Is he interested?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 15, 2010 3:06 PM GMT
    Hi,

    So I'm having a little bit of difficulty figuring out what to do next. I'd appreciate your advice on my situation.

    I got a trainer a few months ago and within a week or so, I found him on a gay dating website (I had no idea he was gay). I asked him about it and he said he has been out for five years (he is now 2icon_cool.gif.

    After about two weeks, I suggested we go for dinner and he agreed. The next night, I joined him and a few of his friends at a local gay club where he bought me drinks and we all danced. Afterwards, we went back to his place and watched a movie until 3am (nothing more than a movie).

    Since that night, I've seen him once for another dinner which went relatively well. The dinner was just before Christmas so I bought him a few gifts, which he appreciated. However, a day later, I got a text along the lines of "I'm lucky to have you as a friend...". I lost all hope and decided to give up on any future relationship with him.

    I went away for the holidays and I've now returned and find myself back in a situation where I can't stop thinking about him after every training session. Is he clearly not interested, or should I suggest we hang out again sometime?

    Thanks guys...
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    Feb 15, 2010 3:36 PM GMT
    maybe he's trying to be professional. lines get crossed and then stuff gets complicated.
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    Feb 15, 2010 3:40 PM GMT
    nah dude....hes not interested but it pays for him to keep u on his good side. lot of ppl in industries where their paychk is realted to how friendly they r with ppl see this kinda thing.

    he knows u jack off thinkin of him and he wants to keep it that way

    think of girls in hooters icon_lol.gif
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    Feb 15, 2010 3:50 PM GMT
  • FriscoJansen

    Posts: 2552

    Feb 15, 2010 8:37 PM GMT
    Keep his friendship, don't read too much into the text. Friendships could evolve into something greater. That's where it all begins. I think that was a nice text in my opinion. I think it looks like only the beginning. Keep hanging out with him until you receive a for sure sign in what he wants from you. If it's friendship then you've gained another friend, you can never have too many of those. icon_smile.gif
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    Feb 15, 2010 8:55 PM GMT
    goldcoastguy said I can't stop thinking about him after every training session. Is he clearly not interested, or should I suggest we hang out again sometime?
    Thanks guys...

    If he's been training you for two months he's had lots of opportunities by now to show interest. Have there been lingering looks, comments about how much better you're filling out your workout shirts, chance encounters while you're changing in the locker room? If nothing like this is happening he's either not interested or he's totally dedicated to the idea of not getting involved with a client.
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    Feb 15, 2010 9:07 PM GMT
    he's your trainer, he's keeping you happy, he's not going to sleep with you.

    Either learn to put tings in the proper perspective or go to a different straight ugly trainer
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    Feb 15, 2010 9:09 PM GMT
    Drop him as your trainer if you really want to find out. Tell him that you value his friendship and that you'd like to get to know him better (even if it's just as friends), but not as his client. Unfortunately, you are not going to get any answers to your question without not-insignificant risk at this point.

    Ideally, you would never have hired him. Crossing the client line is a risky move for any professional and has potential far-reaching implications for him from a career perspective, and even if the so-called signals have been there, asking him (directly or indirectly) to cross the professional line isn't fair to him. In this case, I think you're the one that is going to have to take the "bigger" risk and make the move or move on.
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Feb 15, 2010 9:15 PM GMT
    He might have been interested at one time, but things can get weird, especially if you have a business relationship with someone(i.e. personal training).

    Also, I know it is a nice gesture to buy someone Christmas presents, but that can give a guy the creeps. Especially if it so far has just been a casual acquaintance. Christmas presents from a guy I barely know is just one step up from finding decapitated doll heads in my mail box. I just say this from experience.
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    Feb 15, 2010 9:21 PM GMT
    just ask him if he is interested in you.
  • EricLA

    Posts: 3461

    Feb 15, 2010 9:41 PM GMT
    I wouldn't mix business and pleasure. It's awkward, and comes across as a tad desperate, too. And I wouldn't overdue it with gifts early in a relationship, either.

    If you're doing all the work -- all the calling and texting, then it's clear he's not as into you as you are him. Pull back. You should probably find someone else to focus on. And if you still feel attraction to him, then you probably need to find another trainer. Why torture yourself? Don't be a masochist, or worse, a martyr.

    We've all been there. It's not always easy to find someone. But this isn't the way.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 15, 2010 9:47 PM GMT
    lenoxx saidjust ask him if he is interested in you.

    If the answer is no what will the remaining training sessions be like?
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    Feb 16, 2010 11:44 AM GMT
    Haha thanks guys. I appreciate all the comments! I've kind of stopped all out of PT session contact with him and you're mostly right, he hasn't bothered to contact me so he's definitely not interested. Now to find someone else to obsess over... icon_rolleyes.gif

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    Feb 16, 2010 11:48 AM GMT
    goldcoastguy saidHaha thanks guys. I appreciate all the comments! I've kind of stopped all out of PT session contact with him and you're mostly right, he hasn't bothered to contact me so he's definitely not interested. Now to find someone else to obsess over... icon_rolleyes.gif



    Good for you icon_smile.gif

    There is no point chasing someone who is not into you.