Talking to guys at pubs / clubs / etc.

  • Tritimium

    Posts: 261

    Mar 07, 2010 2:42 PM GMT
    I've been trying to show my face at some gay bars and clubs in my city recently - mainly coz friends have dragged me out, lol. I'm not ALL that keen on the scene, to be honest, but it can be fun sometimes.

    I do kinda want to meet some new guys (and so does one of my friends in particular that I usually go out with), and there are several that I've liked the look of, but I have so many worries about how to go about it!

    I'm not the most socially confident of people! icon_sad.gif I'm working on that, but could do with some help, if you will.

    So my main worries are:

    1. I'm not even sure if they're gay, str8 or whatever. (Yeah, I go to gay bars, but the clientele is mixed.)

    2. Not sure they're even receptive to talking to strangers, least of all me, lol - or whether they just want to be left alone to dance with their mates (/partner?)

    3. It can be difficult to tell whether the folks they're with are just friends or a partner....and it would be rude to speak to someone in a group, surely? But most guys I'm interested in ARE with others!!

    4. I'm convinced I've seen some guys in groups where they're all looking at me icon_eek.gif, and sometimes I do like one of them....do I go up to them, or what?! I'm never sure whether it's positive or negative attention, though. icon_sad.gif (I'm pretty self-conscious, and do admit to insecurities, which I'm working on.)

    5. I'm absolutely useless at reading body language....I'm never sure if guys are looking at me or someone else, and again whether it's positive or negative. The guys I do like the look of are usually pretty masculine, and I'm very careful about looking too long at any of them in case they spot me staring, lol, and take issue.

    6. Also, I usually go out on the scene with a friend (or friends), and other friends who've seen us out invariably thought we were dating! Not the case, but I don't wanna go on my own, necessarily.

    Some pointers would be very much appreciated. Many thanks in advance.
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Mar 07, 2010 3:07 PM GMT
    A nice smile goes a long way.

    If you're out having a good time with friends and laughing it up people will come up and talk with you and your friends. If you're throwing attitude everywhere people will stay away.
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    Mar 07, 2010 3:07 PM GMT
    Try to think of it as just a light conversation, not a marriage proposal. Don't analyze it to bits, just make some offhand remarks. If it goes well, the guy will respond with something similar. If it doesn't, it's not the end of the world, or the end of the evening even.
    Try to enjoy it if you can.
  • Tritimium

    Posts: 261

    Mar 07, 2010 8:17 PM GMT
    Cheers guys icon_biggrin.gif

    Yeah, I do have a tendency to over-analyze everything.....probably not a good plan in this case. I'm drawn to smiley people, so I guess I should do the same, really. icon_biggrin.gif



  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 07, 2010 8:20 PM GMT
    When going out, it is best to have in your mind to have fun and enjoy the night. Putting to much intention on meeting someone can actually stress you out. You should go with friends, and know you can break away from them in a sec, just to strike up the conversation that you need. Its also good to have them around just in case something didn't work out, so you don't sulk by yourself with a drink!

    Small talk and smiles usually help. You don't have to say anything too big or crazy to get someones attention, just a good ole "hello" does the job. An icebreaker helps also- an Interesting T-shirt or what not, or just simple charms.

    Don't worry too much about being "seen" even though it is good to be in the scene. If someone likes you, they will talk to you, don't force it, if its not gonna happen.

    Most of all just be accepting of what's going on. Enjoy and share your joy.
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    Mar 07, 2010 8:39 PM GMT
    Hey Tritimuim, here's a topic where I gave the same advice I'd give to you on this topic. Take a peek. I posted a couple of times.

    -Doug

    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/841773
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 09, 2010 5:52 AM GMT
    meninlove saidHey Tritimuim, here's a topic where I gave the same advice I'd give to you on this topic. Take a peek. I posted a couple of times.

    -Doug

    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/841773


    Listen to the advice given here...its awesome...