Celibacy

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 17, 2010 7:29 AM GMT
    1. Trust issues...
    2. Too high expectations
    3. Narcissism
    4. Workaholic
    5. Socially inept

    I'm pretty sure all of these are linked to celibacy, but when if ever does it become asexuality?
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    Mar 17, 2010 7:30 AM GMT
    am i too tired to see the question in this and then reply to it? or is this a poem in the style of e.e. cummings?


    edit:

    okay, i understand now. you are wondering at what point (and after how many excuses) a person who is celibate is actually asexual. hmmmm... since i am definitely not asexual, i would be conjecturing; however, i would say that the line is crossed when someone doesn't make time for sex out of actual disinterest, rather than any combination of what you already mentioned.
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    Mar 17, 2010 3:14 PM GMT
    I thought celibacy was a commitment to one's self.

    Unless of course you're assuming that everyone has it in their minds that they WANT to get laid (which isn't the case) and by not getting laid they are failing at some sort of"sport."

    Ew. Ew ew ew.
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    Mar 17, 2010 3:30 PM GMT
    Dwiggypop said1. Trust issues...
    2. Too high expectations
    3. Narcissism
    4. Workaholic
    5. Socially inept

    I'm pretty sure all of these are linked to celibacy, but when if ever does it become asexuality?


    trouble is, your list makes being single (i.e., "celibate") look like some kind of failure...like a result of character flaws. i know lots of people in relationships that wish they weren't in relationships because they or their partner (both straight and gay) have a lot of those in your list. there are plenty of self-absorbed, over expectant, workaholic nerds who are in relationships. there is no correlation between celibacy and being a human.

    people "choose" celibacy (whether they admit it or not), because they like it. for whatever reason, it fits a need...even if that "need" is self-loathing and the belief that no one loves them. (again, i know lots of people in relationships with the same problem).

    and strictly speaking, "celibacy" is abstinence from sex (ALL sex) for life. being temporarily single, even if it is for several years, isn't being celibate. there are lots and lots of singles who have dates with themselves that culminate in sex by the end of the evening. hardly priestly celibacy.

    icon_biggrin.gif

  • Bunjamon

    Posts: 3161

    Mar 17, 2010 3:37 PM GMT
    dancerjack saidam i too tired to see the question in this and then reply to it? or is this a poem in the style of e.e. cummings?


    edit:

    okay, i understand now. you are wondering at what point (and after how many excuses) a person who is celibate is actually asexual. hmmmm... since i am definitely not asexual, i would be conjecturing; however, i would say that the line is crossed when someone doesn't make time for sex out of actual disinterest, rather than any combination of what you already mentioned.


    Yes. To add: asexuality is a complete disinterest in having sex. No libido, no masturbation. The thought of sex does not excite you. Not having sex for a while does not equal asexuality if you're still interested at all in having sex.

    And people don't "become" asexual unless they have an underlying health issue, which they should discuss with their preferred healthcare professional. Some people are born asexual, though, just as some people are born gay.
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19138

    Mar 17, 2010 3:37 PM GMT
    Celibacy? Hmmmm...and your point is? icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 17, 2010 3:42 PM GMT
    It becomes asexual when the super hot UPS guy shows up at your door wearing nothing but a G-string and you sign the clip-board without noticing; instead return to your WOW game.
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    Mar 17, 2010 3:50 PM GMT
    dustin_K_tx saidIt becomes asexual when the super hot UPS guy shows up at your door wearing nothing but a G-string and you sign the clip-board without noticing; instead return to your WOW game.

    Whereas when you promptly bend the UPS guy over at the waist and drill him that's being ass-sexual. icon_wink.gif

    Seriously, being truly asexual, meaning to have no sexual feelings at all, is abnormal, and may be a result of some physical or emotional problem. Being celibate means to refrain from sex, but does not imply a lack of interest.

    Therefore, one can be celibate because one is asexual, whereas one can be celibate without being asexual.
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    Mar 17, 2010 4:19 PM GMT
    Yep, the explanations given above are sensible. I have been celibate for 12 years but am not asexual.

    I'd add "unwillingness to have anal sex" as a potential reason for celibacy. Since anal intercourse is somewhat of a sexual norm in our community, abstaining from it does leave you warming the bench, so to speak.

    Here's hoping the bench doesn't burn.
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    Mar 17, 2010 4:44 PM GMT
    I think you forgot one thing in your list: indifference. I love sex just as much as the next guy, but when I'm not sexually active, I honestly don't care or even really think about it. Maybe my standards are too high, or maybe busting a nut just doesn't ever make my to-do list. In either case, I'm totally content.
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    Mar 17, 2010 5:07 PM GMT
    Eden saidI'd add "unwillingness to have anal sex" as a potential reason for celibacy. Since anal intercourse is somewhat of a sexual norm in our community, abstaining from it does leave you warming the bench, so to speak.

    Anal intercourse is fairly common in the US, too, but you do find guys who prefer other things. I have no great interest in anal, only do it when the other guy wants it, either as top or bottom. Otherwise, I prefer oral & manual if that's OK with him.

    Just a couple of weeks ago, my General Practitioner was going to do a DRE on me (digital rectal exam). And I said to her: "Please go gently! Despite being a gay man, I haven't done anything anal in a while, and this might hurt me."

    Now it happens that most of her practice is gay men, HIV+ in fact, in which she specializes, and I'm one of her few negative patients.

    "You'd be surprised how many of my gay patients tell me that." she replied.

    I have no idea what things are like in Algeria, but would another gay man turn down oral, just because you don't want anal? I have never understood having an exclusive focus on just one kind of sex, but at the same time I have run into it. Guys who not only want only one manner of sex, but only when it's done a very specific way. Fail to play their exact game, and they don't want to talk to you. I find that too limiting, too constrictive, and from my standpoint, too controlling.

    I'm willing to be flexible, like with anal, though not my favorite, but if you try to pull all the strings, then I pull out. I like to explore with a guy, not be exploited.
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    Mar 17, 2010 5:09 PM GMT
    Our society's model of sexuality is far too narrow. Some people are asexual in the sense that they do not crave sex. Others are asexual in the sense that they do not crave any intimacy.

    The difference between true asexuality and celibacy is that one choses to be celibate.
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    Mar 17, 2010 5:25 PM GMT
    MunchingZombie said...The difference between true asexuality and celibacy is that one choses to be celibate.

    Yes, an important distinction. An essential element of a correct definition of asexuality is that it is involuntary.
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    Mar 17, 2010 5:34 PM GMT
    Red_Vespa said
    I have no idea what things are like in Algeria, but would another gay man turn down oral, just because you don't want anal?

    Anal intercourse is a must here. If unpracticed, the act isn't even called sex. Like somebody once exclaimed "I got to put it in somewhere! Isn't that what gay sex is?!?"

    When you decline having intercourse, explaining it is not the essence of intimacy between two men, you shake up the very foundation of the concept in the guys' heads and you slowly, but surely, become celibate.

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    Mar 17, 2010 7:11 PM GMT
    Eden saidYep, the explanations given above are sensible. I have been celibate for 12 years but am not asexual.

    I'd add "unwillingness to have anal sex" as a potential reason for celibacy. Since anal intercourse is somewhat of a sexual norm in our community, abstaining from it does leave you warming the bench, so to speak.

    Here's hoping the bench doesn't burn.


    It is refreshing to read this quote, but also scares me a bit. I guess this is what the forum is for, figure out exactly what we are trying to say. I am a workaholic to an extent and I believe that I try to pawn my disinterest in anal sex off on being a workaholic or other things, because as the relationship progresses this matter will come up. I do not want it to hinder my love life, but so far it has. Masturbation and/or porn are just not enough for me. Hmmm
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    Mar 17, 2010 7:13 PM GMT
    Eden saidYep, the explanations given above are sensible. I have been celibate for 12 years but am not asexual.

    I'd add "unwillingness to have anal sex" as a potential reason for celibacy. Since anal intercourse is somewhat of a sexual norm in our community, abstaining from it does leave you warming the bench, so to speak.

    Here's hoping the bench doesn't burn.


    12 years? how the heck do you manage that.
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    Mar 17, 2010 8:15 PM GMT
    I, like Vespa, am always willing to please my partner, but could take or leave but play. I too would rather have a blowie—ha
    Yes, it is going to come up; so bring it up right away, and move on.
    No reason to be setting on the bench there are plenty of men out there that feel the same.
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    Mar 17, 2010 8:25 PM GMT
    I tried celibacy.. I lasted 1 day, 6 hours, 43 minutes...

    I think out of all the failures I've ever had, that was THE MOST enjoyable failure of all!!!

    Learned something that day.....
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    Mar 17, 2010 8:38 PM GMT
    Dwiggypop said1. Trust issues...
    2. Too high expectations
    3. Narcissism
    4. Workaholic
    5. Socially inept

    I'm pretty sure all of these are linked to celibacy, but when if ever does it become asexuality?


    Your list is incomplete. And it's rather biased--as if positive reasons for practicing celibacy do not exist.

    You should add the following reasons to your list:

    6. A preference for sex within a monogamous relationship.
    7. A particular spiritual journey that requires you to avoid meaningless, shallow sexual encounters.
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    Mar 17, 2010 8:46 PM GMT
    BlkMuscleGent said7. A particular spiritual journey that requires you to avoid meaningless, shallow sexual encounters.


    Only meaningless and shallow people have meaningless and shallow sex.
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    Mar 17, 2010 8:49 PM GMT
    MunchingZombie saidOnly meaningless and shallow people have meaningless and shallow sex.

    indeed, I prefer to put it all the way in.
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    Mar 17, 2010 9:15 PM GMT
    Blackguy4you said
    Eden saidYep, the explanations given above are sensible. I have been celibate for 12 years but am not asexual.

    I'd add "unwillingness to have anal sex" as a potential reason for celibacy. Since anal intercourse is somewhat of a sexual norm in our community, abstaining from it does leave you warming the bench, so to speak.

    Here's hoping the bench doesn't burn.


    12 years? how the heck do you manage that.

    Candlelit dinners, table for one, single-handedly opening the champagne bottle.
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    Mar 17, 2010 9:53 PM GMT
    Dwiggypop said
    Eden saidYep, the explanations given above are sensible. I have been celibate for 12 years but am not asexual.

    I'd add "unwillingness to have anal sex" as a potential reason for celibacy. Since anal intercourse is somewhat of a sexual norm in our community, abstaining from it does leave you warming the bench, so to speak.

    Here's hoping the bench doesn't burn.


    It is refreshing to read this quote, but also scares me a bit. I guess this is what the forum is for, figure out exactly what we are trying to say. I am a workaholic to an extent and I believe that I try to pawn my disinterest in anal sex off on being a workaholic or other things, because as the relationship progresses this matter will come up. I do not want it to hinder my love life, but so far it has. Masturbation and/or porn are just not enough for me. Hmmm

    Maybe it's time guys not into anal intercourse opened up more to one another? There are many out there, and it's a waste of time, libido and opportunity for them not to get together.

    I should have used "us" instead of "them." icon_wink.gif
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    Mar 17, 2010 10:05 PM GMT
    MunchingZombie said
    BlkMuscleGent said7. A particular spiritual journey that requires you to avoid meaningless, shallow sexual encounters.


    Only meaningless and shallow people have meaningless and shallow sex.


    One need not be meaningless and shallow to have meaningless and shallow sex. Because people have meaning and choose to be shallow, many meaningful, shallow people have meaningless and shallow sex. icon_wink.gif
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    Mar 18, 2010 12:23 AM GMT
    BlkMuscleGent said
    Dwiggypop said1. Trust issues...
    2. Too high expectations
    3. Narcissism
    4. Workaholic
    5. Socially inept

    I'm pretty sure all of these are linked to celibacy, but when if ever does it become asexuality?


    Your list is incomplete. And it's rather biased--as if positive reasons for practicing celibacy do not exist.

    You should add the following reasons to your list:

    6. A preference for sex within a monogamous relationship.
    7. A particular spiritual journey that requires you to avoid meaningless, shallow sexual encounters.


    Thanks for your input, but I would not have written the post if I were in a monogamous relationship and sure would not be celibate if I were in a monogamous relationship. I would still have some sort of sexual relationship with my partner.

    And, I agree with MuchingZombie as far as number 7 goes.