TOP and BOTTOM: is one more sacred than the other.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 20, 2007 4:27 AM GMT
    I've been a life-long top (all of six years now; since the days of dating women to the present) and recently had a debate with a friend. Somehow we got on the subject of preferences and I mentioned I hadn't done it yet because I want to meet someone worth that pain and that I want to do it for. He asked why I didn't have the same mindset when topping a guy. To which I responded, I don't need something up my ass to make me cum and there is really no mental committment to topping. Besides, if you do everything for every and any one, what makes a bf special? Not being judgemental, I'd just like to hear others opinions on if either topping or bottoming is more "sacred".
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    May 20, 2007 6:16 AM GMT
    Topic: Is Topping or Bottoming More "sacred"?

    Well, I don't think Either is more "sacred".

    I've been thinking about this a good bit just lately, and I was looking at it from this Viewpoint and perhaps this might be Helpful, I hope so. Here goes.

    If you know about Phi and the Golden Mean Proportion, it will help. I've noticed that amazingly, quite often, Guys that Look like they would be Tops, i.e., Big and Tall, Muscular, surprisingly turn out to be Bottom by their own site admission, or Bottom/Versatile. I consider myself Versatile, but quite often I end up topping and certainly like to. I'm short and sometimes it does hurt me if I bottom. So, perhaps the guys that REALLY enjoy bottoming more have a longer proportioned rectum, so that they more naturally accomodate a larger guy and simultaneoulsy it Really Feels better to them, in that they get the right amount of Prostrate Stimulation.
    Because I've had moments where it did feel REALLY GOOD, but could quickly go to pain with the wrong angle.
    So, is it possible that guys that get the most enjoyment out of bottoming have a larger porportioined rectum?
    My partner told me that he had the most intense orgasm while bottoming, so that speaks volumes about "why" some guys enjoy bottoming more.
    I do think, it probably is more physiological then psychological in this instance, though that always plays a part as well.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 20, 2007 2:39 PM GMT
    "I hadn't done it yet because I want to meet someone worth that pain and that I want to do it for."

    What pain? :D
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    May 20, 2007 6:54 PM GMT
    I concur. Done right it doesn't hurt at all; quite the opposite in fact.
    You know what they say, practice makes perfect!
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    May 20, 2007 10:45 PM GMT
    Does being a bottom make you less masculine? I'd be afraid I'd have given up the one last thing that makes me a man. It seems you can do almost anything as a guy except take it up the ass. Although I do admit it sounds pleasurable when you consider the prostate and all that.
  • mcwclewis

    Posts: 1701

    May 21, 2007 12:24 AM GMT
    Make you less masculine? First off, how? Second, Why care? You're not running around the streets screaming that you recieved anal sex.... I hope.... so if you're super concerned with what people think of you, which is sad, its still not going to affect your image.

    To the OP: I feel the same way. I'll only bottom for someone I REALLY care about.

    To the others: It DOES hurt. Apparently it hurts for some and not for others. I don't know what the difference is, but I don't like the feeling of recieving, personally. Maybe that will change when I meet the right person, who knows how to do it properly. I dont know
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    May 22, 2007 9:02 AM GMT
    The difference is size, buddy. It all depends on how stretched out the anus is and how big the top's dick is. And as one previous poster pointed out, the length of the rectum.

    I've never had sex with a guy, but it doesn't take much to realize what the reason is if one thinks about it. "Potty" experiences should teach one that. LOL
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    May 22, 2007 5:06 PM GMT
    "sacred" no.
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    May 28, 2007 7:37 PM GMT
    I agree with the OP, in the fact of wanting to save it for someone special. When I had sex for the first time with a guy I knew that I was a top without question, so there was no conflict or second-quessing. But eventhough it was somewhat enjoyable looking back over it now I wish had waited to top someone I at least had feelings for. I view the possiblity of bottoming even at a higher level.
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    May 31, 2007 4:37 PM GMT
    If you are a top that has never bottomed before and a little scared to find out some bottom knowledge you may want to skip my post.

    ****

    I don't think that either is more sacred than the other. I do feel that there are more tops than bottoms. Personally I am a versatile/bottom.

    I prefer to bottom, but lately the guys that I hook-up with have been wanting me to top. The first time that I ever bottomed it did hurt a little.

    For those that are bi or used to/still have sex with women it is the equivalent of them being fucked for the first time. There is a little soarness, you're not sure what to expect, and you will probably tense up the first few times.

    If you relax, he is gentle, and there is lots of kissing the pain goes away. If he does it right, you will also cum without needing to be jacked off.
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    Jun 03, 2007 7:49 AM GMT
    Neither position is SACRED.
    But if you are in to anal sex, at least one of each is required. So they must really be equal despite their difference.
    No one has to do anal. I know a couple that have been together 27 years on nothing more than blow jobs. They don't even kiss.

    If you save yourself for Mr. Perfect, you may never find him. Or you may find him, you surrender your anal virginity, then he leaves you. And you no longer have that special bit to give to the real (next) Mr. Perfect. Is virginity the only case where ignorance is supposed to be good?

    If I detected either atitude
    a. "I'm on top so I'm more of a man than you."
    or atitude b. "I might bottom some day, but you aren't worth it." - I would put my clothes on and leave right then or kick him out if it was my place.


  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 04, 2007 6:59 PM GMT
    i totally agree lynton9. im versatile and i think it is fun to flip when my boyfriend and i are having sex. it really works out with us because i like to top him first and get really worked up without cumming and then him top me. i like to get off while he is in me and he gets off inside of me at the same time. it works out great for us both.
    For all you guys that are strictly tops just remember "if you wont bottom for your guy someone else will"
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    Jun 07, 2007 3:35 PM GMT
    I was just thinking about a similar topic earlier today. I get the impression that there are (at least) two different schools of thought on bottoming. Some people find it erotic primarily because they see it as emblematic of trust, submission to, or intimacy with their partner. Other people seem to find it erotic because they find it quite physically pleasurable or have more intense orgasms ("if god didn't intend men to be gay, why'd she put their g-spot in their ass?"--Sophia) I personally feel that sacredness arises more from the relationship between partner(s) and has less to do with the positions you choose.

    The comments on here about the length of the rectum really interesting--I'd never thought of that! Still, you've probably seen massive dildos before. Yes, people can and do take them all the way, so I'm inclined to think that again it probably has something to do with learning to mentally relax constrictions further up the colon.

    If you're interested in working with your partner to make anal sex both mentally and physically pleasurable, check out "The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Men", written for kinky straight guys. ;-) Tristan Taormino's got some great instructional books and videos on painless anal, as well, even though they target more of the lesbian/heterosexual audience. Their general premise is that sex shouldn't hurt and that good anal sex takes practice. With patience, even techniques like fisting can and should be painless.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 07, 2007 4:25 PM GMT
    I like both the physical pleasure and submission aspects of anal sex.
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    Jun 07, 2007 8:43 PM GMT
    No I'm 100% bottom I've topped a few times and I actually like to bottom MUCH better. I don't think topping or bottoming is sacred, personally the act of sex itself is sacred. So I have had a few one night stands, I'm not going to lie, but I regret having them. I can only have sex with someone I have a romantic attachment to. If I'm gonna let someone in me, then thats something very big for me. For that hour or two...or three he becomes me, and I become him. For that time we are literally connected and one person.

    If I'm gonna of sex with someone I matter done well love them lol. Once i love someone they are in my heart, and then they will finally be inside my body. So to me at least, top or bottom, or anything like that isn't sacred, sex itself should be.
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    Jun 17, 2007 9:42 AM GMT
    Hmmm we're talking about sex right?! this is all very deep which is not a negative thing...I think the emotional attachment is sacred but topping/bottoming it's all the same business. I am more of a bottom but i generally think there is more pressure in being a top, you're judged far more. I think being a bottom is the lazier option!

    Although being a bottom involves a lot of effort, in the sense that i like to be good at what i do, pardon, i like to be the best.
    jx
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    Jun 19, 2007 4:26 AM GMT
    Something is inherently misplaced with that question.

    When I started out, I didn't like bottoming despite of how much it felt good because my ego would tell me it made me the "lesser" of the two guys. But letting go of that ego allowed me to really enjoy it.

    It'd definitely be nice to do it (as sex in general) with someone you have deep connection with, but even for a less meaningful sex, if you stop thinking of positions as sexual strata, it'd stop feeling like one.
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    Jun 24, 2007 5:15 AM GMT
    If you decide that bottoming is more sacred, then it is - for you. What it means for the other guy, you'd have to ask.

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    Jun 24, 2007 2:33 PM GMT
    fabians.. great comment. i started out as bottom when i stopped having sex with chics, then swayed towards topping later, but occasionally go both ways, depending on the company. my partner is a bottom but we connect on a higher level than just sex. if we concentrate and get the right position, i reach into his second sphincter muscle and it drives both of us wild! he can elaculate up to three times while i'm inside him. i've truly never had this experience with another guy.
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    Jun 24, 2007 6:53 PM GMT
    if you are worried about the pain stop trying to nail every guy through the bed! It dont have to be painful, only when ya want it to be ;-)

    It seems to be those that were once straight have a real big hang up with going bottom as a lot feel it is way too feminine! Funny thing is they are the ones that once they try it they are total cock jockeys!!! I should know ha ha ha ha!
  • Lincsbear

    Posts: 2589

    Jul 03, 2007 2:30 AM GMT
    Neither position is "sacred".Do what you feel comfortable with.I`m versatile,maybe a slight bottom preference,but I enjoy both.Are some guys afraid of being a bottom or something?
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    Jul 14, 2007 10:48 PM GMT
    Without stating the obvious, there is a difference between penetrating someone, and taking that person inside you. I think there is something especially intimate about having a guy inside you, it takes a level of trust that is not involved with being the top. It is the same as the female in a hetero relationship, I think in some ways there is something very sensual about the role of having someone inside you, although with men, the top is more about gratifying themselves, the bottom is more about gratifying the top, but there is that intimacy is the same.
  • MikePhilPerez

    Posts: 4357

    Jul 17, 2007 5:59 PM GMT
    dannywho,

    I hope this is not a stupid question, but what or where is your sphincter muscle?

    Mike
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    Jul 20, 2007 3:28 PM GMT
    MikePhil, there are no dumb questions. Sphincter muscle is in your azz, bro.
  • MikePhilPerez

    Posts: 4357

    Jul 20, 2007 9:13 PM GMT
    Thanks TOFUSUD

    I will have to get my boy to hit that spot, lol

    Mike