My boyfriend's fag hag. .

  • Import

    Posts: 7190

    Mar 18, 2010 10:44 PM GMT
    Really great girl, Fun, nice, etc. But she's starting to become an unwelcome 3rd wheel.

    I've been with my boyfriend for about a year and a half. Things are going well, we have a great relationship. We do a lot of things together like movies, concerts, hang with friends, clubs, bars, even take trips together. We play well off eachother and I genuinely enjoy his company.

    Recently (like within the past 3 months) I had the pleasure of being introduced to his fag hag.
    For a long time she was off limits to me as he was in the closet (so to speak). He came out to her a while ago and I met her shortly thereafter.
    We began hanging out as a group more and more since the "coming out."

    Now, don't get me wrong. I'm all for hanging out with different people, mixing it up, "the more the merrier" type mentality, but there's also times when I just want it to be me and my boo. For example when I plan a dinner out, or buy movie tickets for 2.... and then she either is invited along or my bf will ask if it's ok if she comes too. At first, I was like "yeah, whatever" it's all good, I wanna get to know her more, etc. Now it's like my boo will txt me to do something and or be like "Andrea is going here tonight, u wanna go with me?" or "Hey, I got us tickets to see Chelsea Handler when she comes to HardRock" so I'm like "awww whatta nice surprise, how nice!" and then he says "yeah, me, you, and Andrea are going".....I'm thinking to myself "ugh, are u kidding me?"

    Now, my bf is planning a trip for us and wouldn't you know it!!! Andrea is involved.
    I'm getting to the point where I start declining his invites out because to be quite frank, I don't feel like seeing his fag hag everytime my boo and I go out.

    Granted, I have a few "fag hag" type friends, but I don't invite them out to dinners and invite them on trips when I'm with my boyfriend.

    Am I being out of line by thinking this? or does she need to back the fuck up before she gets smacked the fuck up?

    What say u?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 18, 2010 10:46 PM GMT
    She'll probably fade, given some time. If not, a simple, "let's just make it you and me tonight" should do. If it doesn't, you'll have to sit him down and give him a talking to.
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    Mar 18, 2010 11:20 PM GMT
    although mildly shocking.. I agree with Chucky....

    I feel weird all of a sudden
  • ShawnTX

    Posts: 2484

    Mar 18, 2010 11:26 PM GMT
    Set her up with a guy, have her get her own life.
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    Mar 18, 2010 11:27 PM GMT
    Sounds like he is maybe not making enough of an effort, and is even making an effort to include her, but faghags can be quite clingy and hard to get rid of. My current faghag wants to do everything with me, including taking me on her dates. But yeah, at the prior posters said, she needs a good stern talking too. They've made relationships more than difficult for me in the past, and I really didn't include them, but still tried to sabotage a relationship. Gotta watch it, or I'll be trying to start another post here.
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    Mar 18, 2010 11:33 PM GMT
    Bring along another fag. A single one, who she will cling to. That's what i've always done. Though my hags have always respected my limits, and aren't quite so socially unaware? Ahaha.

    But really just mention to him you want some you and him time.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 18, 2010 11:50 PM GMT
    i blame this fukin phenomenon on will & grace
    after chicks saw the realtionship those 2 had together they all wanted a gay Will shoulder to cry on.

    having said that.....i like my hawt big titied hags.....and i shag em every once in a while too....when the bf approves.....lolz
  • Import

    Posts: 7190

    Mar 19, 2010 1:33 AM GMT
    joshnyc saidi blame this fukin phenomenon on will & grace
    after chicks saw the realtionship those 2 had together they all wanted a gay Will shoulder to cry on.

    having said that.....i like my hawt big titied hags.....and i shag em every once in a while too....when the bf approves.....lolz


    man, I agree. Fuck will and grace. Some of these females out there seek refuge in a gay man because they can't get a man themselves, so it's the next closest thing.

    Fuck clingy fag hags. . fuck them to hell
  • Space_Cowboy_...

    Posts: 3738

    Mar 19, 2010 2:26 AM GMT
    HAHA Hey She's just excited that she has a gay bestie all my girl friends couldn't have been happier and they got why I never wanted to date them either haha but don't worry soon all in the universe... and help her get a boyfriend it'll keep her away like 99.9% of the time unless she needs to have Girl Talk with your boyfriend. icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 19, 2010 2:57 AM GMT
    Read Z-Drew's letter about fag hags:
    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/697308/
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 19, 2010 3:15 AM GMT
    They're not called fag-hags anymore.
    They're "alternative lifestyle companions."
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 19, 2010 3:19 AM GMT
    egomaniac saidThey're not called fag-hags anymore.
    They're "alternative lifestyle companions."

    LORL i'm going to shamelessly steal that and use it as my own icon_biggrin.gif
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    Mar 19, 2010 3:19 AM GMT
    Import said...What say u?

    Well, first, on a minor manner of semantics, I HATE the term fag hag. We have many female friends, some straight, some lesbian, and we would never use that term, which is demeaning and prejudicial. I'd prefer never to hear it again. My partner & I don't have fag hags; we have female friends.

    Regarding this situation, I think this woman needs to let go of your BF. Not sure how to make that happen, but going on a trip with you is a bit much. We invite out female friends to dinners all the time, here at our place, and at restaurants, and we get invited over to their places, as friends do.

    But on a trip??? Do I read this correctly? Have you discussed this with him? That really crosses the line, time to make a stand, OK?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 19, 2010 3:28 AM GMT
    Talk to your bf...let him know how you feel and explain the situation. It'll work out!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 19, 2010 3:38 AM GMT
    egomaniac saidThey're not called fag-hags anymore.
    They're "alternative lifestyle companions."


    Rick and Steve!
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    Mar 19, 2010 3:39 AM GMT
    This reminds me of Will & Grace +Vince icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 19, 2010 3:47 AM GMT
    You really can't blame the girl- they have a hard time finding a straight guy into the things girls like- watching Glee, listening to Lady Gaga, going to a tea room, driving a Toyota Prius...

  • Mar 19, 2010 3:54 AM GMT
    The same exact thing happened with my ex and me. My fag hag/fairy princess/fruit fly actually moved into his building about two doors down. It quickly became my cooking dinner for the three of us and her staying until I had to leave. She was with us about 5 nights every week. Our sex life crumbled, and we eventually broke up after 6.5 years (not her fault... other factors too).

    You really need to discuss this with your boyfriend. Make sure you make it clear that you're not forcing him to choose between you or her. Just explain that you need to have "couple time" sometimes too. If she really is a good friend, she'll understand.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 19, 2010 3:55 AM GMT
    egomaniac saidThey're not called fag-hags anymore.
    They're "alternative lifestyle companions."


    I call them fruit-flies
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Mar 19, 2010 4:00 AM GMT
    No, she will not fade.

    She's glued to him like the pathetic and desperate fag hag that she is.

    I hate to break it to you, but she isn't the fifth wheel, you are.

    Go out and find someone who deserves you, and leave the two of them to their perverted bliss.
  • Space_Cowboy_...

    Posts: 3738

    Mar 19, 2010 4:04 AM GMT
    Webster666 saidNo, she will not fade.

    She's glued to him like the pathetic and desperate fag hag that she is.

    I hate to break it to you, but she isn't the fifth wheel, you are.

    Go out and find someone who deserves you, and leave the two of them to their perverted bliss.




    He kind of might be right, I have a few bitches that are def on Bro's before Hoe's status. lol but a Bf is different as long as we still have tea and sushi and shopping days we're good.
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    Mar 19, 2010 4:23 AM GMT
    I have the same problem. Only with my boyfriend's fag hag, he's totally annoyed with how much she clings to him too! And he tells her to back off, but she cries in order to get him whenever she wants. He has flat out told me that he's ready to just break it off with her except he's afraid she will kill herself without him. I agree. I can't stand her inviting herself to everything, making him do everything for her, and crying all the time to get him to feel guilty for not being around more than 24 hours a day. I swear, sometimes I feel like they're dating and I'm the third wheel. I want her to have a boyfriend so she'll stop pretending she's with mine. If you come up with a solution to this problem, please tell me how.

    And no, this doesn't make you an awful person. It makes you the third wheel. Make sure your boyfriend knows that you don't want to be that anymore. And speaking of will and grace, there was an episode where leo finds out that "you can't date grace without dating will and grace". make sure you're not in a leo position in your relationship. Maybe you're the more important one in his life. I definitely signed up for the luke and noah relationship where I get noah, and I only have to put up with maddie on occasion.

    If she can make you jealous of her relationship with him, something's definitely wrong, and only he can fix it.
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    Mar 19, 2010 4:33 AM GMT
    Webster666 saidNo, she will not fade.

    She's glued to him like the pathetic and desperate fag hag that she is.

    I hate to break it to you, but she isn't the fifth wheel, you are.

    Go out and find someone who deserves you, and leave the two of them to their perverted bliss.



    Agreed
  • Space_Cowboy_...

    Posts: 3738

    Mar 19, 2010 4:35 AM GMT
    yeah you need to tell him, that you understand that she's is his bestie but you are his boyfriend and you need alone time with him, and more than just sex.
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    Mar 19, 2010 4:53 AM GMT
    I was gonna give my three cents' worth on fag hags, but MaxFitMike beat me to it (and thanks for that, MFM...I'm not sure I would have been able to dig that old post up).

    Once upon a time my boyfriend's hag and I had...issues. Nowadays, we're good. It wasn't an easy process, and it took work on both our parts. It started with the fag hag rant MaxFitMike posted a link to above. I had it on my blog, and the hag just happened to wander across it one day...and was horrified and deeply hurt that I didn't love her to pieces. Once she stopped being hurt, she realized just how intrusive she had been all this time, and she's backed off considerably. In return, I've done my best to play nice and get along with her.

    It works, for the most part. Her pathological need to be loved and adored keeps her walking on eggshells around me and on best un-clingy behavior, and that in turn makes me actually like her more; meanwhile, my newfound ability to not be a raging shitstain toward her pleases my boyfriend. It's a win-win-win scenario.

    You and your boyfriend's hag are having a turf war (albeit a silent one) over him. If you silently suffer her intrusion, all three of you ultimately lose. Boundaries exist for a reason...make some. It'll be better in the long run.