How do you react to compliments from Older, Fat guys???

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 16, 2008 5:19 PM GMT
    Ok someone sent me this message on another site - I won't name the person or pass out any detailed info about him but he is 50+ and completely unattractive and out of shape.. actually very fat. I get messages like these all the time from Older/Fat men who know that I would clearly not be interested in them.. but why send such desperate messages? Are a lot of older, out of shape gay men really so insecure and desperate that they would do anything to get a younger guy? Notice how in this message the guy sends good wishes for me and my family..lol.. I don't even know him nor do I care to know him.... its almost like in the end he says something to make me feel guilty and respond back... right???

    message - "Say to me the one who is not dazzled with your beauty? I couldn't resist look at you, again and again, and to shake deeply. For me you have the power of the beauty! To know of your existence woke my admiration and my passion up... you are a masterpiece of the Creation!
    I would like to be able to possess so much your friendship to enjoy you every day of my life...
    I wait this new year is full of good things for you and for your family!"
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 16, 2008 5:28 PM GMT
    Being an older, low-fat guy :-) I deal with this every day.

    I try to be eloquent in my rejection, but, when they lust for me, I finally have to say something about us not having anything in common or I'm not interested.

    Trust me, I've heard it all.

    Sometimes, they get it.

    Sometimes, they lash out in hateful remarks.

    I don't know the answer. I've tried a number of approaches.
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    Jan 16, 2008 5:29 PM GMT
    What should I say about this. I can imagine you not feeling all good about this. But, is it really that much effort to just reply by saying that you thank him for his interest, and that you are however looking for other type of men. I mean you can even have like a standardised message, which you can use every time one approaches you. Just try to remember that he's a human being too, with feelings. Isn't it bad enough that he already has so much lack of self-esteem. I always reply with honesty. But it's up to you of course.
  • Squarejaw

    Posts: 1035

    Jan 16, 2008 5:31 PM GMT
    This sort of message calls for a careful, eloquent, subtle response, the sort of thing you'd never think of unless you pondered long and hard:

    "thanks!"
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    Jan 16, 2008 5:33 PM GMT
    Wrestlefight160 said"Say to me the one who is not dazzled with your beauty? I couldn't resist look at you, again and again, and to shake deeply. For me you have the power of the beauty! To know of your existence woke my admiration and my passion up... you are a masterpiece of the Creation!
    I would like to be able to possess so much your friendship to enjoy you every day of my life...
    I wait this new year is full of good things for you and for your family!"


    Okay, this would be creepy even if sent by someone hot. "You are a masterpiece of the Creation"? Yikes, stalker alert. "I would like to be able to possess your friendship" ...even if I have to keep you locked up in my basement to do so....

    Shudder.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 16, 2008 5:33 PM GMT
    Amen, Squarejaw!
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    Jan 16, 2008 5:39 PM GMT
    Well i've tried the "Thanks" and they think I am interested... and send me another long email.... Is it too harsh to say - "Thanks but I am not interested"... and then block them because in most cases if I say thanks not interested they come back with a bitchy comment like - ur not all that great looking.. or something else nasty...LOL....

    You know what's really sad tho.. I don't feel sorry for these older, out of shape guys wanting a better looking younger guy. There are plenty of other single guys out there - the same age and very much compatible with them but they ignore each other and chase the guys they can never have and eventually end up being lonely forever.. that's what is really sad.
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    Jan 16, 2008 5:40 PM GMT
    By the way.. I blocked him... LOL... it did freak me out..
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    Jan 16, 2008 6:03 PM GMT
    what a bizarre post..Is it that difficult to imagine that being something you may actually go through at some point in the future.? Try being nice and forthright with the truth . We will all get older if we are lucky. What would you need to hear back if someone wasn't interested in you.? Are older ,overweight guys only allowed to be attracted to the same. Get a grip and take a compliment.... they may not last forever. You should feel guilty about your inability to see someone "older and fat" as a human being , not about "having" to respond back.
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    Jan 16, 2008 6:04 PM GMT
    Hey bud, there is no right answer for guys that send emails like that. I don't understand how people can think that's appropriate first email content. It seems they have absolutely no concept of how to approach someone in a way that would make them want to respond. I've tried several different approaches and either way you're going to get hated on by some. If you don't respond, you will often get a nasty message about how arrogant you are. If you say "thanks", you most likely have to deal with other emails because a lot of guys don't seem to understand that being polite does not imply being interested. When someone is interested they will be engaging not just abruptly polite. If you say "thanks" but "not interested", for some guys you might as well have slept with their boyfriend and killed their dog too. The only reason I have for people's strong reactions is that there are a lot of guys that seem to have no meaningful interactions with gay guys outside the internet. Most guys will get it if you're not interested but there are those guys that just don't let it go.

    If you're truly not interested in them or what they have to say, the best thing is to be polite and say you're not interested then simply don't open the other emails. You've said all you needed or wanted to say and opening the other emails will just annoy or anger you.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 16, 2008 6:06 PM GMT
    Polite "Thank You" usually works.icon_biggrin.gif

    Because I would you the same reaction now that I'm considered to be an older guy!icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jan 16, 2008 6:09 PM GMT
    I don't react nearly as nastily as I do to guys who try to fart higher than their ass. You ain't all that and a bag of chips. Be grateful for compliments regardless of their source.
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    Jan 16, 2008 6:14 PM GMT
    McccccccccccccccccccGAY you're so well grounded.

    Tee hee.
  • dhinkansas

    Posts: 764

    Jan 16, 2008 6:21 PM GMT
    I guess everyone over 40 with extra pounds on them should be sent to a leper colony for their remaining days.
    Who cares? Say thanks, say no thanks, or just delete the message. There are a ton of kooks on the net and off the net.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 16, 2008 6:21 PM GMT
    Sounds like English is not their first language.

    Hmm. I never get these messages. I just get "I like your structure."
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 16, 2008 6:24 PM GMT
    Well, you DO have a very nice structure.

    Thanks, Chucky! I've got an army of people who'd debate you on that. icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 16, 2008 6:30 PM GMT
    Wrestle

    Why don't you say

    Thanks you look good for your age but your not my type

    BTW I'm over 50 and would wrestle ya!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 16, 2008 6:33 PM GMT
    If the email is nice and not crude,I usually say thanks, knowing I am going to get another email. I will then usually ignore the others or then say I am not interested if they keep sending.
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    Jan 16, 2008 6:34 PM GMT
    Well, he certainly tried to turn his erection into a poem and just ended up shitting all over the email.

    A compliment is a compliment, even if you end most of your sentences with an exclamation point. Say thank you. Be polite. If they don't get the hint tell them to fuck off and be done with it.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jan 16, 2008 6:39 PM GMT
    I take the compliment the same way, whether it is from someone I'm not attracted to in the least or someone I do this is attractive. I thank them, but usually add in information so they know their comment is appreciated, but no door opener.
  • DiverScience

    Posts: 1426

    Jan 16, 2008 6:48 PM GMT
    Say "Thanks" or ignore them if they really bother you that much. It's hardly rocket science.
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    Jan 16, 2008 6:50 PM GMT
    This seems to be a theme in a variety of threads this week, including one that I started. It has some interesting thoughts expressed by others:

    http://www.realjock.com/topic/82018/

    I agree in some way with everyone in this thread. As McGay and mnjock aptly point out, a compliment is always welcome. Squarejaw and Ducky are right (as they often are), a simple "thank you" should do the trick with a rational person, but evidently we aren't dealing with rational people in these two threads. And bwg details the different kinds of people we all encounter in these circumstances: damned if you do, damned if you don't.

    This guy you're dealing with sent you a really creepy and overdone letter. The first sign of clingy is someone who waxes poetic about how feels about you when you haven't returned the attention at all. Blocking him should do the trick. If it doesn't, then just say, "Dude, thanks for the compliments but I have tried to make it clear that I am not interested." Be prepared for the anger and bitchiness, and when it happens end the tirade with a simple goodbye.

    I do everything I can to keep it civil. First of all because I think that's how people should be, but secondly because you never know who you're going to be dealing with and in what sort of Seinfeldian situation.

    For example, there was a troll (in the sense of being a locker room stalker) at my gym who showed a great interest in me that I never returned but I was never rude to him. I later had surgery on my deviated septum at a medical center and awoke to find this same guy was the nurse standing over me, responsible for my recovery. While I don't imagine he'd do anything unprofessional, I can imagine it would have been a far worse day than it was. LOL!

    Take it from someone older and wiser, you never know WHO you're going to see on the way down.icon_wink.gif

  • BlackJock79

    Posts: 437

    Jan 16, 2008 6:53 PM GMT
    I usually just say thanks and delete any of the other messages that I get. I usually feel bad about it though...
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    Jan 16, 2008 10:10 PM GMT
    As someone else mentioned, it appears that English isn't this guy's primary language, which would explain the odd wording. As was also mentioned, a compliment is a compliment, regardless of who it comes from. I get compliments all the time from all kinds of people... including older women... and I say "Thank you!" and let it drop. That's called courtesy, by the way.

    The thing that really bugs the hell out of me with this kind of thread (and there are many on here like this) is the way people forget that regardless of a person's age or weight, they are humans and they have feelings. Instead, some people act like the moment you hit 40 or 50, or the second you add 10 pounds, you just automatically become a very gross troll with no emotions that's not worthy of being treated like a human. Now there's a superficial attitude if I ever saw one.icon_rolleyes.gif

    Get over it! We all age if we live long enough. We all have the potential to get fat if we don't stay on top of our fitness... and in the end, we're all human. Return the compliment with the courtesy of a simple "Thank you" and let it drop. That certainly doesn't commit you to a friendship, date, or sex... its just being courteous. If they follow up with something wierd, you can always block them.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 16, 2008 10:18 PM GMT
    I usually respond thanks or something cuz i feel bad. I would not reply to the statement posted at the start of this thread. That is just creepy man. Why even bother reinforcing that behavior? That person is either A. a complete psycho or B. really has no clue how to hit on someone. either way they are done in my book.