WHATS UP WITH EVERYONE HATING ON THE GAY FEM GUY?!

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 19, 2008 6:56 AM GMT
    I have noticed that may people on realjock do not like fem guys . . . WHY?! (I'm not taking about dating because i know everyone has their preference, but i am talking about just as friends or just talking to them without judging them on their body language and the way they talk!) If anything I have learned from being gay that I should accept EVERYONE no matter what! WHY ARE GAYS DISCRIMINATING AGAINST OTHER GAYS?!?!?!
    Everyone should give everyone a first chance at least! Most of the guys on realjock wont give me the time of day once they read my profile and find out in fem (and its not like I'm super fem AT ALL) (i have another profile on here, just made a new one to make some posts) I know fem guys are "known" to be bi*chy, but NOT ALL OF THEM ARE! Some fem guys like to shop, get their hair done, get their nails done, get a massage, like to dress up in drag ... among many other things ANDDDDD they do it NOTTTTTTT to rebel and piss other people off BUT because it makes them HAPPY! (this last statement I read from another post and i thought it was a wonderful comment)

    I can guaranty that I am a catch that none would want to pass up as a bf or friend (ONCE THEY GOT TO KNOW ME!) . I am 18 yet has his head on straight! I have never messed around with alcohol, smoking and drugs. I am a wonderful friend and help out people whenever I can. I never disregard someone in need, I CARE about how people are feeling, and how I can help them. I am a wonderful student and only do the best try my best. Overall I find my self to be a pretty good friend and family member. (I contribute all of my personality traits to my mother =D) YETTTTTTTT even if I am trying to help, other people and yes, also GAY MASC GUYS, look at me and pretend that I'm another "fem whore" , they disregard me as if I have a black heart. They look at me like a homophobic person would look at a gay man.

    All I am truly trying to say is, don't ever discriminate against ANYONE especially people in the same minority group that you are apart of. Give people a chance and you may become very surprised at who that person truly is.

    SO PLEASE TELL ME WHY GAY MASC GUYS ARE LIKE THIS, BECAUSE I KNOW I GIVE EVERYONE A CHANCE, WHY DONT THEY DO THE SAME TO ME?!

    p.s. i know some of them do so please dont take this post to offence if you truly do, but i KNOWWWWW some people that read this post DONT (give them a chance)!

    p.s.2. (my proof reading and spelling is HORRIBLE so I apologize in advance for any confusion in the post) =]

    icon_eek.gif <--- i just had to post that because I LOVEEE that face haha =]
  • Artesin

    Posts: 482

    Jan 19, 2008 7:08 AM GMT
    I'm white, I discriminate against other white people. My friend is black, she discriminates against other black people. We both discriminate against everyone else. It is a matter of preference, we like people such as ourselves, we prefer to be around those people. Why I don't like fem guys? Easy. They are ANNOYING, in the very least the vast majority not to mention outrageously catty. Usually a feminine gay mans interests fit nowhere close to mine. That being the case: why would I hang out with them? Should I do it because I'm gay and their gay ? No, that is positively stupid. I won't shun them because they are fem, don't get me wrong, but the voice is positively ear splitting alone. This is somewhat a catch 22. Just look how pseudo-gangsters talk, would you want to listen to them speak? I wouldn't think so.

    Also I don't think hobbies such as sewing, cooking ect are considered feminine I just believe that being effeminate is part of someones character. Sure it can be changed, but why, if thats who they are why bother changing it? Like I said before I don't dislike them, I just won't go out of my way to befriend them seeing as our personalties dont match, and I can't say I haven't tried. Hell a few of my good friends are dykes and I love being around them.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 19, 2008 10:18 AM GMT
    A lot of guys on here seem obsessive in their hatred for 'effeminate' guys. I've never known anything like it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 19, 2008 2:38 PM GMT
    I don't hate them. I think they are hilarious. I would NEVER date one, but I would befriend them.

    I think humans just naturally want to hate and discriminate. I think we have a natural urge to hate something. With out evil their is no good. We all want to be good, or at leat on the correct side, right?

    (That excludes McGay of course. We all know how sinister he is and we all love him for that. )

    Back to the point...we want to be right and good. However that can not exist if there is no evil or wrong. So republicans say gays are evil and they are good, the KKK will say blacks are wrong and they are right, the list goes on and on.

    I just think that people want to naturally hate. Maybe it is in our nature, but that is what I think right now.

    Don't worry about the guys who don't like "fems." Just ignore it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 19, 2008 3:03 PM GMT
    i'll step up and be honest with you - i'm not particularly fond of fem guys, never have been, but the more i sit here and think about it, it might just be for the simple reason i don't understand them.

    i used to always say that i must have missed the memo when i came out that stated men's voices need to raise 3 octaves and my gestures needed to become more flamboyant. i was me and being gay wasn't and didn't change my mannerisms.

    "queen," would be the first thing out of my mouth when i noticed a fem guy. i even picked up a few purses for a few muscle men. i would turn away, shake my head and tell myself - "i just don't get it."
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 19, 2008 3:04 PM GMT
    highly feminine men are just funny. I've got my fem moments and so do a lot of guys on here and I wouldn't deny a person my friendship over something like that but its just a great source of comedy vicon_smile.gifv
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 19, 2008 3:20 PM GMT
    The funniest part about all this is that often when you encounter a guy who says he's masc and that he doesn't like fem guys, the second he opens his mouth and you hear all that sibilance and affectation in his voice you have to think "who the f*ck do you think you're kidding?". Me thinks thou doest protest too much, butch.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 19, 2008 3:21 PM GMT
    McGay saidThe funniest part about all this is that often when you encounter a guy who says he's masc and that he doesn't like fem guys, the second he opens his mouth and you hear all that sibilance and affectation in his voice you have to think "who the f*ck do you think you're kidding?". Me thinks thou doest protest too much, butch.

    HAPPENS ALL THE TIME!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 19, 2008 3:23 PM GMT
    I cant be around feminine gay men - I dont hate them though... but have nothing in commong with a flaming guy. And yes its just like any other preference.. nothing to be taken so seriously... there is someone for everyone out there unfortunately or fortunately certain people get more attention and are more desirable than others.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 19, 2008 3:24 PM GMT
    I look at guys from Queer Eye or Project Runway, for example, and think, bottom line, these guys are brave and tough. They didn't get a "Get out of Gay Free" card because they were obvious all their lives and they didn't compromise. Any one of them would be a blast to sit down and drink and trade stories with, theirs being far more interesting than my own, I'm sure.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 19, 2008 3:31 PM GMT
    McGay saidThe funniest part about all this is that often when you encounter a guy who says he's masc and that he doesn't like fem guys, the second he opens his mouth and you hear all that sibilance and affectation in his voice you have to think "who the f*ck do you think you're kidding?". Me thinks thou doest protest too much, butch.


    I don't even recognize half the time if I'm being fem. I have qualities of both "sides" I guess...There's a mindset to the whole fem thing that even us with fem tendencies don't subscribe to and it's irritating being pigeonholed because of an interest in fashion or a "gay" voice.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 19, 2008 3:33 PM GMT
    being the "king of camp" amongst all my friends (regardless of gender, sexual preference and all those fragmenting shit), i'd rather be enveloped in their love than be the object of hate by people who see me as a living reminder of who they can't become!
    "muscle gain is easy, personality is a different story." it's either you were born with it or you're not.

    c'est la vie, folks. xx
    icon_cool.gificon_cool.gificon_cool.gif
  • Starboard

    Posts: 242

    Jan 19, 2008 3:34 PM GMT
    Being drawn to a certain type of man (or the reverse momentum) is not discriminatory. As death dodge says, we're talking about preferences here. In an online forum we are looking at each from a very limited perspective (a few jpegs and sentences cobbled together). We are not looking into each other's souls -- we're usually looking at each other's pecs and abs (or lack thereof).

    Fact of the matter is that there is a population of gay men that tend to act feminine (and no, let's face it, we're not saying they are "sensitive" or "in touch with their feminine side", they are full-out effeminate). Some guys find that attractive -- if you don't happen to be one of those guys, how is that discriminatory? If you're only attracted to handbag-carrying, make-up wearing, giggly bois, are you discriminating against the other sub-categories of gay men that exist in this world?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 19, 2008 3:38 PM GMT
    JW097 wondered,

    SO PLEASE TELL ME WHY GAY MASC GUYS ARE LIKE THIS, BECAUSE I KNOW I GIVE EVERYONE A CHANCE, WHY DONT THEY DO THE SAME TO ME?!

    Some of it is an expression of internalized homophobia. Just read some of the posts over in the "twink workout" thread; I would expect to hear some of that stuff from an eighth-grader.

    Many of the remarks on transgendered people that show up on the forums are just as ill-considered.

    When McGay sits down to have a drink and trade stories with the guys from Queer Eye and Project Runway, I hope he'll save a space at the table for me.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 19, 2008 3:50 PM GMT
    [quote]
    Some of it is an expression of internalized homophobia. Just read some of the posts over in the "twink workout" thread; I would expect to hear some of that stuff from an eighth-grader.
    [/quote]

    The internet is serious.
  • cowboyathlete

    Posts: 1346

    Jan 19, 2008 3:58 PM GMT
    It is a learned and practiced behavior, if you ask me (being effeminate, that is).
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 19, 2008 3:58 PM GMT
    MikeOnMain because of your faith, you will be seated at the right hand of the McGay. icon_cool.gif
  • jarhead5536

    Posts: 1348

    Jan 19, 2008 4:06 PM GMT
    Okay, I'll be blunt - I used to be one of those nelly guys, and I despised myself for being that way. I discovered after joining the military that my behavior and speech patterns had changed to normal masculine characteristics without me actually trying to do anything.

    I like men, and I like men that like men. Men that act like women are a huge turnoff. I could be wrong, but based on my own experience, effeminacy is an adopted behavior, that one can discard if one wants to...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 19, 2008 4:12 PM GMT
    I think it has a lot to do with a general inability of some people to go outside their own boundaries when it comes to personal relationships, particularly as it relates to gender roles. The fact that fem gay guys go outside of society's gender roles makes a lot of people really uncomfortable, for really no good reason, and so they make a whole lot of excuses such as "well fem guys are just bitchy and catty" or "it's just a personal preference" to mask their discomfort towards the gender bending of feminine gay men. I used to do the same thing. I was embarrassed to be with fem guys in public because I was afraid of attention being brought onto me as well.

    It's my opinion that most people simply need to learn to accept people outside of their normal boundaries and accept a certain amount of discomfort at first. A lot of people miss out on a lot of really great potential friendships because they won't let their guard down enough to understand how little of a difference gender roles should really play in befriending a person.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 19, 2008 4:14 PM GMT
    McGay saidI look at guys from Queer Eye or Project Runway, for example, and think, bottom line, these guys are brave and tough. They didn't get a "Get out of Gay Free" card because they were obvious all their lives and they didn't compromise. Any one of them would be a blast to sit down and drink and trade stories with, theirs being far more interesting than my own, I'm sure.


    Well said McGay. I value my friends regardless of their mannerisms. I would get really bored if everyone around me looked, acted and spoke the same way. One of my tests early in dating to watch for negative comments towards effeminate men. The guys are usually shocked when I tell them they are creeps and they can lose my number after they cringe when one of my drag queen friends says hi to me on the street or even worse hugs me while in full drag at the bar. Even on this site there are many guys that I would never want to speak to just based on some of the ignorant things they say in their profiles about feminine guys.

    It has been proven that gender conformative or nonconformative behavior and mannerisms are something people are simply born with. To me it makes about as much sense as discriminating against someone who was born with blue eyes instead of brown. http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2006/03/09/60minutes/main1385230_page2.shtml

    I would also suggest that if it wasn't for generations of effeminate men before us putting their safety and even lives on the line by refusing to shut up and allow themselves to be devalued, abused and marginalized we wouldn't have many of the legal protections we do today.

    In other words, get the hell over yourself and act like human beings and treat those around you as you would like to be treated.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 19, 2008 4:19 PM GMT
    jarhead5536 said
    I like men, and I like men that like men. Men that act like women are a huge turnoff. I could be wrong, but based on my own experience, effeminacy is an adopted behavior, that one can discard if one wants to...


    I'm not going to argue about whether it always is or always isn't something that can be "discarded." Also, leaving aside the attraction factor and focusing merely on accepting fem guys a friend, as it seems to me was the OP's original concern.

    The question I want to put towards you is why should someone discard that behavior? It seems to me that notions of which sex has the right to masculinity or femininity are little more than a social construct, to be disregarded whenever someone desires. While I understand that men and women tend towards certain behaviors that we regard as masculine and feminine, should we really be making our decisions about who we befriend based on fairly artificial gender norms?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 19, 2008 4:20 PM GMT
    Some might say it's internalized homophobia. I've read a little bit of research on the subject (take it with a grain of salt) and some scientists believe it has something to do with trying to fit in to society. While most gay men are accepting of their sexuality, they still feel the need to be hypermasculine so as not to feel insecure. In my opinion, life's too short to hate, or to have beef with anyone because they talk, look, act different than me. Imagine if we were all the same. What a boring world, indeed.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 19, 2008 4:30 PM GMT
    I don't know the origin of this, but,

    "You laugh at me because I'm different. I laugh at you because you're all the same."
  • stevarino7

    Posts: 149

    Jan 19, 2008 4:32 PM GMT
    I am not sure I understand how some guys can say they have nothing in common or can't stand guys that"act like women". Yet I am assuming all of these guys have friends that are actually women, with possibly some of the same charateristics and get along with them extremely well. That isn't really judging them on common traits, but rather purely on the sex of the person who holds the characteristics.
  • art_smass

    Posts: 960

    Jan 19, 2008 4:47 PM GMT
    I don't mind queeny guys. I like funny, smart people. I'd rather hang out with a clever drag queen than a thick body builder. As far as relationships are concerned, I'm happy to be with someone who is happy to be with me.