Right amount of time before you get married...

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    Mar 13, 2010 4:34 AM GMT
    I was just watching Project Runway and one of the designers called his husband. He then proceded to say they had only been together for a year and a half, and that they only ever spent 3 days apart.

    For me, I would still be getting to know who someone really is after a year. The year mark is maybe a "lets live together" time if things are going really well, but certainly not, let's head to Vermont or Iowa or Massachusetts etc.

    What does everyone else think? Out of you married guys, how long were you together before you made it "official" in whatever capacity. And all my single ladies out there, how long would you wait?

    ~Alex
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    Mar 13, 2010 4:40 AM GMT
    3 weeks. It was illegal, so just us on the beach exchanging rings and vows with Willis the dog as witness.

    The second (legal now) time was last summer at about 20 years.
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    Mar 13, 2010 4:57 AM GMT
    When you know, you just know.
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    Mar 13, 2010 5:03 AM GMT
    ErikTaurean saidWhen you know, you just know.



    Quoted for truth!
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    Mar 13, 2010 5:31 AM GMT
    See, for me, that's unrealistic. I'm all for falling in love, and even believe you can fall in love rather quickly.

    But marriage? To me that's a total different thing. It's a starting of a life together. When you're in love and in a relationship without the name and commitment of "marriage." For me that would take knowing someone very well, and knowing that our lives were put together enough to join the two.

    I've been living with myself for 27 years and I'm still trying to figure ME out.

    But hey, if it works, it works, and who am I to judge. Maybe I'm just more of a practical person.
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    Mar 13, 2010 5:42 AM GMT
    Believe me when I say marriage is important to me too. My mom's parent's knew each other for 6 weeks and were married for 52 years. They had 3 daughters, all who knew the men they would marry for over 2 years, respectively and were all divorced within 2-3 years of the marriage. I have had 5 longterm relationships (at the time, marriage was not an option). Of those 5, the ones that lasted 2 years or more-Randy (5 years) met out at a bar on a Friday. That Sunday, I had dinner with him at his house. We went to the movies and then back to my place and were together from that night, living together for 5 years. On the contrary, Jade (4 years) and I never lived together, but I had always thought of him as the one I let get away from me. So really, it kind of is when you know, you can't really plan it though you can sort of set deadlines or goals, but that is venturing into ultimatum territory for me. It will happen when it is suppose to happen. Just make sure you are open to it. You are probably more ready than you think. icon_wink.gif
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    Mar 13, 2010 6:02 AM GMT
    Ken, everyone goes at different speeds.

    When we met, I was 34 and Bill 32. Both of us had been in various relationships before, starting when we were each about 18. It made recognizing (the kind of men we are) each other easier.

    -Doug
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    Mar 13, 2010 6:07 AM GMT
    When the cock crows I will be either...dead....married...or in Hawaii.

    You never really know how things turn out. Live life good with an open heart and have a great time doing what you want. Love who you want!! Do it with passion!
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    Mar 13, 2010 9:14 AM GMT
    meninlove said
    ErikTaurean saidWhen you know, you just know.



    Quoted for truth!


    Agree, but to add, knowing doesn't stand alone as much as facts and time. Knowing you want to marry someone is awesome, but marriage is a huge leap. A leap that should take a considerable amount of time before making.
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    Mar 13, 2010 1:50 PM GMT
    I don't see myself getting married legally before I'm 30. If I'm still with my current bf then, we will have been together for 8 yrs at that point, which is long enough to know if we should get married
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    Mar 13, 2010 1:57 PM GMT
    My dad and stepmom dated for 3 months before getting married. (Both were obviously in a rush to be married again) and although they've been happily married for almost 8 years now and I don't see them getting divorced, I still think that the shortest amount of time you should date someone before getting married is 3-3.5 years. I feel like if after that time, things are still going well, then tie the knot. But anything before that is rushing into things and being foolish. After a year, its ok to talk about moving in, but definitely not about heading to the alter. If you know you want to marry this person and spend the rest of your lives together, what's the rush. What's an extra 2 and a half years in the long run?
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    Mar 13, 2010 1:59 PM GMT
    I want to say that I'm not judging, this is just in my opinion. Basically, this is what I'm gonna tell my kids.
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    Mar 13, 2010 1:59 PM GMT
    Everyone operates differently.
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    Mar 13, 2010 2:00 PM GMT
    Hasty marriage > messy expensive divorce.
  • denvermark

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    Mar 13, 2010 3:32 PM GMT
    I just proposed to my man on Valentine's day this year after nine and a half years of being together. Hopefully it won't take as long again to get the ceremony figured out! icon_smile.gif
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Mar 13, 2010 3:39 PM GMT
    Lol, I just watched this project runway episode last night!

    Ok, so the most telling exchange came at the end of the phone conversation when the "designer" ended the call with "I love you" and the guy on the other end of the phone paused for just a millisecond and said "I miss you" ........D'oh!
  • Celticmusl

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    Mar 13, 2010 3:42 PM GMT
    But in regards to the question, I think the two year mark is a comfortable point to start discussing "forever".

    When folks suggest that when it's right, it's right......or when you know, you know. I say these statements can ring true, but if it is meant to be, waiting a couple of years shouldn't be an issue.
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    Mar 13, 2010 3:50 PM GMT
    CelticmuslOk, so the most telling exchange came at the end of the phone conversation when the "designer" ended the call with "I love you" and the guy on the other end of the phone paused for just a millisecond and said "I miss you" ........D'oh!E


    I noticed that too... Yikes.

    ~Alex
  • bmw0

    Posts: 588

    Mar 13, 2010 5:17 PM GMT
    I don't think i would be ready to get married after a few weeks either. I can understand that some people are fast paced, and even though i said that i will also say that if it felt right after six months or a year, i might be inclined to go ahead and do it. But it would depend on my comfort level with the guy...so putting a definate time (ie a year and a half) is kind of silly in my opinion. icon_smile.gif
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    Mar 13, 2010 8:27 PM GMT
    i think you have to live with someone for a few years before marriage should be considered. we waited over 2 years before moving in together, which was a good idea. marriage (if we ever get the right in nystate...:rollicon_smile.gif )will be a conversation for another couple years i think.
  • jrs1

    Posts: 4388

    Mar 13, 2010 8:39 PM GMT
    meninlove said
    ErikTaurean saidWhen you know, you just know.
    Quoted for truth!
    Quoted for emphasis.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 13, 2010 8:42 PM GMT
    If my boyfriend was still around, I would married him in a heartbeat.
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    Mar 13, 2010 8:45 PM GMT
    Being a pure homosexual I myself have no interest in this heterosexual instertusion and religus ritual. A peace of paper want make you live happily ever after, nor help pay the mortgage, ot help love to grow.

    To me it's nothing more than a peace of paper of ownership.

    So for me I'm willing to wait until the end of time, before the time would be right.
  • bmw0

    Posts: 588

    Mar 13, 2010 10:28 PM GMT
    Marriage isn't simply a religious institution anymore. I gives legal rights to you and your partner. Here is a story i'm sure many are familiar with due to its headlines. Two men were together for over twenty years, the one who's name the farm and house were in dies, and even though it was willed to his partner the mans children who hadn't spoken to him in years contested the will and won because they weren't married and the family is generally the recipient. So this couple (for whom marriage would have been the right decision) were an unfair casualty of the lack of gay marriage.

    Marriage may not be the right choice for everyone, and that is ok.. but the reason of "its a religious ritual" is far from valid especially when most religions don't even recognize my mothers marriage because she was married before.
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    Mar 13, 2010 10:30 PM GMT
    Its possible but I don't believe in marriage for myself at this point.