What do you say when he asks, "what you into/what you looking for?"

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 06, 2010 11:01 PM GMT
    Be it on RJ or in real life, It's probably my most hated question.

    Is it normal for gay guys to be that upfront before you've even gone out....I kind of figured if you think you like the guy, you'll ask to meet him continue a conversation regardless of what he's into/looking for and tackle those questions on meeting him, Right?

    and what exactly does a guy mean by that....What are you into in life(doubtful), sexually, relationship-wise. It feels like a broad request just to lay it all out in front of a guy... Give it all up and still worry that you haven't answered the question he was asking. Or worse reply with "well I don't really hook-up" and get back an icy "I didn't ask if you wanted to hook-up why do you always assume that gay men are always looking for sex" or if you don't say that....comes off as innocent, coy, naive

    I'm not sure I understand the meaning of these questions, and what is expected of me by way of a response

    It's just all so confusing...... *sigh* gay men
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    Mar 06, 2010 11:08 PM GMT
    This is a rather funny question.

    If you answer "A hookup" then you risk of sounding slutty and then the guy leaves. But you might also get a chance to have sex with him if he is looking only for a hookup as well..

    If you answer "LTR" then you risk of sounding too needy and then the guy leaves. But you might set the tone for a good relationship if he is also looking for a relationship.

    If you answer "Just friends" then you risk that he might leave if he is looking for a quick hookup. He might also leave if he is the relationship type and doesn't want to waste his time on guys that are not ready for a relationship..


    Every answer you give has its risks and when they ask you this, they are trying to corner you. Don't let him corner you!! When he asks this question, say "I dunno, it truly depends on the other guy and what he's lookin for"...

    I've used this line many a times and it works perfectly and most of the time they will fess up what they are lookin for. That is a smart way to kinda turn it back on him....
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 06, 2010 11:10 PM GMT
    It's easy, just ask for clarification.

    Guy: So what are you into?
    You: Depends on what you're referring to.
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    Mar 06, 2010 11:13 PM GMT
    Aggieboy said Every answer you give has its risks ... When he asks this question, say "I dunno, it truly depends on the other guy and what he's lookin for"...

    The best answer is always the truest one. The truth is if you've just met someone you don't know him and you can't say where it might go. Just say "Let's get to know each other better first."
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Mar 06, 2010 11:17 PM GMT
    It's easy for me..I just discuss my fetishes. It's a great ice-breaker, always a bit surprising to the guy and always gets him to laugh and open up a little easier. icon_twisted.gif
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    Mar 06, 2010 11:19 PM GMT
    Sometimes just for shits and giggle I throw out

    "Oh the usual, antiquing, stamp collecting, auto-erotic asphyxiation"

    So it's defiantly a guy for the night/guy for keeps question?
  • Hunter9

    Posts: 1039

    Mar 06, 2010 11:22 PM GMT
    if the question is "what are you into" then it's purely asking in reference to hooking up. "what are you looking for" is totally different in my opinion. that could be sex-related, but not necessarily. i agree that it is a little direct and blunt, so it should be asked with caution, but when this question is posed to you, i suggest you answer it however you feel most appropriate. if you answer in terms of life goals, relationship-interest, favorite position or whatever, this will tell the other guy a lot about you. if that makes the other guy lose interest, than fine, it obviously wasnt meant to be.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 06, 2010 11:22 PM GMT
    Who said I was looking for anything?
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Mar 07, 2010 12:49 AM GMT
    unfounded7 saidWho said I was looking for anything?


    Everybody's lookin' for somethin'
    Somethin' to fill in the holes
    We think a lot but don't talk much about it
    'Till things get out of control...icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 07, 2010 1:07 AM GMT
    I talk about my interests, and ask him about his.


    The answers he gives will tell me what is on his mind.
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    Mar 07, 2010 1:11 AM GMT
    That question's always puts me off a bit. It seems rude and impertinent. Unless we have gotten deep into conversation and it is blatantly apparent that we are practically in the sack...but even then, it seems like it should be something that should be discovered.
  • DarkSensation

    Posts: 715

    Mar 07, 2010 1:21 AM GMT
    That's Easy...I normally Say " I'm Just Going with The Flow and you? what you Into and Looking For? "

    Always works like a charm icon_lol.gif
  • dannyboy1101

    Posts: 977

    Mar 07, 2010 2:02 AM GMT
    My future ex-husband. Just the right balance of commitment and freedom.
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Mar 07, 2010 2:06 AM GMT
    Caslon13000 saidThat question's always puts me off a bit. It seems rude and impertinent. Unless we have gotten deep into conversation and it is blatantly apparent that we are practically in the sack...but even then, it seems like it should be something that should be discovered.


    Yeah, that's where the conversation takes a dive. Usually the next question will be the one word sentence "stats?". Yes, I spend too much time online.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 07, 2010 2:06 AM GMT
    malefeet said
    unfounded7 saidWho said I was looking for anything?


    Everybody's lookin' for somethin'
    Somethin' to fill in the holes
    We think a lot but don't talk much about it
    'Till things get out of control...icon_wink.gif


    Those holes you speak of can only be filled by yourself. Getting into something with someone else in an attempt fill a void in your life is a sure fire way to ensure it'll crash and burn.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 07, 2010 2:09 AM GMT
    MsclDrew saidBe it on RJ or in real life, It's probably my most hated question.

    Is it normal for gay guys to be that upfront before you've even gone out....I kind of figured if you think you like the guy, you'll ask to meet him continue a conversation regardless of what he's into/looking for and tackle those questions on meeting him, Right?

    and what exactly does a guy mean by that....What are you into in life(doubtful), sexually, relationship-wise. It feels like a broad request just to lay it all out in front of a guy... Give it all up and still worry that you haven't answered the question he was asking. Or worse reply with "well I don't really hook-up" and get back an icy "I didn't ask if you wanted to hook-up why do you always assume that gay men are always looking for sex" or if you don't say that....comes off as innocent, coy, naive

    I'm not sure I understand the meaning of these questions, and what is expected of me by way of a response

    It's just all so confusing...... *sigh* gay men


    Usually when that question is asked up front, the guy is only interested in a hook up and nothing more. They want to know what you like in sex and when that is the first question, then it's obvious they are looking only for sex from you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 07, 2010 2:25 AM GMT
    I think it is a very unimaginative, lazy question and it turns me off really quickly. Whether it's dating or hooking up or even cyber sex, chemistry is everything and the "what are you into?" question just boils everything down to a crude, mechanical procedure ("I like to do A, B, C" "I like to do C, D, E" "let's do C together"). I've never had much of a problem knowing whether a guy and I are on the same page as far as what we're "into" and I far prefer letting it unfold organically than having a blunt conversation that takes out all the anticipation of its unfolding.
  • myklet1

    Posts: 345

    Mar 07, 2010 2:32 AM GMT
    I hate the question what are you in to. I am in to anything that makes me happy for the moment. Guess you will have to wait and see. Looking for...........
    I should no better than to be looking for anything by this time.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 07, 2010 2:39 AM GMT
    When I get this question, I answer, "felching and snowballing, some water sports. You?"
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 07, 2010 2:44 AM GMT
    I usually list my hobbies when people ask me what I'm into. They kinda get the hint.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 07, 2010 2:53 AM GMT
    you could always make some double entendre like...

    top fuel racing
    deep sea diving
    pole vault

    football, I am a tight end and a wide receiver ever since junior high!

    When I was a kid, I used to like that toy, Sit and Spin, I still have not found a replacement for that, but I also enjoy tennis and equestrian riding.

    fly fishing
    extreme watersports...


    This way, you have an answer for everything. Cheers!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 07, 2010 3:09 AM GMT
    What I used to say way back in the aol chat days.

    FuglyTroll8inches: You R fucking hot man. So what u in2?

    NaughtyBlondBoy (me): blood sports.

    FuglyTroll8inches: what?

    NaughtyBlondBoy: I like to cut people and watch them bleed. Then I wipe their blood on my cock and jerk off with it. It's so fucking hot man.

    FuglyTroll8inches: thats sick, you could get hiv or hep c or some shit like that.

    NaughtyBlondBoy: hey. sometimes you gotta break a few eggs to make an omelet, ya know?

    FuglyTroll8inches: that's fucked, i wouldn't let you anywhere near me!

    NaughtyBlondBoy: hey, you're hot. i would even let you cut me. i have my own blades.

    At this point I'm blocked and i don't have to deal with him anymore.




  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 07, 2010 3:18 AM GMT
    Here is my standard reply:

    Dude with no clue as to how to have or start a conversaton: So what are you into?

    Me: Rolling my eyes and exhaling a huge sigh: Whatever you are not into. Have a nice day.
  • QHCAguy

    Posts: 138

    Mar 07, 2010 3:22 AM GMT
    dannyboy1101 saidMy future ex-husband. Just the right balance of commitment and freedom.


    ROTFL -- Love it!

    i agree, this question ALWAYS puts you in a tight spot. Like others i try to turn it back to them because what i'm looking for is the conversation to find out if he IS who I'm looking for.
  • Joeyphx444

    Posts: 2382

    Mar 07, 2010 3:24 AM GMT
    [quote]
    Hey there beautiful man.

    I really hate that question. But I must say I like to ask it to get a ton of things out of the way. For instance, if I asked you that, my reason would be to know if you were looking for something serious or not. Because I wouldn't want to waste my time with somebody if they answered "whatever" or even the infamous, thinking im implying sex, so they say "a top".

    I like to rephrase that question. Instead of asking "what are you into" or "what are you looking for", i'd say something like "so are ya looking for something serious?". And if they get defensive or ridiculous and come off as arrogant or something, then they really aren't worth your time. It's sort of the first sign of a dramaqueen.[/quote]

    Yeah I agree, I ask the question to get things out of the way. Why talk so long w/ someone who is just looking for sex or something like that?

    At least it's better than the "so tell me about yourself" question icon_razz.gif Or even better than a guy asking nothing at all cuz he can't think of questions icon_razz.gif