How possible is it for Gays to keep touch w Exs and not feel anything?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 24, 2010 2:31 AM GMT
    How possible is it for gay men to hang out with Exs and not feel anything or have any intentions that are different than mere friendship?

    My best friend tells me that there is no way he can keep in touch with an Ex. He says that gay men are too horny to do that, and if he does keep in contact, it is for sex purposes mostly..

    Do you hang out with your Ex, why or why not? And do you leave it as pure friendship only or is temptation still present between you two?
  • Space_Cowboy_...

    Posts: 3738

    Mar 24, 2010 2:45 AM GMT
    Aggieboy saidHow possible is it for gay men to hang out with Exs and not feel anything or have any intentions that are different than mere friendship?

    My best friend tells me that there is no way he can keep in touch with an Ex. He says that gay men are too horny to do that, and if he does keep in contact, it is for sex purposes mostly..

    Do you hang out with your Ex, why or why not? And do you leave it as pure friendship only or is temptation still present between you two?



    Umm I can but that's because I'm completely detached once we break up and I really don't date anyways; a guy I almost dated wanted to kiss me one night and I kept turning him down. He asked me what was up didn't I find him attractive and I said yes but I'm not going to kiss you or fuck you I don't want to be with you and he something along the lines that I had a heart of ice and have no feeling, I just laughed and took a shot. I just don't let people in to steal my heart and he showed me that he wasn't my cup of tea with the way he treated people. But yes I believe you can still be friends.
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    Mar 24, 2010 5:11 AM GMT
    I've managed to stay friends with a couple of ex's. First serious BF, we were both 21, I'm good friends with, although we don't see each other much. Last serious BF, I'm still working on strengthening friendship, as I really hurt him. In between, a couple I want to forget about. I 'feel' a lot when I am around them, but I know that nothing will happen and prefer it that way, seems like a good way to destroy a friendship that already has the potential to be awkward. I still care about both of them very much, they are really great guys and I love them like my brother.
  • Space_Cowboy_...

    Posts: 3738

    Mar 24, 2010 6:18 AM GMT
    Where the fuck is everyone at? This is one of the best posts in weeks! icon_evil.gif
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    Mar 24, 2010 3:08 PM GMT


    For us, exes are exes, for very good reasons. Some can be friends, others not. An ex trying to get into your pants is not being a friend, and if you want him to do that, then he's no longer an ex. icon_wink.gif
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    Mar 24, 2010 3:16 PM GMT
    I leave the past - IN the past. I don't really stay in touch with any of my exes. That would be conflicting and probably not constructive. Most of my exes were good guys and I wish them all the best - but we really have nothing to say. We weren't right for each other.
  • greenlantern1

    Posts: 131

    Mar 24, 2010 3:19 PM GMT
    Aggieboy saidHow possible is it for gay men to hang out with Exs and not feel anything or have any intentions that are different than mere friendship?

    My best friend tells me that there is no way he can keep in touch with an Ex. He says that gay men are too horny to do that, and if he does keep in contact, it is for sex purposes mostly..

    Do you hang out with your Ex, why or why not? And do you leave it as pure friendship only or is temptation still present between you two?


    Well, my ex and I still talk, but things have not been the same as they were. We were together for many years and raised a son together, so it changed the dynamic some after we split. Understanding the circumstances of the demise of our relationship help keep things in perspective for me, and that is the reason that I am able to maintain the communication that we have. I honestly don't know what would happen now if we saw each other face to face...because we have always had such passionate chemistry between us...maybe that is a post for another time..haha!!
    Joeyicon_wink.gif
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Mar 24, 2010 3:26 PM GMT
    meninlove said

    For us, exes are exes, for very good reasons. Some can be friends, others not. An ex trying to get into your pants is not being a friend, and if you want him to do that, then he's no longer an ex. icon_wink.gif



    Exactly. I don't give up on people that easily, but an ex is someone that at the time crossed the line way too many times. By the time I throw in the towel I usually have no trust to give. There are certain individuals that become toxic to you and to walk away is the best that you can do.
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    Mar 24, 2010 3:27 PM GMT
    guess I'm the odd man out on this subject. When you share your life with someone for long periods of time and you are honestly in love with them and then if kinda drifts apart, why not keep the friendship? Being a LTR guy I value the time spent, memories and the ups and downs of all my ex's, just reconnected with an ex of 15y ago, also now best friends with a guy I dated for a short time few months back, while my ex of 11y ago is being an ass right now and have no plans of being friends with him now, in the future, would like to know how he's doing....once you love someone, why turn it into something negative, learn and grow, share and laugh
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Mar 24, 2010 3:32 PM GMT
    Aggieboy saidHow possible is it for gay men to hang out with Exs and not feel anything or have any intentions that are different than mere friendship?

    My best friend tells me that there is no way he can keep in touch with an Ex. He says that gay men are too horny to do that, and if he does keep in contact, it is for sex purposes mostly..

    Do you hang out with your Ex, why or why not? And do you leave it as pure friendship only or is temptation still present between you two?


    Do you and your best friend has sex, too? icon_confused.gif

    No all break-ups are bad, some people can still be friends after they have moved on.
  • hotboy813

    Posts: 44

    Mar 24, 2010 3:36 PM GMT
    i wouldn't oppose to being friends with an x i have done it once but i wouldn't prefer it because its to much of a headache because if you are in a new relationship i doubt that your new boyfriend will like the fact that you are still hanging out with your x so that will just cause even more problems
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    Mar 24, 2010 3:39 PM GMT
    My ex left me recently after ten years. Since it was not mutual, I do not think I will ever be able to maintain a friendship with him.

    This may sound childish but the only leverage I have, to make him be sorry, is to withhold my friendship. I know this bothers him a lot. Well, he should not have left me then...
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Mar 24, 2010 3:40 PM GMT
    shortmuscleguy saidguess I'm the odd man out on this subject. When you share your life with someone for long periods of time and you are honestly in love with them and then if kinda drifts apart, why not keep the friendship? Being a LTR guy I value the time spent, memories and the ups and downs of all my ex's, just reconnected with an ex of 15y ago, also now best friends with a guy I dated for a short time few months back, while my ex of 11y ago is being an ass right now and have no plans of being friends with him now, in the future, would like to know how he's doing....once you love someone, why turn it into something negative, learn and grow, share and laugh



    You're assuming there is some kind of friendship that is already part of the relationship.

    It's great to continue a friendship after an LTR if you just drift apart, or one has to move, etc. If you break up an LTR because the other guy is cheating and constantly lying about it with obviously little remorse, there really is no place to go with any kind of relationship. It was at the point where I could not believe a word he said because the majority of agreements we had with each other were constantly being broken by him.


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    Mar 24, 2010 3:43 PM GMT

    This seems like it's based on maturity. If the break up is mutual w/out cheating and bitchy childish behavior why wouldn't you be friends? I am friends w/ one of my ex's and sometimes it's just less aggravation to hookup w/ him than seeking fresh meat but that's me being lazy and trying to remain comfortable at the same time.
  • danisnotstr8

    Posts: 2579

    Mar 24, 2010 3:45 PM GMT
    What makes gays any different than straights here? This is a silly reinforcement of a double standard that ultimately serves to separate us from the rest of society in yet another way. Fail.
  • allatonce

    Posts: 904

    Mar 24, 2010 4:56 PM GMT
    danisnotstr8 saidWhat makes gays any different than straights here? This is a silly reinforcement of a double standard that ultimately serves to separate us from the rest of society in yet another way. Fail.


    Ya I think this applies to everyone not just a certain sexuality. I (so far) have had a lot of problems with this. ...Well except from the girl I dated in high school who became on of my best friends, but I managed to be around her without being sexually attracted for now obvious reasons.

    A guy I was seeing broke it off and wanted to remain friends. When we finally saw each other again we started seeing each other again. I don't think I can separate the past feelings from new, present ones.
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    Mar 24, 2010 5:11 PM GMT
    1. I completely agree with what danisnotstr8 said above.

    2. So much of this is context. There is no general rule. With some exes you may retain friendships; with others only loathing or disinterest.

    3. An ex with whom you still have sex...is not really an ex. I don't think we have a term for it yet. You're not friends with benefits or fuck buddies, because those exclude past/present/future romantic entanglement, but you're also not exes, because of the sexual entanglement with someone you've previously been romantically entwined. Hmmm.
  • iHavok

    Posts: 1477

    Mar 24, 2010 5:20 PM GMT
    I have one ex I still stay in contact with. Probably my best friend. We stopped dating because we weren't compatible in that way, but what brought us togehter in the first place was still there...we sitll share the same interests and loves...so why not continue the friendship?
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    Mar 24, 2010 5:23 PM GMT
    viveutvivas saidMy ex left me recently after ten years. Since it was not mutual, I do not think I will ever be able to maintain a friendship with him.

    This may sound childish but the only leverage I have, to make him be sorry, is to withhold my friendship. I know this bothers him a lot. Well, he should not have left me then...

    Buddy, move on, hard to hear, but you can't change people
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    Mar 24, 2010 5:26 PM GMT
    shortmuscleguy said
    viveutvivas saidMy ex left me recently after ten years. Since it was not mutual, I do not think I will ever be able to maintain a friendship with him.

    This may sound childish but the only leverage I have, to make him be sorry, is to withhold my friendship. I know this bothers him a lot. Well, he should not have left me then...

    Buddy, move on, hard to hear, but you can't change people


    Well said.
  • phunkie

    Posts: 325

    Mar 24, 2010 5:26 PM GMT
    I keep in touch with both of mine. It was bumpy at first but it gets better with time.
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    Mar 24, 2010 5:39 PM GMT
    My ex of 12 1/2 yrs. and I are inextricably linked by having adopted four children together as a couple. It's taken several years, but I can finally hold a conversation with him without feeling angry or hurt or needing to play the blame game. At first the talk was only about airplane schedules, in terms of visitation for the kids. However, I still love him and care about what goes on in his life, and I've finally realized that, as much as I tried to make it work and didn't want to accept that we weren't working out, he just doesn't have, in his repertoire or "bag of tricks," the things I need in a man -- being able to express himself, to say "I love you," etc. The things I need to hear. But no -- I doubt I'll ever be completely over him. Living in separate cities has helped.
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    Mar 24, 2010 5:40 PM GMT
    I don't trust people who don't maintain a good relationship with at least some of their exes. Ya, we all have that ex who sold our TV to buy coke, we all have that ex who gave us the crabs he picked up at the bath house. But for all those exes who were good and decent people but the relationship just didn't work out, if you are not on good terms with some of them that shows just how little value was placed in relationship building.
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    Mar 24, 2010 5:41 PM GMT
    I only have one ex. I keep him as far away as possible.
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    Mar 24, 2010 5:45 PM GMT
    I think if you have shared part of your life with someone (me, it was 6+ yrs), no matter what caused the break up, you will always hold that person special in your heart.