The Negative connotation of the term "loner"....

  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Feb 23, 2010 3:03 AM GMT
    A friend of mine was talking about a mutual acquaintance and some recent behavior that would be considered "antisocial". At the end of the discussion, my friend made the comment about the acquaintance, "well you know he's a loner".

    It got me thinking, why is the term have such negatives? When you hear about
    some specific crimes, the perpetrator is occasionally termed "a loner". Somehow
    the conveyence is, the idea that if a person is not social and spends time alone....
    he's a "loner" and bad things can happen.

    Of course I think the conveyance is, a "loner" somehow doesn't appreciate traditional social values.. What do you think?

    I personally value both social time and time to gather my thoughts alone... I like both. Is there anyone here who would categorize themselves as a "loner"?
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    Feb 23, 2010 3:11 AM GMT
    Dude you have way to much time... and too many pictures on your page.
    icon_biggrin.gif
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    Feb 23, 2010 3:13 AM GMT
    Yup. I enjoy the company of others. But I don't mind being by myself. It's not a big deal to me. Besides, I have my 100 cats to keep me company. icon_lol.gif
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    Feb 23, 2010 3:16 AM GMT
    I'm an introvert, dealing with people esp. more than 1 at a time is work for me. So given the chance, I take alone-time as much as I can, to recharge.
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    Feb 23, 2010 3:29 AM GMT

    Bill was considered by a lot of people to be a loner when I met him. When I was 20 I was considered a loner.
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    Feb 23, 2010 3:30 AM GMT
    "Do you "zone out" if too much is going on? Are you energized by spending time alone? In meetings, do you need to be asked for your opinions and ideas? Do you tend to notice details that other people miss? Is your ideal celebration a small get-together, rather than a big party? Do you often feel like a tortoise surrounded by hares?

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    Feb 23, 2010 3:31 AM GMT
    Motorsport422 saidDude you have way to much time... and too many pictures on your page.
    icon_biggrin.gif


    Whoa, bitter party of one
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    Feb 23, 2010 3:36 AM GMT
    Aggieboy said
    Motorsport422 saidDude you have way to much time... and too many pictures on your page.
    icon_biggrin.gif


    Whoa, bitter party of one

    No, he had a smiley face. ... icon_lol.gif
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    Feb 23, 2010 3:41 AM GMT
    Caslon13000 said
    Aggieboy said
    Motorsport422 saidDude you have way to much time... and too many pictures on your page.
    icon_biggrin.gif


    Whoa, bitter party of one

    No, he had a smiley face. ... icon_lol.gif


    oh, didnt catch that at first!
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    Feb 23, 2010 4:48 AM GMT
    The smiley face really doesn't matter. The spirit of the comment was pretty clear, imho.

    Anyway, I'm guilty. I don't really need others to tell me that I am a loner. I have grown into one and at first, I thought, "Oh God, it's happened. I've become the creepy old man that will never be loved." Then, as recently as a couple of years ago, I realized that my "loneristic" being was at worst, a check out from a stupid community and at best, getting a better feel for who I am and liking that person. And ya know what? My phone doesn't ring often and I hardly ever get invites, but I am happy with me and have never been more comfortable in my own skin than I am now. Being a loner can have its advantages if you are open to them.

    And for the record, I appreciate the thought provoking questions HndsmKansan brings to the forums. Thanks.
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    Feb 23, 2010 4:58 AM GMT
    While I'm normally the fun-loving, out-going, extremely outspoken guy that I am, I now and then turn into an extremely introverted person and don't see/talk to a lot of my friends for a few weeks every couple of months. Now and then some people just need some "me" time. Though there are people out there whose personality is just that as a norm.
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    Feb 23, 2010 5:09 AM GMT
    I am a loner and ENJOY when I CHOOSE to be social...but I NEED my alone time to recharge so I can handle being social....It helps me "balance" and it allows me to "process" the events and comments and people of the day....
    "LONER" is no more a negative than being gay or black or Jewish, etc.......icon_cool.gif I welcome the diversity....
  • Mohannned

    Posts: 280

    Feb 23, 2010 5:10 AM GMT
    the Q here is : what do u like ??? being alone or with others
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    Feb 23, 2010 5:14 AM GMT
    HndsmKansan saidA friend of mine was talking about a mutual acquaintance and some recent behavior that would be considered "antisocial". At the end of the discussion, my friend made the comment about the acquaintance, "well you know he's a loner".

    It got me thinking, why is the term have such negatives? When you hear about
    some specific crimes, the perpetrator is occasionally termed "a loner". Somehow
    the conveyence is, the idea that if a person is not social and spends time alone....
    he's a "loner" and bad things can happen.

    Of course I think the conveyance is, a "loner" somehow doesn't appreciate traditional social values.. What do you think?

    I personally value both social time and time to gather my thoughts alone... I like both. Is there anyone here that would categorize themselves as a "loner"?



    I think there is a big difference between a loner who is antisocial, and the one who enjoys spending time by himself from time to time as a means to just unwind or recharge! my line of work deals with the criminal mind, so yes I strongly believe that loners are more prone at committing a crime more so then a social person, who in most cases tend to the complainants while the defendants are usually the loners! loners tend to be very reserved thus they are not good at expressing their feelings as a social person would. My ex-boyfriend was a classic case of what is defined as a loner. All through our relationship his mother and I were the only two people he ever communicated with on a daily basis. I on the other hand have always been active at socializing with my neighbors, co-workers, family and even strangers, after having said that it doesn't mean I don't spend time alone from time to time, but neither do I isolate myself from the world, because whether like it or not IT too is part of my everyday existence. I personally feel that social interaction is an important behavioral barometer of a human being's daily emotional state of mind.

    Leandro ♥
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19119

    Feb 23, 2010 5:34 AM GMT
    I love being around people and socializing, but I also enjoy my down time just being home alone with my dogs and doing my thing. I think finding a good balance is the key.
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    Feb 23, 2010 6:53 AM GMT
    I'm a loner and I like it people assume I'm a socializing butterfly but I love alone time and really need and crave it to spend time doing my own thing without others is just bliss to me but just as easily as that I can socialize very easily people don't concern me and if I feel like talking I talk and if I don't then I simply don't

    I like other loner types and social butterflies but I don't switch between the two I'm a loner who can socialize but I do prefer a small group of mates over a massive party it's just more fun and open to being random
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    Feb 23, 2010 6:57 AM GMT
    Motorsport422 saidDude you have way to much time... and too many pictures on your page.
    icon_biggrin.gif


    To be fair, you have too few pictures on yours icon_wink.gif.
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    Feb 23, 2010 7:04 AM GMT
    Being of the extroverted introvert persuasion, I kinda straddle the line of "hey, let's hang out" vs. "oh someone's god, leave me alone" pretty often. Whether it's nurture or nature, personal or societal, the norm/cultural gauge is to be social, and to be seen/validated/accepted. Going against that, or not desiring that, just like any other norm, has certain negative connotations to it. But in a world where you can be anyone you want, just rock out being you...just make sure you do it with a smile...life's a lot more fun that way icon_biggrin.gif
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Feb 23, 2010 8:31 AM GMT
    Motorsport422 saidDude you have way to much time... and too many pictures on your page.
    icon_biggrin.gif



    I'm sure he's kidding around..... but I'd rather have lots of pics than none.
    But he's from Lawrence, KS, so he can't be all bad!

    icon_smile.gif
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    Feb 23, 2010 10:09 AM GMT
    OP, there's a distinct difference between being a loner or an introvert, and being antisocial.
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    Feb 23, 2010 10:26 AM GMT
    Sporty_g saidI am a loner and ENJOY when I CHOOSE to be social...but I NEED my alone time to recharge so I can handle being social....It helps me "balance" and it allows me to "process" the events and comments and people of the day....
    "LONER" is no more a negative than being gay or black or Jewish, etc.......icon_cool.gif I welcome the diversity....


    what he said
    Im a loner and enjoy it but for the most part need balance and I do socialize when I need to.
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    Feb 23, 2010 10:31 AM GMT
    jazzpotato09 saidBeing of the extroverted introvert persuasion, I kinda straddle the line of "hey, let's hang out" vs. "oh someone's god, leave me alone" pretty often. Whether it's nurture or nature, personal or societal, the norm/cultural gauge is to be social, and to be seen/validated/accepted. Going against that, or not desiring that, just like any other norm, has certain negative connotations to it. But in a world where you can be anyone you want, just rock out being you...just make sure you do it with a smile...life's a lot more fun that way icon_biggrin.gif


    An "extroverted introvert". Thank God I'm not alone! icon_biggrin.gif

    I'm totally a shy extrovert. Once I know I can trust you you'll be begging me to shut up!
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    Feb 23, 2010 10:56 AM GMT
    oh definitely a loner here. I probably always have been.
    people are a bother icon_lol.gif

    anyway, I thought lilTankers description of himself, kinda fits me too.

    I'm not anti social, but I do like my alone time. I lived in dormitory in my university days and was quite active in social events and clubs.
    so people from those days would not have seen me as a loner. I guess in my early 20's my need for alone time just waned a bit for a few years .....and came back with a vengeance icon_smile.gif
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Feb 23, 2010 1:18 PM GMT
    reppaT saidOP, there's a distinct difference between being a loner or an introvert, and being antisocial.



    Um, I never indicated that being an introvert was being a loner, Reppa.
    Extraverted people.. anyone, can be antisocial. If you read my original post,
    I never link anything, except ask what the views are about the term "loner".

    Thread responses sometimes take interesting directions.
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    Feb 23, 2010 2:05 PM GMT
    To me loner means you are self-sufficient.