so here's the thing. Are three ways the answer to save a gay relationship and spice it up?

  • BlackBeltGuy

    Posts: 2609

    Mar 13, 2010 11:18 PM GMT
    Is that a deal breaker? I'm a monogamy believer, however 5 friends all in relationships have "thirds" on occasion. Am i the only monogamy idiot left? are there any personal stories where it made or broke the relationship.

    also out of my 5 coupled friends (3 broke up) other 2 SWEAR by it icon_question.gif
  • Akula

    Posts: 130

    Mar 14, 2010 12:56 AM GMT
    Its not a one size fits all question. it works for some and doesn't for others its up to you and your bf, but if the relationship is on the rocks I doubt a 3 ways gonna save it. Try therapy.
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    Mar 14, 2010 2:06 AM GMT
    That's something that should be deeply discussed with your partner. Usually two people pretty much know what they want out of a relationship.

    Discuss your fears having a threesome would bring about.
    Discuss the potential gains of having a threesome.
    Bring up the topic of "What does monogamy in a relationship give to you emotionally? A sense of security?"
    Does being in a monogamous relationship make you feel special and exclusive, and does the other partner need that in the relationship in order for it to be successful? Explore those feelings.
    Ask about general insecurities and try to connect where threesomes might play a part in either hinder or repairing the relartionship: For example, if your partner says he's afraid of you finding someone else then relate that to having a threesome. If they are worried about you finding someone else, does that mean if you have a threesome they are worried that you'll leave him for the other guy?
    You could bring up a topic about trust and how much you have for each other.
    If trust is a factor, why would you consider involving another complication to the problem?

    There are many questions you can ask... you just have to ask them and be open with each other. I wish you both the best.


    I will say, though, that I've had a partner in which the topic was brought up... but I quickly said I did not want to because my trust with him at the time was not at a very good point in our relationship. I was honest, and he appreciated me for it.
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    Mar 14, 2010 2:42 AM GMT

    Interesting title, but it's not a gay thing. Many straight people have open relationships. Is it the magic trick to keep the relationships happening? We're monogamous, so for us, no not at all. It works very well for others. l

    I read an article in Xtra West once putting down people like us: we were needy, clingy, dyfunctional, co-dependent (complete misuse of the word) and celebrated a couple who were in their 5th year of struggling with the ups and downs of trying to give each other the gift of sexual freedom. Struggle? Oh my....

    -Doug
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    Mar 14, 2010 2:46 AM GMT
    meninlove said
    Interesting title, but it's not a gay thing. Many straight people have open relationships. Is it the magic trick to keep the relationships happening? We're monogamous, so for us, no not at all. It works very well for others. l

    I read an article in Xtra West once putting down people like us: we were needy, clingy, dyfunctional, co-dependent (complete misuse of the word) and celebrated a couple who were in their 5th year of struggling with the ups and downs of trying to give each other the gift of sexual freedom. Struggle? Oh my....
    -Doug


    LOL!

    for real...
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    Mar 14, 2010 2:52 AM GMT
    Heh, BINARYGOD, it was a little hard to take.

    The straight people we know in open relationships, on the other hand, consider our relationship cute and very 50's (lol, we are!) unlike a few of the gay open relationship couples we know/knew. Why is it that way at all?

    Oh. Yow.


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    Mar 14, 2010 3:17 AM GMT
    To each, their own. Just because it works for some couples, doesn't make it a standard for everyone.
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Mar 14, 2010 4:05 AM GMT
    There are plenty of other men out there who insist on monogamy.
    But, it reduces your chances of finding a partner.
    I think that monogamy isn't natural for men, and that men who insist on it are insecure in their ability to keep a partner.

    After all, you can have sex with anybody, or all by yourself.
    But, how many men can you find, with all the other great qualities that you would like in a partner ?

    I'm saying that some guys place too much importance on sex, and not enough importance on all the things that really matter.

    But, if monogamy is that high on your list, hold out for the guys who agree with you. Otherwise, you won't be happy.
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Mar 14, 2010 4:06 AM GMT
    BTW, threesomes very rarely are fun for all three.
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    Mar 14, 2010 4:10 AM GMT
    As fun as a threesome might be if you can't be happy with the one person who you are actually are in a relationship with then I seriously doubt a third person will keep it afloat.

    Might be fun to do but I wouldn't swear by it as means to mend a failing relationship. It might spice it up but then it might do more harm then good because among the first questions I would ask is why do you need another person in our relationship sexually?
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    Mar 14, 2010 5:18 AM GMT
    Though I have not been in a relationship for just over 15 years, I have never comtemplated the idea of bringing in a 3rd or opening the relationship to other sex partners (play together only or otherwise). The guys I have gone out with and those that blossomed into relationships have agreed with me about exclusivity and the need for it. Sex was never an issue that caused the break ups. From some of the discussions I have had with people about open relationships, some have said that guys who insist on monogomy are lacking or insecure (which IMHO is just plain bs to prop anti monogamy folks up) or the pro monogamy folks said that opening sexual part of the relationship up to other partners is just being greedy and potentially dangerous (the greedy party is kind of ridiculous IMHO). I, personally will not concede my position that monogamy is the only relationship mode I will be involved in. At the end of the day, Karate, you have to decide what is right for you and be secure in that. You must allow your partner the same thing. The hard part (well maybe not so hard) will be to see if common ground and agreement can come from your two positions. There is nothing wrong with you wanting a monogomous relationship. There is nothing wrong with your bf wanting to explore an open relationship. The two of you must, however, be will to listen and understand each others feelings on it, it this is the possible dealbreaker of the relationship. No, you are not the only one who wants a monogomous relationship. There are many of us. Best of luck to you and I hope whatever decision you guys come to works in the interest of the two of you being together. icon_wink.gif
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    Mar 14, 2010 5:28 AM GMT
    Why don't you just let the seeds fall where they may!? some prefer to just flower in the season of love, while others rather wait a little longer to harvest its fruit!


    Leandro ♥
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    Mar 14, 2010 6:10 AM GMT
    I don't get how anybody that wants monogamy would even consider it as an option. I think if it is an option, then you don't really care for the person you are with any longer and its a sign that it is the beginning of the end. However if both parties are willing and interested, then all the power to them; just don't be surprised to feel any hurt and jealousy when it happens. icon_neutral.gif Also I've heard that sometimes one partner would leave the other for the third wheel...

    I don't know... I guess I'm one of those serious, monogamy guys... it would hurt like hell to watch my boyfriend have sex with someone else in front of me.. icon_cry.gif
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    Mar 14, 2010 7:22 AM GMT
    kevinsbeach saidOnce a couple ads a third party to the mix, the relationship is genuinely over. You don't realize at the time, but its putting the first foot out the door.


    YuuuuuuuPPPPPPP