The Homosexual Agenda

  • NickoftheNort...

    Posts: 1416

    Jan 20, 2008 9:10 PM GMT
    I first heard this one in a Gay and Lesbian in America class in college and still get a chuckle from it; hope y'all enjoy it:

    From Netfunny.com:

    The Homosexual Agenda
    jhaungs@us.oracle.com (Jim Haungs)
    (chuckle, forwarded)

    I know that many of you have heard Pat Robertson, Jerry Fallwell and others speak of the "Homosexual Agenda," but no one has ever seen a copy of it.

    Well, I have finally obtained a copy directly from the Head Homosexual.

    It follows below:

    6:00 am Gym
    8:00 am Breakfast (oatmeal and egg whites)
    9:00 am Hair appointment
    10:00 am Shopping
    12:00 PM Brunch


    2:00 PM
    1) Assume complete control of the U.S. Federal, State and Local
    Governments as well as all other national governments,
    2) Recruit all straight youngsters to our debauched lifestyle,
    3) Destroy all healthy heterosexual marriages,
    4) Replace all school counselors in grades K-12 with agents of Colombian
    and Jamaican drug cartels,
    5) Establish planetary chain of "homo breeding gulags" where over-medicated
    imprisoned straight women are turned into artificially impregnated baby
    factories to produce prepubescent love slaves for our devotedly
    pederastic gay leadership,
    6) bulldoze all houses of worship, and
    7) Secure total control of the INTERNET and all mass media for the
    exclusive use of child pornographers.


    2:30 PM Get forty winks of beauty rest to prevent facial wrinkles from
    stress of world conquest
    4:00 PM Cocktails
    6:00 PM Light Dinner (soup, salad, with Chardonnay)
    8:00 PM Theater
    11:00 PM Bed (du jour)?
  • NickoftheNort...

    Posts: 1416

    Jan 20, 2008 9:13 PM GMT
    (sorry to be the first to reply, given that I started this thread, but what shocks me the most with the agenda is how we are to have two hours of cocktails between four and six in the afternoon...those better be damned good virgin daiquiris)
  • cowboyathlete

    Posts: 1346

    Jan 20, 2008 9:18 PM GMT
    ROTFLMAO
  • Artesin

    Posts: 482

    Jan 20, 2008 11:12 PM GMT
    I like the thought of world domination but in between the course of 30 minutes we better have some criminal masterminds and hackers within the gay community....
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    Jan 21, 2008 1:04 AM GMT
    That's pretty much what my typical day looks like. The naps are key...
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    Jan 21, 2008 1:36 AM GMT
    Excuse me....when do I get to redecorate????

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    Jan 21, 2008 4:27 AM GMT
    You know, we'd each have more time for cock tails (yes I made it two words and you know why!) if we divided the activities amongst ourselves. I know I've already done my part to break up a number of heterosexual marriages, so I can knock off at 2:30. icon_cool.gif
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    Jan 21, 2008 4:37 AM GMT
    Your half hour "world" take over agenda, is probably about what the likes of robertson have in their heads about the "gay" agenda. But as pointed out in the use of the rest of your gay days schedule, we're too busy to have time for such an "agenda"
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    Jan 21, 2008 4:52 AM GMT
    That was one of the funniest threads I've ever seen. At the risk of sounding really young, I give you mad props.
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    Jan 21, 2008 4:52 AM GMT
    I KNEW IT. I'm forward this to Pat Robertson
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    Jan 21, 2008 5:12 AM GMT
    It's amazing the things you can get done when you don the ruby slippers.
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    Jan 21, 2008 5:21 AM GMT
    I happen to know that wrerick fits in a run between 2:30PM and 4PM, during which he disappears with his dogs, in the bushes. Don't forget...the Homosexual Agenda says we are so oversexed, that any live object better be wary.


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    Jan 21, 2008 5:26 AM GMT
    ..of course, I would disappear with my cat...

    icon_razz.gif
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    Jan 21, 2008 1:22 PM GMT
    It'll turn pretty hairy if the brunch waiter turns out a looker. Might have to move it to 3:00. Oh well.. goodbye siesta.

    Seriously tho... LMAO! Good one! icon_razz.gif
  • jarhead5536

    Posts: 1348

    Jan 21, 2008 4:27 PM GMT
    Damarco4u saidYou know, we'd each have more time for cock tails (yes I made it two words and you know why!) if we divided the activities amongst ourselves. I know I've already done my part to break up a number of heterosexual marriages, so I can knock off at 2:30. icon_cool.gif


    Great, thanks for that! Now I have more time to bulldoze the churches. I have been meaning to get to that for some time now, but you know, busy busy...
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    Jan 23, 2008 7:22 PM GMT
    jarhead5536 said

    Great, thanks for that! Now I have more time to bulldoze the churches. I have been meaning to get to that for some time now, but you know, busy busy...


    The best place to start is with the Westboro Baptist Church. I'm sure that we will all be happy to pitch in for the wrecking ball. icon_wink.gif
  • pcsean28

    Posts: 161

    Jan 23, 2008 7:45 PM GMT
    1234567?pe=lnk_d&pev2='98%20Homosexual-R
  • pcsean28

    Posts: 161

    Jan 23, 2008 7:45 PM GMT
    Wow, ugly link...but funny article!
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    Feb 10, 2008 11:14 PM GMT
    That Onion article is awesome. The best is the picture of the 5th grade teacher; check out those vocabulary words on the board behind her!
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    Feb 11, 2008 4:08 AM GMT
    Well, I do want to make sure that someone brings me coffee before I hit the guy and somewhere fit in some time for a mani/pedi and a massage at least once a week.
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    Feb 11, 2008 4:21 AM GMT
    You want me to get up at 6 AM???

    You better have a large pitcher of screwdrivers ready...

    And I want KENYAN AA coffee, none of that Columbian shit...
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    Feb 22, 2011 8:40 PM GMT
    Click the link below to read one man's well-thought out view on
    "The Heterosexual Agenda"


    http://www.manjam.com/muscleslammer
  • hebrewman

    Posts: 1367

    Feb 22, 2011 8:53 PM GMT
    don't forget to forward this to sarah 'the princess of alaska' palin and john boehner. sarah 'the half governor' will probably up date her facebook page and send a tweet while watching john boehner break down and sob in front of the cameras between 2 and 230.
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    Feb 22, 2011 9:01 PM GMT
    It's the same thing as the Protocol of Elders of Zion.
    Something the haters made up to mobilize their forces.

    As a side note, I take offense at #6. Not all houses of worship should be bulldozed. Some should be preserved for their architectural significance. Others can be turned into danceclubs.
    Now I know the Agenda was written by straight people.
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    Feb 22, 2011 9:08 PM GMT
    ITJock saidYou want me to get up at 6 AM???

    Not to worry; the author got AM and PM mixed up. It is going to be a lot easier to assume complete control and set up gulags @2:00 AM than in the middle of the day.icon_cool.gif