This is the biggest slap to my, or anyone's, face...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 19, 2010 10:52 PM GMT
    Now that I am getting close to being debt-free, a decently used car, a better place to call my comfort zone, all of these things I would never think about when it comes to dealing with gay men. When I didn't have these things or didn't have what was ideal for them, they didn't talk to me or even want to look in my direction. Now that I've gotten a better body, a new ride and still living in my current comfort zone, it is funny to see that most gay men can be so trifling...

    When I didn't have the ideal car or house, they didn't want to talk to me & now that they've caught a glimpse of what's under my clothes, seen my new ride & now that they know I can sing, all of a sudden they're treating me different. Would I be wrong to break their face(s) & put them in their place(s) or tell the materialistic, can't-bring-what-they-ask-for-to-the-table-fags to just simply fuck off, or, become a complete asshole just to deal with them? Because the same group of guys that gave me the brush off for not having decent things are now trying to talk to me again and well being a Cancer, I do not forget these things but I do not hold grudges, there is a difference. And given my bad experiences with them, it's hard to find out who's heart is really in it for the love or for the money, or just to shine off of someone; is it wrong to just become an asshole just to deal with them or enjoy the rewards of being debt-free, with a few extra perks, or should I throw them some shade?

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    Feb 20, 2010 3:06 AM GMT
    Tell them to fuck off. You dont need them. 6billion + people in the world you can find a real man who will love you genuinely and the 2 of you can brush the haters aside.
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    Feb 20, 2010 3:19 AM GMT

    Well, you could go the other way; be civil to them and show them how it's done, now that they consider you their equal.

    Next time you meet someone who's in the place you were, do what they wouldn't. It'll embarrass them into the floor. There's something to be said about leading by example.

    -us

    PS they'll soon discover that crow is best eaten young, while the feathers are still soft.
  • drypin

    Posts: 1798

    Feb 20, 2010 3:13 PM GMT
    Well, you can remind them that inside you're the exact same person you were before your financial situation improved: a responsible grudge-holder. You didn't appeal to them then and you shouldn't appeal to them now.
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19129

    Feb 20, 2010 3:24 PM GMT
    Perhaps you are looking at this all wrong. Maybe the universe was just doing you a favor before because you had some work to do on yourself -- finding that "comfort zone" so to speak -- and those people were kept at arms length so that you could stay focused and create your own success story. Now that you've done that, of course people are gravitating toward you since there is nothing more attractive than someone who has actually done something with their life. All you can do now is surround yourself with others who enhance your life, and you sound like a bright enough guy to be able to figure out who are the ones who do that. Operating from a position of bitterness or vindictiveness is self-defeating. Let go of the past and be positive.
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    Feb 20, 2010 3:29 PM GMT
    Remember......quiet confidence rules. Knock em dead and leave them with their mouths hanging open.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Feb 20, 2010 3:34 PM GMT
    To begin with, congrats... you've made some concrete, major positive changes in your life. That speaks volumes, because you took action to improve your life when many others tend to sit around and whine.

    That said, take the positive changes and make them your focus. Don't hang with people, gay or otherwise, that judge you soley on your improvements or their shallow perceptions. DON'T focus on the negative, my suggestion is to surround yourself with positive folks that keep you pointed in the right direction.
    You learned something about gay men which is factual. Don't stew about it, just acknowledge it and move forward in a good and positive way!
  • roadbikeRob

    Posts: 14350

    Feb 20, 2010 3:35 PM GMT
    It really should not matter if a man owns a nice car and a beautiful house and has successfully worked his way out of debt. The bottom line is you are still a human being and regardless of your socioeconomic status you deserve the same compassion and fairness. Some of these guys are too materialistic and they just measure the worth of the man from all his material property which is wrong. I don't blame you if you tell some of these materialistic guys to fuck off.
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    Feb 20, 2010 3:36 PM GMT
    when you close the door of your house/apartment do you see these people behind it?
    if you do, then what they do or say should affect you; if you don't, don't waste your time on people who don't matter.

    and yes gay men are trifiling...
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    Feb 20, 2010 3:56 PM GMT
    I think AZ is right. Are you looking for broke guys who you aren't attracted to? Are you an awful person because you're not attracted to those sorts of people? I mean believe it or not your inner light and strong personal qualities don't come through immediately at a gay bar on $2 beer night. It's kind of absurd to hold people's feet to the fire for what they find attractive, and be bitter about their now being interested since you've changed a few things. Especially since I'd bet dollars to dimes that you behave exactly the same way towards people you can't muster physical attraction to. As long as they weren't rude, you're the one with the problem if you're still bent out of shape because they didn't like you.

    As an example, when I was in college . . . hoo boy, what a mess. I wore the dopiest clothes, and was incredibly thin, and my professional goals weren't exactly focused. Who wants to date that? Fortunately for me, I decided to dress better, groom myself, eat well, occasionally look in the gym just to make sure it's still there, and revised my pie-in-the-sky academic perspectives towards doing something that would employ me. As a result, there were some guys who liked me that wouldn't have before. Now I could have been a jerk, and blew them off. Or . . . I could get to know them and move on with life. Maybe I could even be thankful that the social pressure led me to build a life that I think is a much higher quality of experience.

    The upshot is this: thinking about who you are attracted to as a titanic moral struggle is pretty ridiculous. Throwing shade? Holding grudges? The answer is simple. Are you attracted to the guy or not? Get over everything else, because that's your problem.
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    Feb 20, 2010 4:13 PM GMT
    No enough information.
    You're guessing at these guys' motivations, no?
    I mean, how does anyone know another's financial position or debt?
    Maybe your self-improvement gives you confidence that makes you more outgoing.
    God knows, I'm not arguing that people aren't shallow and materialistic, but give yourself some credit and don't throw the baby out with the bathwater. Maybe you're more approachable.
    At any rate, even if they are a trifling lot, I think you won't become an a-hole automatically by associating with them.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 20, 2010 4:21 PM GMT
    CuriousJockAZ saidPerhaps you are looking at this all wrong. Maybe the universe was just doing you a favor before because you had some work to do on yourself -- finding that "comfort zone" so to speak -- and those people were kept at arms length so that you could stay focused and create your own success story. Now that you've done that, of course people are gravitating toward you since there is nothing more attractive than someone who has actually done something with their life. All you can do now is surround yourself with others who enhance your life, and you sound like a bright enough guy to be able to figure out who are the ones who do that. Operating from a position of bitterness or vindictiveness is self-defeating. Let go of the past and be positive.


    This is the correct answer.

    People are attracted to empowered, forward moving individuals.

    Maybe you can't see it, because you believe that you are the same person that you were before you got all the nice things.
    But that is untrue.
    All the experiences you went through to get those things, and all the moments of doubt and satisfaction that goes with improving your life have changed you as a person.

    Put it this way, if you could go back to the way things were, would you?
    No.
    You like the way you are now, for all the things you have done to change your life.

    Maybe other people like that about you too...
  • Space_Cowboy_...

    Posts: 3738

    Feb 20, 2010 4:27 PM GMT
    I totally get what you mean, but I get what they mean. You wouldn't want to date a scrub would you? But I say tell'em to fuck off!! They don't deserve you.
  • kietkat

    Posts: 342

    Feb 20, 2010 4:46 PM GMT
    I think it depends on their behavior towards you back when you were "undesirable". Were they civil or mean-spirited towards you? If it was the latter, then I think you know what needs to be done. (DESTROY THEM!!) icon_cool.gif
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    Feb 20, 2010 4:50 PM GMT
    I should think the bigger slap is to their own faces. If you are confident in who and what you are, the problem is theirs, not yours. Agreed?
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    Feb 20, 2010 4:59 PM GMT
    we are almost 20 replies in, and no one has said that the biggest slap to your face should be his cock?

    oh, well, I'll do it then...
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Feb 20, 2010 5:01 PM GMT
    Success, to an extent I believe, deserves attention. Maybe that is what is attractive. Not that you have these things, or the new body, but that you had goals and succeeded at reaching them. There are definitely RULES OF ATTRACTION, and just like you attracted your success, others are taking notice, and also are attracted to that confidence and determination.
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    Feb 20, 2010 5:08 PM GMT
    You sound bitter, and that's not attractive. I still wouldn't date you.
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    Feb 20, 2010 5:23 PM GMT
    ALEZANDAR said
    BadByMyself saidNow that I am getting close to being debt-free, a decently used car, a better place to call my comfort zone, all of these things I would never think about when it comes to dealing with gay men. When I didn't have these things or didn't have what was ideal for them, they didn't talk to me or even want to look in my direction. Now that I've gotten a better body, a new ride and still living in my current comfort zone, seeing someone new, it is funny to see that most gay men can be so trifling...

    When I didn't have the ideal car or house, they didn't want to talk to me & now that they've caught a glimpse of what's under my clothes, seen my new ride & now that they know I can sing, all of a sudden they're treating me different. Would I be wrong to break their face(s) & put them in their place(s) or tell the materialistic, can't-bring-what-they-ask-for-to-the-table-fags to just simply fuck off, or, become a complete asshole just to deal with them? Because the same group of guys that gave me the brush off for not having decent things are now trying to talk to me again and well being a Cancer, I do not forget these things but I do not hold grudges, there is a difference. And given my bad experiences with them, it's hard to find out who's heart is really in it for the love or for the money, or just to shine off of someone; is it wrong to just become an asshole just to deal with them or enjoy the rewards of being debt-free, with a few extra perks, or should I throw them some shade?




    I can totally agree with you as I have been through it myself in a similar situation recently. Unfortunately most gay men tend to be very trifling and big time materialistic even if some will confess they are not!? but now that you know who they are don't even bother with them at all! I mean don't bother showing them you are a better man because of who you are today! otherwise if you do you are doing exactly the same thing they did or made you feel when you were in the hole, right!?

    I agree with Meninlove's comment! next time you see a guy who is down on his luck, and who doesn't have a car or a nice one for that matter! works at a dead end job but makes a decent living nonetheless, he is unemployed, is not physically fit or build like an "average" RealJock, well I hope you don't turn him away but do treat him with the same respect and admiration all human beings are equally entitled! you sound like a gay man with a lot of class, and I hope you take this compliment with much humility!!

    I hope you learn a lesson from this experience thou!? in that a person whether they end up being your friend, BF, or your life partner their worth should be base on their innate better human qualities, and NOT on the prefabricated images such as their physical beauty, success, or social status.


    Leandro ♥
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    Feb 20, 2010 5:25 PM GMT
    They didn't approach people with the idea that it is disrespect that should be earned.

    You had to work for their respect.

    They have it wrong.

    Fuck 'em.
  • jingold04

    Posts: 122

    Feb 20, 2010 5:31 PM GMT
    Can't give you much advice on your quasi-philosophical thoughts,but the fact that you managed to get "trifling","shade" and allusion to creaking/breaking face in your post proves we'd get along famously! You wanna talk about "reading"?
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    Feb 20, 2010 6:12 PM GMT
    Man this isn't gay men.... This is the world particularly the young world

    your angry that some guys wouldn't look twice at you when you were a self confessed loser out of shape and didn't have a car/your own place.... Were you hitting on couch surfing guys that were out of shape?

    No... I'm betting you were out there thinking yourself higher than your circumstances and hitting on guys accordingly

    It's different from a shallow queen that shoots you down for staying in studying rather than being out every weekend or for wearing the wrong brand of jeans
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    Feb 20, 2010 6:14 PM GMT
    i think this applies to all people, not just gay people.
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    Feb 20, 2010 6:22 PM GMT
    i think you should just act mature and pragmatic.
    in other words, if they're cute and fuckable just treat yourself.
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    Feb 20, 2010 8:12 PM GMT
    forget them. From what you described, their behavior is pretty disgusting.