Attitudes

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 04, 2010 9:55 PM GMT
    I love this site. Mainly because people tend to be generally nice and easy to talk to. Even if we arent each others types. Unlike Big muscle or a4a where if you say hi to someone they ignore you (if youre not their type). For the most part that doesnt seem to happen here.

    Now the disclaimer...Im noticing in the last couple weeks a couple guys wouldnt respond if I just say hi and tell them I like their profile and look.

    It just happened.

    It pissed me off. IMHO its rude.

    So I Thought...this could be a good topic. I wonder if other peeps on here get irritated with it as well.

    Do you think its rude? Or do you just think...eh "Screw them!"
  • greenlantern1

    Posts: 131

    Mar 04, 2010 11:04 PM GMT
    You bring up a great point! As a gay man, I enjoy talking to other gay guys from all over. I will hot or buddy list someone or hit them up with an email to just start conversation to get to know them some. I love hot gay sex as much as anyone, but I am also content to chat with someone just because they are good and interesting people. I am easy to talk to, so I get a little put off by someone that thinks that they are better than everyone else, or that any of the other guys on this site are "lucky" that they even talk to them. Just remember, you are on here the same as me and all the other guys. There are many great guys that are on rj, and I have made a few really good friends from this site. Come on, you guys, you don't have to be stuck-up...there is no reason for it. I had one guy that was a real dick because I added him to my buddy list. He told me that I should have i.m.ed him or emailed him 1st...which made me, first of all, take him off my buddy list; then, I did send an email to him saying that I had thought that he had an interesting profile and I just thought he might be someone that I would like to get to know for no reason other than that. Then, I told him that after his belligerent response, he was not interesting at all, and I blocked him...done!! There are so many great people on here that we should all take the little bit of time to get to know each other as kindred spirits. Sex is great, but this site offers so much more...great workout tips from the site and from the people on it who offer one to one tips which is, personally, very motivational to me, and people to talk to about issues with regards to being gay, or even coming out. Just realized that many of us have been in the closet at some point in our lives, and when you don' t feel like you can talk to your family, or even, your closest friends, it helps to have someone or anyone that might have some insight to talk to, i.e. someone here. So, don't turn someone away...just because they are not your type or because you are too "hot" to talk to them. Anyway, these are my thoughts on the matter. -Joey Gilliam A.K.A. Greenlantern1
    Have A Nice Day!!icon_smile.gificon_idea.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 04, 2010 11:10 PM GMT
    greenlantern1 saidYou bring up a great point! As a gay man, I enjoy talking to other gay guys from all over. I will hot or buddy list someone or hit them up with an email to just start conversation to get to know them some. I love hot gay sex as much as anyone, but I am also content to chat with someone just because they are good and interesting people. I am easy to talk to, so I get a little put off by someone that thinks that they are better than everyone else, or that any of the other guys on this site are "lucky" that they even talk to them. Just remember, you are on here the same as me and all the other guys. There are many great guys that are on rj, and I have made a few really good friends from this site. Come on, you guys, you don't have to be stuck-up...there is no reason for it. I had one guy that was a real dick because I added him to my buddy list. He told me that I should have i.m.ed him or emailed him 1st...which made me, first of all, take him off my buddy list; then, I did send an email to him saying that I had thought that he had an interesting profile and I just thought he might be someone that I would like to get to know for no reason other than that. Then, I told him that after his belligerent response, he was not interesting at all, and I blocked him...done!! There are so many great people on here that we should all take the little bit of time to get to know each other as kindred spirits. Sex is great, but this site offers so much more...great workout tips from the site and from the people on it who offer one to one tips which is, personally, very motivational to me, and people to talk to about issues with regards to being gay, or even coming out. Just realized that many of us have been in the closet at some point in our lives, and when you don' t feel like you can talk to your family, or even, your closest friends, it helps to have someone or anyone that might have some insight to talk to, i.e. someone here. So, don't turn someone away...just because they are not your type or because you are too "hot" to talk to them. Anyway, these are my thoughts on the matter. -Joey Gilliam A.K.A. Greenlantern1
    Have A Nice Day!!icon_smile.gificon_idea.gif
    Lots of good thoughts.
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    Mar 04, 2010 11:20 PM GMT
    the problem here is, your telling them you like there profile, but are you telling them specifically what you liked or in a general fashion? do you specifically pose a question or two that'll encourage a response?

    Personally, I get like 8 - 12 messages a day from people I know don't who say "they like my profile/photos/posts" rarely do any of them ask any specific questions or make any comment on anything specific.

    On many occasions I've written back thanking them, asking how there doing and so forth and they answer and they don't tend to answer in a fashion that allows the beginning of a free flowing discussion OR even ask anything, they seem to answer in a "closed way"

    Now I'm fine with carrying a conversation with a guy I'm attracted to (physically, mentally for friendship/sex/whatever) especially if they are at first shy or unsure, however I rarely carry the conversation for someone I haven't gotten to know yet, you need to put in a little effort too.

    If you want a response then write in a way that encourages there response to you, ask questions, make open statements, communicate in a way that will entice that person to respond even with a very simple reply...
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    Mar 04, 2010 11:25 PM GMT
    lilTanker saidthe problem here is, your telling them you like there profile, but are you telling them specifically what you liked or in a general fashion? do you specifically pose a question or two that'll encourage a response?

    Personally, I get like 8 - 12 messages a day from people I know don't who say "they like my profile/photos/posts" rarely do any of them ask any specific questions or make any comment on anything specific.

    On many occasions I've written back thanking them, asking how there doing and so forth and they answer and they don't tend to answer in a fashion that allows the beginning of a free flowing discussion OR even ask anything, they seem to answer in a "closed way"

    Now I'm fine with carrying a conversation with a guy I'm attracted to (physically, mentally for friendship/sex/whatever) especially if they are at first shy or unsure, however I rarely carry the conversation for someone I haven't gotten to know yet, you need to put in a little effort too.

    If you want a response then write in a way that encourages there response to you, ask questions, make open statements, communicate in a way that will entice that person to respond even with a very simple reply...
    No not always a question. But I guess its just my opinion if you say "hey hows it going..." And follow it up with a with some sort of compliment...usually the polite thing is to say hi back and thanks. But I guess I expect too much ;-)
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    Mar 04, 2010 11:30 PM GMT
    cthedj saidNo not always a question. But I guess its just my opinion if you say "hey hows it going..." And follow it up with a with some sort of compliment...usually the polite thing is to say hi back and thanks. But I guess I expect too much ;-)

    ah but you have posed a question, albeit a very open one, but still a question, an answer back isn't to much to ask..

    Although.. I do recall someone not answering my last message *coughs* can't think of who that is.. *coughs* Can you??? *coughs* Oh heavens I need a glass of water............
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 05, 2010 2:06 AM GMT
    It is rude for sure but what are you going to do really... I had this guy and we talked for a while and have nothing in common and he has nothing to ever talk about but still messeges me and its just strange. I try to be nice but sometimes he just gets the no thank you button.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 05, 2010 3:03 AM GMT
    I almost always respond with at least simple thank you. Sometimes I don't return the e-mails promptly, but I do have a busy schedule on here chatting with my group of RJ buddies, fanning various flame wars and being generally inappropriate and disruptive. There are a few guys I maintain a regular correspondence with. New guys show up as some conversations peter out for various reasons. Sometimes a guy with a profile I find exceptionally offensive will message me and I don't bother to respond. Other times one of the faceless profileless masses hits me up and I don't have time for them or their big bag of bullshit. Other times someone may just be aggressively persistent and a polite "no thank you" doesn't seem to register so I simply choose not to respond any longer.
  • myklet1

    Posts: 345

    Mar 05, 2010 3:28 AM GMT
    As of now I don't have my picture up. I understand that people may find that offensive, so I need to do that soon. I message guys that I feel are exceptional either because of their character or maybe their eyes or something they write on a blog that really makes me laugh. I don't message many and I am never vulgar.........and hope I am never taken that way. I am a nice guy and only have good intentions, but when I do find someone that I think is exceptionally good looking I do tell them..........guess it's just the man in me.
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    Mar 05, 2010 3:33 AM GMT
    cthedj saidI love this site. Mainly because people tend to be generally nice and easy to talk to. Even if we arent each others types. Unlike Big muscle or a4a where if you say hi to someone they ignore you (if youre not their type). For the most part that doesnt seem to happen here.

    Now the disclaimer...Im noticing in the last couple weeks a couple guys wouldnt respond if I just say hi and tell them I like their profile and look.

    It just happened.

    It pissed me off. IMHO its rude.

    So I Thought...this could be a good topic. I wonder if other peeps on here get irritated with it as well.

    Do you think its rude? Or do you just think...eh "Screw them!"


    Perhaps they are not here for conversation, just for NSA and such.
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    Mar 05, 2010 3:35 AM GMT
    flatstate2010 said
    cthedj saidI love this site. Mainly because people tend to be generally nice and easy to talk to. Even if we arent each others types. Unlike Big muscle or a4a where if you say hi to someone they ignore you (if youre not their type). For the most part that doesnt seem to happen here.

    Now the disclaimer...Im noticing in the last couple weeks a couple guys wouldnt respond if I just say hi and tell them I like their profile and look.

    It just happened.

    It pissed me off. IMHO its rude.

    So I Thought...this could be a good topic. I wonder if other peeps on here get irritated with it as well.

    Do you think its rude? Or do you just think...eh "Screw them!"


    Perhaps they are not here for conversation, just for NSA and such.

    Very very good point my friend. And if im not the eye candy they want, they wont waste time.
  • WILDCARD73

    Posts: 545

    Mar 05, 2010 3:40 AM GMT
    bunch of strangers who cares what they think

    at the same time

    they dont owe you any explanation why they should talk back

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 05, 2010 3:57 AM GMT
    cthedj saidI love this site. Mainly because people tend to be generally nice and easy to talk to. Even if we arent each others types. Unlike Big muscle or a4a where if you say hi to someone they ignore you (if youre not their type). For the most part that doesnt seem to happen here.

    Now the disclaimer...Im noticing in the last couple weeks a couple guys wouldnt respond if I just say hi and tell them I like their profile and look.

    It just happened.

    It pissed me off. IMHO its rude.

    So I Thought...this could be a good topic. I wonder if other peeps on here get irritated with it as well.

    Do you think its rude? Or do you just think...eh "Screw them!"


    First of all, let me say that I understand your frustration, when you see someone who really appeals to you, and you want to express that to them, and you send them a message, and there's no reply. I've experienced that plenty of times.

    However, that doesn't mean that they are being rude.

    Maybe the guy you sent the message to didn't SEE your message. Have you considered that?

    If we were at a party, you were standing alone, and I walked up to you with a smile, said "Hi" and extended my hand, and you just walked away without acknowledging me, then yeah, that would be rude. But on the internet, when you're sending a message to a total stranger without having any idea of what is going on at their end, I don't think it's fair to make any assumptions.

    IMHO of course. icon_smile.gif
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Mar 05, 2010 4:10 AM GMT
    WELCOME TO THE INTERNET

    If you send a message, just send it, then FUHGEDDABOUDIT !
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 05, 2010 4:13 AM GMT
    I respond to all e-mails that aren't from pervs... sometimes I respond to those as well, but not nicely. Sucked responding like 500-600 messages in one day a few back, but I got to them all icon_biggrin.gif

    Everyone deserves a response if they take the time to write an e-mail. I think it's pretty disrespectful to ignore them.
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    Mar 05, 2010 4:19 AM GMT
    greenlantern1 saidYou bring up a great point! As a gay man, I enjoy talking to other gay guys from all over. I will hot or buddy list someone or hit them up with an email to just start conversation to get to know them some. I love hot gay sex as much as anyone, but I am also content to chat with someone just because they are good and interesting people. I am easy to talk to, so I get a little put off by someone that thinks that they are better than everyone else, or that any of the other guys on this site are "lucky" that they even talk to them. Just remember, you are on here the same as me and all the other guys. There are many great guys that are on rj, and I have made a few really good friends from this site. Come on, you guys, you don't have to be stuck-up...there is no reason for it. I had one guy that was a real dick because I added him to my buddy list. He told me that I should have i.m.ed him or emailed him 1st...which made me, first of all, take him off my buddy list; then, I did send an email to him saying that I had thought that he had an interesting profile and I just thought he might be someone that I would like to get to know for no reason other than that. Then, I told him that after his belligerent response, he was not interesting at all, and I blocked him...done!!


    Well, I won't excuse the guy for being "belligerent", but I agree with his point, which is that it makes no sense to say someone is your "buddy" if you're complete strangers who have never exchanged a single word. Doesn't that completely alter the meaning of the word "buddy"?

    Maybe I just care too much about what words mean... sigh...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 05, 2010 7:37 AM GMT
    You shouldn't let yourself get worked up by the people who ignore you cause they don't like you .. why? cause they don't like you anyway icon_eek.gif

    Concentrate on the people who do like you icon_biggrin.gif
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    Mar 05, 2010 7:46 AM GMT
    I try to reply to most of the messages Ive received on here but usually I follow the forum and inbox on my phone and Im like alright Ill reply later when I get home in front of a decent computer but occasionally I might totally forget about it icon_sad.gif but never on purpose
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 05, 2010 9:04 AM GMT
    If you get mad because someone doesn't respond to your email, compliment or whatever then that's kind of your bad for expecting much from them in the first place regardless of how harmless it is.

    If they choose not to reply back then move on. It's that simple. There's really nothing you can do about it besides maybe block them and what does that really prove or do? I think a lot of folks here online are under the assumption that people have to respond to every little email or buddy/hotlist request. The reality is people don't and they aren't obligated to so why do others continue to complain about something they have no control over? If I could have a dime for every email I sent out to people here on this site that didn't respond back I could probably buy an island somewhere and retire happily.

    A lot of people don't respond back for many reasons it seems and for whatever reason that is it suits them just fine and I'm cool with it since I too do the same thing. I'm human and flawed. They might not be interested, they might be busy or they might not check their emails very often. Deal with it and just move on I say.

    I like how the ones who don't get a response back are often the ones who quickly judge and complain about others who didn't respond back to them. That says a lot and might answer the question as to why some people don't bother responding back in the first place. The most common reason as to why people don't respond back (or so I think) is because they aren't interested and with that being said I gather they feel that responding back would be a waste of time so they don't in the hopes that their non responsiveness will be answer enough.

    From personal experience I've just learned to take things like this with a grain of salt. No sense weeping over something I have no control over. I'm not gonna bite someone's head off and judge them because they didn't respond back to me. Fuck it. For whatever reason they didn't respond back it's nothing I have control over so why develop wrinkles over it? Not worth it in my book.

    The world keeps on turning.
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    Mar 05, 2010 9:21 AM GMT
    I have rarely on this site gotten a reply. in fact many times I get a rude reply calling me a "dumb twink" telling me to be a man before I join. And a number of other things about my small stature.

    But I don't mind I mean, i'm me. I'm working on being bigger. People here weren't born with big biceps and bulging pecs lol.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 05, 2010 9:53 AM GMT
    It's rude to ignore a polite hello, but there's no accountability for anyone's behavior. Maybe that's why people jump on the most egregious postings to create some kind of shaming effect.

    If they aren't receptive to your initial message, then how fulfilling could any conversation ultimately be? Consider it a favor for not wasting your own time.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 05, 2010 10:08 AM GMT
    I always respond to messages that I receive. Probably because I'm always so surprised to receive one and they're always nice.

    On the other hand, I suspect that those who do not probably receive tons of emails. If they don't respond to me, no biggie. Hopefully my message made their day a little brighter. I'm kinda of weird though because I don't send a message with the expectation that I'll receive a response. Even in person I flirt often but never expect it in return. Again, weirdo here.

    Don't take it personally.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 05, 2010 10:19 AM GMT
    I think they could be nice. Maybe they get a lot of emails sometimes and so it's hard to keep up with.

    I can never figure it out...they might like you but are afraid to really be friendly back. They will look at you, admire you and possible want to fuck you...then what? Your just the old shoe that's tossed to the dump?

    I think most guys are here to get off...sadly...but true.

    As for me? I am here to be friendly, show off and play the joker....LOL

    You can hate me or like me...I am not sure if these things matter much in cyber land. It's not really...that...REAL!
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    Mar 05, 2010 11:06 AM GMT
    MenschPress said
    cthedj saidI love this site. Mainly because people tend to be generally nice and easy to talk to. Even if we arent each others types. Unlike Big muscle or a4a where if you say hi to someone they ignore you (if youre not their type). For the most part that doesnt seem to happen here.

    Now the disclaimer...Im noticing in the last couple weeks a couple guys wouldnt respond if I just say hi and tell them I like their profile and look.

    It just happened.

    It pissed me off. IMHO its rude.

    So I Thought...this could be a good topic. I wonder if other peeps on here get irritated with it as well.

    Do you think its rude? Or do you just think...eh "Screw them!"


    First of all, let me say that I understand your frustration, when you see someone who really appeals to you, and you want to express that to them, and you send them a message, and there's no reply. I've experienced that plenty of times.

    However, that doesn't mean that they are being rude.

    Maybe the guy you sent the message to didn't SEE your message. Have you considered that?

    If we were at a party, you were standing alone, and I walked up to you with a smile, said "Hi" and extended my hand, and you just walked away without acknowledging me, then yeah, that would be rude. But on the internet, when you're sending a message to a total stranger without having any idea of what is going on at their end, I don't think it's fair to make any assumptions.

    IMHO of course. icon_smile.gif
    HAHAHA! Love that last part :-P So true. But no you are right that could be true. On the one yesterday I checked my sent box and it said read. Because you he went and looked at my profile again after I sent it. But this has happened with people that I just wanted to say hi to also. But really for the most part 97% of the guys on here do not do this.
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    Mar 05, 2010 11:09 AM GMT
    Guy101 saidIf you get mad because someone doesn't respond to your email, compliment or whatever then that's kind of your bad for expecting much from them in the first place regardless of how harmless it is.

    If they choose not to reply back then move on. It's that simple. There's really nothing you can do about it besides maybe block them and what does that really prove or do? I think a lot of folks here online are under the assumption that people have to respond to every little email or buddy/hotlist request. The reality is people don't and they aren't obligated to so why do others continue to complain about something they have no control over? If I could have a dime for every email I sent out to people here on this site that didn't respond back I could probably buy an island somewhere and retire happily.

    A lot of people don't respond back for many reasons it seems and for whatever reason that is it suits them just fine and I'm cool with it since I too do the same thing. I'm human and flawed. They might not be interested, they might be busy or they might not check their emails very often. Deal with it and just move on I say.

    I like how the ones who don't get a response back are often the ones who quickly judge and complain about others who didn't respond back to them. That says a lot and might answer the question as to why some people don't bother responding back in the first place. The most common reason as to why people don't respond back (or so I think) is because they aren't interested and with that being said I gather they feel that responding back would be a waste of time so they don't in the hopes that their non responsiveness will be answer enough.

    From personal experience I've just learned to take things like this with a grain of salt. No sense weeping over something I have no control over. I'm not gonna bite someone's head off and judge them because they didn't respond back to me. Fuck it. For whatever reason they didn't respond back it's nothing I have control over so why develop wrinkles over it? Not worth it in my book.

    The world keeps on turning.
    Exactly there are many reasons. But my question in this thread was "Do you think its rude "? Thats what conversation I wanted out of it.