Drama Queens

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 01, 2010 2:48 PM GMT
    Hey all

    I have a good friend, who is a lovely guy, we've been friends for 14 years.
    As with any good friend, you overlook their down side.

    Lately though, the fact is that he can't spend a day without having a drama about something minor, and I'm always the one who has to listen to his despair.

    Yesterday it was a full-on moan about his bus ticket. The day before it was because he can't find a decent fuck (despite that he has a boyfriend).

    My own work is intense and draining, and I have found myself ignoring his calls when he rings and telling my partner that I don't want him around because I don't have the energy to be consoling every day.

    Now he is feels that I am no longer his friend (today's drama).

    I'm a very compassionate person, but this feels like emotional manipulation. What you say?
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    Mar 01, 2010 2:54 PM GMT
    It's a symptom. He's dissatisfied about something in his life and taking it out on anything else BUT the real issue. Probably his current relationship or his work.

    In women, it would've been called nagging (and I'm very familiar with it, having grown up with three older sisters). Don't really know how to deal with that though...

    Probably try and find out what his real problem is?
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    Mar 01, 2010 3:08 PM GMT
    lol, you could always deliver a little drama right back, you know.

    The following is strictly humour and intended for no other purpose than to make cronker laugh.


    Next time he calls...

    "What about MY needs? I want a friend to help me bring my mood up. I need someone to let ME vent for a change if I need to. I want a friend to share their happiness in their day and not just show me how fraught with emotional peril daily life is.."

    Pepper it well with appropriately spaced sobs and catchings of breath.



    OK, real advice? When he calls again, perhaps suggest that to maintain a healthy friendship, you need to hear things that are not always full of tension and doom and gloom. Good friends usually try to brighten up each other's day. icon_wink.gif
  • drypin

    Posts: 1798

    Mar 01, 2010 3:10 PM GMT
    Well, communication styles vary, but I would suggest you sit him down and say, "Gurl, I love you to the tips of those glue on nails, but your daily bitchin' is working my last nerve. Either you gotta figure out what's truly botherin' you or you gotta git yourself some prescription meds to calm down. If you need my help with one of those things, I'm here for you, but if you just wanna treat everyday occurrences like the end of the world then write a screenplay for that drama and save my ears."
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 01, 2010 3:10 PM GMT
    people are either lights and energize you or theyre black hole and will suck your soul. tell him to get with the program and shape up! icon_rolleyes.gif
  • zakariahzol

    Posts: 2241

    Mar 01, 2010 3:17 PM GMT
    I use to be this kind of people. Its kinda a way to seek attention and getting people to like/love me. Its come from my deep insecurity , my need to be wanted and belong. I have loss a lot of wonderful friend, and boy friends because of it. Its inmaturity and childish. I am ashamed of myself for behaving the way I was. If I have a way to go back in times, I would smack myself to stop behaving like a drama queen
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    Mar 01, 2010 3:30 PM GMT

    LOL - that did make me laugh!

    And I could do it quite well! I'd even pretend to bite my nails, Doug.

    And after reading all the other replies, it is easy to agree too. Look, I know it is an attention-seeking thing about him. I work in an industry where intuition about other people is paramount.

    I'm thinking about buying him a copy of the DVD of "Glitter" and yelling "You think you have problems??? Imagine how the Village People felt when they realised they no longer held the title for worst film ever made, BITCH!!"

    love cronks


    meninlove said lol, you could always deliver a little drama right back, you know.

    The following is strictly humour and intended for no other purpose than to make cronker laugh.


    Next time he calls...

    "What about MY needs? I want a friend to help me bring my mood up. I need someone to let ME vent for a change if I need to. I want a friend to share their happiness in their day and not just show me how fraught with emotional peril daily life is.."

    Pepper it well with appropriately spaced sobs and catchings of breath.



    OK, real advice? When he calls again, perhaps suggest that to maintain a healthy friendship, you need to hear things that are not always full of tension and doom and gloom. Good friends usually try to brighten up each other's day. icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 01, 2010 3:36 PM GMT
    I think everyone else covered the topic pretty well. The bottom line is that if you are really friends he needs to know how you feel. Tell him nicely, but it is important that he knows. If he no longer wishes to be your friend then he never really was to start with, and you are free of the negative energy in your life.


    Be kind, but be real.

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    Mar 01, 2010 3:58 PM GMT
    cronker saidHey all

    I have a good friend, who is a lovely guy, we've been friends for 14 years.
    As with any good friend, you overlook their down side.

    Lately though, the fact is that he can't spend a day without having a drama about something minor, and I'm always the one who has to listen to his despair.

    Yesterday it was a full-on moan about his bus ticket. The day before it was because he can't find a decent fuck (despite that he has a boyfriend).

    My own work is intense and draining, and I have found myself ignoring his calls when he rings and telling my partner that I don't want him around because I don't have the energy to be consoling every day.

    Now he is feels that I am no longer his friend (today's drama).

    I'm a very compassionate person, but this feels like emotional manipulation. What you say?


    Cut to the chase. This should be a non-issue. Tell him, "All your whining is pissing me off and wearing me out."

    The simplest and most blatantly obvious solution is very often the best one. This is one of those common sense cases.

    The longer you enable it / put with it, it'll continue. Tell him to stop it.
  • DrewbieDoo

    Posts: 63

    Mar 01, 2010 4:23 PM GMT
    cronker saidThe day before it was because he can't find a decent fuck (despite that he has a boyfriend).


    Forget it, already wouldnt' want to deal with any of that
  • bmw0

    Posts: 588

    Mar 01, 2010 4:46 PM GMT
    "There comes a time in life where you have to let go of all the pointless drama and the people who create it and surround yourself with people who make you laugh so hard that you forget the bad and focus soley on the good. After all, life is too short to be anything but happy."

    This quote may help.....
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 01, 2010 4:48 PM GMT
    I.e., life is too short to spend it pissed off and cranky. If you wanta' hang with me, you can't be like that.

    My general rule is this: if someone pisses me off, bums me out, has ongoing drama, is closeted, needy, etc., I get rid of them. There are 600 MILLION folks to pick from in the U.S., alone. There's no advantage in having someone around who is a drag. A smart man cuts his losses and moves on.
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    Mar 01, 2010 5:05 PM GMT
    The population of the US has grown by 250 million huh?

    If he's been your friend for 14 years, you've clearly invested a lot in him and ultimately have to decide if that's an investment you want to protect or write off.

    It sounds like your friend suffers from a painful lack of self-awareness, as people who are aware of how their behavior impacts others would pick up on the fact that their incessant complaining is taking a toll.

    I agree with the others that you should sit him down over coffee, but I'd just ask him a simple question - "Do you realize that in almost every conversation we have, you have something - usually a minor annoyance - to complain about?" Let that question open up the conversation and be prepared with examples - no doubt, you have dozens.
  • NyRuinz

    Posts: 887

    Mar 01, 2010 5:33 PM GMT
    chuckystud saidI.e., life is too short to spend it pissed off and cranky. If you wanta' hang with me, you can't be like that.

    My general rule is this: if someone pisses me off, bums me out, has ongoing drama, is closeted, needy, etc., I get rid of them. There are 600 MILLION folks to pick from in the U.S., alone. There's no advantage in having someone around who is a drag. A smart man cuts his losses and moves on.



    Can I get an Amen!!! icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 01, 2010 7:27 PM GMT
    I sit corrected for my carelessness. As of October 20 2009, the United States has a total resident population of 308 million. Note, however, there are a number of folks who shouldn't be in the country and are in The U.S. illegally. I had 600 million in my head for some reason earlier today.
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    Mar 01, 2010 7:39 PM GMT
    Your friend is selfish. He is willing to cheat on his boyfriend for a good lay. His complaining about everything are ways to get the attention focused on him. I wonder: Does he ever threaten suicide for attention? If someone else is getting positive attention, does he try to steal it away?

    And the most important question.

    What do you get out of the friendship? It seems nothing.
  • WILDCARD73

    Posts: 545

    Mar 01, 2010 9:00 PM GMT
    hes an attention seeker obviously
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    Mar 01, 2010 9:11 PM GMT
    I have a friend like that. I told her I don't want to deal with her problems and if she can't deal with these same recurring problems (boy problems mostly) then I don't want to hang out with her.

    We solved it by going out together to a green conference with guest speakers from Copenhagen and found afterwards we were able to talk candidly about our problems.

    It's gotten better since but we had to have a reality check before things got better.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 01, 2010 9:25 PM GMT
    For some people, complaining is therapeutic.
    Quickest way to shut them up is to validate their dissatisfaction.
    Then follow it with "That's nothing! _____ happened to me!"
    That last part is just to f with 'em (aka: my kind of therapy)
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    Mar 05, 2010 10:59 PM GMT
    I don't have the bandwidth for dramatics, self pity or whining... god knows I have a hard enough time keeping my own shit in check.
    I usually just withdraw from whoever is being the "energy suck" for a noticeable period, there is always a bit of stalking (calling, emailing, texting) trying to cling to the sinking boat of their enabler.

    After they quit calling I usually give it a few days or a week and then reach out to do something with them. I don't ever address the whining and complaining because it only causes more drama. I try to be upbeat and positive, if they are still whiny and down I take another week away. I play the role of therapist for a handful of people and don't take on other people's shit unless they are family or my created family.

    If I love them I usually confront them about their behavior. But there are very few people I'm close enough with to feel the benefit of that sort of honesty. I'm more than willing to be supportive and encouraging, but I play the role of "worry stone" very infrequently.
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    Mar 05, 2010 11:33 PM GMT
    This is how deal with drama queens and attention seekers. I give 'em 2 minutes to listen to their spiel, stop them and ask, "Are you venting or do you want my advice?" If former, I then tell 'em to continue but wrap it up within the next 2 minutes and get over it because talking about it is not going to help.

    If latter, I tell 'em to cut to the chase and ask what is the solution they want. Whatever answer they give, I say, "There's your answer. Let's EAT!"
  • jgymnast733

    Posts: 1783

    Mar 05, 2010 11:37 PM GMT
    I know someone like that, Everything about him is ME,ME,ME....
    He cant stand seeing someone reaching for a goal without calling them names and putting them down, [For no reason]...
    I'v stopped going to restaurants with him because he insists on talking so loud, its as if he wants everyone to hear what he's saying[bad grammer and all], i think somehow he thinks its cute or grand, i guess negative attention is better than no attention at all....for some people...
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    Mar 05, 2010 11:37 PM GMT
    d4orce saidAlot like many of the members of this site.........



    icon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gif

    I feel for many it is a gay trait, thus the term drama queen.

    I get enough of drama working with so many women. I don't need it in my time, and love my time to be drama free; not really had a true friend like yours either, I'm not sure I'm the kind of guy they would be attached too, because of the way I deal with things.

  • imperator

    Posts: 626

    Mar 06, 2010 5:45 AM GMT
    I would tell him "if it seems like we aren't really friends anymore, it's because I'm bored of your incessant bitching about every tiny goddamned thing as though it's the end of the world. It's exhausting, and depressing, and completely narcissistic; other people have much bigger problems, and occasionally so do I, but with you it's all about your daily catastrophes. No one can get a word in edgewise. And listening to non-stop hysterical complaining isn't the basis of any friendship that I want, so yeah, I've been giving myself permission to step away and enjoy a little peace. I don't value interpersonal relationships where I'm basically a sponge under an egocentric faucet of toxic self-pity."

    But that's just me, and more than a few of my friends think I might be a sociopath. icon_confused.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 06, 2010 6:00 AM GMT
    You said it yourself with the title of this post. Drama Queen.

    To be called a drama queen suggests that there is always some type of drama and more often then not that drama is usually self cause hence your friends epic drama sessions.

    Tell your friend to grow a pair, chill the fuck out, go tot he gym and work the "bitch" out of him and find something positive worth living for.

    Guys like that are people you shouldn't invite into your life especially if he is just gonna try and flip the script on and say you aren't being a friend because you don't feel like hearing his tired and sorry bitching all the time. Tell him to wipe the sand out that box. When you have avoid someone who you use to call a friend then clearly they aren't a friend. Don't kid yourself in thinking you can change this dude over night. Cut your loss and move on. hopefully down the road your friend will figure it out and come to his senses but until then you shouldn't have to suffer for his actions.