FORUMS > Dating & Relationships Forum Rules

Living in Japan

  • Posted by a hidden member.Log in to view his profile
    QUOTE Mar 11, 2010 10:53 AM GMT
    Hey I'm quite new to living in Japan so I was hoping some people could share some of their experiences if they've lived (or better yet live) out here.

    Just general things about dating, either foreigners or Japanese guys.
    I seem to find that Japanese guys will flirt but run at the first sign of it starting to go somewhere sexual.

    A female friend of mine told me though that after one date her current boyfriend said he knew she was the one! Romantic or extreme?

    Am I better off sticking to foreign guys until I find my feet? and if so how do I meet more of them?

    Cheers
    D
  • Posted by a hidden member.Log in to view his profile
    QUOTE Mar 11, 2010 4:22 PM GMT
    I use to live at Sagami Depot in Japan, a military base from 8-11 years of age. lol So I would not really be able to offer dating advice. icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.Log in to view his profile
    QUOTE Mar 11, 2010 4:29 PM GMT
    I wish I had been out of the closet when I was in Japan... I would be able to share some experience, strength and hope with you. But I wish you a lot of luck!
  • Posted by a hidden member.Log in to view his profile
    QUOTE Mar 11, 2010 8:25 PM GMT
    There was a LiveJournal post that highlighted the interesting dating and sex culture in Japan. It was from a hetero girl's perspective, but I think some of it can apply to gay men as well. The original LJ post has been taken down. But here's a mirror..

    http://supacat.tumblr.com/post/33332873/sex-and-flirting-in-japan-originally-from-lj-user
  • Posted by a hidden member.Log in to view his profile
    QUOTE Mar 11, 2010 11:18 PM GMT
    xrichx saidThere was a LiveJournal post that highlighted the interesting dating and sex culture in Japan. It was from a hetero girl's perspective, but I think some of it can apply to gay men as well. The original LJ post has been taken down. But here's a mirror..

    http://supacat.tumblr.com/post/33332873/sex-and-flirting-in-japan-originally-from-lj-user

    well that was just downright interesting, I wonder if it's the same in gay relationships (I Know she mentioned it, but I'd love to hear first hand what it's like)
  • DCEric Posts: 3682
    QUOTE Mar 11, 2010 11:20 PM GMT
    Just getting this out of the way:
  • Posted by a hidden member.Log in to view his profile
    QUOTE Mar 11, 2010 11:22 PM GMT
    xrichx saidThere was a LiveJournal post that highlighted the interesting dating and sex culture in Japan. It was from a hetero girl's perspective, but I think some of it can apply to gay men as well. The original LJ post has been taken down. But here's a mirror..

    http://supacat.tumblr.com/post/33332873/sex-and-flirting-in-japan-originally-from-lj-user


    That was bloody interesting. I'd like to spend a few months in Japan just to experience this first hand. Just need to get the learning Japanese thing out of the way...
  • Right_On Posts: 2
    QUOTE Mar 12, 2010 4:07 AM GMT
    What's up, I found that when I was in Japan it was all about being straight forward. Unfortunately it is a stereotype that foreigners are usually straight forward, but it a stereotype that can be used to your advantage. Also going to izakayas for ice breakers never hurts icon_surprised.gif. My advice is to go for what you want. Life is short if you think in terms of foreigner and Japanese you might let a good thing pass you by.Good luck! icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.Log in to view his profile
    QUOTE Mar 12, 2010 4:27 AM GMT
    xrichx saidThere was a LiveJournal post that highlighted the interesting dating and sex culture in Japan. It was from a hetero girl's perspective, but I think some of it can apply to gay men as well. The original LJ post has been taken down. But here's a mirror..

    http://supacat.tumblr.com/post/33332873/sex-and-flirting-in-japan-originally-from-lj-user


    That was indeed very interesting. Reading that from a western point of view makes sex in Japan seem like a chore or a burden. Why have it at all if you aren't going to enjoy yourself? I know I sound so ethnocentric and maybe they have more fun than us, who knows.
    Once, out of curiosity I watched several episodes of those Japanese gay cartoons that Japanese girls like so much (they have a name but I forget). In fact, they were different shows but one thing they had in common was the whole active/passive thing. Never in any of them were the two men equal. The smaller, younger passive guy was always being chased by the taller, older, active guy. I wonder if gay sex is like that there in reality?
  • Posted by a hidden member.Log in to view his profile
    QUOTE Mar 12, 2010 7:35 PM GMT
    Dating really depends on each individual regardless of where they are from, so I think you should just get out there and hang out with whoever you're comfortable with. Good luck! icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.Log in to view his profile
    QUOTE Mar 13, 2010 11:25 AM GMT
    http://supacat.tumblr.com/post/33332873/sex-and-flirting-in-japan-originally-from-lj-userPronounced shyness is form of flirting


    This. Usually loud obnoxious flirting in Asian cultures IS a joke.
  • Posted by a hidden member.Log in to view his profile
    QUOTE Mar 13, 2010 11:44 AM GMT
    I lived in Japan for 5 years. The best way to learn more about the gay scene in your area (it exists even outside the major cities but is very hidden) is to learn Japanese and find some gay Japanese friends. Hit up the local gay bars and I am sure you can meet some local Japanese gays. Everyone is very friendly and they will introduce you to the scene. Once I found a bar I was comfortable going to I made some really good friends. Get onto mixi, which is the Japanese version of Facebook. Manhunt is also in Japan as well as ko-mens.tv. If you have any more specific questions email me icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.Log in to view his profile
    QUOTE Mar 13, 2010 11:56 AM GMT
    hey, i dunno anything about dating in Japan, but i studied japanese language and sociology for 14 years.

    My first sexual experience was in Japan when I was 17. He made all the moves on me but was very direct with what he wanted. Like aussies, I dont think there is a typical way of initiating sex.

    good luck! がんばって!!

  • Posted by a hidden member.Log in to view his profile
    QUOTE Mar 16, 2010 5:05 AM GMT
    The club scene in Osaka is much more international than Tokyo, from what I heard. But hit up the Shibuya district and tell me how the gay scene is like. I remember my friends and I went to this one club and all the drag queens and cute Japanese twinks were out in full force. One was half-Korean and was hitting on me. He wasn't my type but he had a cute butt. icon_razz.gif

    And go to the deer park in Nara. Those deer are insane! They were chasing people for those biscuits. My friend was freaked out by them and she was ranting about how they probably laced the biscuits and were drugging the deer. LMAO!
  • Posted by a hidden member.Log in to view his profile
    QUOTE Mar 16, 2010 2:23 PM GMT
    Some useful, not so useful and down right odd advice. Thnkas guysicon_biggrin.gif I'm going to head to some gay bars soon so i'll let you know what I find out.
  • Posted by a hidden member.Log in to view his profile
    QUOTE Mar 18, 2010 6:53 PM GMT
    You know when I visited I found legitimate gay bars in Japanese cities. So if you go there you might have better luck meeting people to hang out with.
  • Posted by a hidden member.Log in to view his profile
    QUOTE Mar 20, 2010 5:29 AM GMT
    xrichx saidThere was a LiveJournal post that highlighted the interesting dating and sex culture in Japan. It was from a hetero girl's perspective, but I think some of it can apply to gay men as well. The original LJ post has been taken down. But here's a mirror..

    http://supacat.tumblr.com/post/33332873/sex-and-flirting-in-japan-originally-from-lj-user


    That was a very interesting article. I never knew there were so many "rules" in Japanese culture regarding sex. Wonder what the Japanese who moved overseas think about this since they have experienced both.

    Personally though, i think it's a tad too much hassle/inconvenience for some of the rules.
  • Posted by a hidden member.Log in to view his profile
    QUOTE Mar 20, 2010 6:36 AM GMT
    Hell yea I love Japan! I used to live there! It was only for a month and a half though but it was awesome lol.

    I was actually staying with my pen pal I had started writing when I was in the 3rd grade. We kept in contact (still do, still friends), we'd talk about MMA a lot. Because he trained, his dad was opening a school as well which was way beyond awesome as hell to help with.

    We'd sit in the bath together after training, he'd massage me, I him. He'd hug and kiss me on the cheek, and I didn't think he was doing all of that because he wanted to have sex with me. Most people in foreign countries are more old school with greetings and also showing affections to their friends, that would make people in western countries question their sexuality.

    Though one of the most weirdest things I did experience is all of these girls, mostly high school girls giggling, and smiling at me. I thought at first something was wrong with me. They were at the school a lot and one of them wanted my shirt so I gave it to her. Then she wanted my fight shorts, I was like omg icon_eek.gif.

    My Japanese wasn't too perfect at the time, so I had my friend tell her I didn't have any underwear on because you don't wear any with the fight shorts lmao and that they were the only ones I had, plus they were kind of expensive. He told me later that even though she did think I was cute, she was really inspired because she likes martial arts, and she admired me a lot so I gave her the shorts when I was going back home, they weren't all sweaty of course rofl. icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.Log in to view his profile
    QUOTE Mar 20, 2010 7:08 AM GMT
    wanna play hide the stick the old school way while u massage my bone in a milk bath? icon_twisted.gif

    oh....almost forgot

    id fuck that hole

    oops wrong thread icon_twisted.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.Log in to view his profile
    QUOTE Mar 20, 2010 7:27 AM GMT
    Is that why bukake is its own fetish? its THAT taboo to cum on someone? no wonder they have a fetish for everything, so damn repressed they HAVE to fixate and define if they want to do it. As far as I can tell, I would start punching people if i went to Japan... good luck with that...
  • Posted by a hidden member.Log in to view his profile
    QUOTE Mar 29, 2010 5:51 AM GMT
    guybicurious said
    xrichx saidThere was a LiveJournal post that highlighted the interesting dating and sex culture in Japan. It was from a hetero girl's perspective, but I think some of it can apply to gay men as well. The original LJ post has been taken down. But here's a mirror..

    http://supacat.tumblr.com/post/33332873/sex-and-flirting-in-japan-originally-from-lj-user


    That was a very interesting article. I never knew there were so many "rules" in Japanese culture regarding sex. Wonder what the Japanese who moved overseas think about this since they have experienced both.

    Personally though, i think it's a tad too much hassle/inconvenience for some of the rules.


    So, as a Japanese person who's lived in both Japan and the States, I think the article does portray the Japanese dating scene in some ways; however, it really is not true to everyone, and all of those "rules" are just plain stupid...

    It's hard to generalize the dating scene anyways, and it's more of one's perspective on dating than cultural differences or whatever.