Mar 20, 2010 8:56 PM GMT
I can't tell you exactly when this started and I won't tell you that I'm cured. But I can tell you that I've been kicking ass since I was in the third grade.
One day my third grade teacher was bent over to pick up a dropped pen from the floor and quick as a flash I rushed over and kicked him smartly in the ass.
Falling onto one hand he made an startled "uhmmffff!!" sound, then he stood up and stared at me with a surprised look on his face, all the while rubbing his butt with his left hand.
For almost two hours I was lectured about what I'd done, told I was a real bad kid and forced to admit that kicking ass wasn't funny.
However, by the end of that year I'd kicked ass four more times.
Needless to say back in the late 1960's this was viewed as rather aberrant behavior so towards the end of the school year I was sent to a Psychiatrist.
I remember his ass as rotund and as soft as a pillow, and strangely unsatisfying as far as a kick in the ass went.
I swear there is no hope for me - and I swear that I'll NEVER grow up!