What do you do when a guy checks you out in a public place?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 21, 2007 2:04 AM GMT
    I get guys checking me out all the time. Even when I think I look horrable. I have gotten it so much that I don't even notice anymore till one of my friends points it out to me.
    My question how do you deal with it and is it wrong to ignore or not notice it anymore?
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    May 21, 2007 4:34 AM GMT
    I realize that I am not "out" publicly and start looking over my shoulder. Then, I look over at the other shoulder to see if the handsome man was checking me out. Of course, my issue is tied up with self-esteem, in public scenarios: That is, in public spaces, I always feel "judged," and the result "shame." And, it's not that I agree with those feelings; I know-differently, but it doesn't make the experience any less difficult. I suspect that many guys enjoy the public spaces afforded to the gay community in general. That is to say, in my area, the gay community is a marginalized community: No public displays; no public parades; no "PDA's"-ever! West Virginia is not the "backward" state that most people think it is: The state is quite forward-looking, albeit not progressive, although some areas are. The problem is the community has internalized its members and as long as the member stays within its confines, then-frankly-, they are less likely to suffer the experiences of some gays/lesbians, &c. My partner and I, and our families together, understand the nature of our relationship, but the "coming out" discussion will never occur. The consequences seem to outweigh the possibilities. I do not wish to be chained to a Camaro and dragged along a gravel road (a chef in Wheeling died in that "incident"). I mean this state attempted to ban the movie, "Brokeback Mountain." Of course, and after the movie received its award, the State and the movie theatres has no other choice than to show the film.

    Anyway, the movies can be a great place to meet someone. And, I would avoid the restrooms at local department stores, at boat-launching sites, at college and university rest rooms, etc.

    What do I do....? I acknowledge the guy. Then, and depending upon the response, we may exchange e-mail addresses, phone numbers, etc. I'm so removed from any particular scene, that I cannot answer your question as fully as possible.
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    May 21, 2007 5:38 AM GMT
    I've always found that when someone makes eye contact with me, the best thing to do is send them a nod of your head, which is a welcoming gesture any outgoing man might appreciate. If anything further happens, it allows you to determine if he's gay or not. It is pretty ez stuff once you get the hang of it.
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    May 21, 2007 7:41 AM GMT
    If you don't notice, you don't notice. Isn't the question what do you do when you DO notice? But doesn't that vary according to whether or not you are interested in him?

    Sometimes if you give someone any kind of acknowledgement they will take that as a green light to persue, even if that was not your intention. Assuming you're not getting your rocks off by leading someone on, this can be a problem.

    I'm shy by nature - the attentions of someone who doesn't interest me is awkward at best, and the attentions of someone who does interest me provokes internal questions of why they'd be interested in me at all - are they leading ME on? So I tend to respond in a very tentative way. A glance, a slight smile, but rarely a comment.

    My partner, on the other hand, is more outgoing - so much so that he finds it hard to avoid conversations even when he's pressed for time or otherwise occupied - like trying to finish his workout.

    I don't think there is a right or wrong way to deal with all of this. To suggest that there is, to me, implies that we're all the same - with the same level of social confidence.

    I hope you get some good posts on this one.

    Joey
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    May 21, 2007 8:14 AM GMT
    I nod and smile, if they want anything they can approach me, but usually if I'm in the city I'm working or doing errands so picking up or checking people out isn't on my mind

    I'd talk to anyone that wants to have a chat but I never assume that they're doing it because of sexual attraction, I'm thick as a post so unless you flat out say something there's no way it'll get through to me lol
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    May 21, 2007 8:35 AM GMT
    why is it a problem that people check you out?

    if it's mostly people that walk past you, you don't have to react, they're strangers. if you're feeling self conscious about it, a lot people would like someone to notice them once in a while.

    reminds me of when a friends mum told her that naturally beautiful people never notice the attention they receive because they never had to try to look attractive.

    just do what you're doing and try not to concern yourself about who's looking at you
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    May 21, 2007 12:03 PM GMT
    I dont know if this related to the topic. But as a teenager I just love to hang around public toilet just to see guys taking a pee and look at their penis. Even now (at 41) I try to sneak a look when I have the opportunity.
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    May 21, 2007 12:46 PM GMT
    I just make eye contact and nod, see what happens from there.
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    May 21, 2007 1:57 PM GMT
    It's funny because I've been thinking about it as of late. I don't usually get out very often, at least for the past year and a half or such because I'm just so busy with all the things I need to do...my goals and my dreams take a lot of sacrifice.

    And I've changed a lot in a matter of a that year. As of late whenever I go out I noticed people stare at me a lot. Sometimes I think "OMG is there a gian booger on my nose or something?" But that's not the case. What's weird is that I'm just not used to the attention.

    I've gone through an insane amount of changes (from being very overweight, to losing the weight, to getting in sahpe, etc.). So most of my life I've always felt very invisible. It's kinda strange now.

    I don't know how to react, honestly. I try to smile and nod, LOL.
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    May 21, 2007 2:14 PM GMT
    I'm a big fan of the head nod and smile, which provides quiet acknowledgment. Why not acknowledge a guy who's checking you out? My partner and I check guys out all the time; it's just in our natures, I guess, because we can't seem to help ourselves. Even in the oddest places... sitting in church, for instance... the mind wanders, and there's this cute guy a few aisles over... it just happens. I'm usually pretty harmless, though.

    The strangest experience I've had was at the gym a few months ago (where I'm always checking out the men) and I suddenly realized I was being checked out by a woman. I initially panicked--gut reaction, perhaps?--but then I came to my senses and gave her a head nod and no one was the worse off for it.

    Bottom line: Enjoy it.

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    May 21, 2007 3:28 PM GMT
    After losing 62 lbs... yes I find out more guy looking at me . In gay disco especially, 2 or 3 guys will ask me to dance and then following me home. Mostly younger guy that are attracted to older guy like me. What do I do when they check me out? Make the most of the situation, of course. I never receive this much attention before. I not complaining.
  • gymingit

    Posts: 156

    May 21, 2007 4:00 PM GMT
    Honestly, I think we think too much. Whether or not the guy was checking you out or you checking him out. Noone has to make anything sexual out of anything. Say the guy is gay or even straight, but thought he recongnized you. I never meet strangers in public. I'm the guy that will strike up a conversation with anyone gay or straight waiting in line to check out at Wally World or some other establishment. So yeah, I may also be the one checking you out. Either way, you can meet some great people.

    But hey, even if you're not that type person, go ahead and give a nod hello. Do unto others, right...
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    May 21, 2007 8:39 PM GMT
    Hmm... usually I check to see if I'm trailing toilet paper from my shoe or something.

    ONE time, walking down the street in DC, I noticed some guy staring at me, then overheard him tell his companion, "Do you know who that is? That's... (my real name.)" WTF? It turned out that we all knew each other by professional reputation, but had never met.

    So, once in a while, people have completely innocent reasons to stare.
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    May 21, 2007 8:48 PM GMT
    A really cute young guy was staring at my face in the airport last week, and I'd love to believe it was because he found me attractive. But, more than likely, it was just another person who thinks I look like Ray Romano from 'Everybody Loves Raymond'. Lots of people tell me I look like him, even my own sister, but I don't see the resemblance at all.
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    May 21, 2007 9:26 PM GMT
    Eye contact with a nod is a good start, if he continues the gaze...eye contact and a smile usually works. Then there is also eye contact and a grab of my crotch...LOL.

    Even if nothing comes of it I have always enjoyed flirting. The chase is a big part of the fun even without a conquest.

    Have fun and enjoy life!
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    May 21, 2007 10:07 PM GMT
    smile! that says it all.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    May 22, 2007 1:20 AM GMT
    I'm the worst person when it comes to this ...
    My friends are always tapping me on the shoulder and saying...

    Dude..that guy was just checking you out

    and by that time the opportunity is missed...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 22, 2007 2:38 AM GMT
    my bf and i check other guys out all the time, everywhere. we get checked out. comes with the territory i 'spose. if we like the guy, smile, nod back. if it's in a place and the moment is conducive, say hi, walk over for a bit of conversation, or just keep flirting. sorta depends on a lot of things.

    -david
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    May 22, 2007 6:13 AM GMT
    litally.... Bend and snap. Bend and snap.


    HAHAHAHA the flashback i had just then, priceless!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 22, 2007 6:25 AM GMT
    you get checked out...awe poor fucking baby. talk to me about a real problem...LOL!
  • dfrourke

    Posts: 1062

    May 22, 2007 7:06 AM GMT
    ...7 out of 10 times I don't notice...mostly because I SUCK at being in tune with other guys' attention toward me...and also because I talk alot and usually into telling a story while I am in public...

    ...I have [from time to time] and also admire those guys who can go up to a good looking guy on the street and ask for a date [or number]...it is a rarity for me...but hear stories about it all the time...

    ...what do we have to lose except some awkwardness and 5 seconds of rejection?...

    - David
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    May 22, 2007 4:59 PM GMT
    Usually if someone is paying attention to me, it's the one person I'd rather not. For those that I would like to speak with I smile but for some reason, I get looked at but never approached. Dunno why. But yah, smile, that's always a good stepping stone. And as litally said, "bend and snap" LOL - that was a good one! :)
  • tufleather

    Posts: 3

    May 22, 2007 5:11 PM GMT
    Let Them look. It Makes There Day. You Do What you have to Do.
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    May 22, 2007 6:34 PM GMT
    thats an awkward question really and I've heard so many stories of people just picking people up on the street or at stores and stuff and honestly its the antithesis of myself.

    Honestly I wouldn't know what to do and I'd just ignore it and dwell on it later, because part of me would say pursue, but then my rationality would kick in saying chances are he's probably straight and looking at some chick behind me or thought he recognized me.

    I always remind someone of some black kid who went to their high school. Its odd really because the only person I resemble in this world is my father.

    I'm not that outgoing. And I had and still do have an issue of becoming really attracted to straight people so I'd just dismiss it.

    I say gathering places is a good thing for gays depending on areas that they live in. None of those areas seem to appeal to me however.
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    May 22, 2007 9:29 PM GMT
    If I find someone checking me out and I also find them hot, then I check them out right back. Its the lingering glances that really say whether a guy is gay or not. But there are those times that you look back and they immediately look away but you can feel that they continue to look. Thats what I dont get......confused in the closet who knows. I would say if you want to get to know them better look back and start a conversation.