I'm Just Getting Burned Out

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 23, 2010 7:57 PM GMT
    I'm starting to get burned out. There are too many things I'm expected to attend or do, and I just wanna lounge at home and do nothing. I prolly need to discuss this with my doctor, cause I'm usually all energy and enthusiasm, but lately I'm like "Why bother?"

    Tonight we're supposed to attend at reception for our personal attorney, a gay candidate for Fort Lauderdale Mayor in 2008 (he came in second). Then we've got an AIDS fundraiser cocktail party to attend this week, and a show by Sandra Bernhard, the proceeds also going for HIV/AIDS (I'm on the list to be photographed with her at a private reception), and the week ends with me doing an AIDS walk, cane and all.

    But I'm just running out of energy, and quite frankly, interest. My whole life is nothing but public appearances and events, and I just wanna run away and be by myself for a while, along with my partner, of course.

    And this is a pic from last Saturday, when an AIDS agency I support received a check for nearly $100,000, from the SMART Ride to Key West in which we're both involved, that I've pedaled myself, with pics on this site (I'm giving them the money to make it an even 100 grand, wish I had known beforehand, so the presentation check would have read a full $100k). I'm the second from the left, my partner second from the right. Nice to do these things, but I'm running out of steam. icon_confused.gif

    SmartRideCheckDist22010020.jpg
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Feb 23, 2010 8:09 PM GMT
    Well Bob, I'd suggest you limit your time. Your partner needs time to recooperate and honestly, you need to make time to enjoy life.

    Giving time and energy is important, but balance is always key.
    I think you need to "balance" yours. Nobody should think ill of you.
    If you dont' change your approach and relax a bit, when are you?
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    Feb 23, 2010 8:10 PM GMT
    Take a vacation.
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    Feb 23, 2010 8:11 PM GMT
    It's no wonder these things are feeling like a chore. Pace yourself! I don't get involved in as much as you do, and I STILL politely decline invitations. I feel no guilt about it, nor should you. When they start feeling like obligations and chores, it's time to take a breather. People will understand.
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    Feb 23, 2010 8:12 PM GMT
    Amphetamines.
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    Feb 23, 2010 8:20 PM GMT
    Like just about anything, time for a break.

    You can come back stronger.

    That's how it works.
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    Feb 23, 2010 8:22 PM GMT
    Maybe it's time to find a nursing home full of statusicon_wink.gif
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    Feb 23, 2010 8:26 PM GMT
    McGay saidAmphetamines.

    LMFAO!!! Not to take anything away from the good advice given to me in posts above, but that made me laugh. icon_lol.gif

    Yeah, I do understand about pacing myself, but I have a hard time saying "no" when I'm constantly being approached. I suppose I should just disappear when a lull happens, but I never know when that will be. And since it takes time to plan things, by the time I've got everything lined up for a get-away, something urgent comes up. I suppose I should just cut and run, but I don't know how to do that. icon_sad.gif
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    Feb 23, 2010 8:28 PM GMT
    Red_Vespa said
    McGay saidAmphetamines.

    LMFAO!!! Not to take anything away from the good advice given to me in posts above, but that made me laugh. icon_lol.gif

    Yeah, I do understand about pacing myself, but I have a hard time saying "no" when I'm constantly being approached. I suppose I should just disappear when a lull happens, but I never know when that will be. And since it takes time to plan things, by the time I've got everything lined up for a get-away, something urgent comes up. I suppose I should just cut and run, but I don't know how to do that. icon_sad.gif



    If you don't know to be a little selfish, you're apt to turn miserable and angry and other parts of your life can be damaged. Get selfish sometimes. Extremes either way are unhealthy.

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    Feb 23, 2010 8:42 PM GMT
    djdorchester saidIf you don't know to be a little selfish, you're apt to turn miserable and angry and other parts of your life can be damaged. Get selfish sometimes. Extremes either way are unhealthy.

    No, never selfish. My family upbringing, and my 25 years in the US Army, absolutely preclude any consideration of selfishness. I only understand duty & mission, but not self. Selfishness is never allowed.

    But one can take a pause to recuperate, to return better able to complete the mission. That's what I think I may need. I would do it not for myself, but for the advantage of those I try to help. It's just so damn hard to disengage, to walk away when there is work to be done, and for a personal reason, which I was always taught was never acceptable. I know it's a moth-to-the-flame situation, but this is the dilemma I can't resolve, for all my pretended smarts.
  • darryaz

    Posts: 186

    Feb 23, 2010 8:44 PM GMT
    I find myself unable to say "no" as well. It's time we both learned.
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    Feb 23, 2010 8:50 PM GMT
    Red_Vespa saidYeah, I do understand about pacing myself, but I have a hard time saying "no" when I'm constantly being approached. I suppose I should just disappear when a lull happens, but I never know when that will be. And since it takes time to plan things, by the time I've got everything lined up for a get-away, something urgent comes up. I suppose I should just cut and run, but I don't know how to do that. icon_sad.gif
    I always over commit. For the most part I have a deplorable excess of energy and it all works out fine. I usually have 3 or 4 large events during the week, on top of my "40 hour" a week work schedule and 5-8 hours a week of gym time.
    When I feel the burnout coming I start blocking off 3-5 nights in the next week to "Meet with the President". Those are *my* days where I don't see anyone, don't do anything MAYBE the gym if I want to but I accept no plans and make it as much of a priority as if I had a three day brainstorming session with Barack.
    A lifetime of good deeds means nothing if you sacrifice the only life of happiness *you have* to do them. Just my perspective.
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Feb 23, 2010 9:22 PM GMT
    first take care of yourself so you'll be able to take care of others
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    Feb 23, 2010 9:46 PM GMT
    Red,

    How about telling everyone that you and your partner are not avalible for two or three weeks?

    Then they will know not to ask, and you won't have to say no.

    After a period of relaxation, see how you feel.
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    Feb 23, 2010 9:55 PM GMT
    If you can get on a plane and get the hell out of there, to me it seems you need to change your enviroment - if only 4 a little while at least.

    Find some nice little island with sun, sand and surf and let nature recharge and re-set your natural rhythyms. Ask a friend to manage your affairs. Make it a urgent priority for you.

    Nature is good for shit like that

    icon_smile.gif

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    Feb 23, 2010 10:02 PM GMT
    Red_Vespa said
    djdorchester saidIf you don't know to be a little selfish, you're apt to turn miserable and angry and other parts of your life can be damaged. Get selfish sometimes. Extremes either way are unhealthy.

    No, never selfish. My family upbringing, and my 25 years in the US Army, absolutely preclude any consideration of selfishness. I only understand duty & mission, but not self. Selfishness is never allowed.

    But one can take a pause to recuperate, to return better able to complete the mission. That's what I think I may need. I would do it not for myself, but for the advantage of those I try to help. It's just so damn hard to disengage, to walk away when there is work to be done, and for a personal reason, which I was always taught was never acceptable. I know it's a moth-to-the-flame situation, but this is the dilemma I can't resolve, for all my pretended smarts.



    Are you sure you're not just loving the fact that you sound like a martyr? If you're feeling overwhelmed, take a fucking break. Yes, it is that easy. I mean that with great respect.
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    Feb 23, 2010 10:03 PM GMT
    You do a lot of great things. Sorry to hear about your exhaustion. I have really been feeling the same, though I sure don't have any good reasons, as you do. I decided I need to get a few basic things done that have been nagging at my peace of mind. Each one of them takes MUCH longer than I anticipate, but they get done. Hope you are feeling cheerier, don't let the assholes get to you!
  • roadbikeRob

    Posts: 14380

    Feb 23, 2010 10:08 PM GMT
    I agree 100%, if you are overwhelmed by so many invitations and events and you are feeling very rundown from the whole rat race, then it is time to put yourself first by politely declining those invitations and taking better care of yourself. Your social life is supposed to be fun-filled, not a major chore or worse, an obligation.
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    Feb 23, 2010 10:31 PM GMT
    Is Sandra Bernhard going to be in South Florida this weekend?! I'd be glad to take the ticket off your hands! I'm crazy about her!icon_biggrin.gif
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    Feb 24, 2010 2:05 AM GMT
    Red_Vespa said
    McGay saidAmphetamines.

    LMFAO!!! Not to take anything away from the good advice given to me in posts above, but that made me laugh. icon_lol.gif

    Yeah, I do understand about pacing myself, but I have a hard time saying "no" when I'm constantly being approached. I suppose I should just disappear when a lull happens, but I never know when that will be. And since it takes time to plan things, by the time I've got everything lined up for a get-away, something urgent comes up. I suppose I should just cut and run, but I don't know how to do that. icon_sad.gif


    It seems you are entitiled to a well deserved break. My suggestion is the next time you have a get-away planned, go! Then after you have had a break, you'll likely find that you are much more enthusiastic about getting back to the fund raising and good works.
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    Feb 24, 2010 2:27 AM GMT
    Well Red, I tried searching everywhere for the spoken word lyrics to Why Bother? from Bette Midler's Mud Will Be Flung Tonight, but can't find 'em, lol!

    These are your golden years. We're right behind you! (no, don't turn around like that, you'll hurt something) Take a well earned break!


    -Doug
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    Feb 24, 2010 2:29 AM GMT
    Maybe join a gym and or a yoga group
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    Feb 24, 2010 2:30 AM GMT
    OP want to switch lives?
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Feb 24, 2010 2:31 AM GMT
    It's time for other people to step up to the plate, and at least give you and your partner a break.

    Send a note to each of your "obligations," and tell them just what you have said, here.

    Maybe you'll get used to your pared back lifestyle, or maybe you'll get bored and want to jump back in. Either way is fine. It sounds like you've already done more than your share.
  • Crucializer

    Posts: 389

    Feb 24, 2010 2:40 AM GMT
    Aggieboy saidOP want to switch lives?


    No kidding! I would love to be able to have half the social life you guys do! Thats awesome!

    I agree with everyone that says 'take a vacation'! You will be so much better for it! Good luck!!