Spirituality, Religion and General Belief Systems

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    Feb 22, 2010 5:47 PM GMT
    I've been spending a lot of time with a really great guy whose company I'm totally enjoying. We spent most of the weekend together and are very smitten with one another, the sex is awesome, the connection is totally there, things are going great.

    Then after dinner and going to a live jazz show (Paula West.. AMAZING!) we are at my place rolling around on the bed in the wee hours of the morning, having fun and we find ourselves engaging in pillow talk.

    I don't know how it arose but he asked me what I thought happens after we die, to which I respond, "dead is dead". Until I'm unequivocally proven otherwise I'm sticking with what I can qualify. Maybe it's because I'm used to dating very logical engineer types who tend to be atheists but I'm just not used to talking about spirituality and I actually just don't like to.

    I told him my spirituality was my own that I didn't share it much but don't subscribe to anything organized. He then tries to connect all the dots "oh recovering catholic", "oh don't believe in "a" god", blah, blah, blah. Then he asks me if I have explored Buddhism and starts to tell me about it... that's when I kinda snapped.

    I've spent my entire life fighting off people who try to "save" me. Catholics, Methodists, Baptists, Seventh Day Adventists, Buddhists and a myriad of what I call the "Church of the Kumbayas" which proliferate here in San Francisco. Maybe he was just sharing his perspective but I had the knee jerk reaction that he was trying to sell it to me and became outwardly irritated with him.

    I really enjoy this guy but I am not a sharer of my personal belief system and resent when someone tries to cajole it out of me or convert me. I'm sure he thought it was a benign enough topic since every other person in Northern California has some hippy dippy "god is everywhere" perspective, but its just one of my hot buttons. I respect and appreciate peoples belief systems and wish I would have handled it differently and I have an incredible amount of respect for him. But I totally F'ed up the ending and today I feel a little guilty for not having the patience to hear him out... am I being an asshole?

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    Feb 22, 2010 6:04 PM GMT
    Oh hello soultwin! (that statement can trigger a whole new debate by itself. icon_lol.gif ). I'm exactly the same way, though I actually like dissecting beliefs objectively (or if that isn't possible - as pragmatically as possible), usually when very drunk.

    I am guilty of irrevocably alienating people by reacting viciously whenever they attempt any form of indoctrination, especially religious. Which gives off the impression that I hate spirituality. I actually don't, I just hate religion. There's a difference. One is a private matter, the other advocates mass brainwashing. It has come to the point that I actively avoid mentioning anything about God or existential matters when I am around friends I know are extremely religious.

    But yeah... sometimes I do wish I could just smile and nod and send them on their way believing they have saved my soul. *sigh*

    If nothing else this can cheer you up:

    'Storm' by Tim Minchin



    Storm, is of course, one of the members of the Church of Kumbayahs.
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    Feb 22, 2010 6:30 PM GMT
    *sigh*
    I wish I was more tolerant but it just feels so condescending when someone assumes that because you don't wear your beliefs on your sleeve that you are somehow free game for spiritual poaching. I know that wasn't the intent but if I wanted to share my beliefs with the world I would start my own church.
    I believe in keeping the "personal" in "Personal Belief System".
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    Feb 22, 2010 7:14 PM GMT
    Generally, when you have to ask the question the answer is yes. It sounds like he was just sharing. Coming off the hinge in response is unreasonable. I'm an atheist, and my pet peeve is when people are dicks about it in a personal way. I love my Richard Dawkins and Christopher Hitchens just as much as any godless heathen, but recognize there's a difference between battling an abstract ideology or Jerry Falwell, and hurting someone's feelings I care about. I'd suggest either dating only atheists, or controlling yourself. You should be aware that you're a special sort of obnoxious when you're pissing off even the Buddhists, though.
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    Feb 22, 2010 7:20 PM GMT
    abelian0 saidYou should be aware that you're a special sort of obnoxious when you're pissing off even the Buddhists, though.


    Oh lord. icon_lol.gif I was thinking the same thing. If there was a religious group atheists should have no problems interacting with, it would've been Buddhists.
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    Feb 22, 2010 7:23 PM GMT
    Jesus is gonna strike you down and turn you into a pillar of salt.

    Seriously, though, it does sound like you're a bit ... premenstual?
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    Feb 22, 2010 7:32 PM GMT
    I agree with Abelian0. Why get so pissed off? That just shows immaturity and intolerance.
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    Feb 22, 2010 7:43 PM GMT
    Buddhists are atheists... sounds like you should have taken all your pills that day.

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    Feb 22, 2010 8:56 PM GMT
    EasilyDistracted saidI believe in keeping the "personal" in "Personal Belief System".


    ...hey sweetie, perhaps give him a call and say this to him? It's all good! Say it with your usual warm 'makes the listener's heart flutter' voice. (we should know) icon_wink.gif

    xo -Doug
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    Feb 22, 2010 9:18 PM GMT
    You could have just said you don't feel comfortable talking about it. Just tell him what you told us and I'm sure he'll understand.
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    Feb 22, 2010 9:46 PM GMT
    maybe a bit hasty on the response, but if he's a true Buddhist he'll man up and have enough compassion to understand and take it

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    Feb 22, 2010 9:47 PM GMT
    Buddhist are atheist, at least most of us are.. We believe in ourselves.. not God. No one can disprove the existence of god.. so we simply accept that it's just not something we can't know.

    The think that really drew me to Buddhism was how accepting the group I practiced with was. No pressure to convert me, or make be accept anything on faith.

    The message of the Buddha is, in my opinion, don't accept what I teach blindly, but use it, try it in your life and if it works for you then accept it.
  • Mohannned

    Posts: 280

    Feb 22, 2010 11:29 PM GMT
    for me I don't care about religion ... I don't believe in something I can't see or hear

    but I actually like talking about it .. every one has his believes .. even if he tries to "convert" u ... well u wont if u don't wanna , u have ur mind to think by
    if u like this guy , don't let this silly thing get in the way ...
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    Feb 22, 2010 11:49 PM GMT
    So he found out what one of your hot buttons is, big deal. To me, discussing spirituality or my lack there-of is more personal than discussing my sexual habits. I think he was little bit too nosy and forward, this early in the relationship.

    Call him, apologize for going off on him and you should be back to normal.
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    Feb 23, 2010 1:21 AM GMT
    I suggest you find your own way of answering this "personal question".

    You will be asked again by future buddies and Mr.Next. Challenge yourself not to prejudge the reason for the question. Maybe he's not trying to convert you.

    My own answer regarding my belief system is "I Believe in Recycling". Last week I 'witnessed my faith' to the 2 Jehovah Witness ladies who had knocked at my door to ask me that personal question of yours. They laughed. I smiled and wished them a great day. Nobody yelled.
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    Feb 23, 2010 1:22 AM GMT
    I told him at the onset of the topic that I don't like discussing religion and he pressed it using the "spirituality" bend.

    So I did actually call him today to apologize in the case that I offended him because it wasn't my intent. At the time it was about 2AM, I had a few glasses of champagne in me, was not exercising my best judgment and I told him I really wished I had handled the situation differently and I hoped he wasn't offended by my reaction.

    What I didn't realize was the my ringer was off all day and he called me earlier today. He was very gracious in accepting my apology and told me to listen to my vmail. His vmail was a very sweet, long apology for prying and pressing me to discuss something I was obviously uncomfortable with.

    He was very happy I called to apologize even though he said he thought I did nothing wrong. We are going to have a discussion at length about why it's a hot button over dinner.

    thanks guys... all is well and back on track.
    (thank you all)
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    Feb 23, 2010 1:27 AM GMT
    yay

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    Feb 23, 2010 1:38 AM GMT
    Brit_Bloke saidJesus is gonna strike you down and turn you into a pillar of salt.

    Seriously, though, it does sound like you're a bit ... premenstual?
    boozy and tired... Jesus rejected me long ago, the jig is up.
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    Feb 23, 2010 1:42 AM GMT
    meninlove said
    EasilyDistracted saidI believe in keeping the "personal" in "Personal Belief System".


    ...hey sweetie, perhaps give him a call and say this to him? It's all good! Say it with your usual warm 'makes the listener's heart flutter' voice. (we should know) icon_wink.gif

    xo -Doug
    It only works because I mean it from the bottom of my black little heart! ;)
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    Feb 23, 2010 5:48 AM GMT
    EasilyDistracted saidI've been spending a lot of time with a really great guy whose company I'm totally enjoying. We spent most of the weekend together and are very smitten with one another, the sex is awesome, the connection is totally there, things are going great.

    Then after dinner and going to a live jazz show (Paula West.. AMAZING!) we are at my place rolling around on the bed in the wee hours of the morning, having fun and we find ourselves engaging in pillow talk.

    I don't know how it arose but he asked me what I thought happens after we die, to which I respond, "dead is dead". Until I'm unequivocally proven otherwise I'm sticking with what I can qualify. Maybe it's because I'm used to dating very logical engineer types who tend to be atheists but I'm just not used to talking about spirituality and I actually just don't like to.

    I told him my spirituality was my own that I didn't share it much but don't subscribe to anything organized. He then tries to connect all the dots "oh recovering catholic", "oh don't believe in "a" god", blah, blah, blah. Then he asks me if I have explored Buddhism and starts to tell me about it... that's when I kinda snapped.

    I've spent my entire life fighting off people who try to "save" me. Catholics, Methodists, Baptists, Seventh Day Adventists, Buddhists and a myriad of what I call the "Church of the Kumbayas" which proliferate here in San Francisco. Maybe he was just sharing his perspective but I had the knee jerk reaction that he was trying to sell it to me and became outwardly irritated with him.

    I really enjoy this guy but I am not a sharer of my personal belief system and resent when someone tries to cajole it out of me or convert me. I'm sure he thought it was a benign enough topic since every other person in Northern California has some hippy dippy "god is everywhere" perspective, but its just one of my hot buttons. I respect and appreciate peoples belief systems and wish I would have handled it differently and I have an incredible amount of respect for him. But I totally F'ed up the ending and today I feel a little guilty for not having the patience to hear him out... am I being an asshole?



    I can definitely identify with you been pissed off at the guy! I endured six months of dealing with my ex-boyfriend's religiosity moods. When I first met him he was just getting over a Christian phase, then to Hindu and last to Hebrew! the poor soul became so burned out that now he is in a Hospital bed!


    I am very private and quite hesitant about sharing my own personal belief system with anyone, unless I find someone whose beliefs are similar to mine. I am not religious but more of a spiritual person with no religious ties whatsoever!! my beliefs are very much in tuned with Native American Spirituality, but without having the need to practice any kind of ceremonial stuff!! although I must confess every belief system in essence do have something of value to teach us all!


    Leandro ♥
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    Feb 23, 2010 6:03 AM GMT
    EasilyDistracted saidI'm sure he thought it was a benign enough topic since every other person in Northern California has some hippy dippy "god is everywhere" perspective, but its just one of my hot buttons.
    I like this word .. it gives me flashbacks to the 60's .. hippy dippy trippy even .. all that said maybe you need a pill to mellow out icon_lol.gif


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    Feb 23, 2010 6:22 AM GMT

    Gather the Light
    Stage1.gif
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Microcosmic_orbit
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    Feb 23, 2010 6:31 AM GMT

    Listen to calming music

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    Feb 23, 2010 6:51 PM GMT
    ALEZANDAR saidmy beliefs are very much in tuned with Native American Spirituality, but without having the need to practice any kind of ceremonial stuff!!
    Leandro ♥
    There are a handful of ceremonies I will participate in, including prayer. (unless I'm screaming "Oh my god" during sex)
    I don't even Ohm in yoga.

    ActiveAndFit saidI like this word .. it gives me flashbacks to the 60's .. hippy dippy trippy even .. all that said maybe you need a pill to mellow out icon_lol.gif
    Ooooh! Pills?! I'm in!! Toss 'em my way! icon_eek.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 23, 2010 6:57 PM GMT
    EasilyDistracted said
    ALEZANDAR saidmy beliefs are very much in tuned with Native American Spirituality, but without having the need to practice any kind of ceremonial stuff!!
    Leandro ♥
    There are a handful of ceremonies I will participate in, including prayer. (unless I'm screaming "Oh my god" during sex)
    I don't even Ohm in yoga.

    ActiveAndFit saidI like this word .. it gives me flashbacks to the 60's .. hippy dippy trippy even .. all that said maybe you need a pill to mellow out icon_lol.gif
    Ooooh! Pills?! I'm in!! Toss 'em my way! icon_eek.gif



    Here, allow me. Have fun!

    viagra-pill-ohs-big.jpg