Is It OK to Snoop?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 09, 2010 8:04 PM GMT
    I'm not currently seeing anyone right now, but I've been faced with this dilemma before and have discussed it with friends. It seems like some guys feel that when they earn your trust this gives them free reign to start lying because they think you will believe them. I guess you have to weigh the pro's and con's to do what you feel is best for your own well-being.

    Is a little snooping around into your boyfriend's things OK, or even healthy? Is it unhealthy and/or is it wrong every time? What if your intuition is telling you something and after doing some snooping you find out that your suspicions were correct? Does that make you just as bad as your boyfriend's transgressions (whatever they may be) or did you do yourself a favor by seeking the truth for yourself?

    Just curious what the overwhelming opinion is on this topic.
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    Mar 09, 2010 11:02 PM GMT
    RESIZED TEXT GOES HERECOLORED TEXT GOES HERE

    Snoop, snoop, snoop.... I totally think its ok. The guy that I'm seeing now, him and I both do some scandalous shit behind each others back. Sometimes the only reason we have stopped or not done something is because the other one catches thru email reading / facebook hacking / or cell phone snatching!

    So my advice bro, if you feel something inside, then its probably happening. If you need proof to feel better, then find what you already know is happening.
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    Mar 09, 2010 11:05 PM GMT
    No, snooping is never justified. Either you trust him or you don't, and if you don't ask him about your suspicions. How would you feel if the situation were reversed?
  • jgymnast733

    Posts: 1783

    Mar 09, 2010 11:11 PM GMT
    If you snoop, be prepared for what you might findicon_exclaim.gif
    It might not be so pretty...
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    Mar 09, 2010 11:15 PM GMT
    I don't feel this can be answered with a simple yes or no. It's about context.

    Now, in being about context, I'm not suggesting some sort of situational morality, as in, what suits at the moment. Just as "is snooping ok?" doesn't have a binary answer, neither does it have an open ended one.

    I'm talking about the context of a given situation/example/scenario. There will rarely be clear cut boundaries or consistent variables.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Mar 09, 2010 11:15 PM GMT
    Stay the hell out of your bf's things! My bf maintains his own bedroom (for clothes purposes) at my home since he lives 100 miles away and I rarely even go in the room. I certainly would feel uncomfortable going through his stuff.

    If you are going to have a successful relationship (of any kind), you must afford him space and respect. He does the same for me. If you can't keep your hands off and out of his stuff, your going to have a fundamental problem with any bf or partner.
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    Mar 09, 2010 11:21 PM GMT
    Myself, I'd be pissed if my bf went through my stuff, or looked in my phone behind my back. Plus I'm sure that the people that snoop, snoop expecting to find something, even if it's any little thing. So when they find something, they cling on to that and make a huge ass deal about it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 10, 2010 12:04 AM GMT
    1. No
    2. Never
    3.
    A. Trust???????
    B. If you feel the "need" to 'snoop' then you don't know the definition of trust
    C. or have issues that you need to own up to and not pass on to every new "bf".
    4. Or you give trust away to freely, which brings us back to the beginning of #3.



    ....Sorry if this is construed as Harsh- but Trust by definition means you have no reason to doubt - so suck it up and look a the "who" you typically put your trust in and ask why??


    The End. icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 10, 2010 12:29 AM GMT
    No, it is not okay
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    Mar 10, 2010 12:35 AM GMT
    It's not okay that you get to snooping. That's no healthy relationship.
  • metlboy

    Posts: 105

    Mar 10, 2010 12:41 AM GMT
    foxsmjr saidRESIZED TEXT GOES HERECOLORED TEXT GOES HERE

    Snoop, snoop, snoop.... I totally think its ok. The guy that I'm seeing now, him and I both do some scandalous shit behind each others back. Sometimes the only reason we have stopped or not done something is because the other one catches thru email reading / facebook hacking / or cell phone snatching!

    So my advice bro, if you feel something inside, then its probably happening. If you need proof to feel better, then find what you already know is happening.


    It sounds like you guys may have some bigger issues at hand.
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Mar 10, 2010 12:56 AM GMT
    No, never OK. It doesn't even matter if what you discover confirms your suspicions; you have no right to violate anyone's privacy regardless of why the point exists. That's why we have a fourth amendment and police can't randomly open your mail.
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Mar 10, 2010 12:57 AM GMT
    foxsmjr saidRESIZED TEXT GOES HERECOLORED TEXT GOES HERE

    Snoop, snoop, snoop.... I totally think its ok. The guy that I'm seeing now, him and I both do some scandalous shit behind each others back. Sometimes the only reason we have stopped or not done something is because the other one catches thru email reading / facebook hacking / or cell phone snatching!

    So my advice bro, if you feel something inside, then its probably happening. If you need proof to feel better, then find what you already know is happening.


    so umm... you're suggesting that rather than actually being a good boyfriend and not being a douche that it's ok to do things behind your boyfriend's back as long as he can catch you?
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    Mar 10, 2010 1:56 AM GMT
    I agree with RunintheCity. I think the proper answer is, it depends.

    If your only reason for snooping is your insatiable desire to know all that's going on in the world, then you have no right to snoop.

    However, if things aren't going well in the relationship (e.g., communication is dead, sex life is now dead, the boyfriend is acting weirdly, etc.), or if you just have a gut feeling that won't go away, then you have to do what you have to do. Of course, there's no telling what you might find. But I'm one of those who likes to make well-informed decisions icon_wink.gif. In other words, if you've slept with 30 guys in the last month (it can happen!), I want to know about it before I kick your triflin', lyin', dangerous ass out of my life. My health is more important than some BS need to trust someone who might be lying to me and endangering my life by having sex outside our relationship. Barebacking is on the rise, gentlemen!
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    Mar 10, 2010 2:36 AM GMT
    calibro saidNo, never OK. It doesn't even matter if what you discover confirms your suspicions; you have no right to violate anyone's privacy regardless of why the point exists. That's why we have a fourth amendment and police can't randomly open your mail.


    I think the 4th amendment applies to State action, not private conduct.
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    Mar 10, 2010 2:53 AM GMT
    BlkMuscleGent said
    calibro saidNo, never OK. It doesn't even matter if what you discover confirms your suspicions; you have no right to violate anyone's privacy regardless of why the point exists. That's why we have a fourth amendment and police can't randomly open your mail.


    I think the 4th amendment applies to State action, not private conduct.


    LOL. Yea, you're definitely right about that. The 4th Amendment has nothing to do with this unless you are dating a law enforcement officer and they are trying to obtain evidence against you that violates your reasonable expectation of privacy. Just sayin'.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 10, 2010 3:11 AM GMT
    Trust but verify. It really all depends on the person and situation which would justify you snooping.

    Think about what it means to snoop on someone? Basically you are saying that you don't trust them. You are also saying that you are slightly paranoid and have some trust issues. Sure you might be curious about something that someone does but in the end it's about you not feeling comfortable and secure with that person in your life.

    Have they given you a reason to snoop? Have you gotten that feeling/vibe of mistrust from that person? Have your friends or other outside influences turned you on some info about your partner?

    A lot of people seem happy and content to snoop but never seem to be able to man up and confront the people they are snooping on. If you feel your BF or whatever is doing something dirty behind your back I say confront them and just air it out especially if you are getting that vibe that says "Danger Will Robinson". If you are gonna snoop then have the decency to have your facts and knowledge straight so they don't have a leg to stand on when you do decide snoop and to confront them.

    Oh yeah and the 4th Amendment has a lot to with everything. You are snooping. A snooper can and will go though your stuff like your mail if they feel they need to in order to get what they want. The question is how far would you go snoop on someone and what would you be willing to do just to do it?
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Mar 10, 2010 3:27 AM GMT
    When I am in a relationship, it's because I trust the other person. Whether that person deserves it is another story altogether. Seriously though, snooping is pretty much a waste of time. The truth always comes out.
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    Mar 10, 2010 3:32 AM GMT
    Guy101 saidOh yeah and the 4th Amendment has a lot to with everything. You are snooping. A snooper can and will go though your stuff like your mail if they feel they need to in order to get what they want. The question is how far would you go snoop on someone and what would you be willing to do just to do it?


    Wrong. The 4th Amendment applies only to the government, not your friends and un-trusting boyfriends.
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    Mar 10, 2010 4:25 AM GMT
    if I ever catch a future partner snooping, i'll be showing him the door and it'll be the last time he'll ever get to walk through it.
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Mar 10, 2010 4:37 AM GMT
    BlkMuscleGent said
    calibro saidNo, never OK. It doesn't even matter if what you discover confirms your suspicions; you have no right to violate anyone's privacy regardless of why the point exists. That's why we have a fourth amendment and police can't randomly open your mail.


    I think the 4th amendment applies to State action, not private conduct.


    No, it applies to the private sector too. That's why your neighbor can't go opening up your mail. You have a basic expectancy of privacy from everyone, government or not.
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    Mar 10, 2010 4:48 AM GMT
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    Mar 10, 2010 4:58 AM GMT
    couldnt have been better said "lawguy"....i totally feel the same way right now....totally put myself on the line for this guy who thought was the one for me...and now im not sure anymore and it hurts so much..cuz i finally did find out through snooping because i had suspicion and totally regret it...i wanted to know for myself due to the stress and anxiety it brought on me...but also cuz i didnt want to be played for a fool...especially with this persons history...idk..its controversial but in the end idk if I would have done it...
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    Mar 10, 2010 5:34 AM GMT
    BlkMuscleGent saidI agree with RunintheCity. I think the proper answer is, it depends.

    If your only reason for snooping is your insatiable desire to know all that's going on in the world, then you have no right to snoop.

    However, if things aren't going well in the relationship (e.g., communication is dead, sex life is now dead, the boyfriend is acting weirdly, etc.), or if you just have a gut feeling that won't go away, then you have to do what you have to do. Of course, there's no telling what you might find. But I'm one of those who likes to make well-informed decisions icon_wink.gif. In other words, if you've slept with 30 guys in the last month (it can happen!), I want to know about it before I kick your triflin', lyin', dangerous ass out of my life. My health is more important than some BS need to trust someone who might be lying to me and endangering my life by having sex outside our relationship. Barebacking is on the rise, gentlemen!



    Wow I couldn't have put it better! I trust my intuitions so whenever I suspect something I waste no time, and do whatever I have to do to find out the truth, even if I have to snoop! I disagree with the general assumption that snooping is wrong if you suspect something is not quite right to be a violation of privacy much less about trust! I have not being in that situation yet with relationships but my intuitions have never failed me in different social situations with people I didn't trust in the past. And like BlkMuscleGent I too feel that my life and my peace of mind is by far more important then anyone's privacy or trust! let's not forget we live in a world where no one really knows no one anymore!


    Leandro ♥
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    Mar 10, 2010 5:42 AM GMT
    calibro said
    BlkMuscleGent said
    calibro saidNo, never OK. It doesn't even matter if what you discover confirms your suspicions; you have no right to violate anyone's privacy regardless of why the point exists. That's why we have a fourth amendment and police can't randomly open your mail.


    I think the 4th amendment applies to State action, not private conduct.


    No, it applies to the private sector too. That's why your neighbor can't go opening up your mail. You have a basic expectancy of privacy from everyone, government or not.


    Opening your neighbor's mail violates a criminal statute, not the U.S. Constitution.

    Sorry, Calibro.