Forgiveness

  • NyRuinz

    Posts: 887

    Mar 21, 2010 2:04 PM GMT
    If someone has done you wrong, but has yet to apologize can you forgive them? Especially if the don't find fault in their actions.
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    Mar 21, 2010 2:11 PM GMT
    Yes but in some cases it takes time.

    I've forgiven people (in my own head) even though they've done terrible things and they don't see how fucked up they are.. I do it for my own mental health and happiness.

    The only alternative is to fill your mind with years of hate, hurt, regret and revenge and those feelings can eat you up alive.

    Its very liberating to forgive and a powerful tactic to live a happy life.
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    Mar 21, 2010 2:25 PM GMT

    Forgive, but don't forget. I'm not a huge fan of 'forgive AND forget' because in that way we doom ourselves to repeat history.

    -Doug
  • Import

    Posts: 7190

    Mar 21, 2010 2:27 PM GMT
    meninlove said
    Forgive, but don't forget. I'm not a huge fan of 'forgive AND forget' because in that way we doom ourselves to repeat history.

    -Doug


    Doug Funny?
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    Mar 21, 2010 2:32 PM GMT
    NyRuinz saidIf someone has done you wrong, but has yet to apologize can you forgive them? Especially if the don't find fault in their actions.
    If someone is your friend, he/she will at least apologize for hurting you and not repeat whatever they did.

    If someone knowingly keeps doing shit that hurts you, it signals that they don't care about you or your feelings and someone like that has no place in your life.

    (But nobody can read minds, so I assume you told them?)
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    Mar 21, 2010 2:39 PM GMT
    Import said
    meninlove said
    Forgive, but don't forget. I'm not a huge fan of 'forgive AND forget' because in that way we doom ourselves to repeat history.

    -Doug


    Doug Funny?


    lol, what?
  • NyRuinz

    Posts: 887

    Mar 22, 2010 12:02 AM GMT
    bernd said
    NyRuinz saidIf someone has done you wrong, but has yet to apologize can you forgive them? Especially if the don't find fault in their actions.
    If someone is your friend, he/she will at least apologize for hurting you and not repeat whatever they did.

    If someone knowingly keeps doing shit that hurts you, it signals that they don't care about you or your feelings and someone like that has no place in your life.

    (But nobody can read minds, so I assume you told them?)


    Well this particularly person has changed their behavior towards me, but has yet to apologize for his previous actions, I have forgiven him and we speak now, but he recently accused me of being distant, and I must admit that I am and it's due to his failure to apologize to me
  • Space_Cowboy_...

    Posts: 3738

    Mar 22, 2010 12:07 AM GMT
    Honestly no, it might take me a while you trust you again.
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    Mar 22, 2010 12:11 AM GMT
    "Forgiveness is not so much about letting the other guy of the hook, but more about giving you the chance to move on with your life" I don't know who I'm quoting here, but this helps me keep things in perspective.

    I think he would like a closer relationship with you and now is your chance to get things right again if YOU are interested. If you are, I'd suggest you be honest with him now. Tell him why you are distant, what you would like him to do and let him make his move.
  • upsguy68

    Posts: 270

    Mar 22, 2010 12:13 AM GMT
    Way back in high school, I had a friend say something that really hurt my feelings. I am still friends with her to this day. She doesn't even remember making the comment, so she won't apologize for it. She has never said that hurtful statement again and I know she never will. Therefore, I forgive her for saying it way back then.

    Just like Doug from "meninlove" said, "Forgive, but don't forget"......
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    Mar 22, 2010 12:15 AM GMT
    I can forgive people easily but that doesn't mean I'll forget what nonsense I've had to go through with them and it certainly doesn't mean I'm obligated to be nice to them in any way in the future. Karma is a bitch.
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Mar 22, 2010 12:20 AM GMT
    KissingPro saidYes but in some cases it takes time.

    I've forgiven people (in my own head) even though they've done terrible things and they don't see how fucked up they are.. I do it for my own mental health and happiness.

    The only alternative is to fill your mind with years of hate, hurt, regret and revenge and those feelings can eat you up alive.

    Its very liberating to forgive and a powerful tactic to live a happy life.


    I agree with this young man here.....icon_wink.gif
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Mar 22, 2010 12:21 AM GMT
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    Mar 22, 2010 1:00 AM GMT
    KissingPro saidYes but in some cases it takes time.

    I've forgiven people (in my own head) even though they've done terrible things and they don't see how fucked up they are.. I do it for my own mental health and happiness.

    The only alternative is to fill your mind with years of hate, hurt, regret and revenge and those feelings can eat you up alive.

    Its very liberating to forgive and a powerful tactic to live a happy life.



    meninloveForgive, but don't forget. I'm not a huge fan of 'forgive AND forget' because in that way we doom ourselves to repeat history.


    -Doug



    Wow I love both answers in bold above! Kissingpro is right in that hate, remorse and revenge all it does is eat you up inside alive! I just got out of a very frustrating relationship where I gave it my all, and so far I am dealing with my emotions quite well! on the flip side of the coin I agree with Doug/meninlove in that even thou I eventually will forgive my ex, if experience serves me right next time I bring someone in my life he better not be emotionally needy!! that is when not to forget makes a lot of sense!


    Leandro ♥


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    Mar 22, 2010 1:06 AM GMT
    yeah yeah, i usually forgive ...
    and usually forget.. about them.
  • Space_Cowboy_...

    Posts: 3738

    Mar 22, 2010 1:07 AM GMT
    Timberoo said



    Shut UP i was totally singing that when I read the title icon_lol.gif
  • creature

    Posts: 5197

    Mar 22, 2010 1:09 AM GMT
    meninlove said
    Import said
    meninlove said
    Forgive, but don't forget. I'm not a huge fan of 'forgive AND forget' because in that way we doom ourselves to repeat history.

    -Doug


    Doug Funny?


    lol, what?


    This is Doug Funny

    12406837.jpg


    And I agree with what you said: forgive, but never forget.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 22, 2010 1:13 AM GMT
    lol, Doug Funny has more hair on his head than I do!

    er...Doug
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    Mar 22, 2010 1:16 AM GMT
    fergivenuss....WTF is that?

    no bitch....u grab em by the neck and do this
    France_Gall_-_Jai_Retrouv.gif
  • lozano86

    Posts: 293

    Mar 22, 2010 1:17 AM GMT
    forgive? meh.....maybe

    Forget...um NOPE. i remember icon_cry.gif

  • Space_Cowboy_...

    Posts: 3738

    Mar 22, 2010 1:18 AM GMT
    joshnyc saidfergivenuss....WTF is that?

    no bitch....u grab em by the neck and do this
    France_Gall_-_Jai_Retrouv.gif





    icon_twisted.gif agreed!



  • Space_Cowboy_...

    Posts: 3738

    Mar 22, 2010 1:18 AM GMT
    lozano86 saidforgive? meh.....maybe

    Forget...um NOPE. i remember icon_cry.gif



    aww don't cry icon_sad.gif
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    Mar 22, 2010 2:10 AM GMT
    Hey ALEZANDER...I think that the advice I'm sharing is more geared towards not forgetting what was done and WHO did it. Forgive the man, but remember what happened and so avoid a repeat by remembering how things escalated to that point..

    There are many many many emotionally needy men..in fact I've yet to meet a single individual, male or female, that doesn't have emotional needs, and that includes myself and Bill. icon_wink.gif


    big hugs as usual -Doug
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    Mar 22, 2010 2:16 AM GMT
    I say forgive, and move on. They did what they did, they're not willing to take responsibility for it. If you choose to hold a grudge it typically affects you worse than it does them. Maybe one day they'll grow up and come to the realization that they were pricks and then maybe they can be big enough to set things right.
  • dreamer121

    Posts: 265

    Mar 22, 2010 2:34 AM GMT
    I must be cold-hearted. 'Cause I really have a hard time with people who "wrong" me and find nothing in their fault.

    I once had an ex and a best friend get together 2 weeks after the ex and I broke up. (behind my back) it was this long messed up thing, but the ex gave me flowers when things started getting tense and i started suspecting things... he sent me flowers (I'm not a flower kinda guy to begin with) but on the card he said "I'm sorry that you're so upset with me"

    Needless to say, only after many conversations and many months, have our friendships been rebuilt. (i'm one of those psycho's that actually tries to stay friends with ex's that haven't like cheated on me or been violent towards me) Forgiveness takes a LONG time for me sometimes.