HANGING OUT (aka "Is This a Date?")

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 09, 2010 6:18 AM GMT
    Thought I'd revive the old conversation about "Hanging out". Just today I got into an argument with a friend who's opinion is very Black & White on this issue.

    He feels that at the moment you are "hanging out" with a guy you like, friend or otherwise, you should ask the questions "Where is this going? Is this a date?" just to make things clear...

    My opinion was in more of a Gray Area...To me there's no faster way to get a dude looking for the door than to ask him "Where is this going?" after a couple times of 'hanging out'. Admittedly this opens the door to WAYY more confusion.

    I just had a discreet younger friend over my place the other day and we were talking over drinks, watching the Oscars, just "hanging out". I think he's attractive but we met on a semi-professional basis so the whole time I was wondering if he was interested in my at all. Or if in his mind he was just "hanging out" with a new friend in his career field that also happened to be gay. There were mixed signals and I was gonna ask him right out but then he made a comment about guys always hitting on him...so I backed off...but then he made other comments confusing me further. I didn't stress over it but it did bring to light again the problem I have when talking to guys.

    Am I the only one with the problem of not being able to tell when we are "hanging out" or are actually "on a date"?

    Reminded me of this clip:

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    Mar 09, 2010 2:16 PM GMT
    I've learned that "hanging out" is the immature gay term for having non exclusive sex with the ability to conduct superficial conversation before and afterwards. So I think it lies somewhere before a relationship but more meaningful than just a hook-up. That's just been my experience...
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    Mar 09, 2010 2:33 PM GMT
    CuriousOne saidI've learned that "hanging out" is the immature gay term for having non exclusive sex with the ability to conduct superficial conversation before and afterwards. So I think it lies somewhere before a relationship but more meaningful than just a hook-up. That's just been my experience...


    I use the term "hanging out" to describe spending non-romantic time with people. These people include friends of both sexes.
  • Starboard

    Posts: 242

    Mar 09, 2010 2:57 PM GMT
    Dating is a courting ritual that is burdened with a lot of straight traditions -- opening the car door, flowers, pulling out their chair at the table for them, letting them where your coat if it gets cold,.maybe...a peck on the cheek at the end of the night. The term implies a lot of romantic bullshit that gay men usually don't require when they court each other.

    Hanging out, meeting up, going out...anything that doesn't sound like I need to "be told by his dad by what time I need to bring him home" sounds much more authentic.
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Mar 09, 2010 3:06 PM GMT
    Starboard saidDating is a courting ritual that is burdened with a lot of straight traditions -- opening the car door, flowers, pulling out their chair at the table for them, letting them where your coat if it gets cold,.maybe...a peck on the cheek at the end of the night. The term implies a lot of romantic bullshit that gay men usually don't require when they court each other.

    Hanging out, meeting up, going out...anything that doesn't sound like I need to "be told by his dad by what time I need to bring him home" sounds much more authentic.



    And yet the gay culture has courting ritual dogma as well, even to the point where it can't be called a "date". To the OP, I guess romance is out of the question.
  • Starboard

    Posts: 242

    Mar 09, 2010 3:47 PM GMT
    Romance is for pussies. Let's go change a tire or scratch each others balls or something.
  • Starboard

    Posts: 242

    Mar 09, 2010 4:19 PM GMT
    Celticmusl said
    Starboard saidDating is a courting ritual that is burdened with a lot of straight traditions -- opening the car door, flowers, pulling out their chair at the table for them, letting them where your coat if it gets cold,.maybe...a peck on the cheek at the end of the night. The term implies a lot of romantic bullshit that gay men usually don't require when they court each other.

    Hanging out, meeting up, going out...anything that doesn't sound like I need to "be told by his dad by what time I need to bring him home" sounds much more authentic.



    And yet the gay culture has courting ritual dogma as well, even to the point where it can't be called a "date". To the OP, I guess romance is out of the question.


    I think that gay culture is still trying to define it's courting dogma -- it's a void that seems partially evident by the existence of this thread. Straight-courting dogma has had centuries of Shakespeare and Cary Grant movies to define it. Now that gay culture seems to be finding it's own, I don't think that we should be burdened with straight-dogmatic traditions that are based on a lot of specifically feminine wants and desires...either in practice or in vocabulary.

    So let's hang out.
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    Mar 09, 2010 8:07 PM GMT
    Starboard said
    I think that gay culture is still trying to define it's courting dogma -- it's a void that seems partially evident by the existence of this thread. Straight-courting dogma has had centuries of Shakespeare and Cary Grant movies to define it. Now that gay culture seems to be finding it's own, I don't think that we should be burdened with straight-dogmatic traditions that are based on a lot of specifically feminine wants and desires...either in practice or in vocabulary.

    So let's hang out.


    True, but I think the main dilemma still exists...I've been in situations on both ends of the old situation: a guy I just like "hanging out" with on a non-sexual level tells me that he's misread everything we've been doing and thinks we were "dating" that whole time and now has feelings for me...at least with the Staights, its clearer when its on a romantic level.
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    Apr 13, 2010 10:19 PM GMT
    Dating and hanging out should be clearly defined.
    This is sad I know but I'm still not out to anyone. Except mabey a few people who don't know me and never will again.

    In my experience with the "menfolk" hanging out is meant to be something thats not ritualistic and is meant to be fun and to be able do something with other people WITHOUT getting involved

    dating is a much seperate thing and I think when i date somone i'd like to go through some of the rituals sraight guys go through
    i would offer my coat if he got cold, i open doors for everyone

    the bad thing is it's something thats different for each individual