American Idol: Top 11

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    Mar 24, 2010 3:45 PM GMT
    "When it comes to truly great vocal teachers, there are really only two masters - Barbara Cook and Miley Cyrus. One has 80 years of life experience and is an expert in song interpretation; the other can pole dance. So it was a real coup for American Idol to get Miley Cyrus to be the celebrity mentor this week and share the wisdom of her 17 years.

    Sadly, the fact that the Top 11 contestants were by and large awful really says how bad this year's crop is. Because if Miley Cyrus can't coax an extraordinary performance out of them then they are obviously hopeless.

    And that's what we have this season. Crystal Bowersox and Siobhan Magnus and nine backup singers for H.R. Puffnstuf.

    This week's theme was Billboard Number One Hits, meaning they could choose any song but "Jimmy Crack Corn." And still, a number of the contestants found the theme too restrictive.

    As usual, the two-hour show had more padding than Eddie Murphy's fat suit in The Nutty Professor. It was 8:10 before the first song was sung. The interim was filled with grand entrances by the judges and Ryan, a mystifying standing ovation for Ryan (Standing O's used to be reserved for bravura performances; now they go to a guy whose sole talent is reminding us that "standard text rates do apply".), more introductions of the people already introduced, and searing questions to the judges like, "Why is tonight so important?"

    Lee Dewyze started the night singing "The Letter". He did the Joe Cocker version, but Joe Cocker after massive doses of electro convulsive therapy. I bet Miley Cyrus has no idea who Joe Cocker is. Ellen compared Lee's performance to her favorite pen. What the hell is she doing there???

    Paige Miles massacred "Against All Odds". She sounded absolutely petrified. Thelma Houston meets Barney Fife. I'm sure Miley Cyrus has never heard of either of them.

    By now it was 8:30. Six minutes of singing in a half an hour. But we did hear about Ellen's favorite pen and how it sometimes dries up but then begins working again. There's no other judge they could have found?

    Tim Urban -- Teen heartthrob/Judges' punching bag -- gave his best "Tom Cruise in 'Risky Business'" dance routine while attempting Queen's "Crazy Little Thing Called Love". In his session with Miley Cyrus, she said, "I don't think you're boring at all", to which he gushed, "Wow! That means a lot."

    More risky business. Andrew Garcia was told by preeminent musicologist Miley Cyrus to take the bold stop of performing without his guitar. Yeah, like that's the problem. Barbara Cook might have observed that he just can't sing.

    My guess is Barbara Cook in general would have given better advice but not looked as good in those short shorts as Miley Cyrus.

    Aaron Kelly had laryngitis and tonsillitis and still sang better than practically anyone else. Astro Boy is the real deal.

    Jesus, Kara is annoying. Even when she makes perceptive points (which she does frequently), she's just so whiny and insufferable that I envy how Elvis would take out a loaded revolver and shoot the television. "I don't think you know who you are as an artist and I..." BAM BAM BAM!

    Crystal Bowersox can do no wrong. Even though she sang an on-the-nose cover version of Janis Joplin's "Me & Bobby McGee" the judges all plotzed. Kara whined that she needs to show more personality. BAM BAM BAM! My question: uh, WHAT personality? Crystal promises to show us a whole new side of her next week. Instead of singing Janis Joplin she'll be singing Leadbelly.

    Big Mike Lynche chose Percy Sledge's overplayed-to-death oldie, "When A Man Loves a Woman". I love his falsetto.

    Katie Stevens really benefited from fellow 17-year-old Miley Cyrus's advice. She gave Katie some good pointers on how to stand on stage and where to go for the best fake ID.

    Casey James mimicked Huey Lewis' "Power of Love". Ellen thought it was the best vocal of the night. Seriously. What the fuck is she doing on that show? Miley saw him as a real talent. He saw her as jailbait.

    Didi Benami has a baby doll voice that makes every song, no matter how dark or sultry sound like "Munchkin Land".

    The pimp spot went Siobhan Magnus, now a member of Flock of Seagulls judging by her new do. She belted Stevie Wonder's "Superstition". She's still my favorite. I still love her. But enough of that loud piercing final note already. Yes, it's thrilling but save it for appropriate songs like the National Anthem or "The First Time Ever I Saw Your FAAAAAACCCCE!!!!!!!!!!!"

    Paige, Tim, or Andrew is going home tonight. And Miley Cyrus is going to perform. If she's smart she'll ask Siobhan for a singing lesson. And a pole."

    By: Ken Levine (03.24.2010)


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    Mar 24, 2010 3:53 PM GMT
    It's so funny, but I could have written that entire review myself. Very spot on.

    Frankly, my boyfriend and I keep wondering if the judges are watching an entirely different show then we are. They fawn all over people who suck (Casey). Paige was so awful that we spent the entire 90 second cringing.

    The one place I disagree is Didi. I actually that her version of "You're No Good" was pretty damn good. Physically, she was a little stilted, but the arrangement was great and I thought she breathed life back into that song vocally.
  • greenlantern1

    Posts: 131

    Mar 24, 2010 4:03 PM GMT
    B787 said"When it comes to truly great vocal teachers, there are really only two masters - Barbara Cook and Miley Cyrus. One has 80 years of life experience and is an expert in song interpretation; the other can pole dance. So it was a real coup for American Idol to get Miley Cyrus to be the celebrity mentor this week and share the wisdom of her 17 years.

    Sadly, the fact that the Top 11 contestants were by and large awful really says how bad this year's crop is. Because if Miley Cyrus can't coax an extraordinary performance out of them then they are obviously hopeless.

    And that's what we have this season. Crystal Bowersox and Siobhan Magnus and nine backup singers for H.R. Puffnstuf.

    This week's theme was Billboard Number One Hits, meaning they could choose any song but "Jimmy Crack Corn." And still, a number of the contestants found the theme too restrictive.

    As usual, the two-hour show had more padding than Eddie Murphy's fat suit in The Nutty Professor. It was 8:10 before the first song was sung. The interim was filled with grand entrances by the judges and Ryan, a mystifying standing ovation for Ryan (Standing O's used to be reserved for bravura performances; now they go to a guy whose sole talent is reminding us that "standard text rates do apply".), more introductions of the people already introduced, and searing questions to the judges like, "Why is tonight so important?"

    Lee Dewyze started the night singing "The Letter". He did the Joe Cocker version, but Joe Cocker after massive doses of electro convulsive therapy. I bet Miley Cyrus has no idea who Joe Cocker is. Ellen compared Lee's performance to her favorite pen. What the hell is she doing there???

    Paige Miles massacred "Against All Odds". She sounded absolutely petrified. Thelma Houston meets Barney Fife. I'm sure Miley Cyrus has never heard of either of them.

    By now it was 8:30. Six minutes of singing in a half an hour. But we did hear about Ellen's favorite pen and how it sometimes dries up but then begins working again. There's no other judge they could have found?

    Tim Urban -- Teen heartthrob/Judges' punching bag -- gave his best "Tom Cruise in 'Risky Business'" dance routine while attempting Queen's "Crazy Little Thing Called Love". In his session with Miley Cyrus, she said, "I don't think you're boring at all", to which he gushed, "Wow! That means a lot."

    More risky business. Andrew Garcia was told by preeminent musicologist Miley Cyrus to take the bold stop of performing without his guitar. Yeah, like that's the problem. Barbara Cook might have observed that he just can't sing.

    My guess is Barbara Cook in general would have given better advice but not looked as good in those short shorts as Miley Cyrus.

    Aaron Kelly had laryngitis and tonsillitis and still sang better than practically anyone else. Astro Boy is the real deal.

    Jesus, Kara is annoying. Even when she makes perceptive points (which she does frequently), she's just so whiny and insufferable that I envy how Elvis would take out a loaded revolver and shoot the television. "I don't think you know who you are as an artist and I..." BAM BAM BAM!

    Crystal Bowersox can do no wrong. Even though she sang an on-the-nose cover version of Janis Joplin's "Me & Bobby McGee" the judges all plotzed. Kara whined that she needs to show more personality. BAM BAM BAM! My question: uh, WHAT personality? Crystal promises to show us a whole new side of her next week. Instead of singing Janis Joplin she'll be singing Leadbelly.

    Big Mike Lynche chose Percy Sledge's overplayed-to-death oldie, "When A Man Loves a Woman". I love his falsetto.

    Katie Stevens really benefited from fellow 17-year-old Miley Cyrus's advice. She gave Katie some good pointers on how to stand on stage and where to go for the best fake ID.

    Casey James mimicked Huey Lewis' "Power of Love". Ellen thought it was the best vocal of the night. Seriously. What the fuck is she doing on that show? Miley saw him as a real talent. He saw her as jailbait.

    Didi Benami has a baby doll voice that makes every song, no matter how dark or sultry sound like "Munchkin Land".

    The pimp spot went Siobhan Magnus, now a member of Flock of Seagulls judging by her new do. She belted Stevie Wonder's "Superstition". She's still my favorite. I still love her. But enough of that loud piercing final note already. Yes, it's thrilling but save it for appropriate songs like the National Anthem or "The First Time Ever I Saw Your FAAAAAACCCCE!!!!!!!!!!!"

    Paige, Tim, or Andrew is going home tonight. And Miley Cyrus is going to perform. If she's smart she'll ask Siobhan for a singing lesson. And a pole."

    By: Ken Levine (03.24.2010)



    B7, That was a great recap!! I love it!! W.T.F. do they think they see in Casey James....I think Jessie James would have had a better performance..and he would have had the courtesy to shoot the judges in the back!!...Hahaha!! And Tim looks good, but that boy needs to have some date rape drugs slipped into his sprite to loosen up some....without almost sliding off the stage..(Although, that would have made last night entertaining for me..)
    Joey
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 24, 2010 7:27 PM GMT
    Thank goodness for my DVR ... I've never fast forwarded throughout a program like this season of American Idol. It is really dreadful. And, honestly, the "best" of this season, Bowersox (or so the public seems to think so), would not have made it beyond the Top 20 (if that) from seasons ago.

    This group is boring. Nothing original about them and, well, they don't seem very bright when it comes to music. Not one is star quality. And, I can guarantee you that not one will sell albums like prior winners or even runners-up!

    Simon picked the right time to scoot.
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    Mar 24, 2010 7:29 PM GMT
    B787 saidThank goodness for my DVR ... I've never fast forwarded throughout a program like this season of American Idol. It is really dreadful. And, honestly, the "best" of this season, Bowersox (or so the public seems to think so), would not have made it beyond the Top 20 (if that) from seasons ago.

    This group is boring. Nothing original about them and, well, they don't seem very bright when it comes to music. Not one is star quality. And, I can guarantee you that not one will sell albums like prior winners or even runners-up!

    Simon picked the right time to scoot.


    Totally agree. It's painful to watch these guys... and I only had it on in the background.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 24, 2010 7:34 PM GMT
    Why is Bowersox trying to bring burlap back?
  • art_smass

    Posts: 960

    Mar 24, 2010 8:25 PM GMT
    Halfway through Idol I realized that Melrose Place was on and discovered three of the hots guys cavorting shirtless in a swimming pool when I changed the channel. I guess I didn't miss anything, huh?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 24, 2010 8:29 PM GMT
    Crystal is the genuine article.

    The rest went from hellish to entertaining.
  • coolarmydude

    Posts: 9190

    Mar 25, 2010 4:26 AM GMT
    It's a scam. Lilly Scott was the most creative contestant to ever make it on American Idol and she got cut before the Top 12.


    This week's Miley Cyrus (the most annoying and overrated voice on radio) is American Idol's "jumping the shark" moment.


    I'd rather listen to "Achy Breaky Heart" 50 times in a row than to hear the dreadful sound of any Miley Cyrus song.