Breakin' up is hard to do...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 11, 2010 5:54 AM GMT
    So I just had that hard discussion and broke up with the guy I've been seeing.

    I will spare you all the dirty details, suffice to say I was not at all present in our relationship due to other (non-man-related) distractions and owed it to him to let him know. And because of these other issues which are MUCH higher priorities, I'm not emotionally in a space where I'm OK to be in a relationship nor can I give what the other partner deserves in one!

    I was honest, clear, and rational.

    He was polite, appreciative, and kind.

    No object throwing. No vindictive tiny-penis name calling.

    A very respectful adult relationship cessation.

    So why do I feel like such a jerk?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 11, 2010 6:02 AM GMT
    because, no matter how gentle or how right it was, you still feel like you've hurt another person and your self.

    But that's okay, at the end of the day you did the right thing and although it wont alleviate your guilt that sense of having done the right thing will stay long after the guilt has left.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 11, 2010 6:07 AM GMT
    Sounds like you took the best course of action. Wondering though, if you left it so that you can still see each other from time to time as friends, or maybe not?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 11, 2010 6:20 AM GMT
    We did leave things open to keeping in touch in time; I actually keep this as an almost steadfast post-relationship rule and have made some of my best friends this way!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 11, 2010 7:06 AM GMT
    COJock1974 saidSo I just had that hard discussion and broke up with the guy I've been seeing.

    I will spare you all the dirty details, suffice to say I was not at all present in our relationship due to other (non-man-related) distractions and owed it to him to let him know. And because of these other issues which are MUCH higher priorities, I'm not emotionally in a space where I'm OK to be in a relationship nor can I give what the other partner deserves in one!

    I was honest, clear, and rational.

    He was polite, appreciative, and kind.

    No object throwing. No vindictive tiny-penis name calling.

    A very respectful adult relationship cessation.

    So why do I feel like such a jerk?



    My hats off to you for being so gracious and considered! I wouldn't be upset if I was the guy being dumped, mainly because you handle it with such class! why do you feel feel like such a jerk? maybe because you are very conscientious of his feelings, and that in itself is a good and rare quality to have, thus you should be very proud of yourself!! I wish there were more guys like you out there!


    Leandro ♥
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 11, 2010 2:27 PM GMT
    Lol Its called empathy, COJock, and you haz it! Good stuff!


    -Doug
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 11, 2010 2:54 PM GMT
    One of my really close friends broke up with his girlfriend of 3 years a little while ago, and he said the same thing as you. He knew it was the right thing to do, but no matter how bad he knew it would hurt her, he had to do it. He said "It hurts me so much knowing that she is hurting, and it's my fault." Bottom line, a breakup is going to hurt everyone involved (if they genuinely care about each other) . Have to agree with Meninlove, empathy is a good thing to have. You definitely handled it the best way you could have.
  • Space_Cowboy_...

    Posts: 3738

    Mar 11, 2010 3:19 PM GMT
    Well It's a much better thing than staying in a relationship that won't work or can't work for whatever reasons, so you did do the right thing. It's natural to feel that way when you've hurt someone you have feelings for.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 12, 2010 7:20 AM GMT
    Because hearts are the most delicate things in the world and even when we let them down easily, they still hurt.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 24, 2010 9:36 PM GMT
    I actually just broke up with my bf a couple of days ago.

    Yeah thats right, after buying the house, introducing to the family, getting the joint account

    As crappy as it is, I feel free and I feel like a large weight has been lifted off of my shoulders and I don't feel guilty as all. I guess its because I accept that I did the right thing. I was honest, and I spared someone potential hurt and a lot of wasted years.

    Just accept that you did was right and you'll be fine. When I stop and think that my unhappiness isn't stressing him out anymore, it makes it incredibly hard to feel guilty or sad.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 29, 2010 12:04 AM GMT
    COJock1974 saidSo I just had that hard discussion and broke up with the guy I've been seeing.

    I will spare you all the dirty details, suffice to say I was not at all present in our relationship due to other (non-man-related) distractions and owed it to him to let him know. And because of these other issues which are MUCH higher priorities, I'm not emotionally in a space where I'm OK to be in a relationship nor can I give what the other partner deserves in one!

    I was honest, clear, and rational.

    He was polite, appreciative, and kind.

    No object throwing. No vindictive tiny-penis name calling.

    A very respectful adult relationship cessation.

    So why do I feel like such a jerk?


    I think it's how a break up is supposed to go. It's rather good that you feel that way because that means you cared about him and the relationship with him.
  • myklet1

    Posts: 345

    Mar 29, 2010 12:39 AM GMT
    I admire the manner in which you broke up with him. Whatever he may feel he has to respect you for being honest. So, so much better than a coward. You shouldn't feel like a jerk, you should feel like a man. What more can a guy ask for than an honest man.