Is this a deal breaker?

  • martinaston

    Posts: 310

    Mar 22, 2010 8:08 PM GMT
    Its been a month, a rare combination of full-on intellectual and physical chemistry. Im really into him. Obv.

    He's the most straightlaced guy you could meet, one night early on he admits to being a freak, sexually he's done everything, I mean everything. I haven't.

    Will he always be unsatisfied and looking elsewhere? Once a freak always a freak?
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Mar 22, 2010 8:13 PM GMT
    Just because someone has tried something once or twice doesn't mean they want it all the time. Keep the lines of communication open and if you feel comfortable, explore some of things he says he likes.
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    Mar 22, 2010 8:17 PM GMT
    Timberoo saidJust because someone has tried something once or twice doesn't mean they want it all the time. Keep the lines of communication open and if you feel comfortable, explore some of things he says he likes.

    Ditto. Be open to exploration, but not manipulation. If things move into directions you don't accept, state your feelings clearly. You guys will either find a common ground, or you won't. It's true, that some guys with a fetish cannot be satisfied without it. But you have needs, feelings, and rights in a relationship, too. Learn more about him.
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    Mar 22, 2010 8:51 PM GMT
    martinaston saidIts been a month, a rare combination of full-on intellectual and physical chemistry. Im really into him. Obv.

    He's the most straightlaced guy you could meet, one night early on he admits to being a freak, sexually he's done everything, I mean everything. I haven't.

    Will he always be unsatisfied and looking elsewhere? Once a freak always a freak?


    He probably shit his diapers when he was a baby, too.. are you going to worry about that recurring?
  • martinaston

    Posts: 310

    Mar 22, 2010 9:06 PM GMT
    badmikeyt said
    martinaston saidIts been a month, a rare combination of full-on intellectual and physical chemistry. Im really into him. Obv.

    He's the most straightlaced guy you could meet, one night early on he admits to being a freak, sexually he's done everything, I mean everything. I haven't.

    Will he always be unsatisfied and looking elsewhere? Once a freak always a freak?


    He probably shit his diapers when he was a baby, too.. are you going to worry about that recurring?


    Nah he wears this season's 'Whitney Houston' ManNappy (tm) so we're good on that front. But thanks for you concern.
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    Mar 22, 2010 9:08 PM GMT
    I would not call aguy a freak because he did 'everything'.
    You can call him a freak just because he have sex with men instead of women, It's disgusting already ;-)

    The question is : did you asked him if it will be a problem ? Did he already had romantic affair with men enjoying more conventional sex and was it an issue ?
    Did he 'experience' all that at one time in his discovering of sexuallity, or is it something he plan to practice for now on ?
    Is there some of his 'strange' experience than you would like to try yourself ?

    The general rule is that we are not responsible about what makes us hard, and as long as it's consensual and safe for heatlh, it's no big deal, and certainly not something to frown upon. We can ask for understanding of our 'strange' attraction for males and consider other to be 'strange' because they are a minority in a minority.

    As for you, just don't do something if you don't feel comfortable with it, and more important, don't make assumption about how he would feel in vanilla relationship, just ask him, it's legitimate.

    He told you all that likely to test the water, see how you react and see if some might interest you.

    He was honest. Just tell him how you feel about it.


  • martinaston

    Posts: 310

    Mar 22, 2010 9:31 PM GMT
    Timberoo saidJust because someone has tried something once or twice doesn't mean they want it all the time. Keep the lines of communication open and if you feel comfortable, explore some of things he says he likes.


    Maybe 'dealbreaker' was misleading, 'workable' better? I guess its just insecurity, based on so much else being good. Being with someone massively more experienced can be intimidating. Plus I dont have a burning need to trawl the outer-reaches of gay sex, vanilla tastes good to me. But youre all right about communication, I intended to talk to him again hes very open, I just wanted some experienced advice to see whether I was heading down a deadend.
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    Mar 22, 2010 9:40 PM GMT
    If you are not open-minded about exploring your and his fantasies, then you are probably not a good match.

    If you are, on the other hand, this could be very interesting. Nothing worse than a relationship with someone who is boring in bed.
  • trl_

    Posts: 994

    Mar 22, 2010 10:04 PM GMT
    First thing I thought of when I read the thread title:

    dealbreaker.jpg

    Jenna, 30 Rock
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    Mar 22, 2010 10:36 PM GMT
    Just keep in mind he must have once been in your shoes and over time people suggested things to try and he obviously said yes. It could be a good chance for you to try something new and you always have the option to say "stop" or "No, thanks".

    I've been with a guy who was much more experienced than me in freakiness and into certain things and the next guy really didn't enjoy it, he asked me to "stop" but it didn't affect our relationship, if anything I knew him a little better for it and we just didn't do that when we had sex.

    I say go for it see where it leads and if the guy is REALLY freaky you can always just walk away.
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    Mar 22, 2010 10:39 PM GMT
    What constitutes a "freak" exactly?

    I mean there are things in my dungeon I don't even consider freaky...
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    Mar 22, 2010 10:41 PM GMT
    No silly, it's not a deal breaker and it really shouldn't be for you.

    There is *very little* I haven't done but it isn't because I'm hard to please or because I'm into crazy freaky shit, it's because I hadn't met someone who fulfilled my emotional and physical needs enough to make intimacy worth the time.

    If there isn't inherent love, passion and chemistry then why not play around with some stripping, bondage, groups and even women? That was my thought.

    You should talk to him about your concerns, you might end up having a really good time with him!
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    Mar 23, 2010 5:20 AM GMT
    So you're going to let a guy you like potentially go because he's more sexually experienced than you??? WOW..that's mature...kudos.icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Mar 23, 2010 5:26 AM GMT
    martinaston said" Maybe 'dealbreaker' was misleading, 'workable' better? I guess its just insecurity, based on so much else being good. Being with someone massively more experienced can be intimidating. Plus I dont have a burning need to trawl the outer-reaches of gay sex, vanilla tastes good to me. But youre all right about communication, I intended to talk to him again hes very open, I just wanted some experienced advice to see whether I was heading down a deadend."


    ..very likely he's completely enthralled with your innocent un-experimented-ness. icon_wink.gif Keep your mind open to fun and exploration; vanilla goes with almost everything else sweet.
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    Mar 23, 2010 5:48 AM GMT
    there are lots of things I've done that most guys wouldn't even consider doing.. and they were freaking HOT for me, It's fun experimenting and seeing what works and what doesn't, that's the fun of sex.

    If he's so incredibly experienced then you'll need to talk to him, let him know you don't have as much experience BUT that your willing to try new things BUT that you just gotta start off small.

    Eventually you'll relax and probably start doing things you wouldn't do now...

    Now go jump him and tell him to teach you everything he knows!
  • Space_Cowboy_...

    Posts: 3738

    Mar 23, 2010 6:50 AM GMT
    martinaston saidIts been a month, a rare combination of full-on intellectual and physical chemistry. Im really into him. Obv.

    He's the most straightlaced guy you could meet, one night early on he admits to being a freak, sexually he's done everything, I mean everything. I haven't.

    Will he always be unsatisfied and looking elsewhere? Once a freak always a freak?



    OH Def not at all!!!! He likes you but you're gonna have to get out of the box a little bit icon_wink.gif
  • martinaston

    Posts: 310

    Mar 23, 2010 3:14 PM GMT
    lilTanker saidthere are lots of things I've done that most guys wouldn't even consider doing.. and they were freaking HOT for me, It's fun experimenting and seeing what works and what doesn't, that's the fun of sex.

    If he's so incredibly experienced then you'll need to talk to him, let him know you don't have as much experience BUT that your willing to try new things BUT that you just gotta start off small.

    Eventually you'll relax and probably start doing things you wouldn't do now...

    Now go jump him and tell him to teach you everything he knows!


    I guess people misinterpreted the headline, I meant dealbreaker for him not me. You're right about being open to explore new things lilTanker/etc. (i'll take any excuse to jump him btw) being with him has already pushed that particular sexual envelope, but yeah theres more to go. I suppose I was just wondering what fully experienced guys think of the relatively unadventurous, whether this guy is thinking 'this will never work' while Im thinking 'I really hope it does'? Thanks for (most) peoples comments so far...
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    Mar 23, 2010 3:19 PM GMT
    You seem to be doing all of the "this will never work!" worrying, not him.
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Mar 23, 2010 3:19 PM GMT
    Well if he doesn't seem to mind so far than maybe he likes a guy that's a little less "well rounded" in terms of the bedroom.
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    Mar 23, 2010 3:28 PM GMT
    martinaston said
    lilTanker saidthere are lots of things I've done that most guys wouldn't even consider doing.. and they were freaking HOT for me, It's fun experimenting and seeing what works and what doesn't, that's the fun of sex.

    If he's so incredibly experienced then you'll need to talk to him, let him know you don't have as much experience BUT that your willing to try new things BUT that you just gotta start off small.

    Eventually you'll relax and probably start doing things you wouldn't do now...

    Now go jump him and tell him to teach you everything he knows!


    I guess people misinterpreted the headline, I meant dealbreaker for him not me. You're right about being open to explore new things lilTanker/etc. (i'll take any excuse to jump him btw) being with him has already pushed that particular sexual envelope, but yeah theres more to go. I suppose I was just wondering what fully experienced guys think of the relatively unadventurous, whether this guy is thinking 'this will never work' while Im thinking 'I really hope it does'? Thanks for (most) peoples comments so far...



    Ohhhhhhh....sorry..my foot is in my mouth. *hug*

    If the guy's with you and desires you then obviously there's something about you that's keeping him hooked. Being with an experienced person can be fun and there's also a certain charm in introducing someone to a new experience that is kind of a turn on for the more experienced ones. Be receptive to his ideas while knowing what you're comfortable with and communicating you limits. Jump his bones as ofter as possible and do help him/offer to help him with the cleanup afterwards.icon_wink.gif