Where to draw the line?

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    Jan 22, 2008 2:34 AM GMT
    Where
  • Artesin

    Posts: 482

    Jan 22, 2008 2:46 AM GMT
    I'd say get over it, not as if that is a groundbreaking problem anyway. Im assuming it happened at some form of a party if so what would you prefer your boyfriend to do at a party involving drinking games? Sit back and read a book?
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Jan 22, 2008 2:53 AM GMT
    I don't know how I'd feel about that, to be honest.
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    Jan 22, 2008 4:49 AM GMT
    I'd be cheering him on. I figured out some time back that getting upset over such things is usually a one person issue - yours. If your boyfriend was upset about it, he wouldn't be doing it. If the straight guy was upset about it, he wouldn't be doing it. If you make a big deal out of it, everyone thinks that you're the jerk and you're outraged because you can't figure out why everyone else is against you.

    If you stop and ask yourself a few questions, you might reconsider your angst. Is it really hurting anything or anyone? Is a little fun bad for you, or your relationship?

    Another point to consider is that people like fun people. If you're the party pooper, you're the outcast. That goes for relationships too. If you go around putting up rules and restrictions and showing affront when the line gets crossed, you're driving a heavy duty bulldozer straight for your relationship.

    These are my values and you may disagree entirely with them. I have however found that touch of levity and a reasoned response to such situations is much more well received than a pissing contest.

    Did you consider joining him in licking the booze off then ending up getting lip locked in a big sexy kiss with your boyfriend? icon_smile.gif It's another way to approach the situation. Why let them have all the fun. Get in the middle of it and make yourself more alluring to your boyfriend than the straight guy ;)

    Your boyfriend and you won't be having a fight with neither of you getting any that night. The flip side is with a kiss like that, you're likely to make your boyfriend get all hot and bothered and you two might be having a hard time getting up for work after a night of romping with each other.
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    Jan 22, 2008 4:57 AM GMT
    Hey Firefighter I like your approach... I can see what you're saying especially as far as being the party pooper. Maybe I'm just a bit jealous that situations like that don't usually present themselves to me... Also I am just touchy because other questionable things like this have happened before with this same person. And maybe it would be OK if I was actually present... this incident happened when I was NOT there. And then I had to play 20 questions for him to tell me the truth about what happened. I think THAT is the more upsetting part about the situation, the fact that he didn't come right out with it.
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    Jan 22, 2008 5:05 AM GMT
    Use your jealousy in a positive way rather than let it eat away at your relationship like an acid.

    Your boyfriend would probably be far more willing to not only reveal info about such things but be happy to tell you all about his night without you asking if instead of 20 questions you instead told him you thought that image of him doing that was really hot and it was turning you on and you just might be in the mood to ... well, depends on what his fantasies are ;)

    The point is to be smart about your reactions and use them to better your relationship rather than chip away at it. You may also realize that the image of him licking the abs or chest of a hot guy really is turning you on. And who knows, maybe he'll get that gleam of lust in his eyes watching you do the same thing.

    Jealousy is a two edged blade, you can let it fall on you and get cut, or you can deftly move it to chisel a beautiful work of art.
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    Jan 22, 2008 5:07 AM GMT
    Well, that depends...was it Armagnac or Southern Comfort? Kahlua or Chambord? Can't really decide these things without more specifics.....
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    Jan 22, 2008 5:23 AM GMT
    Heheheh. A few years ago I was in his shoes. Today I'd be going looking for that other guy and some whipped cream and with a roll of the dice, it may not be his chest.

    I have to use my own faux angel smiley since RJ doesn't seem to have one *laugh*

    fle-newangel.gif
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    Jan 22, 2008 5:32 AM GMT
    As long as it is just his chest, be amused.
  • liftordie

    Posts: 823

    Jan 22, 2008 5:36 AM GMT
    close friends have strange rites and rituals i have learned over time. not much shocks me. but then again whenever i see my friend chule we both flick out our tongues at each other til the touch for a few seconds. we think nothing of it but it sure seems to be an attention getter. my bf does not seem to mind one bit! maybe it is because he knows where my tongue was previously! icon_twisted.gif
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    Jan 22, 2008 5:39 AM GMT
    Caslon saidAs long as it is just his chest, be amused.


    Any part of a man's body is fair game icon_lol.gif
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    Jan 22, 2008 8:18 AM GMT
    Gonna buck the trend here. Anyone remember the conversation in Pulp Fiction?

    Jules: Look, just because I don't be givin' no man a foot massage don't make it right for Marsellus to throw Antwan into a glass motherfuckin' house fuckin' up the way the nigger talks. Motherfucker do that shit to me, he better paralyze my ass cuz I'll kill the motherfucker, know what I'm sayin'?

    Vincent: I ain't saying it's right. But you're saying a foot massage don't mean nothing, and I'm saying it does. Now look, I've given a million ladies a million foot massages, and they all meant something. We act like they don't, but they do, and that's what's so fucking cool about them. There's a sensuous thing going on where you don't talk about it, but you know it, she knows it, fucking Marsellus knew it, and Antwan should have fucking better known better. I mean, that's his fucking wife, man. He can't be expected to have a sense of humor about that shit. You know what I'm saying?


    TM
  • maximumrisk

    Posts: 799

    Jan 22, 2008 4:09 PM GMT
    I also think that this is nothing to be upset. It was a straight Friend and obviously just for fun.

    I once faked to make out with a friend in the Military while he, me and a buddy where alone in the Room where our group slept. We had a huge laugh while the other one always came running and tried to catch us in the act. It was great. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jan 22, 2008 4:29 PM GMT
    You have cause for concern. Your man's tongue touched his body and this was just in a public setting. What does he do in the dark? DUMP HIS ASS. If it was sooooo innocent, then why didn't homeboy tell you? You had to "find out about it." What else don't you know about? Do you lick beer off of people? If not, don't accept shit from him that you aren't putting out there.

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    Jan 22, 2008 4:37 PM GMT
    Every situation is different. If you think that what happened was just fun and nothing else, don't worry about it. If you really think more could be going on, then you might have some concern.

    It all depends on the dynamics of your particular relationship. My rule of thumb is to always just be honest about things like that and to not do anything that I would not want my partner to do.

    I think the best thing is for you two to talk about what your rules are and about what you both want out of this relationship. Would he be upset if you did the same thing with one of your friends? These kinds of things really do need to be discussed.
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    Jan 22, 2008 4:56 PM GMT
    WOW! If I discovered that my boyfriend did something like this I would be very upset. My first question would be why would you get sooo drunk and out of control that you would want to lick booze off of a another man chest, straight or not that to me just is not appropriate behavior if you are in a relationship.

    It's disrespectful. If you have such total lack of self-control from drinking, that maybe a completely different issue that needs to be examined.
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    Jan 22, 2008 5:06 PM GMT
    As long as it's just licking booze off his chest and not out of his ass crack I wouldn't worry too much.
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    Jan 22, 2008 5:09 PM GMT
    Sounds like good fun, a stunt, and little else. Straight guys these days are lightening up and challenging their own comfort zones by crossing relatively safe, if homoerotic lines. I don't know all the details of course. Still, your BF seems merely to be a vehicle to help his friend push these boundaries. I don't think that means they'll hook up or anything. If they're best friends that's a lot to sacrifice.

    Straight guys also know that chicks love a gay-friendly straight guy, because it indicates that he is comfortable and confident in his own sexuality. So maybe it was to impress the ladies in the room, and maybe even get a couple of them hot and bothered. I know lots of straight ruggers who act like this.

    You might cramp their style by making an issue out of it. That could add some tension to your own relationship. Just be happy you live amongst a group that is not very uptight. Tell him you thought it was funny and cool.

    In general I think the more you make something taboo, the more likely it will be broken or morphed into something not-so-healthy.

    I think the bigger question might be, do you have some trust issues of your own in this relationship?

    {edit} Just read your reply to FFBLU. If your BF senses your jealousy, he may be resigned at this point to not talk about his best friend relationship around you, as it seems to make you upset. But then it makes you more upset that he's not telling you about the fun times they have. He probably thinks you'll never understand their dynamic at this point. Very close platonic relationships have all sorts of weird dynamics. Did you see Superbad?

    If I ever had a BF challenge my relationship with my best friend, brother, or whatever, that would do serious damage to the BF relationship. We all need a close relationship that is not our romantic relationship, otherwise there's no emotional outlet on a human scale and things get suffocating.
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    Jan 22, 2008 5:11 PM GMT

    I don't know it's a pretty short trip from this guy's chest to his big beer drenched un-cut crank!
  • maximumrisk

    Posts: 799

    Jan 22, 2008 5:12 PM GMT
    Ducky44 saidMy first question would be why would you get sooo drunk and out of control that you would want to lick booze off of a another man chest, straight or not that to me just is not appropriate behavior if you are in a relationship.


    Oh, so if someone is in a Relationship they should put a stick in their ass and avoid doing fun stuff that may be misunderstood by somebody. Life would be pretty dull.icon_smile.gif
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    Jan 22, 2008 5:16 PM GMT

    Licking beer off of other people is considered fun in gay circles?

    Ok, don't answer that. I just answered my own question.
  • maximumrisk

    Posts: 799

    Jan 22, 2008 5:21 PM GMT
    Ducky44 saidMy first question would be why would you get sooo drunk and out of control that you would want to lick booze off of a another man chest, straight or not that to me just is not appropriate behavior if you are in a relationship.


    Oh, so if someone is in a Relationship they should just put a stick up their ass and avoid doing fun stuff that may be misunderstood by somebody? Life would be pretty dull.icon_smile.gif
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    Jan 22, 2008 5:28 PM GMT

    Warning.... If you are in a relationship with me and I hear of you licking beer off of anyone's body, you have just taken a MAXIMUM RISK. There is a very good chance that you may be subject to verbal and physical abuse or gross physical injury.

    DON'T RISK IT. If you feel the need to orally pleasure another man (in ANY capacity) come home, break up with me, and then go guy guzzle as many breeders as you want to.
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    Jan 22, 2008 5:35 PM GMT
    XRugger-

    No it's an issue of respect! I know what I said I wrote and stand behind it!

    I would be very upset because I would never behave in such a manner, because I would be disrepecting my boyfriend. I hold myself to those same standards.

    Just because you do not agree with my point of view why do you feel you have to lunch into an attack?

    You do know me so please do not assume that there are trust issues with my statement.

    I would ask my boyfriend if he did something like that why he did it? "Why he felt like he needed to do shots off of another man chest if there is not some sort of attraction"? Because I was drinking would not be a good enough answer for me.

    It may for you and if that works for you fine. I'm not going to attack you because of it.


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    Jan 22, 2008 5:37 PM GMT
    GuiltyGear said
    Warning.... If you are in a relationship with me and I hear of you licking beer off of anyone's body, you have just taken a MAXIMUM RISK. There is a very good chance that you may be subject to verbal and physical abuse or gross physical injury.


    If I was in a relationship with you and you ever threatened me like this, a breath later and you'd be single.

    I don't picture a relationship as a ball and chain, a jail cell, a prison, etc. You don't own me, you don't control me, you don't set rules for me.

    If there are rules in our relationship, they are things we have discussed and agreed to. Whatever I do, if it threatens our relationship so be it, I have chosen to accept the consequences. Nothing however will ever give you the right to subject me to any form of abuse.