Bullying - How to tackle it?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 17, 2008 10:16 PM GMT
    Hello men,


    I am doing a postgraduate in education at the moment and am about to write a thesis on how to tackle bullying in high schools and the classroom.



    I would be really appreciative into any insights you may have into experiences of bullying or being bullied during your high school career. How did it make you feel and how has it had an affect on you.


    I'm really looking forward to hearing any feedback...Thanks very much in advance,

    Thomas
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jan 17, 2008 10:39 PM GMT
    Well you sound like a very nice man.

    Well let me say I was a geeky kid and my mother always said that the best way to deal with bullying issues was to ignore them. I was NOT to get into any fights at school. You would be branded a trouble maker.
    My mother, a very educated, very beautiful, talented woman, but totally wrong on this point.

    I think kids should be taught to mind their own business and behave, but to stand up for themselves right from the get go. If you are challenged, you react. If someone hit you, you smash his face. Sounds
    wrong? I don't think so. You learn self esteem (even if defeated) by taking action. You should always defend yourself.

    I had to learn that as a part of maturity. I love it when someone who once picked on me (and I was picked on some, but not as much as others) stares at me in disbelief when I see them at a reunion or the like now.
    Most didn't mean anything, except to be a butthead at the time.... but there are exceptions.
  • MikePhilPerez

    Posts: 4357

    Jan 17, 2008 11:25 PM GMT
    There is some bullying, on this site, you should take note of. Not nameing any names.

    I was bullied in school, and it made me feel like a worthless piece of shit. It hurt like you wouldn't believe. I'm sure my anxiety problems are because of it. I would never wish it on anyone. When I here of someone being bullied, all I want to do is get my hands on the F**ker doing it. It has made me bitter.

    When my nephew started school, I used to worry about him getting bullied, and always hoped he would tell me if he was. I thank God he was never bullied, because I don't think I would be responsible for my actions if he was. Mind you, it would take a brave guy to bully him. He is over 6' tall and very strong. He is also the nicest guy in the world.

    The bullies are always cowards, but are considered cool by the assholes that worship them.

    Mike
  • maximumrisk

    Posts: 799

    Jan 18, 2008 12:07 AM GMT
    Bullying is something terrible. I also had it through all grades. Mostly because I always was one of the more quiet kids and because my Teachers seemed to reward the Bully's for their behavior. For Example: I still got Bullied on Excursions and of course I defended myself. So my Teacher had me walking with her at the end of the group while all where laughing at me, because they did it once again.

    My selfasteem still is pretty bad. I have probs to find new friends, because I always fear to do the wrong thing and being stuck again in the cycle. Support it or beat it. My interests are also less important then anybody else's, which in my eyes is a good thing. The ones that are on my side and friendly to me, always will be more important than my own interests. I would never let down a friend or just watch while someone suffers.

    The problem is that there is no easy way to work around it. The only way is separating the Cool Kids from the Outsiders. Teachers don't help at all, when they point out in any way that the bullying should stop, it gets worse. Involving Parents, it gets worse. Punishing the Bully`s, it gets worse, because how are they gonna be angry at? Right, the one that sold them out to the Teachers.

    Another big issue on Bullying are Numbers. Only 10% of the Kids in a Class get Bullied, and when it comes to questioning, we have 90% of the class that is willing to lie in order to not become a target of the Bullies themselves. So who is a Teacher supposed to believe?

    The only ways I could think of to prevent it from happening is seperation of the 2 groups or extra selfdefence classes for those who need them.

    Hope I could help a bit with your thesis. Wish you good luck.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 18, 2008 12:47 AM GMT
    Well, I spent a bunch of time reading about the adolescent brain. I discovered that our brains don't really got hard-wired until we're about thirty, and that the parts of our brains governing logic and sound judgment are the last to develop. I think I'd start there.

    Good parenting has to be at the base of any correction here. As the saying goes, the apple usually doesn't fall far from the tree.

    I never was the sort to really be picked on, nor to pick on others. My parents were a strong influence there. Being the sort that didn't hang with the pack (I've always been way ahead of popular culture) can sometimes be a lonely place, but, sometimes right is right, and wrong is wrong, and being different is o.k.

    Now, if you pierce your nose, cover yourself in tats, and do goth,....you can't expect to gain the same level of acceptance as someone more traditional. Culture takes time to evolve. God knows, I caught a raft of shit over the years for my lifting, grooming, and so on, but, popular culture has finally caught up to me, and that's fine (metro is mostly in).

    I also make it a point not to act an as enabler. If a part is weak, you don't coddle it. You work it into, through, and beyond to a newer level.

    In my personal experience, if I like myself, and folks see that, they can't bug me, and that does a couple of things: attracts them to my confidence, and gets them to stop bugging me.

    E.g. the manager at the gym where I train like to give me a hard time for my singlet with the shorts on top and my wrestling shoes. I dress for performance and to make the mind body connection, and I look the part. My response to Adam is, "Yep, and you have to have a certain look to pull it off too, Adam, and I do." That shuts him right up. Had he been able to shake me, he would have kept at it. Now, he makes it a point to bring his tours by me so they can ew and ah.

    Religion, fashion, and so on, are all examples of weak-minded folks that conform, without compelling reason, or basis in facts. On the other hand goth, tats, and so on, are just the opposite, being more a rebellious statement, in my view, than anything else, and that's o.k. too. I've been on both sides.

    Body modification bugs folks.

    Just this morning, I got a hate email from some 21 year (bluecaddy17) about how my liver and tendons must be trashed and so on. He is, of course, indicative of that youthful ignorant arrogance, and the case of the brain not yet being wired. I pointed him to some facts about all that stuff, and put him on ignore. :-)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 18, 2008 1:04 AM GMT
    Succumb.
  • irishkcguy

    Posts: 780

    Jan 18, 2008 1:16 AM GMT
    I was a high school teacher and coach for 10 years and I think this is a really important issue. I'm not telling anybody anything new here, but education is extremely important to the opportunities and potential quality of life people will have as adults. If kids have bad experiences in school it is completely logical that they will not continue their education.

    I think schools have to have a zero tolerance policy for this sort of behavior -- it has to be made very clear that bullying won't be allowed and every adult in the building has to be on board. It does no good to say bullying isn't allowed and the turn a blind eye to if, say, hazing goes on in team sports. In my experience most schools talk a good game but in the end really don't do much to enforce their own policies and often that is due to fear of how the school will be perceived in the community.

    At the same time I think parents also must have this sort of enforced policy at home. But schools must lead the way. It frustrated me a lot when the school simply reflected what the community was as opposed to trying to influence what it could be.

    I am not a teacher anymore but I often wonder how hard it must be for gay teens today, particularly in my midwestern home area.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 18, 2008 1:34 AM GMT
    thomeiza saidHello men,

    I am doing a postgraduate in education at the moment and am about to write a thesis on how to tackle bullying in high schools and the classroom.

    I would be really appreciative into any insights you may have into experiences of bullying or being bullied during your high school career. How did it make you feel and how has it had an affect on you.

    I will be composing a survey for senior students to complete on their attitudes towards the topic and if you would have any ideas on what I could ask them or how to approach it I would be very grateful.

    I am obviously coming to this from experiencing a history of homophobia but it will take a broader view.

    I'm really looking forward to hearing any feedback...I'll even Hot List you to add kudos to your profile.




    Hey congratulations on your post graduate status. It is hard work. I know. Had an odd idea and not trying to be disrespectful, but maybe doing a bit of reseach on
    S&M gay guys might give you some interesting and valid information at least why some men enjoy being the bully or in this case the master over another guy. I saw a porno film a couple years ago that did not look staged and the "Master" slapped and kicked his victim "Slave" damn hard. It got quite brutal even at one point bloody.
    I watched and felt a bit ill for doing so.
    Sean.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 18, 2008 2:24 AM GMT
    I'm not sure I agree I had those interfering parents particularly stepmother who were constantly on the topic of bulling did a lot more harm than good.

    just ended up getting constant special attention from teachers pressured by my parents into making sure I wasn't getting picked on ended up a completely excluded loner

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 18, 2008 2:39 AM GMT
    my pops got so fed up with my being bullied that he called a teacher at the highschool. now, him calling wasn't TERRIBLE, but it was a catalyst. the teacher proceeded to get me, and the 5 other guys in a room during lunch and said "so i notice that you guys have been pickin on mike here..." and so it went for 20 minutes. how relieving it is to get an apology, and then have even worse things said to you once the teacher is gone.

    never have the bullied confront the bully where it looks like he tattled. it doesnt help.

    on another note, i was e-bullied as well by these same guys. i got an email account at school, and they started sending me shit just to antagonize me. no one understood how this worked 11 years ago. but it was pretty brutal. and now it's on an even bigger scale with websites meant to spread rumours around anonymously and teens just being assholes to ech other via facebook or myspace.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 18, 2008 2:56 AM GMT
    This may seem radical or unconventional, but I believe bullying is a good thing. Of course, when it is taken to an extreme and becomes damaging in the sense of physical or long-term emotional damage it should be stopped. But think how many of us got bullied or teased. Think of the many people who were ridiculed or knocked down a couple pegs. Many thrive in the face of adversity.

    I realize it is a double-edged sword, but to an extent, I see bullying as a tool of maturation and personal growth.

    "Don't let yourself go, cause everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes"
    -R.E.M.
  • irishkcguy

    Posts: 780

    Jan 18, 2008 3:06 AM GMT
    The kinds of interventions being discussed here are all reactive. As you guys are attesting, that simply doesn't work. What schools and parents need to do is deal with this issue proactively -- in other words explicitly explain what conduct constitutes bullying and what the consequences will be if that behavior occurs. In my experience, kids seem to do better when they know in advance what is expected of them and what will happen to them if they don't follow the rules.

    When I coached we would always tell our kids how we expected them to act and what would happen to them if they chose to act outside the rules. I think we always did a good job of creating a team dynamic (that we were our best when each member of the team reached his own potential) in which the kids wanted to see their teammates do well, too.

    This problem is extremely serious in schools today, most school shootings are caused by bullying being allowed to go on unchecked.
  • ShawnTX

    Posts: 2484

    Jan 18, 2008 3:26 AM GMT
    I was bullied in school, never physically, just with words, because it was SO obvious that I was gay. I was inkarate at the time, so I wasn't worried about being physically attacked, but it was still hard to go to school every morning.

    Eventually I had had enough, and at some point during the day I was called fag, or cornholer, or something. (I always found it interesting that at the time I had no idea what cornholer meant, but all these guys did) So anyways, I responded by saying that yeah, I'm gay, and it's no big to for me, why is it such a big deal for you? I leave you alone, but you're always getting my attention...why is that? I'd rather be seen as gay than mistaken for straight, so call me fag all you want.

    I was never bothered again.

    I agree with zrs to a degree. I work well faced with adversity, and I think I'm a better person for going through those difficult times in highschool, but I still wouldn't wish it on anyone.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 18, 2008 3:31 AM GMT
    My "bullying" was in Latin class. We had an anonymous gift exchange at Christmas one year and I was given a girl's comic book. I was upset. I had never experienced anything like it before. I showed it to the teacher. I dont remember him saying anything.

    ....and all because I was .....better in Latin. ... icon_lol.gif
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jan 18, 2008 3:33 AM GMT
    I bet Caslon would have been a good older guy to know when we were all little kids... he would have been a protector...


    jk...icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 18, 2008 3:36 AM GMT
    Are you kidding?!?!? I would have thrown you little guys behind me in hopes the bullies would pounce on you all and leave me alone.

    Hey, its a cold, cruel world out there...better you learn it early.

    When we had to play football in gym, I told my "teammates," dont throw the ball to me. I just want to run up and down the field.

    If they threw the ball to me, I threw it to whomever was closest. They werent all gonna jump on me and squash me. No thanks!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 18, 2008 3:38 AM GMT
    Bullying doesn't seem to happen to the nerds and geeks anymore and a lot of times they seem to be the bullies now but when i was in highschool my sense of humor helped to deflect the words I was hearing and then i would scold them for making more of us through there kind of sex lol. I was also one of the weird kids i guess because i never cared what anyone else thought of me
    I don't really think it is probable to be proactive all that seems to work is reacting in one way or another. Or finding a bully for the bully. I had my butch lesbian friend go with me to the flag pole because this homophobe wanted to kill me and we scared him good oh and also telling the straights that i was a sadist and pain turned me on helped too . lqtm
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jan 18, 2008 3:40 AM GMT
    YOU OLE MEANY!!!


    LOL jk David....icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 18, 2008 4:58 AM GMT
    Wow, I'm quite overwhelmed...I may anonymously quote some of you in my thesis?! I'm looking forward to my tutor's expression when I tell her that I researched the topic on a forum catering for homosexual athletes. If she doesn't grade me well I'll pull out the gay card. No, not at all, I'm being facteious.

    If anyone has any ideas on specific strategies in combatting bullying in schools all the better, but all the above are awesome. At times I feel a unconventional approach could be taken by telling all the guys in the school that groundbreaking new research has discovered that guys who bully others due to their sexual orientation are scientifically proven to have really small penises. Interesting approach, placing th eshoe on the other foot.

    I'll respond to you individually in time...and now on to the Hot Listing...phew!

    On a sincere note, thank you all again and anyone who stumbles across this post please add what you can.
    Thom
  • Remnant

    Posts: 10

    Jan 18, 2008 5:00 AM GMT
    If it's verbal abuse, I'll ignore or comeback with a witty remark or plain and simple tell them to stfu.

    However, if it gets the least bit physical, you can be sure I already have my fists up. Like this one time in school this kid used to call me names... I'd be like whatever your a douche. But, when we were playing football(for P.E.) he slapped me somehow, (maybe accident not sure), but thats it I already pushed him to the floor, and then we started throwing fists.

    weird thing was, we ended up being friends by the end of the year icon_eek.gif. After I straightened him up he wasn't too bad a person.icon_confused.gif

    (no i wasn't out yet, nobody had any idea.)


    It was funny, cause... you know how straight guys like to "act gay" and grab ass. Yea well that went on through the latter half of the year. Thing is... I wasn't acting
    icon_lol.gif
  • Artesin

    Posts: 482

    Jan 18, 2008 6:27 AM GMT
    Do like I do and show no fear, bullies are just insecure. A bit of reverse psychology and mind fucking works wonders and eventually they fear you : P. I used to get bullied a lot in middle school, once someone tried to punch in the back of the head I as I was walking so I spun around, grabebd their arm and twisted it behind their back as I slammed them into a door. No one messed with me at all after that. Generally if they throw a bunch show em what for and make em bleed but I always tried for mind fucking first, along with the proper authority. People at my High school know I'm gay but they won't mess with me because I compose myself with some finesse and don't hold my tongue, acting like a bitch only makes matters worse while showing them where you stand makes them cower.

    On that note Im a senior in high school.
  • maximumrisk

    Posts: 799

    Jan 18, 2008 4:32 PM GMT
    Some here found their ways to survive individually, but that is just one step into finding a solution. If your to strong for the bullies, then they go after somebody else. For them its no big deal.

    After Highschool, some of the Guys who bullied me around through school became my friends. It was the nearest to Friendhsip that I experienced up to that point, but they still did not stop to make me feel like a piece of sh***. It was still better then feeling all alone. After some Years I found 2 real friends who I mostly did hang out with then. The old group split up, because they had nobody anymore to order around or make fun of, so they turned one on another.

    I hope this statement will not get lost in all the Posts for this thread. I really dont think that its a good Idea and very hard to accomplish to get Parents and Teachers together to work against it. The Kids will behave in School then, but it all just gets even worse after Class. Parents arent always are good People. Once I got so mad that I hunted one of my punisher's down till his House. Then his Mother came out and it was surreal, I honestly got bullied by an adult with the age of 14.

    The most intelligent way I can think of is to give the bullied Kids what they need to defend themselfes. As some in the Thread already said, they stood up to their enemies and got their peace. Some just dont know how to do it when its the all Boys from Class against 1.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 19, 2008 9:47 PM GMT
    thomeiza saidHello men,

    I am doing a postgraduate in education at the moment and am about to write a thesis on how to tackle bullying in high schools and the classroom.

    I would be really appreciative into any insights you may have into experiences of bullying or being bullied during your high school career. How did it make you feel and how has it had an affect on you.

    I will be composing a survey for senior students to complete on their attitudes towards the topic and if you would have any ideas on what I could ask them or how to approach it I would be very grateful.

    I am obviously coming to this from experiencing a history of homophobia but it will take a broader view.

    I'm really looking forward to hearing any feedback...I'll even Hot List you to add kudos to your profile.



    In Middle School we all used to pull each others gym shorts down from behind. Don't know if that would be bullying, but I loved doing it and having it done. Course we all had jockstraps on but saw some awful cute young asses with dewy peach fuzz in its prime.icon_wink.gif
  • bigtallguy

    Posts: 243

    Jan 19, 2008 9:58 PM GMT
    letting students carry concealed firearms is a great way to reduce bullying in our schools.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 19, 2008 10:17 PM GMT
    Below the knees.

    ;-)