Attn: Pet Owners....true story.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 23, 2010 12:29 PM GMT
    FOR
    THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVE PETS, THIS IS A TRUE STORY.

    FOR
    THOSE THAT DON'T, IT IS A TRUE
    STORY.

    The following
    was found posted very
    low on a
    refrigerator door.



    Dear Dogs and
    Cats:

    The dishes
    with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other
    dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the
    middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your
    food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the
    slightest.

    The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not
    a racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object.
    Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can
    run.


    I cannot buy
    anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this.
    Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your
    comfort, however. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they
    sleep. It Is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other,
    stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that
    sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other
    end to maximize space is nothing g but sarcasm.

    For the last
    time, there
    is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some
    miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not
    necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under
    the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the
    same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years
    - canine/feline attendance is not required.

    The proper order
    for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog or cat's
    butt. I cannot stress this enough.

    Finally, in
    fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front
    door:

    TO
    ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR
    PETS:

    (1)
    They live here. You don't.

    (2) If
    you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
    That's why they call it 'fur'-niture.

    (3) I like my
    pets a lot better than I like most people.

    (4) To
    you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who
    are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak
    clearly.

    Remember, dogs and cats
    are better than kids because they:

    (1) eat less,

    (2) don't ask
    for money all the time,

    (3) are easier
    to train,

    (4) normally
    come when called,

    (5) never ask
    to drive the car,

    (6) don't hang
    out with drug-using people;

    (7) don't
    smoke or drink,

    (icon_cool.gif don't want
    to wear your clothes,

    (9) don't have
    to buy the latest fashions,

    (10) don't
    need a gazillion dollars for college and

    (11) if they get
    pregnant, you can sell their children ...
  • ShawnTX

    Posts: 2484

    Mar 23, 2010 1:05 PM GMT
    Love it!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 23, 2010 1:08 PM GMT
    if they get
    pregnant, you can sell their children ..


    LOL....awesome post
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 23, 2010 1:33 PM GMT
    Perfect!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 23, 2010 2:06 PM GMT

    Excellent, Brian. I've copied the letters to add to the class notes for a Training 101 group session I am running tonight.
  • darryaz

    Posts: 186

    Mar 23, 2010 2:16 PM GMT
    I am copy/pasting and sending this on right now!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 23, 2010 2:26 PM GMT
    Brilliant! Thanks for making Tuesday start with a smile.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 23, 2010 2:43 PM GMT
    nysexy said
    if they get
    pregnant, you can sell their children ..

    LOL....awesome post

    Yeah, it was all good, but that last one made me LOL
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 23, 2010 4:10 PM GMT
    outstanding.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 23, 2010 5:40 PM GMT
    Love it!!! icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 23, 2010 6:03 PM GMT
    icon_biggrin.gif I've got the biggest smile ever after reading this.

    This post if fantastic!
  • FredMG

    Posts: 988

    Mar 23, 2010 6:07 PM GMT
    I live in an old house and my 20lb cat can open most doors by shoving them or pulling them open. Scary, hun? That's why I'm moving to a condo.

    Signed,
    Chief of Staff for
    Mister Stinky Poopy-Head.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 23, 2010 11:32 PM GMT
    Love this icon_smile.gif