Funny letter to Bush.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 21, 2008 7:23 PM GMT
    I was looking at some peoples pages on myspace and found this rather funny letter to Bush on one of them. I really hope this person actually sent the letter to him cuz I could picture his head turning quite red as he tries to comprehend the satire. icon_lol.gif

    Dear President Bush, Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from you and understand why you would propose and support a constitutional amendment banning same sex marriage. As you said, "in the eyes of God marriage is based between a man a woman. I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination...End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Laws and how to follow them:
    1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Canadians, but not Mexicans. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Mexicans?
    2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?
    3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.
    4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is, my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?
    5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2. clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?
    6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination?
    7. Lev.21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle- room here?
    8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?
    9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?
    10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev. 24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)
    I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I am confident you can help
  • cowboyupnorth

    Posts: 264

    Jan 21, 2008 8:03 PM GMT
    That was posted once to Dr. Laura when she was on her anti gay rant. It is also noted in the new book "Things your minister knows but cant tell you as he needs a job". That is a very good book by the way. An easy fun read for a plain ride. Thanks for posting.
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    Jan 22, 2008 1:18 AM GMT
    LOL !!!! This is great !!!! I'm going to print it and try to remember some of these "important" texts for the righteous stone throwers I come accross. Thanks !!!
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    Jan 22, 2008 1:25 AM GMT
    Thanks fo the post Freakyninjamonkey, I had a good laugh!
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    Jan 22, 2008 1:42 AM GMT
    That was great...

    theres also something out there (and i ont know the name of it...) but it lists the reasons why gay-marrige should be banned, followed by comments made by a gay guy.

    Example:
    Straight Guy: Gay marrige should be banned because having 2 gay fathers would produce a gay child.
    Response: Yeah... because straight couples ALWAYS produce straight children...

    and stuff like that...

    Anybody know what that's from?
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    Jan 22, 2008 2:08 AM GMT
    Glswimfan123 saidtheres also something out there (and i ont know the name of it...) but it lists the reasons why gay-marrige should be banned, followed by comments made by a gay guy.

    Example:
    Straight Guy: Gay marrige should be banned because having 2 gay fathers would produce a gay child.
    Response: Yeah... because straight couples ALWAYS produce straight children...

    Anybody know what that's from?
    A moron maybe? GW himself? Great minds think alike you know.
  • SkyMiles

    Posts: 963

    Jan 22, 2008 3:39 AM GMT
    AWESOME! >>>>>>BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAA<<<<<<<icon_lol.gif

    That's the thing! It says all kinds of crazy sh*t in the bible. Heck, the thing's as thick as a...well, you know.

    The GOOD stuff gets repeated ;)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 22, 2008 4:09 PM GMT
    Hey Active, the response to that is supposed to be sarcastic...
    I thought it was pretty funny, and it had a lot of good arguments that put straight peoples ideas to shame.
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    Jan 25, 2008 6:17 AM GMT
    Glswimfan123 saidHey Active, the response to that is supposed to be sarcastic...
    I thought it was pretty funny, and it had a lot of good arguments that put straight peoples ideas to shame.
    I know .. my answer was supposed to be funny too!icon_sad.gif
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    Jan 25, 2008 6:47 AM GMT

    Freaky - what's annoying is that a letter like this is a great argument on why Religious Righties don't have a lot of solid ground to be so vehemently anti-gay. They will easily concede on other biblical mandates and brush them off as ridiculous, yet they cling to the phrases that promote hatred of gays.

    It says less about the Bible and more about how haters use religion to justify their vitriol. I think that these people would still rant against homosexuality even if there was nothing in the Bible about it. They'd take an obscure thing like - there are no stories in the bible about gays getting married so therefore it's wrong - as the foundation and justification for their bias.

    Nothing better than hating someone and being at the right hand of GOD. These people love the smell of napalm in the morning.
  • Menergy_1

    Posts: 737

    Jan 25, 2008 3:00 PM GMT
    Clever! Funny!

    And the satire's target are the many people using only excerpts from the Christian Bible (in my mind a mostly archeological document) as the Law -- especially the Old Testament parts -- but only in a buffet-style manner of picking and choosing what you like, ignoring the rest of the contradictory and anachronistic BS. Pardon me if I've stepped on toes of any Real Jock fundamentalist Christians, but it seems to me they should be stuck with the whole thing -- it's not a fuckin' chocolate candy sampler box!. (Or is it?)
  • Alan95823

    Posts: 306

    Jan 25, 2008 3:32 PM GMT
    They also did that list on West Wing, with Martin Sheen reciting it to a Dr. Laura-esque character.