Is a relationship necessary?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 28, 2010 12:15 AM GMT
    So, a few things happened over the last few days which has started me thinking about things...
    Unfortunately most of these thoughts are in a very "unsure" way which I find very uncomfortable..

    So I'm here to ask RJ and all it's very fine peoples there opinion.

    Does anyone feel that a relationship is a necessity for having a happy, fulfilled and content life? is another person a prerequisite to such an existence?

    While I understand the benefits of having a relationship since I have been in a long one and the things like being able to depend on someone and having that someone depend on you, the ability to have a closeness with another person that seems to find a level just a little above a friendship and having someone there who will smile, cry and bla bla bla with you...

    They are of course all wonderful attributes of a relationship, but, are they really needed or more just enjoyed or perhaps expected to have or need?

    Are there people out there who can say without not so much lying to me but to them self and honestly state that a relationship really isn't something they desire or feel a great need for? through no bitterness or anger over past miss-action on there or others part?

    I ask, because I'm curious, I've been single for a while now, I do enjoy being single and not so much for the sex (which is awesome and plentiful) but for the ability of freedom and excitement of what is coming and of what I don't know yet, I have me to think about and if I fuck up the only person to blame or suffer for it is my self which is letting me do some things I'd never have done in a relationship and I find that aspect rather exhilarating and refreshing, it's a new experience for me something I never had even as a young teen...

    So, I need to hear opinions, differing view points, I'm not looking for consensus on anything but just a view point that either aligns with my own or takes its own path.

    I ask in the hope of sorting out my own thoughts/ideas/concerns/feelings..

    Anyway anyone who reads though this and can make anything of it and respond would be most heartily thanked
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    Feb 28, 2010 12:19 AM GMT
    Only you, not a relationship, not a good friendship, not a close neighbor, not a loving relative, not your priest, your rabbi, your congressman, the postman, the UPS got in his hot brown shorts and black oxford shoes, can make you 100% happy and until that happens, you put any relationship you enter at risk.

    I am in a pretty happy relationship, if such can be described that way. It is not my relationship that made me happy. It didn't even make me happier.
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    Feb 28, 2010 12:22 AM GMT
    McGay saidOnly you, not a relationship, not a good friendship, not a close neighbor, not a loving relative, not your priest, your rabbi, your congressman, the postman, the UPS got in his hot brown shorts and black oxford shoes, can make you 100% happy and until that happens, you put any relationship you enter at risk.

    This I know, which is why I have remained single, I've no interest in a relationship at this point, I'm neither ready nor willing to dedicate my self physically or mentally to a relationship, doing so would be a purely selfish and eventually damaging act to me and the other person and I simply wont do that.
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Feb 28, 2010 12:23 AM GMT
    Depending on the individual, it runs the gamut from feeling desperate to be in a relationship, to feeling perfectly content without one.

    I would like to be in a happy relationship, but I've been in so many failed ones that the peace and quiet of living alone is glorious. Add to that that I'm independent and pretty self sufficient, and I'm a happy guy.
  • mcwclewis

    Posts: 1701

    Feb 28, 2010 12:23 AM GMT
    I think it depends on the person.


    I've actually grown pretty happy being single... but I'd still like to have a boyfriend if someone worthwhile comes around.

    I know a few kids that don't feel like they're alive unless they're in a relationship
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Feb 28, 2010 12:26 AM GMT
    We all need relationships, but what kinds vary from person to person.
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    Feb 28, 2010 12:29 AM GMT
    Webster666 saidDepending on the individual, it runs the gamut from feeling desperate to be in a relationship, to feeling perfectly content without one.

    I would like to be in a happy relationship, but I've been in so many failed ones that the peace and quiet of living alone is glorious. Add to that that I'm independent and pretty self sufficient, and I'm a happy guy.

    If I may get down and dirty on your personal life, are there any particular reasons why the relationships didn't work for you?
    if you don't wanna asnwer just ignore the question icon_smile.gif
  • Iluros

    Posts: 559

    Feb 28, 2010 1:14 AM GMT
    McGay saidOnly you, not a relationship, not a good friendship, not a close neighbor, not a loving relative, not your priest, your rabbi, your congressman, the postman, the UPS got in his hot brown shorts and black oxford shoes, can make you 100% happy and until that happens, you put any relationship you enter at risk.

    I am in a pretty happy relationship, if such can be described that way. It is not my relationship that made me happy. It didn't even make me happier.


    This strikes me as excellent advice. I've never seen anyone put it that way, but I'm glad you did McGay. icon_smile.gif
  • myklet1

    Posts: 345

    Feb 28, 2010 1:35 AM GMT
    Speaking from my own experiences I always thought I needed to be in a relationship and to be loved. I wasted most of my life trying so hard. I was always in a so called relationship, but I was never loved or in love totally. Years later I met this guy and I thought he loved me. He didn't. So then I meet this wonderful guy, and the minute we did move in together I thought, what have I done? I love this guy and he is going to hurt me. So I proceeded to ruin the relationship before he hurt me. He didn't leave. He stayed and stayed. We went to counseling, I spilled my guts and he told me he still loved me. We have been together 13yrs now. I left FL 3yrs ago because he wanted to move to Maine to be near his family. I hate it here, but I am stuck now. I miss my beautiful house. I miss my screened in patio and pool. I miss my palm trees. And now I am happy....not HAPPY. We sit, hardly ever talk, disagree a lot and never really doing anything that I call fun. I forget what I even like to do for fun to tell you the truth. I think if I were younger again and know this I would have stayed single and become successful first.........and then continued to stay single. For me love wears on, but for most love wears off. It's sad. No one would know that I am sad though. I smile I laugh I enjoy it. This is going to be the rest of my life and I just need to deal with it the best I can. I am stuck in the country. I lived in Orlando, FL. We both made great money and now the pay in Maine is a joke. I say, don't put yourself in any predicament you can't get out of.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 28, 2010 1:46 AM GMT
    I want to be in a relationship in the future, just not now. But I do know someone that really does not have any desire to be in a relationship with anyone. She is very independent, reserved, and kind of anti-social. It's just the way she is. Being single just works for some people.
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    Feb 28, 2010 1:53 AM GMT
    lilTanker saidSo, a few things happened over the last few days which has started me thinking about things...
    Unfortunately most of these thoughts are in a very "unsure" way which I find very uncomfortable..

    So I'm here to ask RJ and all it's very fine peoples there opinion.

    Does anyone feel that a relationship is a necessity for having a happy, fulfilled and content life? is another person a prerequisite to such an existence?

    While I understand the benefits of having a relationship since I have been in a long one and the things like being able to depend on someone and having that someone depend on you, the ability to have a closeness with another person that seems to find a level just a little above a friendship and having someone there who will smile, cry and bla bla bla with you...

    They are of course all wonderful attributes of a relationship, but, are they really needed or more just enjoyed or perhaps expected to have or need?

    Are there people out there who can say without not so much lying to me but to them self and honestly state that a relationship really isn't something they desire or feel a great need for? through no bitterness or anger over past miss-action on there or others part?

    I ask, because I'm curious, I've been single for a while now, I do enjoy being single and not so much for the sex (which is awesome and plentiful) but for the ability of freedom and excitement of what is coming and of what I don't know yet, I have me to think about and if I fuck up the only person to blame or suffer for it is my self which is letting me do some things I'd never have done in a relationship and I find that aspect rather exhilarating and refreshing, it's a new experience for me something I never had even as a young teen...

    So, I need to hear opinions, differing view points, I'm not looking for consensus on anything but just a view point that either aligns with my own or takes its own path.

    I ask in the hope of sorting out my own thoughts/ideas/concerns/feelings..

    Anyway anyone who reads though this and can make anything of it and respond would be most heartily thanked



    As the old saying goes "LIFE IS WHAT YOU MAKE OF IT"

    Finding a comfort zone or a refuge to one's self in companionship of another says a lot about one's capacity to love beyond self love. While there is absolutely nothing wrong with going solo and feeling happy and contempt about life within your own little world, there is a very vital missing link within solitary people, who like you still questions "if there is more to happiness then the one that I already feel?" that being said to really know what happiness feels like you have to be willing to know how others react and are affected by your own sense of happiness. Most people who are capable and always willing to share their inner happiness with anothers knows the benefits of extending that sense of inner happiness to a much higher level when they share it with another person!

    Human beings by nature are social creatures. Even the most solitary ones at one point in their lives owe their sense of being=happiness or sadness to those people who touched their lives, whether it be in a negative or positive way! I myself have had negative experiences with people who thought I loved or loved me, but like the old saying goes "LIFE IS WHAT YOU MAKE OF IT" that being said it is up to you to convert the positive into negatives or the negative into positive!!

    So why are relationships necessary? lets put it this way, if you think you know everything there is to know about life you are probably the most ignorant person in the entire world! same goes without saying if you think going solo will make you understand what happiness=love is or feels like you are probably a very selfish and unhappy person.

    I am currently single and do enjoy the sense of freedom and independence, but like a coin I am aware there are two faces to happiness; so I can't deny how much I miss the personal satisfaction I get caring and loving someone other then my own self! when you love someone is like loving two of you, and that in itself is ecstasy at its best and what makes you feel whole!



    Leandro ♥
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    Feb 28, 2010 2:00 AM GMT
    If you find yourself asking if you need a relationship, the answer is you don't have the right candidate at present. On the other hand if you have met that person you will have no doubts or hesitations. You will ask yourself only how smoothly can you manage your transition into a relationship.

    The short answer is it depends on the person.
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    Feb 28, 2010 2:22 AM GMT
    lilTanker saidDoes anyone feel that a relationship is a necessity for having a happy, fulfilled and content life? is another person a prerequisite to such an existence?


    I think you have this backwards. You need to be a happy, content and fulfilled person to have a successful relationship. A relationship will just add something more. In our relationship I'm convinced that we're more than the sum of our parts. It's not only that we both are happy, but we try to make each other happy to the best of our ability. We are not always successful, but we never try to achieve less and our happiness is always more important than each one's individually.

    So, do I need this relationship to be a happy person? Nope, I like who I am and I know I can stand on my own. But being able to share my life with him, makes it better.
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    Feb 28, 2010 2:26 AM GMT
    My fortune cookie for lunch today tells me to "stop searching forever, happiness is right next to you [in bed]."

    (Maybe it's to the left?) icon_razz.gif
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    Feb 28, 2010 2:53 AM GMT


    Absolutely not necessary!
    Bill and I are the marrying kind. There were times, before Bill, when I didn't feel that way at all.. I was more than glad to be single and enjoyed every second of it. There were also times when I hated being single.

    We both know people in various types of relationships (some only see other a couple of times a year) and some in no relationship at all. They're happy as can be.



    One guy quoted Joan Armatrading to us, "I'm not in love, but I'm open to persuasion." And that can be a really great thing about being single. The potential and possibilities can be endless and intriguing.


    -Doug

    Above all (which it sounds like you're doing and enjoying) is to appreciate the trip and adventure of being single.

    here's Joan with a lighthearted but pensive 70's take on it.










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    Feb 28, 2010 3:08 AM GMT
    I absolutely want to be in a satisfying relationship of exactly the sort that my parents enjoy. Nothing is perfect in this world, and you make certain concessions to enjoy the benefits of living with someone you love. I view that compromise as being entirely worth it.

    That being said, for me, I have certain ambitions in life, and a certain way of living that I wish to achieve. I know that I need to discover how exactly that will all piece together, and then I will be in a place to have a meeting of the minds with a prospective partner who can satisfy those goals and that life. I feel I am pretty close to having figured out the basic elements of my adult life. Naturally I expect a great deal of change, but largely I've matured to the point where I think I have a great deal to offer on a long term, permanent basis. Now it's finding the right guy.

    But you are you - only you know how you feel, and can appreciate where in life you are. Only you know what you are looking for and how you want your life to feel, and therefore only you know if another person, and which sort of person, will work for you. I would humbly suggest that you need to decide whether you are taking on this responsibility because it satisfies *your* wants, or if it is something deriving from an empathy and caring for another person that you feel will produce a better whole. It's a question of employing a Categorical Imperative analogue in your personal life - are you using a person as a means to an end, or or you valuing a person in and of themselves?
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Feb 28, 2010 3:21 AM GMT
    lilTanker said
    Webster666 saidDepending on the individual, it runs the gamut from feeling desperate to be in a relationship, to feeling perfectly content without one.

    I would like to be in a happy relationship, but I've been in so many failed ones that the peace and quiet of living alone is glorious. Add to that that I'm independent and pretty self sufficient, and I'm a happy guy.

    If I may get down and dirty on your personal life, are there any particular reasons why the relationships didn't work for you?
    if you don't wanna asnwer just ignore the question icon_smile.gif



    #1 We were just completely incompatible. I had just barely discovered guys, and we got together.

    #2 A ricochet romance. Except for sex, we were completely incompatible. He liked drugs. I didn't.

    #3 I moved into his apartment, which was ALL white. And, I wasn't allowed to move anything in except my clothes. He was extremely afraid of becoming HIV+, even though I was HIV negative. So, sex was a big problem. His income was 4 times as much as mine. I could have worked over time to make up some of the difference. But, he didn't want me to work over time. Then, he resented the fact that I couldn't travel with him and live the "high life" unless he paid my share.

    #4 He was probably the one great love of my life. But, he wouldn't open his wallet. We had almost the exact same incomes and expenses. I couldn't afford to pay for everything, all the time. I wish that I could have. I would have gladly done it.

    #5 I wasn't sexually attracted to him...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 28, 2010 3:28 AM GMT
    A relationship is sort of like the dessert after a meal. It's not necessary, but it makes you happier. icon_smile.gif
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Feb 28, 2010 3:42 AM GMT
    maybe i should come to sydney and we can find out
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    Feb 28, 2010 3:47 AM GMT
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    Feb 28, 2010 4:18 AM GMT
    bernd said
    lilTanker saidDoes anyone feel that a relationship is a necessity for having a happy, fulfilled and content life? is another person a prerequisite to such an existence?


    I think you have this backwards. You need to be a happy, content and fulfilled person to have a successful relationship. A relationship will just add something more. In our relationship I'm convinced that we're more than the sum of our parts. It's not only that we both are happy, but we try to make each other happy to the best of our ability. We are not always successful, but we never try to achieve less and our happiness is always more important than each one's individually.

    So, do I need this relationship to be a happy person? Nope, I like who I am and I know I can stand on my own. But being able to share my life with him, makes it better.



    The purpose of a relationship is for individuals to fall in love with the "WE" person that is made possible between the two of you.




    Leandro ♥
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    Feb 28, 2010 4:38 AM GMT
    I think it depends on what you really want in life. I'm the kind of person that really wants a relationship, and everything that comes with it. So for me, yes.. it is a requirement. But there's no reason that should be the same for everyone else. I mean.. I think when you find someone that you really connect with, even if you don't give it the title then you might as well consider yourself in a relationship because you'll naturally want to spend more time with them, befriend them.. yatta yatta..

    I think when we find something that we realize is worth keeping, we'll do everything we can to ensure our future with it.. or them. But until then there's no need to rush. Maybe even.. we feel like our independence is what's worth keeping, instead.
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    Feb 28, 2010 4:44 AM GMT
    lilTanker saidSo, a few things happened over the last few days which has started me thinking about things...
    Unfortunately most of these thoughts are in a very "unsure" way which I find very uncomfortable..

    So I'm here to ask RJ and all it's very fine peoples there opinion.

    Does anyone feel that a relationship is a necessity for having a happy, fulfilled and content life? is another person a prerequisite to such an existence?

    While I understand the benefits of having a relationship since I have been in a long one and the things like being able to depend on someone and having that someone depend on you, the ability to have a closeness with another person that seems to find a level just a little above a friendship and having someone there who will smile, cry and bla bla bla with you...

    They are of course all wonderful attributes of a relationship, but, are they really needed or more just enjoyed or perhaps expected to have or need?

    Are there people out there who can say without not so much lying to me but to them self and honestly state that a relationship really isn't something they desire or feel a great need for? through no bitterness or anger over past miss-action on there or others part?

    I ask, because I'm curious, I've been single for a while now, I do enjoy being single and not so much for the sex (which is awesome and plentiful) but for the ability of freedom and excitement of what is coming and of what I don't know yet, I have me to think about and if I fuck up the only person to blame or suffer for it is my self which is letting me do some things I'd never have done in a relationship and I find that aspect rather exhilarating and refreshing, it's a new experience for me something I never had even as a young teen...

    So, I need to hear opinions, differing view points, I'm not looking for consensus on anything but just a view point that either aligns with my own or takes its own path.

    I ask in the hope of sorting out my own thoughts/ideas/concerns/feelings..

    Anyway anyone who reads though this and can make anything of it and respond would be most heartily thanked


    I don't believe everyone has a need for a relationship, but I definitely do.and my life wouldn't be near as good for me without one.
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    Feb 28, 2010 4:51 AM GMT
    myklet1 said We sit, hardly ever talk, disagree a lot and never really doing anything that I call fun. I forget what I even like to do for fun to tell you the truth. I think if I were younger again and know this I would have stayed single and become successful first.........and then continued to stay single. For me love wears on, but for most love wears off. It's sad. No one would know that I am sad though. I smile I laugh I enjoy it. This is going to be the rest of my life and I just need to deal with it the best I can.


    To the OP:

    I think this pretty much sums up what being in a relationship is ultimately about. Just to have someone there and be with you during those times you might have been alone at home watching TV.

    Sure there are all times when we wanna stay home alone and watch TV. But don't give up your chance to have someone there with you, even if you aren't doing much. Hell, you don't even have to be having sex with the person and that's still a relationship.

    I think it is very easy for guys to look at their lives and find ways to leave a relationship that doesn't work, rather than actually trying to make it work.
  • camfer

    Posts: 892

    Feb 28, 2010 4:55 AM GMT
    From what I have seen in my limited years, a relationship is necessary for happiness, but that relationship is not necessarily with another person. You could be in love with the world, with life, with the divine, with one person, with two people, with a career, etc. For me, passion is critical, and it can take many forms.