Freezing Up At A Bar

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 04, 2010 6:31 PM GMT
    So I'll admit, I'm one of those guys that is generally very outgoing. I'm intelligent and can hold a conversation. BUT, when I go out to a gay bar I always freeze up, chicken out, and refuse to go up and talk to someone I find attractive.

    The odd thing is that if I am at a 'straight' bar you can't get me to shut up. I have no problem going up to random girls, and even random guys for that matter, and starting a conversation. However, it's a complete 180 when I'm out at gay bars.

    How many of you guys does this happen to? And what the heck do I need to do to get over it? Maybe it's a confidence thing.. I dunno. I just bugs me that I can be so social in one situation but clam up completely in another.
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    Mar 04, 2010 8:26 PM GMT
    Hmh, sounds very familiar. I have the same although I have a bit of a shy moment going out all by myself anyway. When in a group, I stay with the group. The only remedy I know: Jump in the cold water. Just do it. May be frightening but soon you see there are others just like you, with the same fears and shyness. icon_redface.gif
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    Mar 04, 2010 8:37 PM GMT
    your putting pressure on your self... at a straight bar your presumably not interested in getting laid, you just want to chat, so there is not ulterior motive

    In a gay bar, those other guys are all "potentials" whether you want them to be or not they are potential guys which can encourage you to put a lot of pressure on your self to be all those things you "think" they would be attracted too
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Mar 04, 2010 8:52 PM GMT
    I kind of agree about putting pressure on yourself. I think too many guys get this thing going in their heads that "no response yields failure". You are there to socialize, if the guy you approach isn't social with you, just know that he probably wasn't right and move along.

    To be honest, I've never had the issue. I never go into bars by myself, usually with friends and while I've been hit on by attractive men (a couple of times with my bf at my side), I'm friendly, polite.. communicate that I'm there with my bf (and introduce him) and chat a few minutes. It doesn't have to be about sex, but just being social.
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    Mar 04, 2010 9:01 PM GMT
    HndsmKansan said It doesn't have to be about sex, but just being social.


    Exactly. You're putting too much pressure on yourself. The longest journey begins with but a single step. There are predators there, but there are some nice guys, too.

  • WILDCARD73

    Posts: 545

    Mar 04, 2010 9:11 PM GMT
    i would suggest you would brush up on some wonderful charecter by the name of ZAPP brannigan

    zapp.jpg



    you can learn alot from this guy

    here are some pick up lines he uses, u should try them:

    "The quickest way to a girl's bed is through her parents. Have sex with them and you're in."


    "im about to try the new lotion you recommended, if i should accidentally put too much on my hands, perhaps i could rub it onto you"

    "if I said you had a beautiful body would you take your pants off and dance around a bit?"

    "We both know you won't get halfway to Vergon 6 before THE CRAVING sets in. Then, you'll come crawling back for some sweet, sweet candy. .....BAM."

    "Brannigan's law is like Brannigan's love, hard and fast"





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    Mar 04, 2010 9:12 PM GMT
    Everyone is like that. Even the confident guys you see who will walk up to a stranger and start snogging are, deep down inside, quivering masses of uncertainty. That is why we meet at bars to court: so we can have a few drinks to wash away the inhibition.

    To get over this I found it useful to make up some basic rules.

    1) If you see a guy you are interested in, you have 30 seconds to go up to them.

    2) If you don't see a guy you are interested in, go home by 12.

    That way, you force yourself to get in and accomplish your mission. You get practice at saying hello to strangers and striking up conversation. It will be a fucking awful event the first few times. But after a while you will be a pro.

    Go get 'em, tiger!
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    Mar 05, 2010 12:28 AM GMT

    Here's something I learned long ago. When I was in a straight bar I wasn't talking to people with the intent of talking to someone that turned me on.

    Do this in a gay bar.

    Talk to guys that appear friendly and warm. Put aside handsome hot and popular. Don't base your initial contact with the meter of how attractive they are to you. The more casual acquaintances you make this way, the more often you'll have more guys to chat with at the bars. There are magnificent hearts and brains in those average looks. The more that happens the more likely you'll meet people that THEY know. The more that happens the more likely you'll meet someone that turns you on, but this time in a situation where you both have mutual acquaintances/friends and there's little or no ice to break. Not only that, they're friends with the magnificent hearts n brains guys.

    Lastly, just by doing the above, you'll get so good at meeting people in an off-hand low expectation and easy manner that you'll find yourself walking up to a total stranger and talking,

    ..just like the way I....met..........Bill!

    -Doug

  • Mako_Shark

    Posts: 222

    Mar 05, 2010 12:50 AM GMT
    meninlove said
    Here's something I learned long ago. When I was in a straight bar I wasn't talking to people with the intent of talking to someone that turned me on.

    Do this in a gay bar.

    Talk to guys that appear friendly and warm. Put aside handsome hot and popular. Don't base your initial contact with the meter of how attractive they are to you. The more casual acquaintances you make this way, the more often you'll have more guys to chat with at the bars. There are magnificent hearts and brains in those average looks. The more that happens the more likely you'll meet people that THEY know. The more that happens the more likely you'll meet someone that turns you on, but this time in a situation where you both have mutual acquaintances/friends and there's little or no ice to break. Not only that, they're friends with the magnificent hearts n brains guys.

    Lastly, just by doing the above, you'll get so good at meeting people in an off-hand low expectation and easy manner that you'll find yourself walking up to a total stranger and talking,

    ..just like the way I....met..........Bill!

    -Doug



    What a wonderful message and idea. I'll have to try it, its such a simple concept, but how most people miss this... is crazy.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 05, 2010 2:38 AM GMT
    Check and see if the gay bars in your area have alcohol...
    If you're lucky you might be able to acquire a sea-breeze or a shot of jack daniels's (try anything, you can't go wrong here) and then drink it. That's right, drink up. Now before long you should notice a warm feeling inside, followed by an inflated sense of personal confidence and irrational desire to pretty much say anything, to anyone. If you do this right, you won't remember the details so it doesn't matter anyway. With any luck, you'll meet plenty of fun, equally inebriated folks and the "freeze up" factor will be a distant memory! icon_cool.gif
    at least i think thats how it works...icon_wink.gif