Fellow 20-somethings: A bit of a rant.

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    Mar 17, 2010 12:30 AM GMT
    There are a ton of young, openly gay people in Seattle, but the majority are flaming icon_eek.gif and I have nothing in common with them. The rest are nerdy and would rather play WoW than actually socialize. It's sad, I have a total of two local friends who are gay including my boyfriend (we've tried meeting other gay guys from the area and it hasn't worked all that well). Anybody else out there notice this with the young (20-something) gay people in their region, that they're either on fire or still live in their parents' basement?
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    Mar 17, 2010 12:56 AM GMT
    dude right on!! Im from a small city in central wisconsin. I go to college and my school has about 10,000 students. From that population I know 1 gay guy that I am friends with and about 20 that are completely flaming! Im sure they are cool people, but its not like they will go to the gym with me or throw a baseball around.

    Now, I know that Im not the only strait acting gay guy in the world...I just feel like it here! Even though nobody would ever know Im gay, I've come to be farily comfortable with it and if someone "heard" then I openly admitt it. It sure would be nice to meet one other person that is not so scared of it and not flamingly advertising it to everyone!
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    Mar 17, 2010 1:02 AM GMT
    I think at some point and time we all go through something like this. My advice for you guys would be to go outside your box and enjoy life a bit instead of letting stereotypes limit you from possibilities. You've already judged these people at first glance without even trying to get to know them because you labeled them flames or nerds. Guess what? I bet they are having more fun and probably have a wide range of friends then you do.

    With that kind of attitude and self limitation it's no wonder you haven't found anyone to socialize with.
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    Mar 17, 2010 1:06 AM GMT
    U guys try too hard to channel your masculinity, it becomes a fucking joke...
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    Mar 17, 2010 1:09 AM GMT
    im a straight acting regular BBQ , beer, and football texan,

    and when it comes to my boyfriends i like them that way

    ... but when it comes to friends fuck it, if your fun as hell i'll be ur buddy. I dont care if its a queen, a fairy, a nerd, a straight guy, girl, or dyke on a bike. if they make me laugh and know how to have a good time then they'd be an awsome friend.
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    Mar 17, 2010 1:10 AM GMT
    Yeah, that seems to be the case everywhere. Either:

    1) All gays start out on fire, then calm down in their 30s.
    2) Non-flaming gays tend to only come out in their 30s.
    3) Society is more accepting now, allowing gays to be as flaming as they want and not have to repress it.
    4) There are non-flaming gays in their 20s, you just can't see them.

    I think it's a mix of 2 and 4.
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    Mar 17, 2010 1:13 AM GMT
    Guy101 saidI think at some point and time we all go through something like this. My advice for you guys would be to go outside your box and enjoy life a bit instead of letting stereotypes limit you from possibilities. You've already judged these people at first glance without even trying to get to know them because you labeled them flames or nerds. Guess what? I bet they are having more fun and probably have a wide range of friends then you do.

    With that kind of attitude and self limitation it's no wonder you haven't found anyone to socialize with.


    See, this is why I try to warn people against posting about this topic. You start getting nothing but preachy responses.

    WE'RE JUST POINTING OUT A SOCIAL PHENOMENON, FOR FUCK'S SAKE. PUT DOWN YOUR MAGIC WAND, FAIRY GODMOTHER, AND STOP TRYING TO MAKE EVERYTHING HAPPINESS, SPARKLES AND UNICORNS.
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    Mar 17, 2010 1:16 AM GMT
    sexyactionnick said
    Guy101 saidI think at some point and time we all go through something like this. My advice for you guys would be to go outside your box and enjoy life a bit instead of letting stereotypes limit you from possibilities. You've already judged these people at first glance without even trying to get to know them because you labeled them flames or nerds. Guess what? I bet they are having more fun and probably have a wide range of friends then you do.

    With that kind of attitude and self limitation it's no wonder you haven't found anyone to socialize with.


    See, this is why I try to warn people against posting about this topic. You start getting nothing but preachy responses.

    WE'RE JUST POINTING OUT A SOCIAL PHENOMENON, FOR FUCK'S SAKE.


    but by posting topics like this u make it seem like its a bad thing to want to play WoW or be girly

    ill be the first to admit its not attractive to me but I would never tell anyone how to live
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    Mar 17, 2010 1:18 AM GMT
    Fearthefall saidThere are a ton of young, openly gay people in Seattle, but the majority are flaming icon_eek.gif and I have nothing in common with them. The rest are nerdy and would rather play WoW than actually socialize. It's sad, I have a total of two local friends who are gay including my boyfriend (we've tried meeting other gay guys from the area and it hasn't worked all that well). Anybody else out there notice this with the young (20-something) gay people in their region, that they're either on fire or still live in their parents' basement?



    this again? you're new. we'll smile and nod ;)
  • Import

    Posts: 7193

    Mar 17, 2010 1:21 AM GMT
    oh puhhhhhlease *limp wrist

    u just haven't found the right group of ppl to hang with.
    Being a twenty-some thing myself, I have met ALL kinds. From your closeted "str8s" to ur uber gay, limp wristed fag boys. . and i love 'em all. Now, granted I don't have much in common with some of the more fem boys, they still can be great friends.

    I like a happy medium.

    Perhaps the original poster is not frequenting the right places?

    I think if you're looking for uber str8-acting macho men u should go to a Jehovah's witness kingdom hall.
  • Joeyphx444

    Posts: 2382

    Mar 17, 2010 1:22 AM GMT
    There are a lot of hott guys at AZ state and most of them are straight but I am sure a good number of them are bisexual or closeted gays

    The thing is the openly gay guys on campus are flamers and to make it worse they all have this attitude. They all drink and party like crazy and who knows what else icon_razz.gif They are flakes and claim that they don't like flaming guys, so they don't even realize it in themselves icon_razz.gif

    There is even a gay frat which sounds like hell on earth to me. Why that created is beyond me

    I have been getting along with people over 25 here in Phx better the young crowd. At least they are not whores who think they are immortal
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    Mar 17, 2010 1:23 AM GMT
    Adamite890 saiddude right on!! Im from a small city in central wisconsin. I go to college and my school has about 10,000 students. From that population I know 1 gay guy that I am friends with and about 20 that are completely flaming! Im sure they are cool people, but its not like they will go to the gym with me or throw a baseball around.

    Now, I know that Im not the only strait acting gay guy in the world...I just feel like it here! Even though nobody would ever know Im gay, I've come to be farily comfortable with it and if someone "heard" then I openly admitt it. It sure would be nice to meet one other person that is not so scared of it and not flamingly advertising it to everyone!


    Hey now, I'm from WI. Central WI though, yikes icon_sad.gif I'm sorry.
  • Joeyphx444

    Posts: 2382

    Mar 17, 2010 1:26 AM GMT
    Fearthefall saidThere are a ton of young, openly gay people in Seattle, but the majority are flaming icon_eek.gif and I have nothing in common with them. The rest are nerdy and would rather play WoW than actually socialize. It's sad, I have a total of two local friends who are gay including my boyfriend (we've tried meeting other gay guys from the area and it hasn't worked all that well). Anybody else out there notice this with the young (20-something) gay people in their region, that they're either on fire or still live in their parents' basement?




    Well Seattle is full of freaks, gay and straight so maybe ur in the wrong city icon_razz.gif
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    Mar 17, 2010 1:29 AM GMT
    It sounds like you're limiting your options to me. I'm the non-flaming nerd variety of gay (although I own my own house so not in my parents' basement icon_razz.gif) and would rather code or dick around in photoshop than kick a ball around. I don't really have many (any?) real life gay friends and only a handful of gay acquaintances, mainly due to the rarity of gays in every-day life and my lack of going ot of my way to seek them out (i maintain few friends as is). One of my best (straight) friends has described me as a straight loser nerd trapped in the body of a gay cute guy, whatever that means.

    With all that said though, I have no trouble hanging out and enjoying the company of people from various walks, be it jocky sports fans, flaming gay guys, and whatever else. I will even forego nerdiness and kick a ball around if the company is good. And this coming from an anti-social loser nerd, don't forget. Why is it that you can't do better, assuming how well adjusted you claim to be in terms of the social norm, I wonder, and instead can only find frustration? I'm not sure how it is that you are rejecting friendship with someone over one of many possible qualities. One of the things you might learn as you gain more experience is that people are highly varied, regardless of what umbrella you put them under. I understand fully that you might not be crazy about the flamy-ness of a person and might find various nerd interests uninteresting, however, that person is likely to have a variety of other qualities and interests as well, some of which you might end up finding interesting.

    I think, basically, reducing people to one of their more salient qualities is fairly short sighted if you are actually looking for some sort of meaningful friendship. Unless of course, your own interests are one-dimensional enough to where you can only fit a very narrow mold in terms of what you enjoy (or can enjoy) doing.
  • OutdoorAdvent...

    Posts: 361

    Mar 17, 2010 1:31 AM GMT
    I'd be so happy to be Johnny Weir's friend, one of the coolest and most athletic guys on the planet.
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    Mar 17, 2010 1:31 AM GMT
    Jmuscle33 said
    Fearthefall saidThere are a ton of young, openly gay people in Seattle, but the majority are flaming icon_eek.gif and I have nothing in common with them. The rest are nerdy and would rather play WoW than actually socialize. It's sad, I have a total of two local friends who are gay including my boyfriend (we've tried meeting other gay guys from the area and it hasn't worked all that well). Anybody else out there notice this with the young (20-something) gay people in their region, that they're either on fire or still live in their parents' basement?




    Well Seattle is full of freaks, gay and straight so maybe ur in the wrong city icon_razz.gif


    I'm a freak in Seattle icon_wink.gif
  • Joeyphx444

    Posts: 2382

    Mar 17, 2010 1:33 AM GMT
    Rune saidIt sounds like you're limiting your options to me. I'm the non-flaming nerd variety of gay (although I own my own house so not in my parents' basement icon_razz.gif) and would rather code or dick around in photoshop than kick a ball around. I don't really have many (any?) real life gay friends and only a handful of gay acquaintances, mainly due to the rarity of gays in every-day life and my lack of going ot of my way to seek them out (i maintain few friends as is). One of my best (straight) friends has described me as a straight loser nerd trapped in the body of a gay cute guy, whatever that means.

    With all that said though, I have no trouble hanging out and enjoying the company of people from various walks, be it jocky sports fans, flaming gay guys, and whatever else. I will even forego nerdiness and kick a ball around if the company is good. And this coming from an anti-social loser nerd, don't forget. Why is it that you can't do better, assuming how well adjusted you claim to be in terms of the social norm, I wonder, and instead can only find frustration? I'm not sure how it is that you are rejecting friendship with someone over one of many possible qualities. One of the things you might learn as you gain more experience is that people are highly varied, regardless of what umbrella you put them under. I understand fully that you might not be crazy about the flamy-ness of a person and might find various nerd interests uninteresting, however, that person is likely to have a variety of other qualities and interests as well, some of which you might end up finding interesting.

    I think, basically, reducing people to one of their more salient qualities is fairly short sighted if you are actually looking for some sort of meaningful friendship. Unless of course, your own interests are one-dimensional enough to where you can only fit a very narrow mold in terms of what you enjoy (or can enjoy) doing.


    Geez what's wrong with having preferences and standards?

    We aren't all free hugs and peace and love everywhere for everyone tree hugger type of ppl
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    Mar 17, 2010 1:39 AM GMT
    Nothing at all, but if your standards are strict and umbrella over a whole ton of people, being frustrated about your lack of friends is kind of illogical, I think. I also have standards for friends, however, I was jus tpointing out that any one quality by itself is somewhat silly to take as a standard because people are highly varied. THe only way it makes sense to do that, is if you yourself are fairly one-dimensional such that one quality can capture what your interests and desires are as a whole.
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    Mar 17, 2010 1:40 AM GMT
    People with lists of requirements to be friends or date people will usually be alone, still using those lists twenty years later.
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    Mar 17, 2010 1:43 AM GMT
    nawww poor you for being so different and unique and to freakin cool for the general gay population.. must be sooooo difficult for you,

    Would you like a cookie?
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    Mar 17, 2010 1:44 AM GMT
    Fearthefall saidThere are a ton of young, openly gay people in Seattle, but the majority are flaming icon_eek.gif and I have nothing in common with them. The rest are nerdy and would rather play WoW than actually socialize. It's sad, I have a total of two local friends who are gay including my boyfriend (we've tried meeting other gay guys from the area and it hasn't worked all that well). Anybody else out there notice this with the young (20-something) gay people in their region, that they're either on fire or still live in their parents' basement?


    What's wrong with living in your parent's basement??? icon_confused.gif
  • Joeyphx444

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    Mar 17, 2010 1:49 AM GMT
    I'd rather be alone than with some people who I don't like and who cause all this unwanted drama in life. I hear about this ALL the time. People who have these stupid friends and they can't get rid of them for some reason. People who just let anyone in are asking for trouble. I would also rather be picky and have lists instead of a lot of people who just act like they are friends with someone and are fakes
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    Mar 17, 2010 1:58 AM GMT
    I think the issue is that by using one-dimensional criteria of surface properties of people would cause you to miss out on people who you WOULD like and WOULD get along with. I don't think you should like everyone, or even most people, but you should use a better method to determine who you like than something so simplistic as what the OP mentioned.
  • stevarino7

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    Mar 17, 2010 2:10 AM GMT
    I love living in my parents basement. Just sayin...
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    Mar 17, 2010 2:11 AM GMT
    I don't think it's a bad thing to say "I don't want to be friends with this type of person because I know we'll have nothing in common," in fact, I think that's a good way not to waste time. You don't have to be friends with everybody, people generally prefer to associate with like-minded individuals.