Cruising at the gym?

  • manpit209

    Posts: 213

    Feb 18, 2010 4:29 AM GMT
    I'm not an expert when it comes to relationships and meeting people. I've been in a few relationships and one serious one so I need a little advice. Some times at the gym, there would be a guy that catches my eye. Some times he'd return the look. I don't know if that's my gaydar going off but it sure seems like it. I'm sort of shy and whenever I feel like a guy is possibly checking me out at the gym, I try very hard to not look at him and just continue working out. I know that's probably pretty lame.

    I fear that I could be mistaken and if I start checking him out also and he turns out to be straight, I'd get my ass kicked. I don't know if that would realistically happen but that's a great fear of mine.

    Today I saw a guy who was using a bench right next to me. I have no idea if he was gay or not but it felt like he looked at me a few times. I'm pretty modest so I try not to blatantly stare at him. I just glance over a few times here and there. Then I went to shower and when I was leaving the gym, I saw him going into to the locker room and he looked at me again.

    Have you guys been in a situation like this and how did you handle it? I've come across a situation like this probably 3 or 4 times and each time I was just shy and avoiding the other guy. I seriously don't want to make a mistake and discover he's not gay and I'm the idiot hitting on him. Thanks for any advice.
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    Feb 18, 2010 6:13 AM GMT
    I think every guy at the gym is gay, but I also think I'll get clocked if I make too much eye contact! So strange, this world of men...

    Something that irritates the hell out of me at gyms though regarding cruising is gays who hook up in bathrooms at the gyms which also have sports facilities and drop-in for kids. I can't stand for that.
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    Feb 18, 2010 6:15 AM GMT
    By the way, I do look at everyone at the gym, and they also look at me. I think it's partly sizing everyone up, and partly some sort of gym camaraderie. After all, you do tend to see the same people there over and over. Eventually there's gotta be some sort of gesture to acknowledge that you at least recognize someone's existence. icon_smile.gif
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    Feb 18, 2010 6:15 AM GMT
    Haha, yeah I think 90% of guys at the gym are checking me out... but that's probably just because I'm a cocky piece of shit.
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    Feb 18, 2010 6:33 AM GMT
    Well, first and foremost, keep in mind that you're in a gym and that folks are there primarily to work out. So you're smart to be a bit more tentative...

    But don't actively avoid the person either - which was always a natural response for me. If you're working the same body part, ask for advice. If he's doing an excercise and you have no idea what muscle group it's for, think about asking him. But the main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing... if your focus is on working out, there's usually enough of gym fraternity to break the ice. (Or at least enough to let you know if the guys a jerk.)
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    Feb 18, 2010 12:02 PM GMT
    I go to gym for personal training 3 times a week. I never shower there or loiter either. I'm don't go to gum to hook up, I go there to workout. I assume most guys at the gym I go to are straight; but not all. But I go to a gym, that a lot of trades go to, and red necks too.
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    Feb 18, 2010 12:24 PM GMT
    Overcome the feeling of suspision and just say something to him. Something as simple as "Hi". This not only gives you the opportunity to 'check him out' but it does so without the appearance that you're gawking at him.
    This may strike up a conversation between the two and who know were that will take you.
    So often guys at the gym (straight or gay) are unwilling to take that first step.
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    Feb 18, 2010 12:33 PM GMT
    Just say a casual "hi." Nobody is gonna kick your ass for saying hi. If he is interested, he will pursue it.

    Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

    Unless he is holding a garden hose, avoid those people. ... icon_lol.gif
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    Feb 18, 2010 1:10 PM GMT

    If you're a gym regular you'll see pretty much the same people every day.
    It's ordinary human courtesy to say hi to them.
    This often develops into conversations. If there is a vibe you should be able to tell.

    Why waste mental energy on parsing the meaning of every fleeting glance when a casual hi would do the trick?
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    Feb 18, 2010 1:24 PM GMT
    JoeB1986 saidHaha, yeah I think 90% of guys at the gym are checking me out... but that's probably just because I'm a cocky piece of shit.
    LMAO Great response HA! Yeah same situation here every day with 2 guys. One im like nuts over. Every time we are within eye contact he is staring me down. I look up he looks away. My gym is not very cruisey. So it wouldnt be very acceptable for me to go say hi. There is another dude who does the same thing. Im almost positive 98% that he was beating off in the shower yest and looking at me. Then, conveniently the shower curtain was opened about 6 inches in the corner...just enough that I could see his dick. Another dude used to cruise me all the time...then I saw him on a4a and we chatted hahaha. So I didnt put him in the list as hes confirmed. YA NEVER KNOW!
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Feb 18, 2010 1:30 PM GMT
    Well I know I get checked out, but some of these straight guys are just curious about your fitness and look and its largely platonic. I agree with Cas and some of the rest. Be casual, say hello, ask a few questions about his workout, ask his advice. Take the safe route. Sooner or later you will figure it out.
  • manpit209

    Posts: 213

    Feb 20, 2010 3:53 AM GMT
    Thanks for the advice guys. I'll have to try it out. It'll be interesting to see what happens. I could be completely wrong but when someone seems to be looking all the time, it can get very awkward. I'm not even super fit or anything so I don't think the guys are sizing me up.
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    Feb 20, 2010 3:55 AM GMT
    I think i belong to the only gym in the world that is mostly heterosexual! not fair! Nobody takes a glance at me at my gym
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    Feb 20, 2010 4:06 AM GMT
    consider that when you stare someone will stare back because you were gawking at them. I guess I'm in the minority or something when it comes to gym time. I'm just focused on me. If I glance at someone my mind doesn't say hey he looked back he must be gay. Maybe I'm a snob or maybe I lack that type of self esteem that assumes every glance I get means they are thinking I'm hot. I came there to work out and assume they are there for that reason as well. Be sure you aren't getting looks back because you were gawking at them. I guess looking for the window of opportunity to talk to them later on to feel the person out if you think there might be something there is ok but who really wants to play a guessing game?
  • DrewbieDoo

    Posts: 63

    Feb 20, 2010 4:26 AM GMT
    I have this irrational fear: I'm not feminine, but no matter where I go, I feel everyone already knows I'm gay. So I try not to bring myself any attention at the gym even though I'm not doing anything out of the ordinary...

    I don't have the balls to cruise at the gym. I don't want to offend anyone by staring too long. However, I also stare because I want to be able to go to my trainer and say "how do I get my arms to look like that"

    Because really, do you think it would be ok for me to go up to a hot stranger and say "hey, nice biceps, what can i do to get those"
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    Feb 21, 2010 2:04 AM GMT
    I only recently started using Soho gyms in London and it's wicked cos it's a gay gym where straight people go cos it's one of the best gyms in London. Off topic but thought I'd mention that cos I reckon it's kinda cool.
  • cobra2814

    Posts: 28

    Feb 21, 2010 6:30 AM GMT
    I go to a gym in West Hollywood, and everyone hits on everyone there. To reply to the OP, I'd just say "hi" and strike up a conversation. You will otherwise wonder "what if". No regrets!
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    Feb 22, 2010 8:57 PM GMT
    When I was browsing the forum topics, I read this one as "CUSSING at the gym". I was lured in by the apparent "novelty" of the discussion. But I digress.
    I wouldn't consider it because I work out at a non-gay-oriented gym ( and tell me if there is a less cumbersome way to say this). I think most people glance around in the gym because they are just self-conscious, or curious to see what others are doing.
    And again, I am not very smart either when it comes to the whole "Gaydar" thing.
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    Feb 23, 2010 5:29 AM GMT
    Aggieboy saidNobody takes a glance at me at my gym


    yeah, right! oh they're lookin'!

    Gig 'em!
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    Feb 23, 2010 1:27 PM GMT
    DrewbieDoo said do you think it would be ok for me to go up to a hot stranger and say "hey, nice biceps, what can i do to get those"

    People do this all the time. You see some hot guy doing some routine and when he takes a break you say "what was that you were just doing?" 90% of the time he'll be happy to explain. If there's no vibe you still learn something new.
    My gym is about half gay and half straight so asking for workout tips isn't automatically taken as a pickup attempt.

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    Feb 23, 2010 1:59 PM GMT
    TexDef07 said
    DrewbieDoo said do you think it would be ok for me to go up to a hot stranger and say "hey, nice biceps, what can i do to get those"

    People do this all the time. You see some hot guy doing some routine and when he takes a break you say "what was that you were just doing?" 90% of the time he'll be happy to explain. If there's no vibe you still learn something new.
    My gym is about half gay and half straight so asking for workout tips isn't automatically taken as a pickup attempt.



    Are there any English blokes who can verify that this would be an ok way to behave? I'm afraid I'm very much the reserved English type in these situations.

    Worse, I'm like a neurotic schoolkid: if it's a bloke I fancy, I'll go out of my way to ignore him/prevent him from catching me looking, and if he says "hi", I'll give an ever-so-manly slight raise of the forehead/eyebrows and an "alright?" which conveys the message, "I'm probably straight, you're a poof, I'm here to workout, not chat so leave me alone."

    Talk about insecurity, lol.

    Paradoxically, if it's someone I think is pug-ugly, I'll be mega friendly.

    Go figure icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Feb 23, 2010 2:09 PM GMT
    My gym is a family oriented gym so a good number of guys there are married and have theirs kids playing around in the nursery so they're out of the equation...even if they do show interest...eww.

    The other set of decent guys are teenagers that are too young for me. Since i don't wanna go to jail, they're out...although they tend to ALWAYS wanna talk and i have this natural urge to save them from killing themselves on the machines...so i do alot of saving then then running off.

    The cute guys that remain are the trainers and they're overly friendly so i end up avoiding them most days because they turn my one hour gym day into 3 hours.

    Plus, i (unlike many ppl out there) don't like to use the gym as a place to meet prospective mates/one night stands so i tend to be very tough to pry open. Many have tried and most have failed.

    Ok..done with my rant.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Feb 23, 2010 2:14 PM GMT
    nysexy said

    Plus, i (unlike many ppl out there) don't like to use the gym as a place to meet prospective mates/one night stands so i tend to be very tough to pry open. Many have tried and most have failed



    I bet I could "pry you open", Mr. Sexy.....

    icon_biggrin.gif

    jk.. but you know I had to say that!
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    Feb 23, 2010 2:22 PM GMT
    HndsmKansan said
    nysexy said

    Plus, i (unlike many ppl out there) don't like to use the gym as a place to meet prospective mates/one night stands so i tend to be very tough to pry open. Many have tried and most have failed



    I bet I could "pry you open", Mr. Sexy.....

    icon_biggrin.gif

    jk.. but you know I had to say that!


    lol...i walked right into that one i guess...hehe.
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    Mar 03, 2010 2:08 PM GMT
    I work out in a gym hat has a mix of straight and gay, and more men then women it seems. I see people cruising each other constantly but I dont think I've ever seen anyone approach each other...

    I have also never been approached, but I look like sit when I work out, I have my headphones in, and am pretty focused on getting done so, maybe I just have the 'leave me alone' vibe.