These "I haven't got a boyfriend, poor me" threads. Enough already.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 15, 2008 11:36 PM GMT
    Please, I can't bear it any more.

    Or, "where can I find a boyfriend" threads. Or those "the men in my area just aren't up to my high standards" threads.

    Rant over.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16308

    Jan 15, 2008 11:39 PM GMT
    Well I've never been in the situation, but I'm sure there are some gay men that legitmately can't find someone of substance in which to date or be involved.

    I have a few friends that do carry on a bit, one I talked to about the issue for 2 hours and at the end he acted more like he wanted to whine about it than change anything.icon_mad.gif
  • ShawnTX

    Posts: 2484

    Jan 15, 2008 11:40 PM GMT
    Yeah, I know exactly what you mean, and I agree with you 100%. I don't have a boyfriend, and I really, really, really wish I did, but you don't hear me complaining about it. It's just that it's sooooooo hard to find a great guy in this city, because they're either hot and stuck up, or totally moronic. My life sucks so much. It's hell being single, AND I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!

    So please guys, listen to redheadguy, enough is enough.

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    Jan 15, 2008 11:51 PM GMT
    Yes, can we please have more "OMG my boyfriend is driving me crazy' threads?
  • MikePhilPerez

    Posts: 4357

    Jan 15, 2008 11:59 PM GMT
    You know, you don't have to read them icon_lol.gif
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    Jan 16, 2008 12:06 AM GMT
    I do try not to read them but... it's like trying to stay away from stories about the latest exploits from Britney.
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    Jan 16, 2008 12:51 AM GMT
    Yeah, I have much worse relationship problems. The other day, I dropped by a colleague's house for a few minutes...wound up playing with his dog while he was looking for some paperwork.

    So I get home, right? And my labrador jumps up on me, takes one sniff, and won't talk to me the rest of the night. Won't sleep on the bed with me. In fact, slept in the living room.

    So the next morning I said, "How long is this going to go on? Because I hate the silent treatment."

    "Oh," he barked. "YOU hate the silent treatment...but I'm not the one who was cheating with other dogs....but of course this is all about YOU, isn't it." He huffed off and went over to the water dish and theatrically slurped water until I had to leave for work.

    Now he wants to go to human-canine counseling.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 16, 2008 12:53 AM GMT
    redheadguy saidPlease, I can't bear it any more.

    Or, "where can I find a boyfriend threads". Or those "the men in my area just aren't up to my high standards threads."

    Rant over.

    Yes! How self indulgent to sit around and play yourself up like your problem is that you are so great that you expect too much of those around you...about as cheesy as telling a boss that your weakness is you work too hard and care too much. Bleh!
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    Jan 16, 2008 12:59 AM GMT
    Boo hoo....
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    Jan 16, 2008 1:02 AM GMT
    I agree with chuckystud....."Boo Hoo"
  • mcwclewis

    Posts: 1701

    Jan 16, 2008 1:08 AM GMT
    I understand being annoyed by it, but really, sometimes people just need to vent and get some feedback. Especially if its someone who doesnt have a supportive gay community in their area.

    I say let them complain.... I do the same thing, I just bitch to my roommates rather than posting it online.

    Its helpful to get it out sometimes.

  • irishkcguy

    Posts: 780

    Jan 16, 2008 1:16 AM GMT
    I really like the movie Jerry Maguire up until the last scene in the movie -- that "you complete me" scene. I hate that scene! It is bullshit!! I complete me. I am a complete person on my own. Another person may enhance me or compliment me, but I am not and incomplete person racing about trying to find that piece that makes me whole.

    I think many people subscribe to this point of view and frankly it's sad. They feel like they have to have a boyfriend in order to be whole. You don't. I feel sorry for women because in 2007 young girls are still being socialized to think they have to have a man to take care of them. That is a load of crap. It's a load of crap for us too.

    At the moment I am single, I would love to find a guy to share my life with. But I am not in a panic because I am single. Be happy with who you are first. Relax!!!! Let it come to you. And quit whining about it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 16, 2008 1:18 AM GMT
    One time is ok...50 times is not. There are plenty of ways to meet guys and they all involve either

    a) getting off of adam's realjock manhunt for gaydar on myspace


    b) doing something about it.

    The hardest thing for a human to do is to venture outside of the comfort zone...what does this mean, if I am a introvert - it is hard for me to go out and meet new people regularly - and thus I need to force myself. Forcing myself is hard...and scary so I dont and stay alone and bellyache.

    The thing that many guys and gals do not realize is that the only person holding you back is you...noone else. "The man" is not conspiring against your dating life to keep you down. A line in a movie once went...

    "Gabriel, you've gotta grab life by the balls - it's the only way you'll get the good stuff..." true on many levels...

    Quit something...become the man we know you can become. If you can spend 8 hours a week at the gym building your body - you can spend 20 minutes or more a week doing something to meet new handsome, intelligent, gay men.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 16, 2008 1:18 AM GMT
    Here's my remedy...

    I just got over it by getting back to basics, such as, getting finished with school, next to investing and put my focus on where it belongs...ON ME! The threads or the whinings of hearing people say, "Oh, Lord, Where Is My Man?", "Lord, Send Me A Man." "Oh, Lord, where is my woman?"; quit whining & wait! Focus on you! Given I tried to go looking for what I wanted to be mine, I got a grip & realised a man can & will not be priority #1. If you go about looking for a man, you're gonna make yourself MISERABLE! & tired. It's a NEW YEAR, so be THANKFUL & just WAIT! Or you can just put up with anything or anyone that comes your way only to fill the void of being alone. If you feel like there's the need to have someone in your life just to validate your existence or complete you, it makes you look WEAK! Also, be careful of what you ask for because you just MIGHT GET IT. Your choice. Take it any way you see fit.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 16, 2008 1:22 AM GMT
    (lack of BF) = ((Me too good looking)+(picky)+(personality flaw)^2)) / (# time masturbate / day)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 16, 2008 1:47 AM GMT
    irishkcguy gets it.

    I'm 7-months single, already 38, and "looking" now more than ever. One thing I will NOT do is whine and get bummed out about not meeting Mr. Right, because if a potential Mr. Right picked up on that sort of vibe (yes, it can be as quiet as a vibe), he'd run away. Can't say that I'd blame him.

    I'm patient, but not ambivalent. I simply invest in myself enough to hold myself with pride and satisfaction (makes smiling easier), increasingly put myself in places where lots of people are, and use the happy couples around me as inspiration that, yes, it happens for everyone.

    This all may sound like gumdrops and f*cking rainbows, and yes, I've had some rough times on-and-off in life, however...

    We're not lesbians, and the whole "poor me", "I'm the victim", "world-done-me-wrong", goth chick approach doesn't work with us. We're gay men and we're happier than that, thus we demand more from each other when seeking a partner. if you're happy, blonde, jewish, texan, or at least some of this, then talk to me sexy. ;-P
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 16, 2008 2:08 AM GMT
    Who are you referring to?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 16, 2008 3:48 AM GMT
    RuggerATX saidWho are you referring to?

    Haha - good question Rugger. But I guess I'd be more interested in finding out what a "str8hardbody" knows about either drama OR queens!

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    Jan 16, 2008 3:56 AM GMT
    Tiny Violin
  • comtnjock

    Posts: 47

    Jan 16, 2008 4:48 AM GMT
    I use to be single for a long (5 years) time. But I was happy single. I'm just not sure if I was more happy being single or being with my bf. If my bf was on here, of course I would say I am more happy with him, as I am!

    I think it was fun being single and gay. Okay, so sex was null and nill but eh, it was fun without it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 16, 2008 6:22 AM GMT
    In all seriousness, there are times when I don't like coming home to an empty house, however, I'm the sort that doesn't want to make the concessions to a relationship unless it's "magic", and I've had one of those, so I know what it feels like.

    The dilemma I face is frustrating to me sometimes. I'm so far from a typical 47 year old... I love what I do; my lifestyle; the way I look; it's so much part of me and what I've literally done for decades but, as Spock says, "In an insane society, a sane man must appear as insane in order to be regarded as sane." Thing is, I don't want to be a fat out of shape 40 something. To me, that sucks, and there's no need for it.

    I'm very confident, and I don't need someone to worship, adore me, etc., which, because I'm an elite athlete, seems to be the angel folks come at me from. I'd love to have someone in my league, without a buttload of baggage; fit to built, bright, witty, out, fun, and not consumed by their sexuality.

    The saying goes, be careful what you wish for. Yep.

    I'm not turned on by a 50 year old fattie, but, I don't need the inexperience and drama of a 20 something, so, while many lust for me, I rarely go down that path. I'm basically a homebody.

    Therein is the dilemma: standards.

    I've thought about this many times over the years. I think humans are meant to be social creatures; not alone. Also, I don't have the misery of failed relationships, kids, a bum marriage / divorce, and so on, by choice, but, I also have spent a lot of time with my weights and with my computer.

    I've always been ahead of popular culture: lifting when lifting wasn't cool; being metro when metro wasn't cool, and so on.

    As I've thought about this, my logic takes me back to a spot where it's better to be a bit lonely, than to be at odds with someone, and average. That's just my take, but, one that isn't for everyone. Being excellent is not really hard. It just requires an understanding of what your goals are and a plan to excute them, along with discipline, means, and time.

    I have friends who have amassed fortunes (millions) and a couple are real happy, but, the rest long for some of what I have. I suppose that's a case of "the grass is greener."

    I wouldn't sweat the not having a mate thing. Regardless of your sexuality, which really shouldn't define you as a person, when the right person comes along, I firmly believe it's "magic."

    I also believe that we create situations. I.e., if you don't wanna be a fat person, or a drinker, you don't hang out with those kind of people and so on. I believe we should plan for success. I've not made the money of some of my peers, but, I've done what I've loved doing, and done it well, but, there are concessions.

    Strength comes from within.

    When I was in college, I was whining to the Dean of Students, Dave Ellis. Dave said something to me (I was 18 at the time) that I've taken with me now for several decades: things are the way they are because we got them that way. Obviously, with the Butterfly Effect / Chaos Theory, the chips fall where they will, but, if you are at a radio station all night alone, you ain't gonna' meet hot guys, and hot chicks, and so on. We network; we shape our places. Any good sales person understands how that all works.

    If you aren't happy / want a mate / fuck bud / close friend you have to make the concessions, and create the situation for that.

    Like so many things, it's about choices, and discipline, and focus, and desire, and priorities.

    My parents have been married 57 years. I can't imagine what it must be like for them. They seem happier as they grow older, especially after we four kids were out of college. Perhaps it's because they are from a different generation. I've thought about it a lot.

    At the end of the day, my position on this is like so many other things: if you don't like it, change it. To me, that seems logical. I can be compassionate, but, I won't be an enabler. I.e., if you are fat, change it. If you are lonely, change it. If you hate your job, change it. I know...., it's not always a fast process, but, usually, it's pretty straight forward. Develop a plan, get disciplined, and execute.

    While irishkcguy says "I complete me", and I believe there's much truth in that, I think part of the human condition is wanting to be held, told we are special, and to have another to confide our joys and sadness to.
  • Artesin

    Posts: 482

    Jan 16, 2008 7:23 AM GMT
    Make a separate forum for it. Call it the bitch fest. If people ahve to vent it's fine but regardless the subject has been stated time and time again by different people with pretty much the same plot and tragic flaws. It is all cleche, now to spice things up somebody needs to whine about having a boyfriend or state the facts of being single and free ! I never got the whole relationship thing, to complicated and over hyped not to mention stale and aggravating. On the plus side if they do whine it gives you something to laugh at, then if you feel like it you can just be a dick to them for being such a bitch. Thats the best part of the whole ordeal, just damage their self esteem further while getting those who are stuck up getting their noses out of the air.

    oh shi- ! 2:30 !!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 16, 2008 8:04 AM GMT
    LOL.. yes I agree.. i can't stand most people who claim to go on 200 dates a month and then cry over not being able to find a bf. Sorry but if you are meeting so many men and NOT liking ANY of them - then there is nothing wrong with those people but there is something DEFINITELY wrong with YOU....

    And who cares about having a bf... luv being single and having fun with my free life.. if a bf comes along then my life will only be better... but its not that bad even now.. lol..
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    Jan 16, 2008 9:11 AM GMT
    lol or someone should make a I have a bf .. poor me...
    thats how I felt everytime I had any kind of bf whether it be in beginning stages or the latter stages when its really serious. I am loving the single life, but not the promiscuous one. Just love hanging with friends, and if someone wants to go on dates sure, bfs aren't outta question, but come on now.. We are all men who want perfection or close to it, in ourselves and prob in our partners, so its not gonna be bam, there is your match.
    I also dont think though the I dont have a bf, poor me are that annoying, it just gets annoying, when they repost day after day to get the most responses to their own problems.......til I find my prince charming (that is also raised sincere ;) ) I will love the single life and concentrate all energy on me ...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 16, 2008 9:58 AM GMT
    I'm single and I'm loving it. While it would be nice to have someone special in my life that hasn't stopped me from living life like it's going out of style. So many people put so much emphasis on wanting a bf and then end up being displeased and unsatisfied which usually results in them being single again.

    Also did anyone notice the mechanics of this particular thread? It's brillaint. LOL.