The appropriate age to come out to a young teenager...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 15, 2010 4:24 PM GMT
    My brother is turning 15 next week and he is pretty much the only other person in my family that doesn't know about me, that I plan to tell. He is mature for a 15 year old and already think he has a good idea. When do you guys think is an appropriate age to tell someone. I just don't want it to be too early and him take it the wrong way.

    Thanks!
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    Mar 15, 2010 5:38 PM GMT
    come on, someone has to have some 2 cents on this situation...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 15, 2010 5:45 PM GMT
    are yall close? go ahead and tell him...I honestly dont think hes going to make a big deal about it
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 15, 2010 5:51 PM GMT
    My brother was 13 when I came out. It didn't seem to affect him in the least. We're very close to this day.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Mar 15, 2010 5:54 PM GMT
    I see no reason to hide it an any age. The sooner they know, the better IMO.
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    Mar 15, 2010 6:48 PM GMT
    This reminds me of when my sister, her husband and her kids aged 4, 6 and 8 came over to stay at my house and I had the same worries as to how to break it to them gently. During room assignments, my 6 year old niece asked where I was going to sleep. Flustered, I told her "With Steve." She said "Ooooooh," flashed me a knowing look and that was that. Now she's 21 and surprise! Hasn't been scarred for life and developed a keen fashion sense.
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    Mar 15, 2010 8:53 PM GMT
    Tell them as soon as you can. My two year old nephew, while not exactly old enough to understand what gay is, has been told. He watches movies. He knows that sometimes the princess gets princess or the prince gets a prince. At least that's how his mom told him ahaha.
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    Mar 15, 2010 8:57 PM GMT
    He is definitely old enough and from your description, mature enough. I am sure he would rather you treat him like an adult and show him that you trust and respect him.



  • Space_Cowboy_...

    Posts: 3738

    Mar 15, 2010 9:00 PM GMT
    Well I told my Sister who is 14 I believe and she was so ecstatic about it. But I have another sister who is 11 who still doesn't know... even though when I piss her off she calls me a fag. but back on topic yeah 15 is a good age I think as long as he's open minded I don't see a problem icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 15, 2010 9:15 PM GMT
    I have a lot of nieces and nephews, I never "came out" to them.
    For one main reason:
    It's irrelevant to them

    I love them, I protect them and I lead by the best example I can.
    I normalize my relationships with men and make my partner choice nonchalant but never closeted. I want them to treat the sexuality of others with compassion and fairness but without fan fare. I had a partner of 6 years who they grew up with and they still come to SF to spend summers with me and my gay/lesbian/straight friends.

    For them, I try to carry myself with the confidence and integrity that I want to impart to them and the only time another person's sexuality should be an issue for them is if they have a romantic interest in that person.

    In my family our children belong to all of us and we want their focus to be on their maturation and growing process, everything else (including me and my sexuality) are tools to help them make good decisions and become the best people they can be, our role is to support and love them on that path.
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    Mar 15, 2010 9:19 PM GMT
    i told my 2 cousin who look up to me for everything when they were 10 and 11 and they didnt care at all that i was. the 11 year old actual ended up using it in her graduation speech to make a point that she didnt care whether i was gay or not. Damn i love them both.
  • hdurdinr

    Posts: 699

    Mar 15, 2010 9:25 PM GMT
    eagermuscle saidThis reminds me of when my sister, her husband and her kids aged 4, 6 and 8 came over to stay at my house and I had the same worries as to how to break it to them gently. During room assignments, my 6 year old niece asked where I was going to sleep. Flustered, I told her "With Steve." She said "Ooooooh," flashed me a knowing look and that was that. Now she's 21 and surprise! Hasn't been scarred for life and developed a keen fashion sense.


    Ha ha! Your niece sounds great - I'm going to be an uncle for the first time in September and as soon as the little thing comes out I'm gonna be "Hey! I'm your 'funny' uncle Harry!"

    - But back to the original point, a fifteen year old should be mature enough for sure - especially in this day and age - he may even be wondering why you haven't told him yet, who knows. He may act funny for a couple of days, but then he'll get over it - but my guess is he won't care.
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    Mar 15, 2010 9:49 PM GMT
    I came out when I was 16, my nephew Luke was about 2, he was there when I did it, he's lived his whole life knowing (that he remembers) that I was gay.. same with all my nephews and nieces, they grew up calling my ex Uncle too, we were Uncle Ben and Uncle Craig, we slept in the same bed and we cuddled like Mum and Dad and never has there ever been a problem with it and even my nephews and nieces got in on the cuddles sometimes.

    Tell your brother, he may or may not have a problem with it, but either way he's your brother, let him know who you are.
  • Space_Cowboy_...

    Posts: 3738

    Mar 15, 2010 9:55 PM GMT
    YAY for group cuddle icon_razz.gif
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    Mar 15, 2010 10:22 PM GMT
    He is fine. Im sure he has figured it out already. My best friend brought her daughter (my god-daughter) with her to come see my new place. When they were outside she said..."We are going to see Uncle Josh's new place. He lives with his boyfriend". My god-daughter was completely fine with it. Didnt even blink.

    Also I have a gay cousin. I remember being in camp and his boyfriend was our councelor. We called him uncle Richard. I was around 10
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    Mar 15, 2010 10:41 PM GMT
    Space_Cowboy_89 saidYAY for group cuddle icon_razz.gif

    I second the group cuddle!!
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    Mar 15, 2010 10:48 PM GMT
    myname1 saidMy brother is turning 15 next week and he is pretty much the only other person in my family that doesn't know about me, that I plan to tell. He is mature for a 15 year old and already think he has a good idea. When do you guys think is an appropriate age to tell someone. I just don't want it to be too early and him take it the wrong way.

    Thanks!


    Your right, he probably already knows :-). Go and tell him and get it over with!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 15, 2010 10:48 PM GMT
    I told my brother before my parents, he was 15 at the time. He wasn't really mature, but I told him anyways. When I told him he went through the stages... 1) Are you joking? 2) Shock 3) K that's cool. Since you think that your brother is pretty mature for his age, I don't see any reason to not tell him. My brother was with me when I came out to my parents, and it helped a TON! We're a lot closer than we were before, I say go for it and good luck!
  • MSUBioNerd

    Posts: 1813

    Mar 15, 2010 10:56 PM GMT
    15 is way older than you need to worry about it being too early to tell him. According to statistics that Dan Savage is fond of quoting, the average age at which Americans lost their virginity is currently 14.9 years. You certainly don't need to tell him what it is you want to do/have done to you -- I would argue that you *shouldn't* tell him that -- but it can get complicated really fast trying to keep your orientation secret without lying.
  • bmw0

    Posts: 588

    Mar 15, 2010 11:06 PM GMT
    My niece (11) and nephew (9) both know and have for over a year. Haven't had the first issue yet.
  • klinci3

    Posts: 60

    Mar 15, 2010 11:09 PM GMT
    I'm a fan of the younger the better.

    my little cousins are 4 and 6 and they know that I'm gay and they understand what it means.
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    Mar 16, 2010 12:36 AM GMT
    I think 15 is old enough. But be careful your not putting an undue
    burden on the kid, i.e. what do they tell/don't tell their friends.
    Some kids even feel the need to defend/protect their siblings.
    Especially if you were already suspect and your bro was telling
    people it wasn't true to save face.... yours and his.

    I'd walk lightly and not go into to much detail. 15 is only 9th grade. icon_biggrin.gif