I am hanging there and hanging, and hanging.

  • bluecrow

    Posts: 166

    Feb 21, 2010 5:12 PM GMT
    I am not really picky, all I want is someone decent, maybe average looking, better to be around my age, but life can be really complicated sometimes.

    As an Asian guy, I am quite attracted to Caucasians. However, most of the Caucasians who I feel attracted to only interested into other Caucasians. I know it might just I haven't met the right person, or there are some areas where I can work on to improve myself, so I would be more attractive. I know the best strategy is hanging there and focus on myself and what I want for myself. However, it is just so tiring sometimes, and I am feeling quite frustrated. icon_rolleyes.gif

    A local bar which I usually go to, where also many other Asian guys and guys who like Asians usually go to, has a nick name: Walk sticks and Chopsticks. Isn't that funny?

    Maybe I should start looking for a girl, I might have much better chance to find myself a girlfriend, or at least I should be more into Asian guys, things would be easier for me, but again, can we really force ourselves on that?

    I know I just have to hanging there and wait for the right guy coming along. I am hanging and hanging and hanging.
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    Feb 21, 2010 5:24 PM GMT
    This is how it went for me. I gave myself a rule : go out a lot and meet people. Old, young , male female, pretty, handsome, plain, homely, short, tall, all races, etc. My rule was talk to someone for 10 minutes then I could go home.

    Five years of this made me very good at starting conversations and relaxing people I spoke with. Eventually I met someone my intellect, emotions and sex-drive dovetailed nicely with - the rest is happy history.

    go get 'em, Tiger! (gung hay fat choi!)
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    Feb 21, 2010 9:55 PM GMT
    I agree with the first guy.. I wouldn't dwell on the fact that no whiteys will talk to you - Go out and just meet people, and perhaps you will meet the man of your dreams just by being social. I have a lot of friends who are single, and I think they will remain single, because they have this perfect 'type' in their head.. White, black, muscular, masculine, mexican, smooth... And if they dont see the perfect fit, they move on. But I have met some great guys just by being social, and even if they werent exactly what i was looking for, it gave me hope that good guys come in any color! icon_biggrin.gif
  • DrewbieDoo

    Posts: 63

    Feb 21, 2010 11:35 PM GMT
    hey meninlove
    that's a great comment, congrats on having the guts to do that kind of stuff - where would you suggest going though? How do you start up the conversations or put the people at ease?
  • bluecrow

    Posts: 166

    Feb 21, 2010 11:50 PM GMT
    Hi Meninlove and BoyVegas, first of all thank you for the advices. Going out and trying to meet as many people as I can is actually my strategy.

    I moved to Sydney a year ago, and the reason why was I thought with a much bigger population compare to other Australian cities, the chances for me to meet more people can be much bigger.

    So I came here, and try my hard, not my best though, to be many places where I can meet more people. I go clubbing most of the weekends. I play squash sometimes during the Wednesday nights. I even find an Asian Guy's social group which they have group discussion monthly. What else? Not to mention, I registered on many gay online websites.

    I actually lived in the far suburban, then moved to the city, of course it's more expensive, but it's easier for me to socialize, catch up with my friends. Also, the area where I live now, there are many gay people live here as well, very gay friendly.

    I make friends regardless their races races, type, age, not with everyone I cross to, I am very friendly guy. I have a friend, he would talk to anyone he meets in a bar or on the street, I admire his courageous, however, I am pretty shy to start a conversation with someone who totally don't know, and yes, they are the most gorgeous guys to me. icon_redface.gif

    Loosen up, chill up, and relax, being social doesn't come naturally to me. I had to force myself to be more social sometime. That would be why I tend to get myself a bit drunk, so I could be a bit tipsy, and relax. However, alcohol not always work like the charm.

    I know I have push myself very hard, but I also know I could push myself harder. I know I had a bad hair day, and became bitchy, therefore I posted this. It was all started with that I got another message says 'Thank you but you are not my type.' from someone I sent a wink to online.
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    Feb 22, 2010 2:43 AM GMT

    Hey guys, doing what I suggested didn't come easily to me either, not a bit. I was one of the most introverted individuals around. Nervous sweat poured down my arms when out at 20.
    At one point, before I decided on my rule, I went out almost every night for 6 months and talked to no one. Ugh.

    The trick is not to try make friends, but to make casual acquaintances. They are what become friendships. It's like planting seeds in a field. You have to plant many and some will sprout.

    Out of your many acquaintances that you can walk by and say Hi to, or share a drink with talk about easy going stuff, some will take the initiative to know you better. Always start small but aim higher.

    I lived in downtown Vancouver where there were lots of gay nightspots, many within easy walking distance. Many people are intrigued when you chat but don't pursue them, but instead tell 'em to have a great night, and that you'll see 'em again soon.

    I always grinned at bartenders and waiters when they served me and thanked them. Others see this.

    -Doug
  • dannyboy1101

    Posts: 977

    Feb 22, 2010 3:10 AM GMT
    Are you sure that you aren't attracting yourself only to guys whom you subconsciously know won't be attracted to you? I know it's a bit different from the direction the rest of the forum is going, but I'm always fascinated in how though we think we are trying to date a variety of people, if you look hard enough, they all are the same in some way. Not everyone does this, but last year I realized that I picked guys that all had a specific trait which always caused me to be turned off when it became apparent. Then, it would be a big let-down that things didn't work out.
    Also, I wouldn't pigeon-hole myself in one race. Chicagoans are bad about doing that in my opinion. For the longest time, I thought I would only want to date someone taller than I am and then I dated someone shorter and realized that I really like the 5'8/5'9 land. By closing off certain people you only risk missing the one you really want.
  • FriscoJansen

    Posts: 2552

    Feb 22, 2010 3:38 AM GMT
    Loosen up, chill up, and relax, being social doesn't come naturally to me. I had to force myself to be more social sometime. That would be why I tend to get myself a bit drunk, so I could be a bit tipsy, and relax. However, alcohol not always work like the charm.

    I know I have push myself very hard, but I also know I could push myself harder. I know I had a bad hair day, and became bitchy, therefore I posted this. It was all started with that I got another message says 'Thank you but you are not my type.' from someone I sent a wink to online.[/quote]

    Ya know, this is what we all go through in our quest to find the right guy. Not everyone is going to be attracted to us. Don't let it get the best of you. You have something great to offer a guy so you continue your search until you find him! As will I! LOL! Keep being social and continue to break down those walls.
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    Feb 22, 2010 5:51 AM GMT
    meninlove said This is how it went for me. I gave myself a rule : go out a lot and meet people. Old, young , male female, pretty, handsome, plain, homely, short, tall, all races, etc. My rule was talk to someone for 10 minutes then I could go home.

    Five years of this made me very good at starting conversations and relaxing people I spoke with. Eventually I met someone my intellect, emotions and sex-drive dovetailed nicely with - the rest is happy history.

    go get 'em, Tiger! (gung hay fat choi!)


    Great advice from Meninlove! I have taken that rule into practice for the past five years and it does work! I wasn't much of a sociable person before, but because of that I soon realized the more I am out there mingling with people of all kind the greater chances I have at finding friends or love and hopefully even the right guy for me! these days I waste no time sobbing or feeling sorry for myself!


    Leandro ♥
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    Feb 24, 2010 6:12 AM GMT
    meninlove said This is how it went for me. I gave myself a rule : go out a lot and meet people. Old, young , male female, pretty, handsome, plain, homely, short, tall, all races, etc. My rule was talk to someone for 10 minutes then I could go home.

    Five years of this made me very good at starting conversations and relaxing people I spoke with. Eventually I met someone my intellect, emotions and sex-drive dovetailed nicely with - the rest is happy history.

    go get 'em, Tiger! (gung hay fat choi!)



    Damn...I LOVE this advice...I just never know what to say to start up the conversations....I guess anything is better than nothing...
  • bluecrow

    Posts: 166

    Feb 25, 2010 1:42 AM GMT
    @ Boy_Vegas and @dannyboy1101,

    Well said! I actually had a bit story myself. Many years ago, when I just turned into a young man, I was all surrounded by other Chinese, I didn't know any Caucasians in person. I wasn't able to make conversations in English either. I actually found myself involved with a few Chinese boys over all those years. I do know how to appreciate a Chinese boy/man, and Chinese culture.

    However, over all those years, I always knew there are something about the western culture keep pulling me towards it. Later, I got more chance to get involved with western culture. I realized I find myself another world for me to explore. I started to read more books written by westerners. I also learned how to speak in English. It was a long joinery for me to get where I am now. I was totally embarrassed by Chinese culture in my childhood, and grew up under the huge influence of the Chinese culture. I have my Chinese root.

    However, I found myself became so passionate about the western culture, later it starts to include the western men. icon_redface.gif I spend so many years to learn English, to read, to prepare myself, to get involved, and eventually, I moved to Australia.

    It wasn't all easy for me at all, but I am hanging there, and I understand all the acceptance and refusal are part of the process. I am madly in love with this culture, and I think this totally normal (Don't you know someone who grew up with one culture, and later found himself totally in love with another culture as well?).

    What I was trying to say is, this love isn't just skin color and race, it's my passion. (I do hope this doesn't sound that scary, lol.) I defiantly still have my Chinese root, and I am proud of being a Chinese. I have to shut up now... icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Feb 25, 2010 1:47 AM GMT
    wow, it really sounds like you like white guys. I'm sad to say that many "hot" white guys are only into other guys that look like themselves... at least that's what I see in Texas.... Try to broaden your range...
  • bluecrow

    Posts: 166

    Feb 25, 2010 2:16 AM GMT
    @Aggie boy, yeah, you are actually right. I is actually exactly what I have discovered lately (see my first post).

    It's sad, isn't it? Well, I obviously can't change myself become a "hot" white guy. However, I hope other not so hot, not necessarily "white" guys will accept me being me.

    I may have mislead this thread, I was trying to express my frustration of feeling being defeated by the western culture sometimes. However, it wasn't my intention to make this thread sound more like about races and skin colors. icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Feb 25, 2010 2:24 AM GMT
    Buddy, you need to move to Vancouver. Many white guys here will only date asian guys.
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    Feb 25, 2010 2:29 AM GMT
    Tonyvoyager saidBuddy, you need to move to Vancouver. Many white guys here will only date asian guys.


    And move there quick before all the hot olympians leave!!
  • bluecrow

    Posts: 166

    Feb 25, 2010 2:39 AM GMT
    @Tonyvoyager: There's a bar call midnight shift in Sydney. It also get a nick name: walking sticks and chopsticks. I is actually the situation that I am facing at the moment in Sydney. Maybe I should move to Vancouver though. icon_razz.gif