Potential BF vs RJ

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 20, 2010 4:21 AM GMT
    So I've kinda been seeing this guy who proposed us to be boyfriends. After he proposes though, he says "I really want you to get rid of your RJ account if I am to be with you". He believes this site is another Manhunt or Adam4adam site after I told him I really like the forums and gay topics that come up in the threads. It turns out he wants an answer..... so I ask your opinions.....
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 20, 2010 4:24 AM GMT
    lol, show him he can relax by showing him some of the stuff on here.

    You can show him our profile too. Married monogamous men like us are NOT here for hook-ups. icon_wink.gif
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    Feb 20, 2010 4:25 AM GMT
    i'd either get rid of the account or give him full access to your account. or maybe delete your current account and create a new joint account.
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    Feb 20, 2010 4:28 AM GMT
    Aggieboy saidSo I've kinda been seeing this guy who proposed us to be boyfriends. After he proposes though, he says "I really want you to get rid of your RJ account if I am to be with you". He believes this site is another Manhunt or Adam4adam site after I told him I really like the forums and gay topics that come up in the threads. It turns out he wants an answer..... so I ask your opinions.....


    I propose you ask him to join for a couple weeks and get familiar with it before he makes a judgement about it icon_smile.gif
  • DrewbieDoo

    Posts: 63

    Feb 20, 2010 4:34 AM GMT
    I'm not big on ultimatums... That strikes a sour note. I agree with the other responses to show him the site and make him see that this isn't a manhunt.

    Is that where you two met, on a site that's more of a dating site?
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    Feb 20, 2010 4:35 AM GMT
    I don't see his request as a sign of confidence. Sounds a bit controling, but you know the guy better than we do. icon_wink.gif
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    Feb 20, 2010 4:37 AM GMT
    unfounded7 saidI don't see his request as a sign of confidence. Sounds a bit controling, but you know the guy better than we do. icon_wink.gif


    I agree with you.... and I'm pretty good at picking up early signs.

    Today it's the RJ forums... tomorrow, it's asking where you were last night when he called and you didn't pick up. ... icon_mad.gif
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    Feb 20, 2010 4:39 AM GMT
    I would have no problem agreeing, but it's worth having a serious conversation to talk about what the issue is. There's some kind of unsurety or insecurity there, right?

    Well, if there is, that insecurity or unsurety will manifest itself in other ways, and some might not be as easy to answer as getting off of a website. So you might as well begin the conversation now.

    But if you like the guy? Well, electronic connection is pretty meaningless compared to in-person human contact. So my vote (do we get votes?): ditch the site for the guy.
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    Feb 20, 2010 4:43 AM GMT
    Put him on here. ...Calson wants to talk to him.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 20, 2010 4:44 AM GMT
    RunnerBen said ...electronic connection is pretty meaningless compared to in-person human contact.


    I don't find it meaningless. In fact, I find online interactions more substantial in many cases because the relationships develop based on conversation rather than sexual desire.
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    Feb 20, 2010 4:52 AM GMT
    I don't get it. Before we "go steady" delete your real jock account? I think I'm missing some substance to your relationship with this guy to understand his request. BTW if you showed him your current profile it does include looking for a hookup. If you want him to believe your time here is nothing but forums and fitness advice you might want to adjust that. It makes your point a bit more believable.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 20, 2010 5:00 AM GMT
    If you like the site, then stay on it. Put him on it with you and the 2 of you should decide.

    and 2nd...why does he want you to leave? What does he like/not like about these websites? Be specific!
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    Feb 20, 2010 5:01 AM GMT
    i can understand wanting ur bf to delete a4a or manhunt but rj is not a hookup site, i have actual friends on here and i get alot of my food and fitness tips from here, its a tool to a healthy lifestyle but if he cant get over it then ditch em cuz that means he'll make a huge bitch fit about unnecessary shit
  • DrewT

    Posts: 1327

    Feb 20, 2010 5:02 AM GMT
    Everyone's pretty much saying the same thing, and I agree.

    Don't delete your account because he said so. Go ahead and show him the site, what you do on here, etc. If he has a problem with RJ, he'll have a problem with FB, MySpace, or any other social network, he won't want you hanging out with your friends... Perhaps not that drastic, but it doesn't sound like a good move on his part.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 20, 2010 5:05 AM GMT
    He sounds too jealous cut him loose! Besides what you do online is your business not his. Besides your a good boy. If he can't trust you. Then who can he trust?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 20, 2010 5:12 AM GMT
    if you like RJ ask him to give up something he likes too.
    his reaction will say it all.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 20, 2010 5:14 AM GMT
    I'd get rid of him. He obviously has trust issues.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 20, 2010 5:17 AM GMT
    abm1985 said
    RunnerBen said ...electronic connection is pretty meaningless compared to in-person human contact.


    I don't find it meaningless. In fact, I find online interactions more substantial in many cases because the relationships develop based on conversation rather than sexual desire.


    I dunno. I have some pretty strong sexual desires based on a few people I've chatted with on here.

    Hi amb ;)
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19129

    Feb 20, 2010 5:18 AM GMT
    I don't understand why you should have to choose RJ or a potential BF. Lots of guys on here in relationships. He's sending signals that he is insecure and has trust issues even before you're actually Bfs. Not a very good sign.
  • tennsjock

    Posts: 349

    Feb 20, 2010 5:35 AM GMT
    don't jump to conclusions - this could just mean he's unfamiliar with the purpose of RJ. so help him find out. why do you use RJ? clarify your purpose and communicate it to him. for example, i always get on right before i go to the gym because it motivates me to workout

    on the other hand, this could indicate a lack of trust that says a lot more about him than it does about you. it could mean he

    1. has control issues
    2. is insecure, or
    3. is not himself deserving of trust, knows it, and is projecting on to you

    what do you think?
  • camfer

    Posts: 891

    Feb 20, 2010 5:37 AM GMT
    A mature, thoughtful person who was more considerate of this potential relationship he might be developing with you, might approach this in a better way:

    "I really like being around you, but I get uncomfortable when I think about you being on ____________.com and us being in a more committed relationship."

    That would open up a conversation about what you enjoy about the site and also a conversation about what's his underlying concern that makes him feel that way.

    Instead, he's decided that he gets to deliver an ultimatum as a precondition to the relationship and that you have a deadline to respond. THIS sounds like the real topic to discuss rather than your enjoyment of a really great, non-sexual website largely full of gay athletes.

  • DCguy2001

    Posts: 314

    Feb 20, 2010 5:41 AM GMT
    Maybe you could just get rid of your shirtless pics? I know of another RJer who did that when he started dating a guy seriously.
  • FriscoJansen

    Posts: 2552

    Feb 20, 2010 5:50 AM GMT
    I agree with a lot of what's being said here. He seems to be the jealous and over-protective type. Show him the site and what it's all about and your intentions here. Remember, in relationships at times your gonna have to compromise. Maybe choose a less provocative primary photo too! lol.
  • jgymnast733

    Posts: 1783

    Feb 20, 2010 5:59 AM GMT
    Well, if you really like him...Do it..icon_exclaim.gif
    You could also make him exit various sites he's on as well...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 20, 2010 6:38 AM GMT
    leguy78 saidBTW if you showed him your current profile it does include looking for a hookup. If you want him to believe your time here is nothing but forums and fitness advice you might want to adjust that. It makes your point a bit more believable.


    This.

    You can't really call the guy controlling for asking you to delete an account where you're asking for hookups. Fix this and make your profile suitable for someone in a relationship and maybe he won't have such a problem.