Is anyone semi-in the closet?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 12, 2010 1:54 AM GMT
    Hey y'll! Okay, I know this is probably a small minority here, but are there any people here who are semi in the closet? As in people know you're gay, but not everyone?

    For example, I told my best friend I was gay about 10 months ago. Then I told my other friend, and then it extended to about 5-6 people knowing. For me, it is not that I want everyone to know, it's that I choose not to include all the details of my life for everybody.

    BUT - then comes my family. My family has 0 idea about who I truly am. I was born into an Iranian family and I moved to the states when I was 8 years old. I was gay from as far back as I can remember. I remember going to the barber as a kid and getting a chill in my body when he would touch the back of my neck - although I had no idea why this was happening.

    And I played Jack and Rose with my neighbor (who is a boy) ...because Titanic is my favorite movie - and it has been since I first saw it as a little boy in Iran.

    The reason I brought this up was because of a thread that came up today about Islam and the poor guy who is imprisoned for being who he was born to be.

    My family can not know. I don't want them to know. I won't let them to know. Why? Well because I love them too much. I know, you might say well they don't love you back the same way and whatever. But my attachment to my family members is so powerful that I don't know what I would do without them.

    Living a double life sucks big balls, BUT - that is something I would have to live with. Of course until I am independent enough to live by myself and not have any dependency on them. I can not see a future where I don't get to see my niece or my sisters or mom and dad.

    It's not that they'll think of me differently. It's that they'll disown me, forever. As if I never existed. And that makes my bones cringe. And I know this for 100% from observing them over the past couple of years on how they view gay culture and people on tv who are gay, etc.

    I have no idea what I'm gonna do. I'm moving to LA after graduation to pursue my dreams - professionally and personally.

    But back to my original question, anyone here in a similar situation?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 12, 2010 3:25 AM GMT
    I'm still closeted to some of my family. They wouldn't be able to handle it.
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    Mar 12, 2010 3:33 AM GMT
    I'm out to my family totally.

    But only a handful of other people (friends, coworkers) know, but only because it hasn't come up yet. Heck maybe they all know already. I'm not hiding it, but not advertising it either. So yeah, I'm out, but not wearing an "I'm Gay!" tee shirt or anything and I don't have a Pride bumper sticker on my car. And I'm not dating anyone. If I had a boy friend I'd have no problem sharing the news, though.
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    Mar 12, 2010 4:22 AM GMT
    Thanks for sharing y'll!
  • Mepark

    Posts: 806

    Mar 12, 2010 4:26 AM GMT
    I haven't came out to my parents and brother. Very close friends and cousins know, and people who don't matter that much don't need to know. (in other words I don't come out at work and school.)
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    Mar 12, 2010 4:38 AM GMT
    Mepark saidI haven't came out to my parents and brother. Very close friends and cousins know, and people who don't matter that much don't need to know. (in other words I don't come out at work and school.)


    You're definitely Iranian-American, ain't you?
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    Mar 12, 2010 9:21 AM GMT
    I know exactly what your going through, I'm in a similar situation. All my friends know I'm gay; and only 3 relatives know my younger brother, my god mother and god brother. I know I will face the same dissown-meant you spoke of from my family as well. They are all extremely religious people, holding religion above ALL else in the world. I hear they things they say about the gay community and all the "if my son/ daughter was gay, i would ..." conversations and its terrible.
    But one thing i came to realize was that friends are the family you choose. And every single one of my friends accepts me and loves me for who i am, not one shunned me when they found out about my sexuality. So I have come to terms with the fact that once I get back on my feet and am steady, I will let my family know the truth and they can deal with it how ever they choose. Because its not fair that they aim to emotionally or physically harm or threaten me for being who i am, when if they truly and unconditionally loved me they would be able to accept me as my friends (the family i choose) did.

    I hope my babbling makes sense.
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    Mar 12, 2010 9:25 AM GMT
    Oh boy...I think I hear Fluckypud stomping in, ready to bellow some inanity.

    icon_rolleyes.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 12, 2010 10:51 AM GMT
    I am, a few close friends know and some family just figured it out on their own
    I just dont think its really anyones business really icon_razz.gif
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    Mar 12, 2010 7:04 PM GMT
    the interesting thing in being semi-out is that it's interactive.
    You don't want them to know because they couldn't handle it, and they don't want to know - as in ignoring all the little warning flags - because they couldn't handle it.
    But in the end if one person knows , rest assured eventually it will be 2 , and then 4 and then 10 etc. and your folks will hear rumors.

    I was closeted for a long time but as i grew older, it made less and less sense to hide and at some point i just didn't care when after realizing the "love" for my family had messed up a big chunk of my life and suddenly it just didn't balance out. In the long term love doesn't survive frustration and bitterness.
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    Mar 12, 2010 10:52 PM GMT
    xassantex saidBut in the end if one person knows , rest assured eventually it will be 2 , and then 4 and then 10 etc. and your folks will hear rumors.

    This is the reason that after I told the first person most everybody quickly followed. I don't want close family members learning from somebody besides me. icon_eek.gif
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    Mar 12, 2010 11:09 PM GMT

    I understand you cause i'm in the same position.

    Some of my friends know...(just a small group) but none of my family members or coworkers . I believe that your private life should stay like that.... private. You don't see a heterosexual announcing that he's straight to everyone he sees, then, why should gays do it? Someday people will find out and i will keep living my life the way i am....

    Living in a latin country, withe the Macho culture and catholic beliefs makes it a lil bit harder for us. But in the end, i will love and will be loved.

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    Mar 12, 2010 11:18 PM GMT
    I am out to everyone I know, but as far as work - i dont keep closeted, I just don't announce that I am gay, I let it be known slowly as I talk about my life and if they saw my facebook, they end up knowing before that anyway.

    Has not been an issue so far - obviously at the gym I am not out, but thats because 99% ofthe people in there dont talk about their personal lives anyway, they work out. (thank god, some of the gyms I have been a member to have everyone treating it like happy hour)

    As for family, I have no need for any family member who doesnt 100% accept me for who I am. If they cant handle it, buh-bye! My immediate and most of the my extended family dont care and harrass me for why I am alone at every family function but the religious wacko;s from florida have other ideas, but they just give a smile to my face while they think I am going to burn in hell begind my back - however, i have remove them and anyone who agree's with them from my life entirely.

    I am not about making other people feel confortable or hiding who I am simpyl becuase I think they cannot hanlde it. this is who i am, dont like it? fuck off!

    that's me - to each his own...
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    Mar 12, 2010 11:20 PM GMT
    maxbull said
    I understand you cause i'm in the same position.

    Some of my friends know...(just a small group) but none of my family members or coworkers . I believe that your private life should stay like that.... private. You don't see a heterosexual announcing that he's straight to everyone he sees, then, why should gays do it? Someday people will find out and i will keep living my life the way i am....

    Living in a latin country, withe the Macho culture and catholic beliefs makes it a lil bit harder for us. But in the end, i will love and will be loved.



    except that staight peopple DO do it - when they talk about their spouses or girlfriend or what they did with their friends or other stuff - happens all the time at work - like those "water cooler" moments.

    Lets not pretend that because someone doesnt say "i am straight" or "I am gay" that they dont say it other ways...

    So if they are doing that and your going out of your way to say nothing similar - dont pretend your just being like everyone else...
  • Import

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    Mar 13, 2010 12:21 AM GMT
    I'm semi-closeted as well. All my friends know about me, however my place of employment does not know, nor does my family.

    I grew up in a very strict Catholic household and being "gay" isn't something that would bode well with my family. Now, I know my parents wouldn't "disown" me per se, but I'm afraid if I came out and told them, I know it would crush my Mom's heart and my Dad would be humiliated. I don't want to do that to them. I don't want to "hurt" them. There's a saying out there that goes something like this.... "ignorance is bliss" and in the case of my fam, it truly is.

    However, I know I can't stay "semi-closeted" forever. I know I'll have to tell them one day when they start asking me about having kids and a family of my own. It's just not in the cards for me, but I don't really know how to tell them.


    hmmmm
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 13, 2010 12:21 AM GMT
    i am.

    i keep only half of my wigs in the closet. the others are displayed around the apartment.
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    Mar 13, 2010 12:33 AM GMT
    I am confused why many ppl on this thread are stating that being gay is no one elses business. Does that mean if you are dating someone you hide them and exclude them from company or work functions? Straight ppl dont think twice about talking about what they have done on the weekend with their significant other. They are better able to develop a relationship with their coworkers and friends in a genuine way that allows for a greater bond and trust. I am by no means saying come out if it can endanger you but please don’t state that its no one’s business.
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    Mar 13, 2010 12:45 AM GMT
    AJC_TB saidI am confused why many ppl on this thread are stating that being gay is no one elses business. Does that mean if you are dating someone you hide them and exclude them from company or work functions? Straight ppl dont think twice about talking about what they have done on the weekend with their significant other. They are better able to develop a relationship with their coworkers and friends in a genuine way that allows for a greater bond and trust. I am by no means saying come out if it can endanger you but please don’t state that its no one’s business.



    hollar back, now! here is some truth!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 13, 2010 1:30 AM GMT
    Most of my friends know I'm gay. I will eventually tell my family and the rest of my friends. They already know my brother is gay and they took the news pretty well.
  • ChilaxinJOCK0...

    Posts: 1513

    Mar 13, 2010 1:32 AM GMT
    Ive told one of my parents and a hand full of friends...Im just taking it slow and staying at my own comfortable pace with this...its tough, very tough
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    Mar 13, 2010 2:18 AM GMT
    I still have to tell my parents and this is the year for it.
  • mcwclewis

    Posts: 1701

    Mar 13, 2010 2:46 AM GMT
    I've been out since I was 15

    The only people I didn't tell then are the people I wont tell now, my dad's relatives. They're rednecks, and its none of their business. They live a long distance away anyways so it's not a big deal.


    The rest of my family knows, including my uncle who is a Catholic minister. They learned to accept it pretty quickly
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 13, 2010 2:52 AM GMT
    Yeah I'm mostly closeted, my parents know, but the rest of my family doesn't, and only my sorta "best friend" knows.
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    Mar 13, 2010 2:54 AM GMT
    I am but it's because of that damn DADT, but if I had the option I would like to just BE and date and meet new people without watching my back and making cover storiesicon_neutral.gif
  • silverfox

    Posts: 3178

    Mar 13, 2010 3:50 AM GMT
    Currently no...I am not semi in the closet.

    However.....


    In 1972 I was semi in the closet.....

    When I was 12 I watched my brother's friend Jay get undressed in my brother's bedroom when I peeked through the closet door....

    I got a semi.