Where are the Single Guys Over 30?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 22, 2008 10:32 PM GMT
    Okay I've been doing some poking around with the advanced search for my own scientific (and personal) curiosity. but the big finding was that 80% of guys on this site under 30 are single while thirty-somethings and older are only ~69% single.

    Anybody have a plausible explanation for why this would be? Is that just a function of guys hooking up over time or are guys who are 30+ more motivated to hold on to their relationships?

    (The full results are on my blog if you're interested)
  • swimbikerun

    Posts: 2835

    Jan 23, 2008 12:33 AM GMT
    From the all-knowing wikipedia:

    Mark Twain: There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics.icon_twisted.gif
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    Jan 23, 2008 12:34 AM GMT
    I can only speak for myself, but I think most guys when they are younger might like the idea of a relationship but may be to young to really commit to one. People usually party alot when your younger and they arent ready to settle down.

    Also 20 somthings are usually just trying to get their career started so that is time consuming. Ususally by the time you reach your 30's or so the bar scene starts to get really tired and etc. Your career is in swing and you are ready to settle down.

    By this time in my life I was tired of the one night stands..I wanted someone to care about me as a person. My bf and I talk about this alot. Mainly, to be honest, cuz he has such a btfl body and he says I want sex to much!! hahha,

    He says after people have wanted him for so long just for sex or to have a good time that he just wants someone to love him, and love him for him not his body or just sex.

    I guess its part of growing up. Alot of people when they get older are tired of being single and just ready to settle down and enjoy life and give up the partying and stuff.

    Not to say that all younger guys are not worthy of a relationhip or ready for one because I know when I was in my 20's I wanted nothing more...but I know that now I am in my 30's I can really commit and have alot more to offer.
  • jarhead5536

    Posts: 1348

    Jan 23, 2008 12:37 AM GMT
    Not terribly surprising. Aren't more straight people over 30 in committed relationships also? We're not really all that different from them in many ways...
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    Jan 25, 2008 7:07 PM GMT
    I'm over 30 and single.

    I was in a relationship for 7 1/2 years that ended a little over 2 years ago. Since then, I've had 2 boyfriends, each for less than 6 months. I've had dates here and there, but nothing serious...yet icon_wink.gif



  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 25, 2008 7:14 PM GMT
    I believe in your 20's since you're still learning about yourself (although you THINK you know!) you believe you're ready for that relationship and will tolerate MORE. However, in my experience, now that I am older with more experience you learn to tolerate less and have a BETTER idea of what you DO NOT want vs. what you THINK you want. So after the age of 30, I am focusing more on me vs. 'them' and REFUSE to settle for someone that doesn't mesh with me.


    Oh yeah, there's also the case of the Peter Pan Syndrome! I see A LOT of guys in their late 30's - 50's behaving as though they're teenagers with money, seriously now!!!
  • DiverScience

    Posts: 1426

    Jan 25, 2008 7:18 PM GMT
    Because those of us under 30 are still looking? Those over 30 have had longer TO look?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 25, 2008 7:26 PM GMT
    You have some interesting insights and analysis on your blog (aside from the statistical study inspiring your questions about 20- and 30-somethings being single or paired-up). Looking forward to reading more there ...

    As for me, I've been single most of my dating life. Since coming out at 21 (it was different in the early '90s than now), it seems most guys I've known were either looking for a temporary relationship (a "lay-over") or were more career oriented, therefore, making lesser time to develop a relationship.

    But since most gay guys I've known were so concentrated in major cities (whereas I prefer to live in a suburb, getting more space for my mortgage buck), most city-centric guys, whether in their 20s or 30s, feel dating someone outside the city limits just isn't worth the car ride out of town, especially where nearby gym hours and club venues are a greater concern for them. It is disappointing, but this is the sad reality.

    As a result, my evaluation about being in a committed relationship has gradually changed. I've been perceiving dating and eventually being with someone as NOT as some sort of sign of love and companionship, but more of a psychological state of co-dependency and neediness. As a result, I know I've become much more distant, if not icy, toward more recent guys who have attempted to know me. Mistrust, belief of insincerity, and their "true" intentions dominate my perceptions of the individual, regardless who he is.

    But these are my perspectives. To some, it may sound like I'm cynical or have given up. But when you see yourself not having a good track record of ever having had a boyfriend (despite the few guys who have stepped into and exited my life quickly), then you come to realize it may never occur, especially since I'll be 40 in two years.

    Thanks for bringing up your interesting observation and question.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 25, 2008 7:39 PM GMT
    Meh. I'm single because I enjoy it. I've never been in a relationship of any kind and it doesn't bother me at all. I haven't looked nor have I ever been approached for it (to my knowledge).

    I honestly think it depends on the person and their maturity level. I'm very capable of being in one but certain factors have made it to were I don't desire to be in one just yet. I think in reference to age most people under the age of 30 don't seek relationships because they are playing the field and still experimenting with opportunities whereas those who are 30 and above are looking for something alot more stable and are tired of playing the crazy games.

    All in all it's about the individual and not the masses.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 25, 2008 11:02 PM GMT
    Cadude, I wouldn't go so far as to call a relationship co dependency... But I certainly don't believe it's a necessity.

    Glad you liked the blog though icon_smile.gif
  • UStriathlete

    Posts: 320

    Jan 25, 2008 11:36 PM GMT
    cuddude....

    therapy might be good for you. seems you hold a lot of projections that are not all true.

    just a suggestion.

    is it human nature as human beings to have interaction with each other. ie. social

    good luck!

    to answer the question. the single guys over 30 is every where. I am one myself. i'll meet up with one very soon.


  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 25, 2008 11:36 PM GMT
    redbull saidI can only speak for myself, but I think most guys when they are younger might like the idea of a relationship but may be to young to really commit to one. People usually party alot when your younger and they arent ready to settle down.

    Also 20 somthings are usually just trying to get their career started so that is time consuming. Ususally by the time you reach your 30's or so the bar scene starts to get really tired and etc. Your career is in swing and you are ready to settle down.

    By this time in my life I was tired of the one night stands..I wanted someone to care about me as a person. My bf and I talk about this alot. Mainly, to be honest, cuz he has such a btfl body and he says I want sex to much!! hahha,

    He says after people have wanted him for so long just for sex or to have a good time that he just wants someone to love him, and love him for him not his body or just sex.

    I guess its part of growing up. Alot of people when they get older are tired of being single and just ready to settle down and enjoy life and give up the partying and stuff.

    Not to say that all younger guys are not worthy of a relationhip or ready for one because I know when I was in my 20's I wanted nothing more...but I know that now I am in my 30's I can really commit and have alot more to offer.


    Couldn't have said it better. That's been my experience, both first-hand and seeing other guys.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 26, 2008 12:17 AM GMT
    You might find this article interesting.

    It is a newspaper summation of a study on levels of commitment between hetero and homo couples, which found they were equally committed.

    You can read it here.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 26, 2008 12:35 AM GMT
    MunchingZombie saidYou might find this article interesting.

    It is a newspaper summation of a study on levels of commitment between hetero and homo couples, which found they were equally committed.

    You can read it here.



    Thanks for sharing!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 26, 2008 12:35 AM GMT
    Its a pre conditioned age thing I reckon. You get older, you feel the societal pressure to have or want a relationship.

    Besides your own mortality starts to loom as does your pension and you think whose gonna wipe my arse when Im stuck in the nursing home.

    Ha ha ha thats all doom and gloom.

    On the flipside, you've done the searching the free love the partying and its time to explore something more long term and meaningful which can take a more mature approach and outlook as you over look certain aspects of peoples behaviour in favour of others


  • leaozinho

    Posts: 177

    Jan 26, 2008 12:39 AM GMT
    I am 38 and i have been single for most of my adult life. Being single has its advantages but i would like to have a special person to share some things with too.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 26, 2008 12:43 AM GMT
    Single and over 30 here.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 30, 2008 8:25 AM GMT
    well... I don't wanna be single, dammit. icon_neutral.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 02, 2008 4:43 AM GMT
    from the way things r going....gimme 2 years and change and i'll join y'all in being single and over 30
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 02, 2008 6:22 AM GMT
    If anyone's still tracking this, I did some further analysis based on age
    here.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 05, 2008 6:58 AM GMT
    Well done, Mr. Valentine!
    Advance Happy Birthday as wellicon_razz.gif

    Single, 33 and Fabulous,
    ZiM xx
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 28, 2010 3:46 AM GMT
    Accord this ad: There are 3 + million single gay men
    view.gif


    I don't believe thisicon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 28, 2010 3:48 AM GMT
    Its like unemployment statistics, they only count if you declare yourself as such.

    Over 30s may not care about their status as much as the younger guys, or just dont want to share their status as freely.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 28, 2010 3:49 AM GMT
    hum... because... men are pigs? icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 28, 2010 6:47 AM GMT
    swimbikerun saidFrom the all-knowing wikipedia:

    Mark Twain: There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics.icon_twisted.gif


    I don't think many people know what you're talking about, nor who you are talking about. But I find it amusing icon_lol.gif

    God I hate statistics... I shouldn't even be taking statistics, I'm in med school icon_evil.gif