An open letter to everyone who thinks I'm not gay enough

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    Mar 04, 2010 6:49 AM GMT
    25465_1327067611416_1072685911_996903_42

    I've spent so much of my life worrying about what I looked like. I finally had the last straw. See the picture above. lol.

    I was at some fancy jean store looking at expensive jeans earlier today. I was hoping that I'd find something that made me look good. Being 5'2 and having a 29 inch waste showed me I'd never find a something that made me look awesome unless I got it tailor made. I had to find that shit in my self.

    I don't own expensive clothes. My jeans cost 15 bucks on clearance. I was only there because I hated myself. All of me friends and I are going to a club opening tomorrow and I'll be the only one without a new outfit.

    I'm done feeling bad because I don't fit in with the gay community. I don't piss money away on expensive jeans. I don't want to own the latest designer shirts. I love woot.shirt.com where they sell funny t shirts for 10 bucks.

    I love punk music. I want to bang my head and bleed when I listen to music, not dance.

    I want to watch guys beet the shit out of each other in an octagon, not dance on ice.

    I want movies that fuck my mind up and leave me feeling like I've been murdered, not a cheesy romance.

    And I want the moments when I do act gay not to define me. I love making an ass of myself dancing at 2 AM, but don't expect me to actually like the music. And don't demand I spend 200 bucks on jeans.

    And when I talk about my interests while being completely open to yours, don't make fun of me while I'm standing there with the drink I just bought you in your hand because you're too drunk to understand how far noise travels. Don't make wagers with your friend how many drinks you can get out of me before I realize you're not interested while I'M STILL STANDING THERE. And don't make fun of me being short.

    That really hurt tonight.


    PS.

    This was a wake up call tonight. I'm done being awkward and shy. Face pics are coming to my profile soon. I'm done hiding. I'm better than most.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 04, 2010 8:01 AM GMT
    Congrats dude, be you! It's good that you have come the point where you can fully embrace your self to be who you are, and not have to worry about if someone is going to criticize you for not fitting into a certain group. icon_cool.gif
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    Mar 04, 2010 8:05 AM GMT
    I am so proud of you.
  • mcwclewis

    Posts: 1701

    Mar 04, 2010 8:39 AM GMT
    I just fell in like with you.
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    Mar 04, 2010 9:18 AM GMT
    Amen.

    But... Who said you had to spend 200 dollars on jeans? Babe, theres a secret to designer crap: Sample Sales. Outlet Stores and Clearance. Seriously, there's so many places you could get some designer stuf even up tp 80% off and even more... but I ask myself... why label? why? It's all about feeling confident with what you wear whether its Gucci, Pucci of Fucci...

    Screw dat Moh'Fakah that laughed at you, at least you're not living in debt. People that don't even have money to eat for the month and decide to spend their checks on some expensive designer thing are as shallow as a puddle of dog pee on a newspaper. Anyways.. Im happy for you... and 5'2" is beyond adorable hehe
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    Mar 04, 2010 9:23 AM GMT
    Mycro saidI don't own expensive clothes. My jeans cost 15 bucks on clearance. I was only there because I hated myself. All of me friends and I are going to a club opening tomorrow and I'll be the only one without a new outfit.


    Dude, what the fuck. You are not alone. I wear the same thing I wore last night to a club opening...actually I take that back. I don't go out to the clubs. And if I wear designer jeans it's because I dated a Latino the same size as me for more than a month and he gave me his old stuff while he bought new stuff (seriously...Latinos...I mean aside from getting your throw-aways, do you REALLY need to buy new clothes and get a hair cut EVERY WEEK?)

    Mycro, gays are going to judge you and make fun of you no matter what you try to do. It's because they are sorority girls and high school prom sluts on the inside. Either ignore them or make fun of them more.
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    Mar 04, 2010 12:35 PM GMT
    JakeBenson said
    Mycro saidI
    Mycro, gays are going to judge you


    I'm sorry to disagree, but the truth is that you are directing your anger toward other gay people when the reality is that everyone, gay or straight is going to judge you.

    It's only when you feel comfortable in your own skin (not a $200m pair of jeans) that people will start to see who you are and like you, and respect you too.

    Guess what? I like punk music too, I prefer not to bleed for that, but that's just me.

    Guess what also? I have friends who buy me drinks back.

    Guess what? The people in your life that are hurting you are not your friends. Go look up "friends" in the dictionary and I don't see hurting each other as part of the deal. OK, from time to time a true friend will do things that hurt you, but as a general rule - it's not the norm.

    And lastly, guess what? I went through exactly what you are going through, Mycro, to reach my peace within myself. Kicking in doors won't help. Raging against the world you have made for yourself won't help either.

    Find better friends, be true to yourself and realise wholly who you are.

    love cronks
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    Mar 04, 2010 1:11 PM GMT
    Mycro saidThis was a wake up call tonight. I'm done being awkward and shy. Face pics are coming to my profile soon. I'm done hiding. I'm better than most.

    Because this began about clothes, here's one of my personal anecdotes that may contain some insights that I hope can be helpful to you.

    In 1969 I went to US Army Basic Training. The first stop was at a Reception Center where we stayed for a week, taking our final tests, getting our initial-issue uniforms, etc. The first few days in the barracks we retained our civilian clothes and haircuts, and the 30 or so of us in that group got to know each other a little.

    About the 3rd or 4th day we were marched over to a warehouse, where inside was this extremely long counter, over 100 feet. As we lined up at one end, we were each given a duffle bag, and told to strip, putting all our clothes into the bag. As we moved down the counter, first stop was underwear, plain white boxers and T-shirts, told to put on a pair and the rest go "into the sack." Next we got our socks, put a pair on, the rest into the duffle. And so it went, at some points also being measured for our size. By the time we reached the end of the counter we were dressed in a fatigue uniform, with a bag full of other clothes.

    Then we went outside, and directly across the pavement was a barber shop. There we got complete buzz cuts, becoming virtually bald. As we each finished we mingled around back outside, waiting for everyone to be done. And here's the point: we couldn't recognize each other!

    We had become like a visual Tower of Babel, all strangers again. And it was kinda funny, going around saying: "Are you Bill? Is that you, Tom?" And I realized what had happened was we had lost our identities, our personalities, when we lost our civilian clothes and our hair. Because that was how we had learned to define ourselves, and project ourselves to the world. Take those away, and we HAD no identities, no personalities.

    As the weeks of training ahead progressed, I saw the reverse happen. We all still looked alike on the outside, but many guys began to learn how to project themselves in a way that wasn't dependent on clothing selection and hairstyles. I've never forgotten that lesson, and try to practice it to this day.

    Your personality, the essence of who you are, and the confidence you derive from it, must come from within, not from without. When clothes become your costume then you're actually hiding behind them, no longer the mere expression of what's inside. When it's all on the outside, there may not BE anything on the inside.

    You may be learning that lesson, when you rebelled at the expensive costume of pricey jeans. Yes, "Clothes make the man" as they say, in the eyes of some, but they are not the man himself. Until one learns to find his own personality & self that transcends clothes and styles, then one is still a little boy playing dress-up.
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    Mar 04, 2010 1:15 PM GMT
    Red_Vespa said
    Mycro saidThis was a wake up call tonight. I'm done being awkward and shy. Face pics are coming to my profile soon. I'm done hiding. I'm better than most.

    Because this began about clothes, here's one of my personal anecdotes that may contain some insights that I hope can be helpful to you.

    In 1969 I went to US Army Basic Training. The first stop was at a Reception Center where we stayed for a week, taking our final tests, getting our initial-issue uniforms, etc. The first few days in the barracks we retained our civilian clothes and haircuts, and the 30 or so of us in that group got to know each other a little.

    About the 3rd or 4th day we were marched over to a warehouse, where inside was this extremely long counter, over 100 feet. As we lined up at one end, we were each given a duffle bag, and told to strip, putting all our clothes in the bag. As we moved down the counter, first stop was underwear, plain white boxers and T-shirts, told to put on a pair and the rest go "into the sack." Next we got our socks, put a pair on, the rest into the duffle. And so it went, at some points also being measured for our size. By the time we reached the end of the counter we were dressed in a fatigue uniform, with a bag full of other clothes.

    Then we went outside, and directly across the pavement was a barber shop. There we got complete buzz cuts, becoming virtually bald. As we each finished we mingled around back outside, waiting for everyone to be done. And here's the point: we couldn't recognize each other!

    We had become like a visual Tower of Babel, all strangers again. And it was kinda funny, going around saying: "Are you Bill? Is that you, Tom?" And I realized was had happened was we had lost our identities, our personalities, when we lost our civilian clothes and our hair. Because that was how we had learned to define ourselves, and project ourselves to the world. Take those away, and we HAD no identities, no personalities.

    As the weeks of training ahead progressed, I saw the reverse happen. We all still looked alike on the outside, but many guys began to learn how to project themselves in a way that wasn't dependent on clothing selection and hairstyles. I've never forgotten that lesson, and try to practice it to this day.

    Your personality, the essence of who you are, and the confidence you derive from it, must come from within, not from without. When clothes become your costume then you're actually hiding behind them, no longer the mere expression of what's inside. When it's all on the outside, there may not BE anything on the inside.

    You may be learning that lesson, when you rebelled at the expensive costume of pricey jeans. Yes, "Clothes make the man" as they say, in the eyes of some, but they are not the man himself. Until one learns to find his own personality & self that transcends clothes and styles, then one is still a little boy playing dress-up.


    Amen.
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    Mar 04, 2010 1:18 PM GMT
    Be yourself. Surround yourself with people who have similar interests or bring something to the table that you like. Throw out the garbage in your life (those "friends"). Stop blaming other gay guys, trust me there are straight people who make fun of you too. Move forward. You will stop the self-loathing, and you will stop breaking mirrors.
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    Mar 04, 2010 1:33 PM GMT
    Mycro said don't make fun of me while I'm standing there with the drink I just bought you in your hand because you're too drunk to understand how far noise travels. Don't make wagers with your friend how many drinks you can get out of me before I realize you're not interested while I'M STILL STANDING THERE. And don't make fun of me being short.


    Don't give a second thought to the behavior of jerks like this.
    Your tastes are different and that proves you are creative enough and have personal integrity enough to be your own man. That alone means your life is far richer than the meager existence of some drunken classless barfly who thinks $200 jeans empower him to make fun of someone for trying to befriend him.
    You are better than that.
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    Mar 04, 2010 2:31 PM GMT
    Mycro said25465_1327067611416_1072685911_996903_42

    Whoa, dude, that's 7 years bad luck! ... icon_eek.gif
    P.S. 5'2 is hot. ... icon_wink.gif
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    Mar 04, 2010 2:46 PM GMT
    Well you may have a distaste for desinger jeans and dance music but deep down you have that flair for the dramatic indictivie of homos the world over


    So.....tell me what you don't like about yourself,

    And more importanty why you feel a burning desire to conform to the expectations of strangers. If your not as a gay enough for them that seems like their problem not yours
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    Mar 04, 2010 3:02 PM GMT
    Mycro said25465_1327067611416_1072685911_996903_42

    I've spent so much of my life worrying about what I looked like. I finally had the last straw. See the picture above. lol.

    I was at some fancy jean store looking at expensive jeans earlier today. I was hoping that I'd find something that made me look good. Being 5'2 and having a 29 inch waste showed me I'd never find a something that made me look awesome unless I got it tailor made. I had to find that shit in my self.

    I don't own expensive clothes. My jeans cost 15 bucks on clearance. I was only there because I hated myself. All of me friends and I are going to a club opening tomorrow and I'll be the only one without a new outfit.

    I'm done feeling bad because I don't fit in with the gay community. I don't piss money away on expensive jeans. I don't want to own the latest designer shirts. I love woot.shirt.com where they sell funny t shirts for 10 bucks.

    I love punk music. I want to bang my head and bleed when I listen to music, not dance.

    I want to watch guys beet the shit out of each other in an octagon, not dance on ice.

    I want movies that fuck my mind up and leave me feeling like I've been murdered, not a cheesy romance.

    And I want the moments when I do act gay not to define me. I love making an ass of myself dancing at 2 AM, but don't expect me to actually like the music. And don't demand I spend 200 bucks on jeans.

    And when I talk about my interests while being completely open to yours, don't make fun of me while I'm standing there with the drink I just bought you in your hand because you're too drunk to understand how far noise travels. Don't make wagers with your friend how many drinks you can get out of me before I realize you're not interested while I'M STILL STANDING THERE. And don't make fun of me being short.

    That really hurt tonight.


    PS.

    This was a wake up call tonight. I'm done being awkward and shy. Face pics are coming to my profile soon. I'm done hiding. I'm better than most.


    *SIRENS BLARING* NUTJOB ALERT! NUTJOB ALERT!
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    Mar 04, 2010 3:10 PM GMT
    shirt.woot.com ftw! Like hell I'm going to pay much more than $10 after discovering that site last year.

    Also, good for you in breaking away from the pack. Now all you've gotta do is keep moving forward.
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    Mar 04, 2010 3:17 PM GMT
    Welcome to adulthood. A lot of folks never make it. Figuring out who you are and what you want is the toughest thing in life. Lots of gay guys get caught in a perpetual adolescence, running with the herd and intimidated like teen-age girls into group values and silliness. it's not pretty and it's certainly not sexy, but find a man who knows who he is and is comfortable in his own skin and, damn, there's nothing sexier, regardless of his height, waist, pecs, hair or whatever.

    Show us your handsome mug. The abs are great, but they could belong to anyone on here (okay, not me....)

  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Mar 04, 2010 3:19 PM GMT
    you're completely right, but i wouldn't even lose my breath over the situation. this is your life, your rules. no need to take shit from anyone or explain. so don't spend a moment of it venting. just move on and be the guy you want to be.
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    Mar 04, 2010 4:06 PM GMT
    Mycro, I had to make sure you were in my hot list.

    Thankfully you already were.

    I've got the same general problem, but it's compounded by the fact that i live in a MUCH smaller city than Pittsburg (seriously. I know damn near every gay here from working the front door of our one club. No joke)

    I generally have nothing in common with most of those assholes. There are a few diamonds in the rough, but over all they're not worth the time of day.

    Take heart, and be yourself. In the end that's all that matters, and it's sexy as hell icon_smile.gif
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    Mar 04, 2010 4:15 PM GMT
    As long as you (or anyone) measures your sense of self based on how others view/see/like/hate you, your life will be unsuccessful.

    The truly happy people in the world are the ones who are able to be 100% true to themselves and be who they really are whether they are adored or despised by the rest of the world.
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    Mar 04, 2010 4:21 PM GMT
    I thought you are what you EAT.
    (Not what you wear.)
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    Mar 04, 2010 4:23 PM GMT
    Dude, while reading this you brought the biggest smile to my face. Not because I wanted to laugh but because I respect your decision to be you. So many guys and at one time myself get lost in what others want you to be like. I went thru a similar situation and can tell you my life is better than ever. Good luck, be good to yourself and others will envy you for your ability to stay true to yourself. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Mar 04, 2010 4:26 PM GMT
    badmikeyt saidAs long as you (or anyone) measures your sense of self based on how others view/see/like/hate you, your life will be unsuccessful.


    ^
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    Mar 04, 2010 4:28 PM GMT
    I think you proved just how gay you can be w/ this thread. icon_wink.gif Just kidding dude, I'm with you. Fuck those people... and fuck expensive jeans. You've inspired me to stop spending so much money on jeans as well. icon_cool.gif
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    Mar 04, 2010 4:32 PM GMT
    there are jeans that cost $200?

    wtf?

    I hope they suck your cock while you're walking cause that's the only way I'd spend that much.


    oh ya, and they better swallow.

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    Mar 04, 2010 4:34 PM GMT
    Yeah, but, breaking that mirror is seven years bad luck.

    Fuck those $200 jeans. Who needs jeans when there are perfectly good spandex thongs to be had for much less.