally, or in ways that leave not question as to intent. Whatever the case, if you're being blown off, you need to move on.

    Here's something for you: if you don't like the way something is, then, do something about it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 14, 2010 6:12 PM GMT
    mikeydude asking the question has been dating the guy for 2...count em ...TWO months!! the dude talks about it like hes been datin for 2 years. if things got weird the last 2 weeks, that means that really they were dating in good terms for 6 weeks.

    mikedude needs to realize that maybe the dude just got bored...had fun with him for 5 minutes and is time to move on.
  • EricLA

    Posts: 3461

    Feb 14, 2010 7:25 PM GMT
    If two weeks without seeing your boyfriend is a dealbreaker for you, then you probably have to break up. But, if he's really busy and has a lot going on, but is at least talking and texting you, then maybe you're being a bit selfish and inflexible. Now, if he's busy and doesn't seem interested in trying to find some time to see you, then maybe his priorities lay elsewhere. He should at least be making an attempt.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 14, 2010 7:34 PM GMT
    Patience...Give him time to come around but also keep your options open. Its only been two months but you say you both have already had the "Exclusivity Conversation" so most likely he really is busy. I would never tell a guy we were exclusive if my interest could be shut down after only a few weeks of dating. He's probably just busy. Show him about as much attention as he's showing you.