Can 2 Bottoms Have A Successful, Long-Term Relationship?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 09, 2010 5:55 AM GMT
    For most of my adult life I have been fixated on being in a r/ship with a guy who is TOP with me being BOTTOM.

    Something someone said to me today, however, really got me thinking.

    One of my concerns about the strict top/bottom division that exists in some relationships is how this power dynamic can extend into and contaminate other non-sexual areas of the relationship.

    As I reflect on my own r/ship of 5 years (see the other thread icon_redface.gif), one of the things that is obvious to me is the manner in which I have allowed my partner to control and dominate me, in all aspects of our r/ship.

    Thinking outside the box, I am starting to wonder if a bottom/bottom combination wouldn't be such a bad choice for me. At least then the power dynamic would be blown away, and in a sense we would be equals. I'm tired of playing a role - I just want to be an equal.
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    Mar 09, 2010 7:30 AM GMT
    I may be going a bit out on the limb here, but maybe you could gain a better perspective starting with not basing your thought process on relationships with sexual position. Sexual compatibility is important, but it should not necessarily be the be all-end all in the criteria of seeking a committed relationship.
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    Mar 09, 2010 8:08 AM GMT
    wondering2010 saidFor most of my adult life I have been fixated on being in a r/ship with a guy who is TOP with me being BOTTOM.

    Something someone said to me today, however, really got me thinking.

    One of my concerns about the strict top/bottom division that exists in some relationships is how this power dynamic can extend into and contaminate other non-sexual areas of the relationship.

    As I reflect on my own r/ship of 5 years (see the other thread icon_redface.gif), one of the things that is obvious to me is the manner in which I have allowed my partner to control and dominate me, in all aspects of our r/ship.

    Thinking outside the box, I am starting to wonder if a bottom/bottom combination wouldn't be such a bad choice for me. At least then the power dynamic would be blown away, and in a sense we would be equals. I'm tired of playing a role - I just want to be an equal.


    I feel the same way, and you don't necessarily need to be stuck in a role. You should maybe invest in guys who are able to perform both...I think that guys who refuse to perform both are missing a key to them, it's very small minded in my eyes...That being said, you don't necessarily have to find another bottom, perhaps just a versatile guy that knows how to treat you equally.
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    Mar 09, 2010 2:06 PM GMT
    No
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    Mar 09, 2010 2:08 PM GMT
    ErikTaurean saidI may be going a bit out on the limb here, but maybe you could gain a better perspective starting with not basing your thought process on relationships with sexual position. Sexual compatibility is important, but it should not necessarily be the be all-end all in the criteria of seeking a committed relationship.


    good advice. go with this
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    Mar 09, 2010 2:09 PM GMT
    I think it is possible. However; ask yourself if getting it up the bum is something you also desire and want. If you have a total bottom as a partner then you can have that, however it be with the 'pleasure rod' as indicated above! LOL.

    I agree with someone that is completely versatile and will pleasure you. Also, the need that the versatile guy might want to get it up the bum as well could be something he desires. Are you willing to go the extra inches for him?

    communication up front in what you like and desire. get it out there.

    and then put on the soundtrack from cool runnings. ''''I CAN SEE CLEARLY NOW..."""
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    Mar 09, 2010 2:09 PM GMT
    I think being in a relationship with someone who is open/versatile to satisfying you sexually is the ideal situation. Besides, what's the fun in sticking to the same "role" or position time after time?
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    Mar 09, 2010 2:22 PM GMT
    Not if you're still stuck in the top-bottom paradigm of male/male relationships. Congrats on beginning to see things from a different perspective and good luck finding your equal.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 09, 2010 2:27 PM GMT
    Bottom + Bottom = UNFULFILLED SEX LIVES + LOTS AND LOTS OF CHEATING
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    Mar 09, 2010 2:32 PM GMT
    PAJohn said


    Double_Dildo.jpg


    HAHAHA
  • Celticmusl

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    Mar 09, 2010 2:42 PM GMT
    It sounds like you started out wanting to be dominated, as it is with hmmm....most of the bottoms I've known. A question for yourself: Did you like it, or did you think it was important that he opened the door for you? I don't know what thread you're talking about regarding the top, but if you're still in a relationship, maybe he resents the fact that he always has to act like the "top guy".

    For guys that consider themselves strict bottoms, I don't think it could work out. In my past experience strict bottoms seem too needy and self absorbed. I have seen it work out where there are two tops in an ltr of the monogamous variety.
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    Mar 09, 2010 2:57 PM GMT

    hmmm...so top/bottom is much more than just sexual preference? I't also full of dominance/submissive issues?

    Well, I just learned something, but I don't think it's that way for all tops/bottoms. (lol, not fond of those two terms either, too restrictive)


    -Doug
  • rnch

    Posts: 11525

    Mar 09, 2010 6:18 PM GMT
    ya'll ever try the reverse (or forward facing) cowboy manuever?

    with you on top and him flat on his back, YOU are in "control". icon_wink.gificon_twisted.gif
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    Mar 09, 2010 6:22 PM GMT
    Absolutely. All they need is a top to poke them from time to time
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    Mar 09, 2010 8:09 PM GMT
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    Mar 09, 2010 8:12 PM GMT
    failyeu.jpg
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    Mar 10, 2010 1:02 AM GMT
    Short answer to the topic, from my own personal experience: NO.

    I was in an LTR with another bottom and I was never happy. I was forced to be the top because he refused to be a top at all. I will never again try to repeat this mistake, no matter how wonderful the guy is. Better to stick to being friends.
  • coolarmydude

    Posts: 9190

    Mar 10, 2010 1:04 AM GMT
    PAJohn said


    Double_Dildo.jpg



    Hahaha! I thought the same thing.


    But to answer the OP's question, I think that if two lesbians can do it, why not two bottom men?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 10, 2010 1:13 AM GMT
    bottoms that refuse to top need help of all kinds and not on this thread
  • Celticmusl

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    Mar 10, 2010 1:14 AM GMT
    meninlove said
    hmmm...so top/bottom is much more than just sexual preference? I't also full of dominance/submissive issues?

    Well, I just learned something, but I don't think it's that way for all tops/bottoms. (lol, not fond of those two terms either, too restrictive)


    -Doug



    I agree, I think all of it is way too much distorted inference and constricting labels. The only thing I can possibly say is that there are a great many of those that call themselves bottoms that are very disappointed if you are not very aggressive with them in the bedroom.....even while you still are just trying to get to know each other. Also, if you don't act like a "top" personality 100 percent of the time they lose interest in you. God forbid you drive something other than a truck or SUV.

    The only thing I am implying in regards to the OP is that maybe at some level he enjoyed being the less dominant person at some earlier point, since it takes two to tango.
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    Mar 10, 2010 3:04 PM GMT



    Thanks Celtic, as always....Right now I'm sitting here considerably wider of eye, lol!
  • michxman

    Posts: 46

    Mar 11, 2010 12:49 AM GMT
    YES
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    May 05, 2010 3:15 PM GMT
    I swing both ways, I bottom and I top, but at the end of the day, I'm dominant, I've an incredibly strong personality and I'm not good at being dominated (at least not without doing so by choice)...

    being a bottom doesn't mean you are submissive, it just means you like getting a cock all up in there mushing your prostate.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 05, 2010 3:15 PM GMT
    carabin saidbottoms that refuse to top need help of all kinds and not on this thread


    Or maybe guys shouldn't be with guysicon_lol.gif 2 rights don't make a wrong and vice versa...icon_twisted.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 05, 2010 3:23 PM GMT
    My motto has alway been "You'll never do to me what you won't let me do to it" Keeps the playing field even.. icon_wink.gif