Confused

  • Adam_MSU

    Posts: 11

    Feb 22, 2010 2:48 AM GMT
    Up until two weeks ago, I was completely closeted to everyone except for my college roommate, I had told him this past summer. In one of my classes here at school I met this guy who I really like. After a while, I decided to tell him that I was gay, I already knew that he was. It felt really good for me to tell someone that truly understands. (My roommate is straight) The two of us (me+gay classmate) started hanging out a lot the week that I told him. After that, we just stopped, he has been busy with a school play the past week. Last Friday I asked him if he wanted to go to the upcoming Thursday's midnight showing of Shutter Island. He said yes, I went ahead and bought tickets for it. Thursday comes, I go to see the play, when it is over, as I am walking out, I speak with him on stage to make sure everything was going as planned, he informed me that they were having an unexpected photo shoot after the play of the cast members but they should be finished by 11:45, enough time for us to make it to the theatre by 12.
    Turns out that they didn't finish until 1am and I got a refund on the tickets so everything is ok there. He called me that same night at 2am apologizing for having to cancel.
    We planned on going tonight to see it at 10pm. I text him at 8:30 to ask if it was still going to happen. He replied with just "nope." that was all. Literally 30 seconds later, I met him on campus. He explained that he couldn't go because he needed to take a shower and had homework to do. (He had just finished tearing down the stage from the play that ended tonight)
    I just feel really confused right now, I really like him, and I really want to go see the movie with him, but more than that I just want to spend time with him but I'm not sure that the feeling is mutual.
    Any advice?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 22, 2010 3:08 AM GMT
    Slo dwn! Your way ahead of this guy. If all of his excuses are legit what's confusing?
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    Feb 22, 2010 3:15 AM GMT

    Ease yourself gently in the pool, my man. You're in the first fine rush of discovery. Consider him a friend but nothing more. And you know what we say about friends; they're like stars. You don't always see them but they're still there.

    Make some more! There's likely a fair number of gay men and women at your college.

    Hey Hillie!

    -Doug and Bill
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Feb 22, 2010 3:15 AM GMT
    Well, do you want him as a date prospect or as a friend? You need to work that out for yourself and convey it to him. If you want him as a friend, and I'd recommend that, I'd slow down, see what does and wait a week or 10 days and have a conversation with him about your wish to broaden a friendship with him.
    I'd be clear about it.
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    Feb 22, 2010 3:20 AM GMT
    He's just not that into you....... Hard words to swallow.icon_neutral.gif
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    Feb 22, 2010 12:31 PM GMT
    Give him time. What's rush? What don't you hang out with your roommate?
  • coolarmydude

    Posts: 9190

    Feb 22, 2010 1:20 PM GMT
    Motorsport422 saidHe's just not that into you....... Hard words to swallow.icon_neutral.gif



    ^Repeat with no remix.

    The dude said "nope", not "no". That speaks volumes.
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    Feb 22, 2010 1:28 PM GMT
    coolarmydude said
    Motorsport422 saidHe's just not that into you....... Hard words to swallow.icon_neutral.gif



    ^Repeat with no remix.

    The dude said "nope", not "no". That speaks volumes.



    Yea, there's something about a "Nope" to me that translates to "Oh just so you don't misunderstand me, I absolutely have no intention of doing that with you, and really never did I was just being nice to you," or the alternate translation "Saying no to you in such an emphatic way gives me a sense of superiority that makes me tingle as I say it."

    Use that word carefully, boys. It's loaded!
  • Adam_MSU

    Posts: 11

    Feb 22, 2010 9:16 PM GMT
    I saw him today in the Language lab but didn't say anything to him. I think i'm just gonna let it go for a while and see if he tries contacting me. After all, I will still see him in class on Wednesdays so its not like we will be out of touch completely and I guess if he really wants to do something then he'll call me.
  • kietkat

    Posts: 342

    Feb 22, 2010 9:26 PM GMT
    I agree with everyone... "nope" is a pretty cold thing to say to someone your dating.
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    Feb 22, 2010 9:33 PM GMT
    i'll say that the "nope" text was pretty lame and kinda cruel because he didn't even try to explain or say he'd explain why. but still, just don't rush into anything. apparently he's been busy and in life things do come up out of the blue that you have to tend to. so just give it some time and don't push it too hard.
  • tas_515

    Posts: 133

    Feb 22, 2010 9:42 PM GMT
    Never dawned on me that nope meant anything different from no. Eye opener.

    OP, unfortunately, I think it is time to ask somebody else out.
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    Feb 22, 2010 10:28 PM GMT
    kietkat saidI agree with everyone... "nope" is a pretty cold thing to say to someone your dating.


    but from what I read these two men aren't dating, they may have been spending time together, but no where in the story did I read that they were dating... And I also agree that if all of Gay Actors reasons for canceling are legit, then what is the problem. I can understand that it may be frustrating to deal with, maybe even saddening, but if he is busy and is being honest with you what is the problem? Now he may have delivered the cancellations in bad form ("nope"), but at least he never stood you up or lied about what he was doing... I've learned over the years not to get frustrated that men have their own lives, as long as he's being honest about what he's doing or why plans won't work out, I personally don't see a problem. But as always, chin up kiddo, and brush that dirt off your shoulder icon_smile.gif
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    Feb 23, 2010 12:48 AM GMT
    Anon_1990 saidI saw him today in the Language lab but didn't say anything to him. I think i'm just gonna let it go for a while and see if he tries contacting me. After all, I will still see him in class on Wednesdays so its not like we will be out of touch completely and I guess if he really wants to do something then he'll call me.


    Precisely...let him make the next moveicon_cool.gif
  • Adam_MSU

    Posts: 11

    Feb 23, 2010 11:17 PM GMT
    Today I ran into a mutual friend of ours who is also in our french class. I told her about the whole thing and she said: "oh, that is strange, because he was at Amanda's apartment that night playing Wii"
    So, either he decided that his homework wasn't so important, or he had already planned on going there that night and just didn't have the balls to tell me that he didn't want to go to the movie.
    She also told me that it seems as though he is trying to act more straight now, as if he is confused about his sexuality. I hate this because it was through him that I had the courage to come out of the closet myself.
  • curve

    Posts: 668

    Feb 23, 2010 11:25 PM GMT
    he's clearly confused... if he can't give you a straight (no pun intended) answer, ask him if he's interested. Life is too short for guess work. If he's not willing or open to at least take a crack at something, even committing to a date (you're not BF's) then it's time to move
  • curve

    Posts: 668

    Feb 23, 2010 11:28 PM GMT

    The dude said "nope", not "no". That speaks volumes.


    Yea, there's something about a "Nope" to me that translates to "Oh just so you don't misunderstand me, I absolutely have no intention of doing that with you, and really never did I was just being nice to you," or the alternate translation "Saying no to you in such an emphatic way gives me a sense of superiority that makes me tingle as I say it."

    Use that word carefully, boys. It's loaded!
    [/quote]


    this is a point well made... "NOPE !" yeah, strong word, but weak backbone